No TV and no beer makes Homer..... go crazy?

So in an effort to save money, improve my health (?) and temporarily stop making a dick of my self - I hereby declare that I'm having one month off from drinking. Yes that's right, this exponent of the K1w1 binge drinking culture is retiring from the game for one month.

Insanity, it seems, has finally caught up with me. Now I hear all you health experts out there saying, 'But Jimmy its not that you can give it up for a month but that you need to drink responsibly'. Well yes, that's probably true. But I prefer this challenge to that challenge.

You will note of course I have conveniently started this Lent-like sacrifice in February and not the Xmas season. I aint stoopid doncherknow? Seriously this idea has been germinating (?) round my brain for some time now and it just seems right.

Note: If you feel like supporting Jimmy Jangles in his time of self imposed denial please buy him an Ipod - Editor

It don't matter if its out of tune

So Quot Capita, tot sensus did this lil answer thing using Radiohead songs. Well I’m doing it using Oasis. Cos they rock.

Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: Je prefere Oasis

Are you male or female: D’yer wanna be a spaceman?
Describe yourself: Supersonic
How do some people feel about you: Born on a Different Cloud
How do you feel about yourself: I Hope, I Think, I Know
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Where did it all go wrong?
Describe where you want to be: Up in the Sky
Describe what you want to be: Rock ‘n Roll Star
Describe how you live: Roll with it
Describe how you love: Fuckin’ in the bushes
Share a few words of wisdom: Don’t Look Back in Anger

It would probably be cooler using the Ramones... how to fit in "The KKK took my baby away"??

Can't touch this

So like I would just like to say fuck hay fever. What a freakin stupid practicle joke played on me by nature. Been sneezzing all arvo, decide to go to the pharmacy for some remedy and they are shut. On the dead of Se7en as they advertise. Lights Out, piss off Jimmy Jangles! The mofos. So then I decide to come to go (here now) grab my guitar and head to the Lil Guy's play for some beers and tunes. But I missed the bus. It too was on time. So I walked to work. 40 mins. And here I am. What a freakin stoopid blog this is turning out to be.

Played Halo on Te Flatmate's XBox all day. It rocks, If u dont know what I'm talking about you're either to cool for school or your some kind of deformed bottom feeder that likes Playstation. Or something.

Good to see Brian Lara score a massive century last night. That dude is the shit.

To be honest I've got nothing to say and you may have noticed. So with that I'm outta hair like a bald man, make like Tom and cruise, like a tree and ......

Your Blog

So talk about there being some fanatic Jimmy Jangles blog fans out there – one of ‘em just rang me, demanding I blog today. Why? Because they are bored at work. Well if this blog is about me then I’m so vain and thus just for you Ergie:

Your Blog

Music by Ergie John
Lyrics by Jimmy Taupin


It’s a little bit funny, being high on caffeine & coke, feeling wired
But I’m not one of those that the boss just fired
I don’t have much beer money, But Ergie if I did
I did I’d buy a beer* and to you it I’d give

If I were a half decent guitar player, but then again no
Or a stressed out singer telling you were to go
I know I’m the best and it’s the best that I can do
This gift is my blog and this one’s for you

And you can tell every body this is your blog
It may be witty and its sure been fun
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you do mind that I put down in this log
How wonderful life is when Jimmy Jangles writes his blog

Today I sat at the keyboard and emailed some malicious goss
Well after all, a few of my colleagues they made me quite cross
And a god dam slow computer was what what I wrote this blog on
Its for dude’s like you that I keep it turned on

So excuse me for ranting and raving, but these things I do
You see I’ve forgotten to feed the cat some glue
Any way this is the best blog that’s ever been
Your sister’s are the hottest thing I’ve ever seen

*Steinlager

Cairns is the King

So if blogging is the new version of radio talkback please consider this Jimmy Jangles ringing up Sports Radio an having a bitch about the Rest of World vs NZ innings. 81 all out in the 20th over. King Cairns took 6 wickets.... Kiwis to reply in kind(?) shortly.

Streeeewth Mate! Bring on the Ockers! Chuck us a tinny, throw a prawn on the barbie!

Or not.

Hastings Horrors

What is it with my hometown of Hastings?

Since New Year - 2 dead babies have been found dumped left for others to find. The latest was found today stuck in a sewer pipe. A plumber was called to unblock the drain and made the discovery.

Gruesome.

Bug Eyed Beauties

So what is it with the sunglasses trend this season?

Walking up Lambton Quay during a lunch hour leads 2, one's field of vision being assaulted with these big brown bug eyed things that all the girlies seem to wear. The glasses seem to take up half their faces. Its like Bono's extremely cool Achtung Baby era Fly glasses all gone wrong.

On some of the skinny models/girls/wanna be porn stars, the bug eyed glasses transform them into anaemic praying mantises. Except not so green. You get a whole plague of them, jumping from Jay Jays to wherever else is cheap and nasty.

Like hungry locusts munching on a crop of wheat they are all msn ing themselves into oblivion.

What else could I be?

[Kurt:]"I guarantee you I will screw this song up, so-"

[Dave?:] " What song is it? What?"

[Kurt:] "Well I at least know which part I'll screw up."

[Dave?:] "Oh. Yeah, like he only screws one up."

[Kurt:] "Aheeeeem."

Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in bed

So this bus stop etiquette got me thinking. What is the code with lifts? As in those boxes which take you to the next level (No not that kind of box). Like I guess its obvious that ladies exit or enter first, beauty comes before age and shit goes before shovel but what about when to leave the door open for a straggler?

In my building there are heaps of smokers who need to smoke their fag outside. If I’m in the lift and they want in, should I let them? Because someone that has just had a smoke stinks up the elevator worse than the deadly escape of something silent but violent.

And you buggars that use the lift to go up one floor. No wonder you are fat.

What I really hate is people who try to enter the lift before you have exited. Look you impolite mofos – I was here first so get out of my way!

But back to buses – it appears I do have a new bus buddy. I exchanged greetings with LLWW when I got on the bus. ....Fat Bitch positioned herself extremely well to be first on the bus too.

Does ne else1 hate doing ironing? Being in such a state of ferric activity is a waste of time. Instead of steaming the collars just oh so perfectly I could be playing Soccer on the PlayStation. So I bought an iron free shirt and you know what? The mofoing mofo needs an iron. I’ll be taking a prosecution under section 9 of the Fair Trading Act against the seller for sure.

The loneliness of the Loser Cruiser

So like I catch the loser cruiser each morning down the winding hill to work. Everyday at the bus stop, littering the street, are the same usual suspects all dressed in their black bank suits, school uniforms, impossibly sharp heeled high heels and the usual accoutrements of umbrellas, hand bags and of course the ever present 10 trip bus tickets.

I see these people 5 days a week and I never say a word to them or even acknowledge their presence. They do like wise for me. I do give them imaginary names usually associated with an imaginary job. There’s Lawyer Dude, Bank Girl, Rich Dude that Must be a Good Lawyer, and Looks kinda like Wonderwoman. There’s Fat Bitch that always goes to the front of the cue, Got knocked up and I appear to be Single Girl, Ugly Guy with surprisingly Not So Ugly Girlfriend and of course my personal favourite Hey look! There’s my flatmate running for the bus cos he’s late dude.

I think the etiquette while waiting at the bus stop is basically keep your shit to yourself.

So then when I actually meet 'Looks like Wonderwoman' at a friend’s leaving party on Friday I was pleasantly surprised to find she’s a very nice person. Unexpectedly she chose to sit next to me on the bus today – greeted me with a nice smile. I wondered if that’s cos she remembers what I drunk dick I am or what. We had a nice chat about the our friend in common, the party etc ra ra.

So here’s the conundrum – Am I obliged to say hello to her every day from henceforth? Or any other Early Morning Usual Suspect? It’s like some kind of Seinfeld situation where now that you’ve said hello to a resident in your appartment block your obliged to continue the acquaintance… Would one be being rude if one ignored my new bus buddy? Hell what if they ignored me? Should I say hello next time?

Well the answer is simple and its has something to with the fact she’s called Looks kinda like Wonderwoman. :)

Prince Harry Photo Scandal Pictures, Boobs, Women and Nazis

If you think about Prince Harry, what comes to your mind? His princely charms? His ginger hair? maybe, but I'd put a dollar on it you'd probably remember at least one or two of the scandal's he's caused. Nazi costume? Check. Photos of Drunken Shenanigans with his mates? Check. Groping some lass'es boobs and being caught on camera? Check!

Take away his royal title and Prince Harry is just a scandalous lad like the rest of us and his happy to make a right tit of himself in front of the paparazzi.

It's probably a hard life playing second fiddle to the dashing Prince William, and now that Will's about to marry Kate it's up to Harry to carry on the mantle of being a lad and having a good time and the press be damed.... don't get me wrong, I love to party and think Harry should be able to too!

Put let's reflect on Harry's deviant past - photos of all the fun private times that have been made public thanks to the genius modern social construct known as the paparazzi.

First up we have Prince Harry, Dirty Harry in the The Prince Harry grabs some boobies scandal. Note the excellent grab the breast from from behind technique.

Dirty Boob Grabbing Prince Harry

Here's another Prince Harry scandal - dirty Prince Harry strikes again - this time he manages to have two women at once. Sometimes Royals can be greedy. Some take all the jewels and gold. Others take countries. Prince Harry takes all the woman.

Threesome Loving Prince Harry

Some times Prince Harry takes things a little too far. We all do occasionally. Except when we do, we don't generally end up as a Nazi scandal on the front of The Sun Newspaper.

Prince Harry the Nazi. He and the Nazi Pope must get on well!

Sometimes Harry actually gets his shit together and pulls off a stunner. Like the time he convinced girlfriend Chelsea to put on a red bikini and go for a ride in his boat. Being rich helps I'm sure:

But why then, if you have a piece of crumpet like Chelsea showing off her hot body, why would you let yourself be photographed in public licking another man's face? Did he have jam on his cheek or something?

Mmm, tastes like raspberries?

It should be pointed out that while Prince William is the all round nice guy, he got up to his share of drunken thrills and spills. Check out his expert breast grab - clearly this is where Harry learnt his tricks!

That was all in the past. Despite the saying "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" Prince Harry recently hit the head lines for skinny dipping in the pool and playing strip poker with some new friends he made during his own version of The Hangover.. here's taste of that night......

The Truth about Jonah Lomu

So latest figures show that Samoa's inflation rate reached 14.6 percent in November. NZ's is like less than 3.

The Central Bank reports that the consumer price index rose almost one per cent in November - reflecting higher food prices due to reduced supplies of taro, banana, taamu (giant taro) and some vegetables.

Could this be why All Black hero Jonah Lomu has been so sick? Not enough Taro? Maybe that whole kidney thing was a cover for lack of that tasty taamu?

I guess Samoa can 'get away'(?) with high inflation in the sense that it is such a small basket of goods (almost literally!) that they are dealing with, espesh compared with Godzone. Imagine if our fair land's CPI suddenly jumped to that kind of rate…

Ipods would be so damn expensive!!! Tipping strippers $20 bucks would make you seem cheap!! Drunks might sober up when they run out of cash trying to buy that last flagon of sherry. Lotto, I'm sure, would still do a rip roaring trade, as would pokies.

If inflation was out of control we might have a snap election. That'd be cool. No more Helengrad.

If inflation gets too high the currency may be made redundant. We would become a barter society. Maybe I could tip strippers with carrots grown from my garden. I'm sure they could incorporate them into an act for vegetarian customers somehow?

Seriously though - looking forward to Jonah's return to rugby. I'd be surprised if he can even make a NPC team but he's proved he has the heart in previous come backs - (think the last world cup campaign he played in ) so any thing is possible.

Trouble is if Jonah ever made the All Blacks again - it sounds like test tickets in Polynesian countries will be be just too expensive to see him play - God knows how may lap dances and carrots that would cost me.

It appears Belle du Jour is back! That's wickedly wicked.

I'll post proper later.

Tangi Tales Pt II

So I got back form Tangimoana yesterday. A great week with Dad and B and Aunties and the like.

Yesterday I rowed the row boat merrily merrrily down the stream to where the Rangitikei River meets the Ocean. It was a pretty sweet trip going out with tide and in as it was about to turn. Got a lil burnt. I sang terrible versions of Oasis songs to keep me and the crickets amused.

On Friday was my Birthday and we had a pretty good night - T bought out a bottle of baileys and it was all on. Nice 1 T. We ran out of beer that night. Such a shame ;)

So enuff about my holiday

Tsunami - Jeepers that is a monster. 150K odd dead or expected to be dead. the picutures in the papers have been both amazing and terrible at the same time. Kiwis have appeared to dug deep to donate. I'm impressed that people like Micheal Shumaker and George Bush have personally given 10m ( US$I think) to aid agencies. Movies stars have got in on the act too.

Cricket - Seeing as the Sri Lankian tour was cancelled a composite team has been arranged to play NZ near the end of January. Looking forward to that - Shane Warne is expected to play. I understand that these matched will not have full ODI status which may screw with the Black Cap assault on the World Ratings.

In Melbourne tonight is a World Vs Asia cricket match in aid of Tsuanami relief funds. Should be interesting. Ricky Dicky Ponting is captaining the world side - which has Kiwis - Cairns, Vettori and Fleming.

Went and saw the Phantom of the Opera - It was pretty good. Emily Rossum is just gorgeous. And that's all I have to say about that.

Tangi Tales Pt I

So like Hi! I got back from Tangimona yesterday. They don't know what the internet is there so here's a blog I wrote by hand.

-

So here I am, its 12.30 the Wednesday after New Year. I'm at a small place called Tangimoana. Its on the West Coast of the North Island. Palmerston North is about 25 mins drive in land. Its population is about 300 people, some sane, some clearly inbred. Plus a few stray dogs. And a lizard/slink thing which I failed to catch.

Tangi has a schol, dairy and camping ground ( hmm is that a good name for a gay bar?)

The house I'm in is a family beach house that's been in that family for about 60 years. The beach is actually 2km by car from the house or about 1km by way of the crow. We can see the waves form our front gate.

The house is in Kina Street which turns into Kuku st. (All the same road) Go Figure.

This is my favourite place in the world. But we're nearly out of Steinlager.

My Dad and I went fishing at the beach to catch a Kawhai or something. We each caught an eel. And two herring. Woo bloody hoo. The wate was too muddy from recent rain.

While I think of it - has Scribe made ne public statement re the fracas went he let some one get beaten? See earlier blog entry for link if u care.

Ok I'm getting sick of typing this out - I still have two pages 2 go - so I'll just sign this one off and start off afresh.