You're here, so you need my 10 Desperately Confusing and Difficult Tips to increase your website traffic!
By following this tips I guarantee your website or blog will receive tonnes of traffic. Tonnes!
- Employ Darth Vader for some morale boosting around the site - he'll employ his death choke on anyone who even thinks about clicking out of the page. Heavy Breathing is an optional extra. This method is guaranteed to retain your 250 visitors per day and keep them there permanently! That's 1750 people a week or 638,780 attentive readers a year!
- Arrange a deal with Bill Gates to buy Windows 7 in return for him making the Start button of every Windows program link to your website.
- Steal the Mona Lisa and post its whereabouts on your site.
- Stomp on Snails, indiscriminately.
- Hack google.com domain name to re-direct to your website. No one will notice. This one is a gimme.
- Water the plants, if you know what I mean.
- Beat up a sports celebrity in a bar and post about how he got arrested and you didn't. Sell your story to the media for greater exposure. Any English Soccer player will do. Extra traffic if its Rooney.
- Find where on earth Carmen Sandiego is.
- Date a supermodel and brag about it with a One Night in Paris video.
- Throw a shoe at Barack Obama, but hit him. See how many size 10 jokes he makes!
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