2Fings


1) The banner could change.
2) We are out of Steinlager.
3) It was only two things idjit.

The KKK took my baby away Pt II




Its been 3 weeks since my xbox died. [sigh]. I'm not sure I'm gonna get over it. I think I feel like one of those WoW addicts when they go to rehab. [sigh].

This is worse than the time the KKK took my baby away.[sigh].

Shrek the Turd


Shrek 3: Do not see this film.

I went with Jay Bee and Optimus Prime. Half way through Oppie said he would rather have Starscream talk to him about his issues with Megatron for an hour. Jay Bee then threw Optimus at the screen and at least that was worth the price of admission.

And there endeth your Leonard Malton lesson.

No power? You must be dead then!


So like 10,000 plus JAFAs* went without power yesterday and today after a sub station blew up. Can someone please direct me to the list of people that died as a direct result of this event?
-
Scotty had a pretty cool adventure here
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My Xbox 360 has gone to the Microsoft fixit labs for repair after the Red Ring of Death % came up... Mezza feel like I did whenever the cat went to the Vet.

*Some of my best friends are JAFAs

% sounds dirty eh?

Where the wild things go


Where the wild things go

The coked Rocker

God is just a statistic in the census
God is in the TV
Like the Jedi
Other than the heroin, the only stairway to a heaven
is the fire down below
Where the wild things and other groupies go

The tired Priest

Never taken heroin in his life
But is beaten by a fat wife
He’s sure its just the same
Feeling nothing but numb over and over again

The ageless Madonna

Puts her hand up for Jesus
with albums full of pop dross
hangs her self on a christless cross
Takes what’s shiny and new
Then beds you adieu

The Boss

From across town
Songs of gravel and rust
Knows the devil and the dust
Sings about the Man
Bringing him down

Deal or no deal




So it looks like NZ has finally found its own answer to Hollywood's 2nd favourite wild child, Lindsay Lohan. For a time it looked like Keisha Castle-Hughes was going to go all Tara Reid on us but in the end she only got knocked up.

According to stuff Millie Holmes, the daughter of veteran broadcaster Paul Holmes, has been arrested on drug charges. 'The 19-year-old is being held in Auckland Central Police Station and faces four charges, including possession and supply of methamphetamine, TV3 news reported tonight.'

It seems you can take the Dad out of the Haumoana but those bright city lights just blind their off spring...I partially blame her Mum forcing her to watch all those cartoons after school...

Silly Millie recently appeared on the new game show Deal or no Deal. In hindsight that's quite apt. I wonder what kind of deal Daddy will be trying to wangle her?

This should be the start of a fabulous career... a cat fight with Nicky Watson over some dumb drummer should seal that deal.

What is this, blog recommendation about NZ films week?


The guy that writes Horror Movie A Day turns his attention to recent release “Black Sheep”

The dude is bloody funny…

“This also means the DVD runs the risk of having 13 hours of bonus material devoted to how they crafted sheep hooves, all narrated by Richard Taylor, the droniest sleepy voiced man in human history. But that’s not the film’s fault.”

“There’s also a subplot about a guy who fucks the sheep. It’s tastefully done.”

Cos we know sheep taste good, don’t we?

Dirty Old Barrymore?

"The coroner said he had been found with drugs and alcohol in his system and with serious anal injuries, suggesting he had been the victim of a violent sexual assault."

"His father Terry always refused to accept the death was an accident and campaigned for the case to be re-examined. In December last year, detectives said they would reopen their probe, following a review."

Perhaps an unfortunate use of the word ‘probe’? Remember when Cartman got one? That was tv genius.

The Yellow Peril Strike!!


And thus it came to be that a “coddingtonwallop" is the new "fisking"’….

Beta this, better that


Fridge buzz
Free Bar
Television remotes
Fast boats

I might be right
Blame it on gravity
Keeping me in this place

Beta this, better that
The honey moon is over my head
Mine smells like honey
Too many ideas born dead

Chewing gum
Cleans my braces
Santise my beer
My head is stuck
Too many bright but glum acid wash faces

Small sister
I know where you are
Mr GPS in my stolen car

Weekend that was: more Tangimoana





Weekend that was Pt Tangimoana





Optimus Prime vs Chuck Norris




Optimus Prime vs Chuck Norris: The Facts

There’s been a lot of internet chatter about the might of Chuck Norris and his supposed omnipotence. The Optimus Prime Experiment has recalled history, studied the Bible and reflected and consulted with Bumblebee. We can now provide you with the definitive facts on Chuck Norris and the reasons and history behind them

1. When Chuck Norris punches, he only uses his left arm, as using the right would cause a rift in time.

Backstory: When Optimus Prime first farted, he created the rift in time which Chuck may open if it so pleases Prime.

2. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

History: Optimus Prime originally planted the grass on both sides and mowed it before Chuck ever knew what chewing the cud even meant.

3. The Guinness Book of World Records has a disclaimer in the end stating that all the records actually belong to Chuck Norris, and the records listed are just the ones that came closest.

After a polite dinner party got out of hand, Optimus Prime once made Chuck Noriss eat the Guiness Book of records, disclaimer and all.

4. Chuck Norris knows exactly where Carmen Sandiego is.

Optimus Prime hid Carmen Sandiego in the first place

5. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

This is still true.

6. The only reason tanks go so slowly is they're looking nervously around for Chuck Norris

Fact: Tanks are mere cybtertronic nits that fell from Optimus Prime's head.

7. Mathematicians have found that due to the excessive amount of women Chuck Norris has slept with, it is guaranteed that he appears in your family tree a minimum of three times

Optimus Prime got to third base with Chuck’s mum before even Chuck did.

8. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking

When baking Chucks 12th birthday cake, Optimus Prime willed those candles to burst into flame. Chuck cried with fear.

9. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

Optimus Prime was the original superdope homeboy from the Oaktown

10. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green 4 card from the game UNO

It was Optimus that lent Chuck is lucky monopoly card.

11. Sharks don't live in the ocean because they have gills. Sharks live in the ocean because Chuck Norris doesn't

Back story: Optimus Prime decided chuck would live on the land.

12. Chuck Norris invented spoons because knives were too easy to kill with

Optimus Prime invented Chuck Norris because there were many, many bad films to be made.

13. On the eighth day, God said "Let there never be Chuck Norris." Later the eight day, God was in the hospital

It was Optimus Prime that encouraged God to explore his creative side.

14. Chuck Norris has his own brand of sleeping pills. The only ingredients are his fists and your forehead

Optimus Prime’s own brand of sleeping pill is Chuck Norris and your forehead.

We'll there you have it, Chuck Norris aint so tough after all!

PH level is ...stupid


So like apparently Paris Hilton said this shortly before she entered jail,

"In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make.."

Nuff said I suppose.