...and where is the Batman?

Jimmy Jangles reviews of the first four Batman Films



Batman - Directed by 'too much focus on the Joker' directed by Tim Burton

And where is the Batman? In my Xbox 360 thank you very much – Jay Bee got me all four of the first run of the Batman movies.

So like everyone I must have seen this first one a gabillion times. 'Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?' Is probably one of the best lines of any Batman film. Well is better than, the direness of the movie that delivered the quote: 'I'll get drive through' that came later.

So I was a wee blonde school kid when this came out. I collected the cards. I was that cool. I remember this being the coolest fareking game ever on the good old C64. Now I'm just a halo nut that's been spoilt on CGA from Weta Digital so it kinda looks dated to me.

But it’s a fun ride, The Joker is a fine character, he’s all party man but gets slightly annoying after a while. His goons are annoying and stupid and probably gets too much indulgence from the director. It’s a Tim Burton ride for sure with hints at his trade mark goulishness.

The Batman: Micheal Keaton is pretty good as a first time super hero. His Bruce is a fine mix of restraint with a hint of inner demon. He always looks like he is thinking the angle. As Batman he’s slightly menacing. His fighting style was simple yet good to watch. In the post Matrix world, it's probally not very exciting for most movie goers these days but its efficient like you would expect of a Batman.

Verdict 7.5 / 10

Batman Returns Directed by 'pretty much nails it bang on' Timmy Burton


Batman Returns
A darker, more violent feast with a fast ripping Penguin and an alluring femme feline fatale with a fetish for leather make for a better story than the first Batman. Christopher Walken as Max Shreck is an excellent Evil Capitalist Pig who bascially is the reason for the season and its the tie between every character.

Batman burns people. Batman beats people. Batman kills people. Batman gets licked by a Catwoman. I kinda like it.

The Penguin has the best lines - Danny Devito just riffs them out like a seemingly effortless Slash solo..

"You're just jealous because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask."

"You got to admit I've played this stinking city like a harp from hell."

"Why is there always somebody that brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?"

The Music by Danny Elfman is a step up from the first film which itself was great.

A nice ending with lots of dead and not so dead characters...

Verdict 8 Bats of of 10

Batman Forever directed by should have known better Joel Shumaker



The so called begining of end. This is merely a good film and not a great film. So everyone was therefore disappointed when it came out I guess...

Tommy Lee Johns comes in as Twoface. Annoying as a toothache mixed with a hungover. Jim Carrey is truely in his element as the Riddler going all Mask but without the somebody stop me. Nicole Kidman is suitably breathless in the presence of our favourite bat freak.

So they got in Val Kilmer this time to be bats. Apparently he said yes with out looking at the script whhch explains a lot really. As Bruce he's fine but you don'yt get the sense of a tortured soul that you get with a DC comic or even Keaton's version. That said, the moment where he briefly thinks he killed Grayson's family is good batcrazy.

As Bats its all hokeyness as he prances around in his nipply outfit with Boy Wonder Robin. Holey Rusted Metal references creep in as nods to comics and that other gay Batman abound boundingly. At least his car was cool, the best of the series I reckon.

I think the best scene was when Two Face effectively killed the Flying Graysons as he seeks out the Batman, the acrobatics where cool, the action tense. When Robin eventually decides/insists on becoming a crimefighter they make a nice nod to the comics when he suggests Nightwing as a name.

Verdick: 6 bats ot of 10

Batman and Robin directed by series killer Joey



If you were sum up this movie then the line "she wants to kill you, Dick" will get you there. Arnold is laughable as Mr Freeze. Cringe worth lines like 'cool it' made my ears burn blue. Uma Thurman as Posion Ivy is fun. Elle MacPherson in a non role proves she canot act. Alicia Silverstone? Whatever. Question? How come her suit didn't have nipples?

The Cod pieces are bigger, the nipples niplier. At least Batgirl looked alright but her costume could have been better.

Robin: Yeah yeah I'm sick of Batman taking all the press boo hoo. Chris O'Donnell should go back to pushing around Al Pacino in a wheel chair. Hoo ah!

The Batman. George Clooney. Well he must have been looney to take on this role. Did he even read the script or did he just do it for a chance to hook up with Elle MacPherson? Either way as Bruce he's fairly benign. There's no terror of bats behind his eyes, but mere happy thoughts of being raised by faithful Alfred. As a Batman, well you just knew he was going to be the worst one ever when at the moment they were needed, he had a pair of ice skates hidden in his boots.

Uma does have the best line in the movie:

Robin: I need a sign!

Poison Ivy: How about slippery when wet?

Verdict 4 batshits out of ten.

In all, some hits and misses - Let's face it, Christopher Nolan, nailed it with Batman Begins and trumped all these movies.