Hoff? What Hoff?

It appears we have all gotten over droppin' The Hoff into every damn jpg available and have turned our attentions to the Delta Force himself. Thus, proudly nicked from somewhere, anywhere, who actually cares where, JJ brings you:

The Top Facts about Chuck Norris:
    1. When Chuck Norris punches, he only uses his left arm, as using the right would cause a rift in time.
    2. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
    3. The Guinness Book of World Records has a disclaimer in the end stating that all the records actually belong to Chuck Norris, and the records listed are just the ones that came closest.
    4. Chuck Norris knows exactly where Carmen Sandiego is.
    5. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
    6. The only reason tanks go so slowly is they're looking nervously around for Chuck Norris
    7. Mathematicians have found that due to the excessive amount of women Chuck Norris has slept with, it is guaranteed that he appears in your family tree a minimum of three times
    8. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking
    9. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
    10. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green 4 card from the game UNO
    11. Sharks don't live in the ocean because they have gills. Sharks live in the ocean because Chuck Norris doesn't
    12. Chuck Norris invented spoons because knives were too easy to kill with
    13. On the eighth day, God said "Let there never be Chuck Norris." Later the eight day, God was in the hospital
    14. Chuck Norris has his own brand of sleeping pills. The only ingredients are his fists and your forehead


SAS said...

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

SAS said...

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

SPFW said...

you're so behind the times jangles

Neil said...

I have in front of me the greatest article from the DomPost ever. It is a full page article with the headline "Chuck Norris for president of the universe."