Tana - 'real sorry'

From today's Times, by Stephen Jones


All Black Captain Tana Umaga has redeemed himself from a week of controversy by phoning crocked Lions rugby captain Brian O'Driscoll to apologise for the 'spear tackle' that ended his tour, and revealed to O'Driscoll he would have called sooner but his mobile was 'out of credit'.

Umaga said he was 'real sorry' about O'Driscoll's injury, but reminded his opposite that rugby was a contact sport and that accidents happen, and if he didn't like it he shouldn't go trying to get the ball when the All Blacks want it.

O'Driscoll expressed his forgiveness to Umaga, explaining he thought the game was supposed to be played under touch rugby rules. He said it was 'swell' of Umaga to call.

The apology has started a flood of similar calls between former rugby foes. Rua Tipoki of NZ Maori has revealed his relief at receiving a call from Lion Gordon D'Arcy to apologise for the late spear tackle he executed on the centre during the Lions match against NZ Maori earlier in the month.

A tearful Tipoki said "Bro, it's about bl00dy time, eh. I've been sat by the phone for weeks waiting for that neho to call. He could have bl00dy killed me, the barstard!"

Maori coach Matt Te Pou said he had intended to take a tape of the D'Arcy incident to the press after the Lions v Maori match to protest at the incident, but chose not to "cos only a real f*ckin whinging loser would do that sort of sh1t eh".

Wayne Shelford has confirmed a call from French Rugby Federation officials, apologising for the impromptu removal of his left testicle by the French
forward pack in 1989. Johan Le Roux and Sean Fitzpatrick were seen today holding hands in an Auckland park, the pair apparently having made up for their differences from 1994 when Le Roux bit Fitzpatrick's left ear.

Le Roux endorsed the new trend of apologising for every single physical act in a game of rugby. The former Springbok prop said that bottling up all
that guilt over the years had made him feel all bad inside and it was good to get it out and reveal his true feelings for Fitzpatrick, who he described as his hero.

Danny Grewcock admitted he "had a bit of ringing round to do".

Richard Loe's phone has been engaged all day.

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Brilliant! My Hat off to who ever wrote it.....

Where the Wild things Are (nt)

So like I was watching Lost last night - second to last episode of the first season -and I'm thinking to my self, "this is good and all but when is the fat guy gonna lose some weight?". He's like on an enforced atkins diet of bannanas and boar but getting no where....

Bring Back Party of Five I say. You know why.

An oldie but a goodie from Uncle Tim:

Beer as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff explained the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Be a dear and please pass the sunblock?

So as my personal friend Sheryl Crow sings "A change will do you good" so here it is - jimmy jangles now comes in any colour you like as long as its black. Like the Bat mobile. Its new. Its the new black. A new look for the dirty chook. Not that I'm a chicken you understand, it just ryhmes. Like Buster.

Moving on.

Question why is the bat mobile still called the bat mobile? Surely it should be called the Bat tank? I'd post a picture but I'm too lazy and Warners may sue me for copy right breach. Again.

Wellington - its sunny after the shite weather last night. I think I froze my right royal rastafarian neigh neighs off in the walk between JJ Murhpy's and Charlie Chicken's last night. So now I'll go thaw them in the sun.

Be a dear and please pass the sunblock?

Our Kid, dumb as ever.

From "PopBitch"

Liam believes in Spinal Tap

Noel Gallagher was interviewed by David Walliams
in the Observer last weekend, and told a classic
story. Liam, apparently, was a huge fan of Spinal
Tap. But he thought they were a real band. He
was horrified to discover the same actors
performing as A Mighty Wind at Carnegie Hall a
few years back and, when Noel told him the bad
news, shouted "I'm not 'avin' that", and stormed
off. And has never watched the film again.

-

Go buy new Oasis album. Its their best in years. I don't care what the Whore thinks, he likes Curve.

I'm Your Dog

I'm Your Dog 

You're the rule, I'm the exception
I'm the fool for your deception
I'm your slave. Let me misbehave

I'm your little dog.
So walk me

I'm your pawn. Lets watch some
I make you come, you make me dumb
I got high and left you to cry
You ask why, I just deny deny

I'm the infection, you're a misconception
You're the poison, I have no remedy
I'm the bass and backbeat
Starving for you, I gotta eat

You're monday, tues day and all the week
I'm a day off, just an IT geek


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Something random for yas all, I have no idea what it means. As usual.

Untitled

I got nothing.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

The Top 20 of the 100 Top Movie Quotes from the American Film Institute

1 Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. GONE WITH THE WIND 1939
2 I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse. THE GODFATHER 1972
3 You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. ON THE WATERFRONT 1954
4 Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. THE WIZARD OF OZ 1939
5 Here's looking at you, kid. CASABLANCA 1942
6 Go ahead, make my day. SUDDEN IMPACT 1983
7 All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up. SUNSET BLVD. 1950
8 May the Force be with you. STAR WARS 1977
9 Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night. ALL ABOUT EVE 1950
10 You talking to me? TAXI DRIVER 1976
11 What we've got here is failure to communicate. COOL HAND LUKE 1967
12 I love the smell of napalm in the morning. APOCALYPSE NOW 1979
13 Love means never having to say you're sorry. LOVE STORY 1970
14 The stuff that dreams are made of. THE MALTESE FALCON 1941
15 E.T. phone home. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL 1982
16 They call me Mister Tibbs! IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT 1967
17 Rosebud. CITIZEN KANE 1941
18 Made it, Ma! Top of the world! WHITE HEAT 1949
19 I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore! NETWORK 1976
20 Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. CASABLANCA


What would it be for NZ movies? Once Were Warriors had a few ...

Cook the man some eggs!

with the response of:

If you want eggs jake, cook them yourself

and the line that sums up the whole universe:

"Fucking Uncle Bully!"

Any other classics out there? What's that one from Goodbye Pork Pie about the car going to Invercargill?

Farmers Upset With Potato Image

So today's proof the world is slowly turning mad - I've lifted this from Newsroom:

British potato farmers are calling for the expression "couch potato" to be struck from the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) on the grounds that it harms the vegetable's image.

The OED says "couch potato" originated as American slang, meaning "a person who spends leisure time passively or idly sitting around, especially watching television or videotapes".

The British Potato Council says the term gives the impression the potato is unhealthy.

Council spokesperson Jennifer John want the OED to replace it with the expression "couch slouch".

She says its campaign has the backing of dieticians who say the vegetable is low in fat and high in vitamin C.

But the editors of the OED say they have no plans to drop the term, as dictionaries just reflect the words that society uses.

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Guess this chip on the shoulder was too much for them to bear....

Back off bitch, he's with me

Bloody Typical aussies, trying to steal our man of the hour, Michael Campbell.

"Can't we at least claim Campbell as, at the very least, an honorary Australian? Crikey, the Kiwis can have Russell Crowe back if they wish."

No wonder 'Waltzing Matilda', a song about a sheep rustler, is such a fav of theirs.

Cambo Wins!

Cambo wins!

Only the second time since Bob Charles in 1963 has a K11i won a golf major. A great day for Kiwis! This is nearly as cool as Bangladesh beating Aussie. Oh the pain Ricky Ponting must feel. Not even the Black Caps have sunk that low. Yet.

Watch out for the Hidden Goosen and Crouching Tiger, Mike

I generally dislike golf but not when Michael Campbell is leading the US Open halfway through the last round....

This link is the live leader board.

Match Fixing Anyone?

Holy phuck! I'm watching the news as I blog - to find out Bangladesh beat the Aussies in a one dayer. Chasing some 250 odd runs to win they scored them with a few balls to spare ( I said balls.)Its like the time I knocked out Mike Tyson for the heaveweight championship.

One lil dude got a run a ball century against the feared aussie attack. That man deserves a DB.

Return of the King ??

So hello possums!

Jangles is back from Hamilton and thank the stars for that! Seeing as the week was all work stuff I won't blog (bore u) with that except to say - SeKure is a great bar, the Outback is not and the Embargo puts on a fine meal.

Hamilton is not complete with a trip to the casino. Less smelly than Auckland's, I came away with a 30 dollar profit on the pokies. So all good there.

Last night was a reunion dinner with SK.

Venue: The Golden Lotus
Service: Below average
Atmoshphere: Excellent
Food: Decent
Pricing: Prop a lil pricey
Verdict - not going back in hurry


back to business as usual tomurra.

Hamilton - All its cracked up to be.

So like Hamilton.

It has:

Good service at ANZ bank.
Ugly people at Burger King.
Students, every where.

It is:

Warmer than Wellington
Pissed that Marty Hollah didn't make the ABs.
Getting dark early.

Smithers, release the hounds

Its no April Fools this time, Graeme Capill has been charged with counts of rape, unlawful sexual connection, attempted rape and indecent assault. Of two under 12 year olds.

Kiwis who read this will know of his history as a christian leader of a wannabe political party. The hypocrite.

Can someone else punch him? Maybe with a brick this time. Maybe we should load him up with bricks and drop him off the Harbour Bridge. Maybe I'd be happy with that.

I am sixteen, going on seventeen....

So one of the interesting things that what happens when someone moves in is the little changes that occur around the house.

For instance, this morning I counted 17 lipsticks on my dresser.

She

She comes to me
Slightly drunk but perfectly slow
A swift shy kiss and then she'll go.

Again

She comes to me
Slightly late but perfectly so
Not much time to steal
Just a quick kiss, thats the deal

And then she stays
It feels like days
But as the reality of dawn beckons
The feeling is its only been seconds.

Wha! happened?

So what about this guy?

His foto lookz suspiciously like that of the drummer from that band that does the Joshua Tree.... what's that band called again? It looks like this kite flying johnny come lately does nothing but reference supposedly 'cool' movies.

I kinda like that.

Lions, Lomu and Lager Louts

Pretty good weekend of sport all round - the Lions beat the Bay of Plenty Steamers who ran out of it near the end, Rafael Nadal kicked Federer's ass (and the rest of them) on his way to the French Open title, the Sevens team won the world title - (though lost the semi of the current tournament) and Jonah made his fabled come back, with dodgy try and all.

Random and Uneducated Predictions based on this:

Lions will get eaten alive by the All Blacks. They kneed Dallaglio on and off the field. His injury sucks the big kumara for the Lions. The Lager Louts - Balmy Army must be distraught. For me, no Dallaglio means no leadership and no x factor. He may be a punk on the field but this shows the man has it off it.

Rothococoa will be back in the ABs in no time.

Federer will still kick ass on every surface except clay. Nadal will go into his next Grandslam as favourite but lose to an wild card entry.

Jonah, how ever great a player and man, will spend the season bumbling round the NPC. He'll be fit but will have lost much skill and probably speed. He'll sadly never be picked for the ABs again but he won't realise it for a long time.

Necessity is the mother of invention Pt II

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Necessity is the mother of invention

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Remember to take your aspirin Charlie!

Chucky, a 27 year-old man worried about his health, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Chucky walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Chucky and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Chucky replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that, Chucky, I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"

Chappelle Corby's Favourite Game?

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Mountain Warriors Pt II

Here's some pictures of our hike in Tongariro National Park New Zealandmount ngarahoe tongariro national park new zealand jimmy jangles

Urs truly, with Mt Ngarahoe in the back ground. You wouldn't believe it looking at the picture but it was really freaking cold then, a cold wind snap was just about to hit. To my right (kinda) is Red Crater, which is below.

tongariro national park new zealand

tongariro national park new zealand

This is the crew I was with - We'd come down the mountain and are just about to start the home stretch.

Update: Did this trip again a few years later in 2011

jimmy jangles tongariro national park new zealand

This is an outrage, your Honour !!

So like I'm really mad. I knew I never liked Richard Hadlee and now I have a reason why.

Matthew Sinclair has been dropped from the list of 20 contracted players with NZ Cricket. Jaysus. Its a sin that Craig MacMillian gets one and Sinclair doesn't. The Gladiator has had a test form run worse than an elephant with Delhi Belly. In the prior contract period Macca scored 106 test runs at average of 11.77 and 410 one-day runs at 37.27. Skippy scored 170 test runs at 28.3, 239 limited overs runs at 34.1.

Yes Skippy hasn't set the world on fire like he used too. Neither has Macca. Both are great players. I just think Sinclair would do better than Macca, esp if he batted lower down the order.

The official list comes out this afternoon apparently. I'm gonna be even madder if Chris Harris (older than the Queen) gets a contract. I love Harry but he's passed it, doesn't play tests and has had a shocker arm injury.

Update: Harry's in.

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