Its like you're always stuck in second gear

What’s with all the celebrities getting getting so wasted these days?

We’ve had the tabloid trials of Mel Gibson, Brittany Spears and Courtney Love. Paris Hilton and her best gin soaked mate Lushed Lindsay Lohan. Robin and Robbie Williams both crop up. Now Ty Pennington is in in on the act Move that drunken bus driver!

The celebrity drink driver is almost like a rite of passage. Got a movie coming out, get wasted! You can dangle a baby over a balcony, breast feed while high on crack and no one gives a damn but drink drive and you’re a star with your own show case on Entertainment Tonight. Throw in a slur about Jews and the New World Order and you have a box office hit.

Off course no one can top the effort of the Hoff in becoming an all time bonafide Youtube star via his drunken burger consumption efforts. Hell fool, he’s bigger than than my humps, my humps.

We forgive the Hoff cos he was Colby’s dad and Michael Knight. We forgive Mel Gibson cos he was like really really sorry and in doing so invented the Mel Gibson Defence. We’ll forgive Ty because he gives babies with no legs no eyes and no teeth new homes.

We feel no pangs of pain for Paris Hilton cos let’s face it, she had it coming and we hate her cos she’s a rich bitch. We forgive Courtney cos she was married to Kurt and clearly has issues. We’ll forgive Robin Williams for being sober and releasing One Hour Photo cos he was Mork but we wont forgive Michelle Rodriquez cos she sucked on Lost, nor Pete Doherty cos his music is worse than Paris’s last single.

We don’t care about rock stars doing metres of coke and lines of groupies cos that’s what they do. Optimus Prime would never drink and drive, cos thats what Autobot leaders do.

All that said I’d be really keen to go for a beer or 50 with the Hoff. We’d chat about how it used to be a privilege to stay up till 7.30 and watch Knight Rider on a Friday night, laugh at the time someone actually drowned on Baywatch and then we’d go out, have some burgers and crash into Lindsay on her way back from visiting Paris in the slammer.

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