Transformers: A completely objective review


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So this morning I woke up with The Clash’s garageland running around my mind. If I had been dreaming I think it was because I was lost in the supermarket making beelines to heaven or something.

Anyways got my self the new
Transformers movie on DVD. It rocks. I still love it when Prime smashes the energy sword into the face of Devastator. I watched it on slow mo three times. When the eyes pops out…I had visions of Any Given Sunday when the ref picks up the eye ball of the turf…

Robots beating up other robots is like the coolest thing ever. If Halo 3 was Robots I would never ever leave the living room. Those dear to me say I don’t anyway.

I give this movie a 5 autobots roll out out of 5.

Indeed after watching it with me, Optimus Prime said it was a good depiction of how it really was when he and Bumblebee first came to Earth and beat down Megatron. Optimus then got a lil teary oil eyed about Jazz, so me and Ratchet took him to where we buried Jazz’s halved body down by the Porsche Factory.

Later on when he had stopped blubbering I asked Optimus Prime a question – if Bumblebee can survive having his legs ripped off, why couldn’t Jazz survive a minor thing like being halved? Every one knows it’s a robot law that halved Robots can be put back together, often with hilarious consequences. Look at C3PO in Empire Strikes Back! He was a pussy and still survived. Jazz was tough as cyber nails. What say you Prime? Said I, the brave padawan.

Oppie looked at me, went all blue in the face and said, “Go fuck yourself Jimmy, you rock my casbah.”

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