NZ Bacon and Egg Pie: A Man's Version of the Recipe

Plenty of bacon, plenty of eggs required.
When you hear the words 'Bacon and Egg Pie' what comes to you mind? If you're a lady you may think "ooohhh a pie. Let's put in some parsley, milk, carrots, onion, chives and and some fucking peas".

If you're a MAN, you KNOW bacon and egg pie only has bacon and egg and no fucking peas!


Here's Jimmy Jangles' Bacon and Egg Pie Recipie, Man Style.

The first thing to acknowledge is that as a man, I know you're not going to read these instructions properly. Cos you're a man! I'm way ahead of you buddy, I'm not writing this recipe properly!

The second thing to acknowledge is why are you baking the pie? Women don't 'get'  the concept of a bacon and egg pies only consisting of egg and bacon and pastry, only men do so it's up to you, man.

Also, wikipedia says New Zealand is famous for its bloody bacon and egg pies, so by making one, you are doing your bit for the country! (of course, if you are not a Kiwi, I humbly thank you for trying a NZ pie, Man Style!). This pie gets you easy Man Points added to your Man Points card


What you need for a Man's Bacon and Egg Pie:
  • Flaky Pastry*
  • Heaps of bacon. 
  • 9 eggs or more. Maybe 10. 8 eggs are for pussies.
  • A clean dish.
  • Some more bacon.
How to make the pie:
  • Turn the oven on to any hot temperature. Set to bake. 
  • Layer some flaky pastry over the dish, covering the sides.
  • Cook the bacon - microwave is the man's easy way out here. Cut that shit up and throw into dish.
  • Eggs. Crack 'em open over the bacon. Don't stir, whisk, add milk or any of that shit your girlfriend or wife does. Remember 8 eggs are for pussies, 9 is the minimum for men.
  • Cover your pie with more pastry. There will be left over pastry. Make your initials out of it and put them on the top of your pie. Feed the rest to the dog.
  • Poke some holes in the top with a fork so it breathes and doesn't get all sweaty like your fat ex did.
How to cook your pie:

You turned on the oven right? That's apparently called pre heating. Who knew? Put your Man's Version of a Bacon and Egg Pie in the oven. Let it cook for 25 minutes. Don't let it burn OK? That means don't go and play Halo for an hour and then come back and check on it! Bring your TV and Xbox 360 into the kitchen if necessary ok?


Your pie is ready when you say it's ready. Only then. Don't listen to anyone else.

Serve your pie with a cold beer (Steinlager is your best bet here) and maybe a bit of Wattie's Sauce**. Put the game on and don't share it with your girlfriend. Maybe give a bit to the dog.

* If in doubt over what pastry to get, ring your dear mother, it's win win as you get the advice you need and she gets a call and thinks you're ace for thinking of her in a time of need. Be wary though, this could cost you some Man Points if any one hears the call, but these are automatically redeemed back when you pie turns out awesome.

** Man Points off if you use any other brand.

Jimmy Jangles got a new camera and all he did was..



...take a picture of his gumboots and a watering can:




14 megapixels baby!

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Was Vettori Vomitting or was it his shoulder, Stuff?

Here’s an excerpt from stuff’s report on the Black Cap’s defeat in the first 20/20 match against Pakistan.
“Black Caps skipper Daniel Vettori did not play after feeling unwell and vomiting prior to the game.
Northern Districts wicketkeeper-batsman B J Watling was given his international debut.

Black Caps skipper Daniel Vettori did not play because of a shoulder problem. Northern Districts wicketkeeper-batsman B J Watling was given his international debut.”

So what was it?, Vettori did not play because he was ill or that he had a shoulder issue? C’mon Stuff, the 10 year old on the bus reading Jack Higgins novels could do your job.


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Have you ever seen an electron?

electrons
Have you ever seen an electron?

I ventured over to Seth Godin’s blog and noted he titled a post “Why celebrate Halloween?” which had the following question wrapped in a statement:

“Most of what we believe is not a result of direct experience (ever seen an electron?) but is rather part of our collection of truth because everyone (or at least the people we respect) around us seems to believe it as well.”

No, I have never seen an electron. How do I know that they exist? Because I believe what J.J. Thomson and the other fathers of science told me. A scientist said it, therefore it’s true! I accepted the authority figure telling me that something was true.

But what about the things other authoritative people try and tell me to believe?

I have not seen Jesus as explained to me by a priest, yet I don’t believe in him or his existence. Some people in society praise Allah, should I because they do? It’s called blind faith for a reason but I’d rather be blinded by science thank you very much.

What about the man and woman at 6pm on the Idiot Box telling me that George Bush is an evil person. Should I believe that when he won two American elections with a bible closely held to his breast?

Even science can be bumk. What about the Nobel Prize winner trying to convince us that large doses vitamin C cured cancer? He was a respectable authority figure that was just plain wrong.
Dear reader, I give you two more words - Tom Cruise.

If Micheal Moore hates capitalism and people watch his films and largely agree with him, should I believe that every American is a gun toting, sicko? Probably, I’ve watched Cops a few times, that’s a good a documentary as any.

If everyone believes in the same things like Reeboks, Amnesty International and floating exchange rates, who am I am to argue with them? I’m not the crowd. Though, isn’t the wisdom of crowds the right answer every time? Like that crowd in Seattle that fought that nascent battle, they showed wisdom then, right? Right.

Seth Godin’s point is that as an individual we allow ourselves to believe things because we are shaped by those around us. Whether it’s someone carrying on the tradition of Halloween, producing well researched film documentaries or a baby jesus freak preaching the word of the Bible, everyone can shape our views and thoughts.

Hell, Seth does it all the time. His readers must be pretty closed minded right?

My point is that while I prefer the “Trust No One” approach of the X-Files, you can meet the world half way. What is it you are trying to tell me world? Electrons cause electric shocks? Jesus saves? I’ll meet you half way.

The lies about Jesus are shocking.

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Brand Wars, robot style

Hakopa is right. Coke is better than Pepsi, as is BK over Mickey Dees.

brand-wars-robots-cartoon

The Eiffel Tower is however, way cooler than Big Ben, which is basically just a big giant fucking clock to wake the Queen.

Guest Post: Optimus Prime



My good buddy, The Fearless Leader of the Autobots, took the time to write a guest post for this site. It's a contemplation on his life, and how he's lived it. As you can see, he's put in a fair bit of effort.

Optimus Prime's Guest Post:


Fuck you, Megatron

End Guest Post

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Fish are Friends, Not Food: The Smiling Great White Shark

Great White Sharks have a bad reputation with swimmers and other ocean dwellers. You can thank Mr Steven Speilberg's Jaws film, the 3 sequels and few bad rip offs for that. The kids film Finding Nemo finally showed that Great White's had been horribly misaligned as the oceans's bad boys. Bruce's line, "Fish are friends, not food" proved almost beyond doubt that these sharks were indeed friendly.  






Now an ocean photographer, Amos Nachoum, has shown the Jaws was wrong and Nemo was indeed right. Great White Sharks are friends! Check out this picture of a supposedly 14 foot Great White appearing to smile for the camera. Those razor sharp pearly whites seem especially friendly! 


The shark was snapped in this unusual pose near Guadalupe Island off Mexico's Pacific coast. Maybe he just wanted the diver to check for baby seal in his teeth?


Check out this orca whale flipping a pseudo orca in the air!


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