Snails: good for stomping on.


So like don't you just love it when it rains over night and it causes snails to run for cover to the foot paths so you can then stomp on them on your way to work in the morning? I just love the sound they make. Crunchy like an apple. 

Squishy like Elle Driver's eyeball. I was really pissed when I heard that Stage Coach was raising loser cruiser fares. And then I get on the bus and my fare falls by 25 percent! Squish! The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and Round. 

Much like the Steven Irwin jokes. See below. I have a Crunchie bar. They are made of gold you know! What you got? I tried a Milo bar yesterday. While you get more go with Moro, this wasn't so bad. It was crunchy like one of those kremalta covered chocolate rice bubble things my mum used to make me and the Ginger Ningas for birthday parties and school lunches. 

If you, dear reader, did not have a mum who made you chocolate rice bubble things then NEWSFLASH! She didn't love you.

You were simply a food bill.

6 comments:

SPFW said...

my mummy didn'tlove me - i had to learn how to make those from my high school sweetheart's mummy - she loved me.

Jimmy Jangles said...

LYLYWLDL.

SPFW said...

well... either you're going to have to come to Gizzy or i'm going to have to go to Welly.... hey we couls meet at your turangawaewae - it's about half way!

JJ said...

Will be in HB 4 Kelt Capital!

SAS said...

When we used to live at the Maxipad, when it rained I used to pick the snails off the steps up to our house before you left for work, so you wouldn't squish their little shells into their bodies. What did they ever do to you? Eat your cabbages?

Jimmy Jangles said...

I knew it was you! but never fear I got them. Every single last mother fucking one of them.