You know when you're from the Hutt when...

1. You can wake up thinking it's an earthquake but it's just a subwoofer.

2. You can say "Wellington is full of ferries" because you are homophobic.

3. You can recognise half your city's population in the drink-drive notices.

4. You can't afford a $1000 suit.

5. You see someone travelling 100kph on the motorway and drive right
up their backside until you can pass them on the inside (and give them
the goat sign salute).

6. You walk from the Railway Station to Willis Street because you
can't afford the bus.

7. "Just turn left at the first StarMart, walk down the street till
you get to the third StarMart, turn right, go 3 StarMarts and you've
bought your family's shopping for the week: 18 pinky bars, 6 meat
pies, 47 chuppa chups."

8. Seeing the Brooklyn Wind Turbine is just too freaky.

9. It takes you 20 minutes to drive from Wellington to Masterton.

10. Boarding a Stagecoach bus is too complicated.

11. You take a bodyguard to the supermarket.

12. The centre line is negotiable.

13. You get morning sickness most Mondays.

14. You have to wait til the neighbours are out to do your Christmas shopping.

15. Any wind that doesn't threaten to take your roof off is just
another P lab exploding.

16. You can detect 27 different shades of black jeans.

17. When an earthquake hits, instead of hiding under your desk, you
hold a bet with the other people in the dole line on the force, focus
and  epicentre.

18. When giving directions to tourists, you point up and then try and
nick their wallet while they're looking up.

19. You go out for your $5 on the pokies and complain how expensive
ciggies are.