The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round.

So Stagecoach bus company. What the fuck is going on?

Recent incidents of poor form - mostly recalled from memory as read in the Dom Post:

  • Not for the first time a bus driver denies a legally blind young man  from getting on a bus with his legal blind persons pass. The boy stands up for his rights. The boy is subjected to an assault by a passenger and unceremoniously thrown off the bus. What does the bus driver do? Drives off with the assaulter and his 3, no doubt inpressed by his manhood, blonde b'arches still on board .. then lets them off at his next stop whilst the cops are on route….
  • Young fella falls out the back of a bus after school, ending up cut and concussed with time of school (the lucky buggar!) Whatever the cause of the accident the bus driver drove on. Police investigation appears to do freak all.
  • Grandpa escorting grandchild falls over inside the bus when the breaks are suddenly applied – he had a night in hospital for broken ribs.
  • And today's paper - Middle aged woman falls to curb when stepping off bus. Is concussed and has time off work. Bus driver drives on without checking on woman.

Message 1: Wake the fuck up Stagecoach.
Message 2: Kerry, don't we ratepayers subside this service? Instead of diving on shipwrecks, do something will ya?
Message 3 :It might be safer to work to work these days.Question 1: Why can't Wellington bus drivers be more like this Auckland driver ?

Why don't we do it in the road?

So am I still drunk or something? 24 - 0
What, is he chicken?
Tana slams it.
'Does this look "inanimate" to you, punk?'

Assemble with apt links as required:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3493082a10,00.html
http://www.artscalendar.co.nz/event/20435/
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3492739a10,00.html
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3492743a1823,00.html

And now a word from our sponsor.

Watched Brian Lara blaze away through a haze of beer last night. He looked pretty sharp - he's 36 and scoring double centuries and wot not so I guess there is hope for Chris Cairns... Tana Shhmarrna is to retire apparently after this amz game against Scotland... - does ne1 think he looks like The Predator? All he needs iz those fangdangly fangs... Arnie couldn't take down our Tana ne way. I think Tana's legacy to NZ rugby will be his 'Come on guys, get fire wise, campaign. It's not like he's done any good is it? Oh wait I could be mistaking him for Ben Blair ;) Stephen Fleming didn't die so that so okay. George Best died, thats okay too. More whisky and women for me....

Bring Back Penelope Barr

So like fuck Wellington and its fucking cold weather. Its bad enough that Take That are getting back together but this fucking rain is pissing me off. NE way who fucking complains about the rain in a blog? One only does that when they have nothing to say.

Listening for the weather

So like another week draws to a close slower than the resolution of a certain Kubrick movie set in the final frontier while my thirst for beer wells inside me faster than it takes for Massey students to spend their interest free student loans on well, piss at the Fitz.

 

If we felt free to discuss politics and the week that was we might suggest this blog is no second chance saloon but that's really boring so, Susan Wood's mental health aside, we could discuss public health issues but I'm not going to get bird flu because I'm a guy.

 

We could ponder what ailment has befallen our greatest test captain ever… or if Noel Gallagher may ever release a solo album and turn into Paul Weller or whether the beer will be cold, crisp and cheap at the Feathers but we know that it will be so lets discuss the weather.

 

Cold innit?

Beer?

By popular demand and the lure of beers owing, its on this time - beers @ Featherz, Friday. U know who you are, be there!

Fire away, Fay Wray

So its funny how you never hear of cool people till they are dead. Who knew that Link Wray invented the power chord? Hell, other than Quentin Tarantino 'who lives for that shit*', who had even heard of this guy?

A poem for a dead guy

Link Wray
Power chords did he play
Now he's dead
No more tunes in his head

In a slight tangent, I think the guitar tuning arrangement 'Drop D' would be a cool ironic name for a Gangster Rapper. Especially if Fiddy Cent put some caps in his ass yo'.

Hmmm 50 cent mixtures.

*To paraphrase xXx

7 Songs that Float My Boat right now....

As per Mister Chris and the Whore's exhortations….

I bring u 7 Songs that Float My Boat right now....

Last Man Standing  – from Bon Jovi's Have a Nice Day.

Classic formulaic BJ, cool gat intro, cheese laden lines, with a seemingly self referencing last verse. I think Bruce Willis a la his Pulp Fiction boxing character when I hear this. Oh and it disses homey music, bonza!

Let there be love – de Oasis' Don't believe the Truth.

Our Kid and his Big Bro duet on the album closer. If u know Oasis, know the history, know the songs that have been before and 'get it' you'll know why this song is just mega. Re the whole album - its like finally Oasis realised their b-sides are their best songs and did the album accordingly... For you Oasis haters out there, fuck off*.

Driving WheelsJimmy Barnes' first solo album (?)

I have no idea what the words in the chorus are but they grab at my emotions and make me feel like I can do anything. I heard this song a few months ago and went out bought the best of Cold Chisel and Barnsie. Worth the 40 odd bucks for a real CD....

C is for Cookie

You know you know this one. I was in a classroom the other day and the chords and words to this song where on the white board. Handily enough, there was a guitar right next to the white board. U do the math. Dammit, this song is in my head!

That Baitercell song that goes 'we burn it up'

With me Ipod dying a bloody death, I can't recall the name of this song, its four letters with dots in between…M.a.z.e ?  ne ways this is one 'homey' song I actually like. Where be the overdrive….?

Number 7. There is no number 7.

*U2's B-sides are pretty good too!

Nobody puts Harold in a corner

A rather interesting  Saturday.  I dressed up as Harold the Giraffe from the Life Education Trust to visit the Strathmore Community School fair. You think kids like the Wiggles? They LOVE Harold. Harold visits the kiddies every so often to teach them that drugs are bad ok and how to be healthy in general.

 

So in short I got mobbed by a million kiddies wanting hugs and high fives and oddly enough, requests to do the bird dance. How many giraffes know the bird dance?

 

Only Harold it seems.

 

Then later on after drinking too much of the pinot noir Harold won in the raffle I succumbed to Jay Bee's wishes (its all in the eyes, dammit) and watched Dirty Dancing on DVD.  How is this movie cool these days? I dunno, but it was amusing to see Patrick Swayze doing some kind of Fonzie impersonation – with lines to a Potsy look-a-like ' just put your pickle on everybody's plate college boy and leave the hard stuff to me', its no wonder the ladies love(d) him. Ayyyeeeeeeee?

Duff beer for you, Duff beer for me?

Get behind The Whore's challenge. This is an official telethon for JJ's beer drinking fund.
Sayeth the whore:
 
"I will buy you a beer for every blogger that posts about the hypocrisy of the spca calling for action on obese farm animals

yours counts as one - see how many more you can sort out "
 
Now get to it - E, Tommy Boy , Levi  et al - ur all tagged. 
 
Well what's it to be Timarau? Beers on The Whore or putting up with the SPetaCA?
 
Whatever the number - drinks at the Feathers Friday!
 

Where's the Beef?

I don't recall on having blogged/b'arched on any thing mildy political lately but the fact the SPCA (a body with I understand some kind of legislative powers) has put out the call for farmers to put their milking cows on diets because they are fat is just freakin nonsense. Somebody call Wayne Mapp!

From Stuff : "SPCA national education manager Sara Elliott, of Wellington, issued a statement yesterday warning farmers that there was a danger of record levels of obesity, because grass was particularly lush and rich at present."

"…to which Coastal Taranaki farmer John Washer, who has 40 years' dairying experience, said the SPCA was "udderly" wrong and ill-informed." 'Udderly' – that's clever! I would never have picked that pun in a million years!

To which I sarcastically say 'Yes that's so true! Because eating vegative materials commonly found in salads really does make you make you fat. Aye Kirsty Alley!'

Mooving on.

"Record levels of obesity' interesting phrase – I was not aware there was a recording system of cattle obesity in NZ. Is there a Plunket for Cows ?? Does SPCA run weight clincs every year for cows? And if so, do they get the Fat Cow that always seems to be able to push her way to the front of the bus queue each morning?

Maybe these cows get fat because they eat each meal of lush and rich grass eight times or something....

This is bloody typical of the SPCA, firing off on some misguided Peta like attempt to save the universe and its humble creatures. I'm reminded of the time a while back when the SPCA noted its concern about farm dogs being 'too skinny'. Well you can't have your working farming dog eating cake and having it too. They run around a lot keeping those naughty sheep on the straight and narrow and so are skinny. Just like those barefoot Cheeky Darkies that win all the gold medals at the Olympics.

Maybe the cows are fat because they don't exercise much. I think the SPCA should demand mandatory exercise classes for cows – call it 'Milkshake' or 'Bovisize' or something else jazzy to get eager buy in from the Cow's Collective. (Surely the cows have unionised by now right?)

Yes, it's true sometimes farmers do stuff up and animals suffer – it's a fact of life and there are agencies governmentmental and NGO wise out there that deal with it on a case by case basis.

What's my point? SPCA should stick to its knitting and get the pricks who sever dogs in half (which they do and good on 'em) rather than get into areas they perhaps don't really understand.

Which is probably a thing for bloggers to think about too…..

A drug of the nation story

It was a desperate situation at Jimmy Jangle's flat last night. My indoor netball match clashed with Desperate Housewives (Oh how gay does that sound?). Both are must play and see occasions. Solution - Girlfriend brought over her video player (elle can't get decent reception chez elle) – I hooked it up – dramas!  she left the remote at her place – i.e. one cannot operate the freaking thing. Solution – ring DeeeBeee for an emergency record request. Request granted. I play the netball (we won by 1 – saweet!) and GF gets the vid from Deeebeee. Nous somme chez moi, pop the video and its not rewound. Refer no remote to control video issue. Que manual rewind of video involving a butter knife and a Philips screwdriver. Insert tape into video. Damn, rewound the wrong way. Remove tape. Tape gets caught in video. Remove tape and commence rewind correctly. Insert tape. Not enuff rewound. Remove tape, tape stuck again. Cue rage of anger at the Gods. Tape fixed. Steinlager downed in victory. Housewives watched. Poor Bree.

Wake Up, its a beautiful morning!

So like I watched 'To kill a mocking bird' last night and, holy cow batman, that is one fine movie.
From 1962, it has Gregory Peck playing quite possibly the coolest dad in the movie world ever, a couple of 'pesky kids' (kinda Scooby do style….) and a sharp lesson in southern politics….

But more importantly, this band's name now makes so much sense...
  
Now we all know that the book that inspired this movie  by Harper Lee is Superman's favourite read (we did? - Ed) so it's not surprising that this sentence makes no sense.

Moving on to better sentence structures, the film is all about children's innocence and loss of it -  set in a land of economic depression and racist topography.  In plain English – the kiddies learn the world is full of good and bad guys and their dad is The Greatest American Hero. Or something like that….

What appeals to me most about this movie is the title and its meaning – after a scene when the pesky kids are told that to kill a mocking bird is a sin – basically because they are beautiful and do no harm – I spent the rest of the movie trying to figure out how this would play out in the movie – and focussed my attentions on Tom, the black guy on trial for rape in a white town. Basically all the white folk in town hate him and presume him guilty – Hero Daddy, in striving to set a an example for his kids to live by, does his best to defend Tom. Thus it all seemed to head in this direction – Tom is the mocking bird.

But as usual I was wrong (and should have seen it coming), the scriptwriter mocked me gently, and  the mocking bird – i.e. the thing of beauty – turned out to be the ugly Boo Radley – a basement dwelling ogre that eats 'raw squirrels' for breakfast.

Boo was a feared by the children. A neighbourhood recluse, he was an enigma to the children. Without them realising it, he was their watchful guardian and in the end saved their lives from murder at the hands of a drunken red neck.

So ra ra ….while the kids were observing racial prejudice affecting their lives and that of Tom on trial, they didn't see their own prejudice towards Boo Radley as the same thing – until they slowly began to piece it together and reach the inevitable climax which frankly is knife edge….
Meh, because in jokes are stupid and I'm probably making no sense - go rent this movie, its better than other stuff. 

Yo, turn to that station

So like I thought I was being totally original in referencing the r.e.m. moment of lyrical genius "I believe in coyotes and time as an abstract" from the song 'I believe' in my kinda weird poem thingy below and then I got curious – and found that some brightspark  beat me to it. In fact it seems its been done a gazillion times over. It just lends weight to the theory that feathers can hit the ground b4 the weight can leave the air, don't it?

 

Or rather it shows there are no original ideas left.
 
An idea such as stealing an r.e.m. lyric and referencing it in homage to the best freaking band from America ever, was already taken. Meh I have no idea wtf I'm on about. In unrelated world events, I did however listen to 'Monster' last night and as it did circa 1994 it still freaking rocks my world.
 
I also last night saw Pride and Prejudice Keira Knightley style and I must say it was kinda good. Judi Dench as usual was in fine form as a right royal b'arch. I love her in james bond's 'Golden Eye' when she calls our man "a misogynist dinosaur, a relica of the cold war...' or something like that. Donald Sutherland has come a long way since MASH eh? Meh this is one of those posts that's going no where so tirrah.

 

 

 

I've got more....

I like beer. I like american music. I like you in your underwear. I like supergroove. I like roasts with lots of potatoes. I like the way you move. I like football, and porno, and books about war. I like repetitive music and freebie scores. I like repetitive blog posts. I like repeats of family guy. I like guy smiley. I like that I am sometimes guy smiley incarnate. I like BK chicken burgers a lil too much. I like ham sandwiches with egg.  I like dr suess. I like Mike. I like pikelets. I like X box and making out in lifts. I like bbqs. I like freedom to choose. I like blues riffs. I like fast quips. I like ice in my coke and drunken road trips.  

 

I like to watch.

Everything you know is wrong

coyote white


I believe in the power of television. I believe in coyotes and time as an abstract. I believe in closed circuit tv. I believe the internet is the new bible. I believe in sugar filled drinks. I believe there is nothing out there but big rocks and aliens. I believe Captain Kirk was beamed up. I believe in miss congeniality. I believe its okay to eat fish cos they don't have any feelings. I believe all we need is love, love, love. I believe in rock music. I believe Shortland Street can really save the world. I believe in bread. I believe in coke and microsoft. I believe in rational choice and independent thinking. I believe in you. I believe in monsta truck and Phar Lap. I believe in the almighty dollar. I believe in user pays. I believe in the Easter Bunny and Superman comics. I believe in Bert and Ernie and the rubber ducky. I believe in rubber and rubbers. I believe in the Black Caps and picnics. I believe in the alphabet. I believe the truth is out there.

It's no secret that the stars are falling from the sky


Rumour mill has it The Edge and his Electric Company will be comin for a pint on St Paddy's day next year... oh to be sure, to be sure......

Press Anykey to Continue

I'm afraid of americans. I'm afraid of blue cheese. I'm afraid of birds that sneeze. I'm afraid of trent reznor. I'm afraid of the word. I'm afraid of the world. I'm afraid of copyright infringement. I'm afraid of tetnus. I'm afraid of chewing gum. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the tv hum. I'm afraid of satan claws. I'm afraid of magneto. I'm afraid of madonna. i'm afraid of fat mormons knocking on my door. I'm afraid, I'm afraid of your mum. I'm afraid of my bank overdraft. I'm afraid I have a compulsive disorder. I'm afraid I missed shortland street every night last week. I'm afraid of the front lawn. I'm afraid my non existent coffee is too weak. I'm afraid of thelma and louise. Did I mention the blue cheese?

Hey Lyla

Someone go win the Vodafone Live competition and then take me to see Oasis

 in Australia aight? There's a good lad. I was listening to the new oasis album for the zillionith time last night. It is just so fucking good. Why does the r.o.w. not know this? (except for Cool Britannia – you guys rock)

 

Has the world (or worm) turned and left me here? Hey Lyla, come out out and play? Why are you so idle? It is important? Eric? Idyll?  Is this an Empty Garden I see here before me? Why am I referring to Elton John? I have no idea. Look on the bright side of life and go buy some tea.

 

TV watch – Insider's Guide to Happiness. Why do they call it that? Most of the action takes place out side…. If I had a dog I think I would love it as much as Batman.  Got the DVD. Its good, no commentary though. Have you seen the family Guy movie yet? You know what grinds my gears? No comment.

Lessons Lerned in the Weekend. Episode Number Unknown

 

  • Don't get Fish and Chips from that place near the Subway out on the Kapiti Coast somewhere…
  • Paint ball shots are practically lethal at close range.
  • Stag nights are more fun when the police get involved.
  • Firecats in Napier is a lame as strip bar – worse than Mermaids.
  • Napier's firework display for Guy Fawkes sucked compared to Wellington's.
  • Hangovers are really something wicked aren't they?
  • The Black Caps are apparently are back to sucking at cricket.
  • 15 – 1, Charlie Chicken, 15 – 1.

Get Lost

So like after having overpriced but tasty lambshanks at the Cornerstore, me and Jay Bee got out Be Cool   last night. What a rancid pile of flaking turd it is. John Travolta is Mr Cool and that's about it – in fact that's all I know because I stopped watching after half an hour or so. I hate sequels and Mr Cool acknowledge this in the first scene. I hope he took the money and ran.  I could sense this movie was becoming  a farce when Vince Vaughn started hamming it up big time, all yo yo yo yo mofo like.

 

It's the sequel to Get Shorty which I've never seen. I have read the Elmore Leonard novel of that film that inspired this mess and that's a fine read. EL writes pretty good crime stuff actually, go get some from your local over funded with ratepayers rates library.  Then catch a ride in ur local uneconomic but still heavily ratepayer subsidised bus service (the Loser's Cruiser) and go and have a swim in the uneconomic but still kept afloat by the ratepayer community swimming pool. It is summer after all……

 

 

Easy as 3.14 something something

So here's the proof - Jimmy Jangles is an American 8th grade mathmatical genius - ok, so it was a little easier than picking up litter for an NCEA credit...

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!


Of course, had I done this test and not got it right I would have not put it up.... my lack of sucess would been noted a deferred sucess and I would probably have been given a hug for doing my best.

Hattip to Jaboobie, a fellow math genius.

Maaaawwhaaahhhhaaaaahaaa!

To co-opt a Queen song:
 
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
 
 

The Great Race

So my trifecta lucked out thanks to On a Jeune splitting Maybe Diva and Excellent and Leica Falcon. I thought I had it for a bit. I yelled encouragement loudly at the screen but to no avail. But as Meat Loaf sang "two out of three aint bad" and I was pleased me horse had faired well for a gallant third. 'If only the track had not been watered....' I wondered. 
 
The other picks in my trifecta were spread down the finishing order - I have a hunch it was the light weights who probably did the best over all - stonkered and stomped on by the heavy mare of course.
 
The race concluded and the heart beat slowed, I had a Speights to wash out the bitter taste of losing another bundle on the cup and that was that. Being on New years Day at Hastings...
 
 

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

Its taken me a bit of detective work but I've figured out who stole Pania. Its always the people you least expect innit? I feel I can legitimately now claim the ransom... I mean reward....

Rogan Josh for dinner anyone?

So its Cup Day, Fuckin aye! Either my fortune is assured or my TAB account just took a mild hammering.

Just took some crazy percentage trifecta with 1,2,6,7,8,22,23 so fingers crossed....plus a few sneaky bets... all reliant on Xcellent being just that.

Win or lose, I'll have a reason to drink come 5.20pm!

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