Bring Back Penelope Barr

So like fuck Wellington and its fucking cold weather. Its bad enough that Take That are getting back together but this fucking rain is pissing me off. NE way who fucking complains about the rain in a blog? One only does that when they have nothing to say.

Fire away, Fay Wray

So its funny how you never hear of cool people till they are dead. Who knew that Link Wray invented the power chord? Hell, other than Quentin Tarantino 'who lives for that shit*', who had even heard of this guy?

A poem for a dead guy

Link Wray
Power chords did he play
Now he's dead
No more tunes in his head

In a slight tangent, I think the guitar tuning arrangement 'Drop D' would be a cool ironic name for a Gangster Rapper. Especially if Fiddy Cent put some caps in his ass yo'.

Hmmm 50 cent mixtures.

*To paraphrase xXx

7 Songs that Float My Boat right now....

As per Mister Chris and the Whore's exhortations….

I bring u 7 Songs that Float My Boat right now....

Last Man Standing  – from Bon Jovi's Have a Nice Day.

Classic formulaic BJ, cool gat intro, cheese laden lines, with a seemingly self referencing last verse. I think Bruce Willis a la his Pulp Fiction boxing character when I hear this. Oh and it disses homey music, bonza!

Check out Bon Jovi's This House is not For Sale' album lyrics

Let there be love – de Oasis' Don't believe the Truth.

Our Kid and his Big Bro duet on the album closer. If u know Oasis, know the history, know the songs that have been before and 'get it' you'll know why this song is just mega. Re the whole album - its like finally Oasis realised their b-sides are their best songs and did the album accordingly... For you Oasis haters out there, fuck off*.

Driving WheelsJimmy Barnes' first solo album (?)

I have no idea what the words in the chorus are but they grab at my emotions and make me feel like I can do anything. I heard this song a few months ago and went out bought the best of Cold Chisel and Barnsie. Worth the 40 odd bucks for a real CD....

C is for Cookie

You know you know this one. I was in a classroom the other day and the chords and words to this song where on the white board. Handily enough, there was a guitar right next to the white board. U do the math. Dammit, this song is in my head!

That Baitercell song that goes 'we burn it up'

With me Ipod dying a bloody death, I can't recall the name of this song, its four letters with dots in between…M.a.z.e ?  ne ways this is one 'homey' song I actually like. Where be the overdrive….?

Number 7. There is no number 7.

*U2's B-sides are pretty good too!

Where's the Beef?

I don't recall on having blogged/b'arched on any thing mildy political lately but the fact the SPCA (a body with I understand some kind of legislative powers) has put out the call for farmers to put their milking cows on diets because they are fat is just freakin nonsense. Somebody call Wayne Mapp!

From Stuff : "SPCA national education manager Sara Elliott, of Wellington, issued a statement yesterday warning farmers that there was a danger of record levels of obesity, because grass was particularly lush and rich at present."

"…to which Coastal Taranaki farmer John Washer, who has 40 years' dairying experience, said the SPCA was "udderly" wrong and ill-informed." 'Udderly' – that's clever! I would never have picked that pun in a million years!

To which I sarcastically say 'Yes that's so true! Because eating vegative materials commonly found in salads really does make you make you fat. Aye Kirsty Alley!'

Mooving on.

"Record levels of obesity' interesting phrase – I was not aware there was a recording system of cattle obesity in NZ. Is there a Plunket for Cows ?? Does SPCA run weight clincs every year for cows? And if so, do they get the Fat Cow that always seems to be able to push her way to the front of the bus queue each morning?

Maybe these cows get fat because they eat each meal of lush and rich grass eight times or something....

This is bloody typical of the SPCA, firing off on some misguided Peta like attempt to save the universe and its humble creatures. I'm reminded of the time a while back when the SPCA noted its concern about farm dogs being 'too skinny'. Well you can't have your working farming dog eating cake and having it too. They run around a lot keeping those naughty sheep on the straight and narrow and so are skinny. Just like those barefoot Cheeky Darkies that win all the gold medals at the Olympics.

Maybe the cows are fat because they don't exercise much. I think the SPCA should demand mandatory exercise classes for cows – call it 'Milkshake' or 'Bovisize' or something else jazzy to get eager buy in from the Cow's Collective. (Surely the cows have unionised by now right?)

Yes, it's true sometimes farmers do stuff up and animals suffer – it's a fact of life and there are agencies governmentmental and NGO wise out there that deal with it on a case by case basis.

What's my point? SPCA should stick to its knitting and get the pricks who sever dogs in half (which they do and good on 'em) rather than get into areas they perhaps don't really understand.

Which is probably a thing for bloggers to think about too…..

Yo, turn to that station

So like I thought I was being totally original in referencing the r.e.m. moment of lyrical genius "I believe in coyotes and time as an abstract" from the song 'I believe' in my kinda weird poem thingy below and then I got curious – and found that some brightspark  beat me to it. In fact it seems its been done a gazillion times over. It just lends weight to the theory that feathers can hit the ground b4 the weight can leave the air, don't it?


Or rather it shows there are no original ideas left.
An idea such as stealing an r.e.m. lyric and referencing it in homage to the best freaking band from America ever, was already taken. Meh I have no idea wtf I'm on about. In unrelated world events, I did however listen to 'Monster' last night and as it did circa 1994 it still freaking rocks my world.
I also last night saw Pride and Prejudice Keira Knightley style and I must say it was kinda good. Judi Dench as usual was in fine form as a right royal b'arch. I love her in james bond's 'Golden Eye' when she calls our man "a misogynist dinosaur, a relica of the cold war...' or something like that. Donald Sutherland has come a long way since MASH eh? Meh this is one of those posts that's going no where so tirrah.




Everything you know is wrong

coyote white

I believe in the power of television. I believe in coyotes and time as an abstract. I believe in closed circuit tv. I believe the internet is the new bible. I believe in sugar filled drinks. I believe there is nothing out there but big rocks and aliens. I believe Captain Kirk was beamed up. I believe in miss congeniality. I believe its okay to eat fish cos they don't have any feelings. I believe all we need is love, love, love. I believe in rock music. I believe Shortland Street can really save the world. I believe in bread. I believe in coke and microsoft. I believe in rational choice and independent thinking. I believe in you. I believe in monsta truck and Phar Lap. I believe in the almighty dollar. I believe in user pays. I believe in the Easter Bunny and Superman comics. I believe in Bert and Ernie and the rubber ducky. I believe in rubber and rubbers. I believe in the Black Caps and picnics. I believe in the alphabet. I believe the truth is out there.

It's no secret that the stars are falling from the sky

Rumour mill has it The Edge and his Electric Company will be comin for a pint on St Paddy's day next year... oh to be sure, to be sure......

Press Anykey to Continue

I'm afraid of americans. I'm afraid of blue cheese. I'm afraid of birds that sneeze. I'm afraid of trent reznor. I'm afraid of the word. I'm afraid of the world. I'm afraid of copyright infringement. I'm afraid of tetnus. I'm afraid of chewing gum. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the tv hum. I'm afraid of satan claws. I'm afraid of magneto. I'm afraid of madonna. i'm afraid of fat mormons knocking on my door. I'm afraid, I'm afraid of your mum. I'm afraid of my bank overdraft. I'm afraid I have a compulsive disorder. I'm afraid I missed shortland street every night last week. I'm afraid of the front lawn. I'm afraid my non existent coffee is too weak. I'm afraid of thelma and louise. Did I mention the blue cheese?

Get Lost

So like after having overpriced but tasty lambshanks at the Cornerstore, me and Jay Bee got out Be Cool   last night. What a rancid pile of flaking turd it is. John Travolta is Mr Cool and that's about it – in fact that's all I know because I stopped watching after half an hour or so. I hate sequels and Mr Cool acknowledge this in the first scene. I hope he took the money and ran.  I could sense this movie was becoming  a farce when Vince Vaughn started hamming it up big time, all yo yo yo yo mofo like.


It's the sequel to Get Shorty which I've never seen. I have read the Elmore Leonard novel of that film that inspired this mess and that's a fine read. EL writes pretty good crime stuff actually, go get some from your local over funded with ratepayers rates library.  Then catch a ride in ur local uneconomic but still heavily ratepayer subsidised bus service (the Loser's Cruiser) and go and have a swim in the uneconomic but still kept afloat by the ratepayer community swimming pool. It is summer after all……




To co-opt a Queen song:
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust

The Great Race

So my trifecta lucked out thanks to On a Jeune splitting Maybe Diva and Excellent and Leica Falcon. I thought I had it for a bit. I yelled encouragement loudly at the screen but to no avail. But as Meat Loaf sang "two out of three aint bad" and I was pleased me horse had faired well for a gallant third. 'If only the track had not been watered....' I wondered. 
The other picks in my trifecta were spread down the finishing order - I have a hunch it was the light weights who probably did the best over all - stonkered and stomped on by the heavy mare of course.
The race concluded and the heart beat slowed, I had a Speights to wash out the bitter taste of losing another bundle on the cup and that was that. Being on New years Day at Hastings...

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

Its taken me a bit of detective work but I've figured out who stole Pania. Its always the people you least expect innit? I feel I can legitimately now claim the ransom... I mean reward....