More than meets the eye.

mirage transformer

I still remember my first Transformer fondly. I vaguely recall our on2it Grandparents bought them back from America for us kids. I got Mirage, the F1 racing car. He had a missile that actually fired and everything. He was better than that rat shit Ratchet Dave got anyway….heh!

Mirage was my pride and joy until I left him on the bedroom floor and mum stomped on him with her red leather boots, apparently an accident. It's funny, you always remember the tiniest details when tragedy occurs - those red boots were clearly made for stomping on a child's dreams anyway. I was gutted the police didn't take my call about a murder in the family more seriously. A heroic gluing attempt by my father turned Mirage into a paraplegic and he was never the same again.

'More than meets the eye' was the tagline for what are undeniably the best toys for boys ever. In the early days I wondered who this strange Morvan robot was and why I had never seen him. 

And what was the Eye?

I wondered if that Autobot face logo was actually him. It wasn't until I got my first Transformers ice block that I saw it written down and understood.

But the Transformers spark never died

NZ caught up to America and the lil mofos where everywhere. TV, towels, T shirts and ice blocks and comics and colouring in books galore. It was consumer whoredom heaven for kiddies.

Xmas duly came and boy o boy hasbro toy did Santa deliver big time. I became the proud owner of Optimus Prime, Fearless Leader of the Autobots and thus the best transformer ever. (We soon after got a new cat, and that's right, I named him Optimus Prime. This was swiftly shortened to Oppie. Sad but true.)

I was, for once, the coolest kid in the street. David got Megatron, the evil opposite of Optimus. The battle for Cybertron was never fought so well than in our bedrooms and the sandpit which Oppie often shat in. That is until Dangerous Dave took Megatron to school one day. The Meg returned like he'd just had a bout of rough sex with a bull dozer. Game over, man, game over.

Then there was the Movie. 

Optimus Prime died in the first 10 minutes. 

What the fuck! This is a kids movie! You don't kill the heroes! 

Oh wait I see now…kill the leaders, present two new ones and thus force parents everywhere to buy the latest must haves for their deserving little angels and whoa! We're millionaires twice over….again...


CT said...

yeah, my first one was optimus prime, and megatron both together... bc you can't have a good guy and no bad guy to fight!!! LOL...

His Whoreness said...

megatron was the coolest because he came with all the doodads that turned hom from a modest luger into a big mother of a piece of plastic

my only bitch was that the barrel kept popping out and swiveling on the joint and how are you mean to look cool with a big ass plastic gun when the barrel keeps swinging around?

Anonymous said...

Yes, never take your best toys to school. My pride and joy was Blaster, though I really wanted Soundwave.
If Michael Bay fucks up the new movie I will personally see to it that he is destroyed.

Anonymous said...

i was a tom boy and i had one but i can't remember it's name - i think it was actually a rip off from the tow warehouse - much like my cabbage patch doll was (i swung both ways from tonka trucks to barbie dolls.... hmm nothing changes)

Anonymous said...

Please! Every self respecting kiwi girl in the 80s had a transformer too!! Or was that just in Thames? Can't remember the name of mine, but he was a hundred percent mofo - he had the special heat-activated secret logo thingy.

I even had GI Joes...who were unfortunately too short to get it on with my barbie. Action man however...

H ;o)

Anonymous said...

He he....Action Man.... H ;o)

Anonymous said...

who is this anonymous from Thames? Action man wasn't as hot as GI joe - and i think Barbie preferred the GI, i certainly would. Action Man is the greatest hero of them all however. I also like scuba steve for reasons that a far too removed to explain - but it involves a dress up party and a certain form of diving.