Does a flamingo forget how to fly?

Instant Kiwi Doug and Mexican Doug Quotes

I reckon this Doug Instant Kiwi add campaign has struck a chord with New Zealand's conscious not seen since that guy jumped up the bridge to capture the trout.

Doug is this odd chap that works in an appliance store. His alter ego, Mexi-Doug gives him advice on how to achieve his goals such as how to get a cool haircut (a perm), getting the last biscuit before the pregnant lady gets it or how to score with the ladies.

The add is very qutoable, people are using them at my office and on face book. Here's some of the Mexi-Doug Quotes:

Good for you Douglas, get a perm. Get a perrrmm!

Does a flamingo forget how to fly?

Do it Doug, live a little

Women, you all look awesome today

Now we wait.

Commuters sing in the car, legends sing in the bus

The time for biscuit is upon us!

She know's what she's talking about.

Here's the add that started it all off, Douglas's perm.

Does a flamingo forget how to fly? That is not a dance floor Doug, that is your destiny:

Mexi Doug also made the news:

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Who is Bono?

Who is Bono?

Bono is the instant karma of the spirit of Frank fucking Sinatra. Bono is love, peace and harmony. Bono is celebrity hack yacking in the prime minister's ear about freely negotiated debt. Bono is the hooker with a heart of gold. He's also the rick prick that charges you $150 to see the greatest band in the land. Bono is one quarter of U2.

Bono is the dude that wrote that song you danced to at your wedding that you didn't realise was about a couple breaking up. Bono is the guy that wrote Desire. Bono is better by design. Bono is what Chris Martin will never become. Bono's bad mood is Radiohead. Bono can be that kicking squeeling gucci little piggy.

Bono is a bluer kind of white.

Bono took the vague from Las Vegas and replaced it with MacPhisto. Bono is the singer in a rock n roll band. Bono hears ridiculous voices. Bono won't be come a minister in order to defeat a monster. Bono is Paul Hewson. Bono is not the Walrus, that was the other Beatle. Bono has the right shoes to get you through the night. Bono is Frank Sinatra's two shots of happy, one shot of sad.

Bono is living on The Edge.

Bono is a mother fucking Pope. Bono wants to be your political compass and conscious. Bono is nuclear free. Bono writes the lyrics. Bono is the guy that drinks too much wine. Bono is a preacher man, sometimes the too preachy man.

Bono is the fish that rode the bicyle.

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Iphone 3G Speed Test in NZ: Telecom Vs Vodafone

So like I grapped me a Telecom XT mobile phone network prepaid SIM card to see what the deal was. Is this network really as fast as those stupid ads with The Hampster say?

So using the speedtest application available from itunes, I did the following speed test:

Telecom Homebroad Bandand Wifi access, Mount Victoria, Wellington

= Download 0.37 megabits Upload 0.67 megabits

Vodafone 3G network, same venue

= Download 0.6 megabits Upload 0.25 megabits

Telecom XT network, Same venue

= Download 0.62 meagbits Upload 0.24 megabits

So there you have it, for 3G iphones in Mount Victoria it doesn't appear matter whether one uses the Vodafone or Telecom XT network. I'm calling it a draw. Could be a milllion factors at play but for now it appears there is nothing to gain for Vodafone subscribers switching to XT on the basis of speed.

P.S. Unlockit.co.nz is a handy tool foor changing the APN on the iphone went you are making about with chang SIM cards.

This is all fucking about ne way. My brother in Korea reckons he can download a whole movie in less than 10 minutes on his broad band land line....

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Drummer Wars and other Battles

Meg White drumming

Drummer Wars and other Battles

Roger Taylor kills Lars Ulrich any day of the week.

Larry Mullen Jr wipes the floor with Will Champion.

A piece of string out drums Meg White.

Jack Irons beats Jeremy Irons.

The Red Special outplays Lucille.

Def Lepard eats Bon Jovi but

Rich Sambora beats Vivian Campbell

Wrapping paper beats rock

Rock beats Rap

Queen beats Kiss

Wayne's World beats Wayne's World 2

Tank Beats Anything

Izzy Beats Slash

Mariah Carey Beats Eminem

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Who's animated about Halo Legends?

Frankie O'Connor is back with his first foray into official Halo things since he left Bungie. And he's bought a biggie. Halo Legends. A series of short anime films on all things related Halo.

The press proganda is as follows:

"The opportunity to work with talents such as Shinji Aramaki, Mamoru Oshii and others from some of the greatest anime studios is a very rare opportunity for Microsoft," explained Halo franchise development director Frank O'Connor. "We've seen the world through Master Chief's eyes, and we've experienced facets of the universe through a variety of literary prisms, but now we get to watch new tales unfold in really rich, visually dynamic ways. I think anime fans and 'Halo' fans alike are in for a real treat."

Frank O'Connor discussed the project with the Times in his new position as creative director of 343 Industries, which, as speculated, is Microsoft's Halo division. "If you look at how George Lucas held on to 'Star Wars,' not just to make money from action figures but to control the direction the universe went in, you can see why we think it's pretty vital," O'Connor said of Microsoft's interest in maintaining control of the Halo franchise. "Luckily, Microsoft has the resources to enable us to do that."

So basically they are doing a Matrix: The Animatrix thing.



If that's not enough, Microsoft is setting up a special destination for all things Halo on Xbox Live just for you and me.

Named the Halo Waypoint (a reference to a directional device in Halo: Combat Evolved), the Xbox Live hot spot will launch this fall (obviously spring for us in the south), featuring "content ranging from podcasts, trailers and screenshots, to exclusive video footage you won't find anywhere else," according to the press release.

As if that weren't enough, Halo Waypoint will also have "a career system and player rankings tied to both in-game and out-of-game accomplishments related to Halo." READ: Microsoft have found new ways to keep fans hooked on Halo.

And if that's not enough, it will also host early previews of the upcoming Halo Legends anime series as well as behind-the-scenes features.

Here's some official stuff:

“343 Industries is the publisher of the blockbuster Halo series of videogames and, as part of Microsoft Game Studios, oversees the Halo franchise, including novels, comics, licensed collectibles, apparel and more. 343 Industries is home to world-class developers working on future Halo projects, including Halo Legends and Halo Waypoint, as well as partnering with renowned developers such as Bungie LLC and Robot Entertainment to produce Halo games for Xbox 360 and Xbox Live."

Wanna to keep up with all things Halo? Check out Halo Reach Game News

Compensating for ill luck sounds like a nice idea, doesn't it?

Not only was Sophie Elliot very bright, she had a keen sense of humour:

"We can imagine a situation in which certain members of society get the most pleasure from a pastime the state considers indecent, say, writing economics essays. In order to equalize the welfare of these people, should the social decision maker require some of them to increase this activity, even though society on average disapproves of it?"

From the paper, 'Why Measure Inequality? A discussion of the concept of equality' by Sophie Elliott, University of Otago, New Zealand

Source



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Stop pissing about with the piss

Dear Lion Nathan

So like WTF is it you clowns trying to do to the Steinlager brand? Are you pissed on your own product? First it was the tastless Steinlager Pure and now you have gone and introduced the FUCKING terrible Steinlager Edge.

This beer leaves the worst taste in one's mouth. While it's not as bad as Tab Energy drink, it's pretty close to it.

Hey Lion Nathan, stop pissing about with the piss and just keep churning out the best beer in the world.

KTHXBAI

Jimmy Jangles



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rehab is for quitters and Amy Winehouse

Bless TMZ who do all the hard work for us plebs who vainly lie in what for celeb news. Here's Amy Winehouse after she did go to rehab on an island... she looks normal.. where's the fun in that?



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Why? Because it's the Optimus Prime Experiment!

More Transformers Fan Art... from Transformers.

Optimus Prime



Megatron

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Spiders, Robots etc

Played Netball for the first time in about three months. Got thrashed, felt like puking.

Before that I went and saw Transformers again (here's my first review. I loved it. I loved it because I could watch closer to the details. And yes, Simon you were right, there are cobwebs inside the shield of the Tomb of the Primes. How the hell do spiders manage to get inside a tomb which has an energy source within cannot be traced from outside of it? They must be tough as nails spiders.

That forrest fight scene is awesome still. What I loved was the attention to detail. Megatron gets half his face taken off by Optimus Prime. Starscream loses and arm. Agent makes a comment about substances in cookies which make you tell the truth which is I think a reference to the dude who ate all the cookies in the first movie.

Agent Whatever has Frenzy's face in jar. There's a Micheal Bay Bad Boys movie poster in the room. Small things like that add up to good times. The robots have their respective Decepticon and Autobot logos.

The story is dumb as dirt as Jet Fire might say. The thing I can't grasp is how the The Fallen says the energy of the All Spark was transferred to Sam yet Sam can't use that energy to revive Prime.....and how the fuck did Jet Fire end up as a Stealth Bomber in a museum? I mean, just.how.the.fuck.

Behind me in the theater were three young boys. They loved it. They got the jokes and laughed every time Skids and Mud Flaps did something or said something. At the end of the day, we have to remember this movie is pitched at kids, not some 30 year old fan boy reliving past sanbox glories (what's your point? -Ed).

Where the hell did Wheelie go at the end of the movie? I kinda liked the lil fella, warrior goddess humping and all.

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I'm kinda like Def Leppard

Woohooo got unlike Bryan Adams who sang about when he got his first 6 string, I'm singing about when I got my first legitimate and ranked, Running Riot. There was beer involved too....

Woohoo!

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Who ate all the Pies?

About 200 pre-teens in London were given pedometers to count how many steps they walked, as part of a study into obesity. The study required 11- and 12-year-olds to clip a pedometer to their waists, with researchers at the Mile End Centre for Sports and Exercise Medicine collecting the readings by satellite. Researchers were surprised by the activity levels recorded in some obese children; further investigation revealed some had attached their pedometer to their family pets.

-

At least the bacon and egg pie eaters showed some cleverness...

Source: BBC News

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Top 7 (now 8) Songs with whistling in them:

Top 7 (now 8) Songs with whistling in them:

1. Patience by Guns N Roses (Axl Rose whistles the intro)
2. Winds of Change by Scorpions (whistling all through out)
3. Waitress by Live (outro whistled)
4. Don't Worry Be Happy (all through out)
5. Engel by Rammstein (introduction)
6. Always Look On the Bright Side of Life from Monty Python’s Life of Brian (middle)
7. Jealous Guy by John Lennon
8. Walk Like an Eygptian? Bangles (thanks granbajo - see, twitter rocks)

What do you think? What are your favourite whistling songs?


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What plot elements should Transformers 3 have?

What plot elements should Transformers 3 have?

The first two transformer movies have been set on Earth where the good Autobots basically try and defend Sam and the humans from the evil Decepticons so to allow humanity their rights of freedom as being sentient beings. That's what makes humans being, you know.

Fights in forests with Optimus taking on Megatron, Starscream and that other dude are awesome enough but what we need now is interstellar space battles: Transformers 3's plot should take place in space as much as possible.

So what does one do in space? Visit planets. Visit home worlds like Cybertron. Learn about the origins a little more.

The third movie needs to have the Autobots searching for something they need to SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

In movie parlance, this is the McGuffin, a plot device to make things tick over to help solve the PROBLEM. Every film needs a McGuffin. For the first animated movie it was the Matrix of Autobot Leadership. The second had the All Spark, the third some kind of variant on the Leadership Matrix.

The Autobots should be looking for the The Key of Light in space, on a new planet or on Cybertron itself. In fact, let's call it The Key of Light!

But what is the Key of Light for? It solves the problem. And would the problem be? In the end there can only be one problem, and his name is UNICRON. The Shiva of the Universe. Destroyer of Worlds. The biggest bad ass robot there is:

So the threat would be that Unicron is going to destroy Earth / Cybertron / Solar System whatever. It's what will tie the whole plot together.

What should happen to Sam Witwicky? Well hopefully he gets lost in space along the way....

So basically what I'm saying is that the overall frame work of Transformers 3 should have the plot elements of Transformers: The Movie.

You could have the Megatron vs Prime battle but with the reverse result. Megatron dies defeated by Prime. For whatever reason his body is cast aside into space and is collected by Unicron, who then turns him into Galvatron as per the animated movie. At the end of the movie Prime kills Galvatron with a blade to the face after being betrayed by Star Scream. Classic move Starscream, classic move bro!

How do they deal with Unicron? A good old fashion Blitzkrieg. Just have all the Autobots and Decepticons unite to attack Unicron just as he is about to destroy Earth / Cybertron / Solar System.

As with all 2nd sequels, just throw the kitchen sink at the guy. Have the Aerial Bots, Predacons, Dinobots, Ultra Magnus, Soundwave and Shockwave, Blur, etc throw everying at Unicron. The Key of Light is finally used at the end of the fight. Unicron is taken out by a blast of light - and in referencing the animated movie, Unicron's red eye is blown out as the climax, the shards killing off a few decepticons while we're at it.

Sub plots could involve:

• Earth's leaders handwringing about whether to launch nuclear missles into space at Unicron (they do, it fails miserably).
• Sam have to rescue his new girlfriend from the Decepticons.
• Bumblebee actually doing some scouting (or joke reference to the Boy Scouts).
• Prime being tested by the Autobots for making bad decisions (the start of movie could have him make a bad call that gets like 3 autobots killed, Grim Lock could challenge for the Leadership).
• Soundwave in robot form.
• Space bridges between Earth and Cybertron.
• You can have Hot Rod but none of this Rodimus Prime nonsense. Prime Lives!!

What do you think? Fly or Die? What do you want to see in Transformers 3?

Top 10 Songs with whistling in them

Top 7 Songs with whistling in them:

1. Patience by Guns N Roses (Axl Rose whistles the intro)
2. Winds of Change by Scorpions (whistling all through out)
3. Waitress by Live (outro whistled)
4. Don't Worry Be Happy (all through out)
5. Engel by Rammstein (introduction)
6. Always Look On the Bright Side of Life from Monty Python’s Life of Brian (middle)
7. Jealous Guy by John Lennon

Here's the video of Patience. Check out Axl!

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Soundwave acknowledges

I know I have gone picture crazy in recent times. I'm still am crazy. So here's some more robots.

Some robot from Revenge of the Fallen.



The Fallen: sucks at getting revenge.

Soundwave: Satellite of Love

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Halo 3: ODST Maps Pictures: Longshore, Citadel and Heretic

To celebrate Bungie Day, the honest blokes who brought you Combat Evolved 1, 2 and 3 have releases some pictures of the Halo maps to be released with Halo:ODST.

Here's pictures of, Longshore, Citadel and Heretic. Click on them to make them big like.

In a storm, any port will do: Longshore

Bungie have described the map as "Longshore lacks the commercial ships that once made it a lucrative port for Old Mombasa, but it still bustles with activity. Designed for large scale combat and well suited for smaller affairs, Longshore’s multitude of industrial buildings, elevated walks, and open inlets conspire to create a complex battleground tailored for multiple combat scenarios."

The Citidel of Chaos




Citadel may be a long abandoned Forerunner stronghold, but its small, symmetrical confines are far from secure. Two opposing bases offer little safety for players looking for solace. Instead, Citadel forces small squads to stay in constant communication, keep their heads on a swivel, and be prepared to adjust combat tactics in close quarters.


The Heretic




"Heretic returns players to familiar ground as the Halo 2 arena “Midship” makes its long-rumored debut in Halo 3. The stark interior of the Pious Inquisitor might appear austere on first glance, but Heretic’s symmetrical spaces require players to execute complex strategies in order to outplay their opponents."

I say they better not f this up like they did Lock Out

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One more wacko jacko joke....

This afternoon  I had two cans of V, a bottle of 7Up, a litre 
of Dr Pepper and 4 large cokes yesterday.

I am now, undisputedly, the new King Of Pop.

Bond is back in Black Caps, grown men weep for joy

This is bigger than The Ressurection:

Shane Bond is set to play his first international matches in nearly two years after being named in New Zealand's one-day squad to tour Sri Lanka in August and September. However, Bond's hopes of a Test recall will depend on whether he can prove himself in the longer formats having focused largely on limited-overs games since 2007.

Bond and his fellow former ICL player Daryl Tuffey were both included after severing their ties with the unsanctioned Twenty20 league. Tuffey was picked in the Test squad and Bond, 34, for the ODIs and Twenty20s, and the head of the selection panel, Glenn Turner, said New Zealand would take a cautious approach with the injury-prone Bond.

"He's expressed a desire to play in Tests and that would be great if that could happen," Turner told Cricinfo. "But he hasn't played in the longer form of the game for a while now. He didn't play in the State Championship for Canterbury this year so we're just tiptoeing around that for a while. Once he has got his workloads up we'll see, but if he's injured then he's no use in either format."

Bond will warm up for his international comeback by visiting India with New Zealand A in August. His most recent taste of first-class cricket came during a county stint with Hampshire just over a year ago.

Tuffey, 31, missed out on a central contract last month but will be straight into the mix for the two Tests in a squad that features only three frontline seamers, with no room for James Franklin and Tim Southee. He has not represented New Zealand since the 2007 World Cup and hasn't played a Test since 2004 but Turner was confident Tuffey was ready to step back in after taking 27 first-class wickets at 22 during the New Zealand domestic summer.

"Daryl did prove himself last season for Auckland," Turner said. "He was the second top wicket taker in the State Championship and he was able to stay on the park. He bowled very nicely during that period. There's only three frontline fast bowlers in the party and in the conditions over there we're only likely to play two of them. We don't know who the two will be. He does swing the ball. It's a bit of a wait and see for Daryl as well."

Friends stopped by for a visit

All went fine, talking about social issues

But it turned into one hell of an argument, when the issue of the rights of sentient beings came up.

Weekend that was: Pork Belly

Fri - Dinner at Strawberry Fare. Try the Pork Belly with ginger.

Sat - Walked around Wellington like I'd never been here before / In a moment of weakness agreed to watch The Apartment. Shite. Followed up with Harold and Kumar escape from Gitmo. Neil Patrick Harris for the win!

Sun - Watched In Bruges, LOVED IT, went to the Warehouse looked at nails and bumblebee toys and had hot chocolate at Maranui cafe in Island Bay: took this pix:

Proof that Bungie Loves Me!

sargeant johnson halo 3 odst">

Proof that Bungie Loves Me!

Bungie have set up a pre order system for Halo 3:ODST that allows early orderers to get their hands on a Sergeant Johnson player character to use in Firefight.

From the latest update page:

If you've set up shop Down Under or in the Land of the Long White Cloud, we've now gotten word that you can pre-order your copy of Halo 3: ODST at EB Games. They'll have Johnson at the ready to spice up the Firefight experience for all our Aussie and New Zealand peeps. Didn't think we'd forget about you, did ya?

Early next week, we'll update the Sgt. Johnson Pre-order bonus info on our Halo 3: ODST Project Page to incorporate the new additions. If you're in Australia or New Zealand, you don't have to wait. In fact, you should already be in your car, barreling at high speed toward the nearest EB Games. (Wear your seat belt.)

-

As Bungie said, get going! Here's a store locator for EB Games to help u find your way. Now, where's that voucher my brother game me....

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NLOTH gets Site links, Jimmy confused as usual

So like some people who, I think know a think or two, are really happy when their web sites are bestowed 'site links' by the behemoth that is Google. Page rank indeed.

So it was with a huge surprise when a lil site of mine that simply exists to provide U2's Lyrics to No Line on the Horizon got site links:

Click to make bigger!

What surprises me is that this is just a wee lil site with not much attention paid to it and it gets site links within 6 months where as long established sites like The Optimus Prime Experiment (5 years) or The Spaghetti Incident? (3) get nothing... Hey what gives Google?

So I wonder why the site links only come up for the search term "u2 lyrics no line on the horizon" but not "no line on the horizon lyrics u2", where as "no line on the horizon lyrics" do - but they are different site links from the other term.

So my theory is it's not the page name, its the search term that produces site links. So instead of typing in The Spaghetti Incident into the google search box, I add that term plus set list and lo and behold the search term "the spaghetti incident set list" produces site links for the site. They are site links for the last few months - so this further suggests that it has something to do with the structure of the site as well. I also suspect it has something to do with having the number one ranking for the search term.

Any one have any ideas on how this really works?

And in case any one is wondering, here's U2's Set List from their gig in Barcelona!

And the panda expressed her disregard

I

I ran

I ran from the bullets

I rained on your parade

I rained on your parade with bullets

I rate.

I rate your parade a zero

And the panda expressed her disregard

I am

I am I said

I said I like parades

I said I like parades with bullets

I like potatoes

IRA

Iran

Iraq

Ipod

Pandas do not like bullets or potatoes.

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The King is Dead

Long Live the King!



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Hakopa is his name in Maori

Check out hakopa's new site. It's too flash, bro!

Shake it, Baby

So like with the new Iphone software update, is the new shake to shuffle the song playing too sensitive? One step with it in my pocket and I go from ACDC to Ray Davies to Oasis to Bic Runga. It's infuriating and I call stupid.

In other news I have a beer.

In other, other news, here's U2's Set List from Camp Nou in Barcelona. Bless.

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