You WILL bow before me!! Again

From Family Guy:

Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(spanish): Que?

O think a new series is airing in the States. Bring it on Downunder!

I love NZ

I have a 3 pm coffee break scheduled with an old mate. Where does he want to go? Astoria? The Leuven? Espressaholic? Fidels? The Dux? The evil empire that is Star Bucks perhaps?

No, he wants to go to Mr Bun.

Update: At least the company was good!


What ever happended to 'blog of the moment' I hate NZ?. Who ever did that has one wicked sense of humour. Imagine what they could have done with front bum's and toothbrushes....

The Three

Three lives taken
Never to grow
Never to know

Three loves taken
Never to grow
Never to show

What they could have seen

What they should have been

Another reason why Metro pisses me off.

Some time last year me and my girlfriend went there to buy dinner which inc a bottle of red wine.

I was paying - yet they identified my g.f. who was with me at the counter and she didnt have i.d. on her. So we wuz denied the red. I protested to no avail.

I was 26. GF was 25. Metro policy is if u look under 25 u get i.d. ed. Fine. No worries, fair call. They also i.d. ne person who is accompanying you. So we were not two pimply 16 year olds trying it on. Not that I'm never not trying it on you understand....

"No Sale then!" I cried as I stormed off in a huff. Metro lost a 40 odd dollar purchase of steaks, salad and garlic bread. We had fish and chips.

Yes, I know Metro is only protecting their fat asses against the alcohol laws but they piss me off. I'd go Pak and Slave but its miles and miles off the path.

Metro, Barcodes and the Fair Trading Act

So being the tidy K1W1 that I am yesterday I headed off to Metro New World, Willis Street, Wgtn to buy rubbish bags. One asks for them at the counter. $10.95 the poster on the wall says. Expensive as hell, but hey, user pays right. Then the barcode is read. The price is $20 bucks and a few cents according to the display by the cashier/clark.

Crikey, I think. Did I get an large volume pack? No.

I enquire as to the price. $10.95 says the clerk. I point at the screen. Clerk reads screen. Clerk is confused. Clerk calls over a supervisor who immediately recognises the problem.

You see there are two barcodes on the rubbish bags. One is on the actual wrap of the bag and the other a sticker placed on it by presumably Metro. The barcodes are one above the other.

“You have to read the sticker one” says the supervisor to the clerk. And promptly runs off without even apologising for trying to steal 10 bucks off me.

So here’s my issue. If the supervisor knew prior that this was happening why has something not been done about it? Why have the cashiers not been informed? Why had the barcode price not been changed so both read the correct price? How many people have been over charged the extra 10 dollars? Why does the other barcode bring up a 20 dollar charge in the first place? Why had the sticker barcode not been placed over the incorrect barcode?

Is it possible Metro has been flouting section 9 of the Fair Trading Act?

"No person shall, in trade, engage in conduct that is misleading or deceptive or is likely to mislead or deceive."

Even if this storm in a tea cup is an innocent mistake by Metro, I reckon they are still guilty of breaking this point of law. As read it appears one does not have to have the intent to mislead/decieve, merely one just has to have mislead/deceived.

Some days are better than others

So what’s up mes amis? No one has sent me a picture of the Hoff for a few days. I’m glad we are all over that sordid business. I’m surprised no one sent me the Pamela/Tommy vid but what the hey, one cannot over expect from you dear blog readers can I? Could I? Should I?

Maybe you have all found something better to do with your lives? Perhaps you’ve been busy with ANZAC day celebrations? Maybe you’ve just been Staying Alive?

Maybe you’re getting your fill on the King of Pop, Wacko Jacko's trial? Debbie's all set to dish the dirt. I mean there’s nothing better than stabbing your ex in the back is there? Maybe that’s what you’ve all been doin?

Maybe you’ve been seeing The Hobbit stage production? I mean the raves are great aren't they (Erm, No Jimmy – Ed)

Or maybe you just don’t care.

The Hoff has good gaydar....

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JJ’s So Fucking Cold Right Now list

• Ren and Stimpy airing everytime you turn on C4
• Ipod Crashes
• Gates. e.g. Tamiheregate
• Craig MacMillan
• Ice

The first NZ Idol is....Ben

So like the Dom Post (Page A8) today reports of a young Kickboxer who chased two burglars from his house who had entered his room while sleeping. He got hold of one and threw him against an outside wall causing unconsciousness. The burglar woke and found himself in a headlock till the police arrived.

All good stuff, I reckon the burg got what he deserved. But things could get murky I reckon. The burglar had left the property, and thus there was no danger to the Kickboxer’s property or girlfriend. The question that could be asked is should such force have been used subsequently? The case for a citizen's arrest comes to mind however.

I liken this to Paul McIntyre’s experience. He is the the Farmer who was charged with various gun offences for shooting a burglar on his farm whom he caught in the act of stealing a farm bike. Mcytyre finally got off after a long expensive court battle. Which was to the satisfaction of many rural folk.

What’s my point? Go Kickboxer! but pray the Police Constable or PC Brigade don’t come calling becasue you hurt the burg's feelings.

Moral Failure?

I rediscovered Martin Niemöller’s line about ‘moral failure in the face of the Holocaust’ whilst I was over at Fighting Talk

It reads :

'First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist, so I said nothing. Then they came for the Social Democrats, but I was not a Social Democrat, so I did nothing. Then came the trade unionists, but I was not a trade unionist. And then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew, so I did little. Then when they came for me, there was no one left to stand up for me.'

I wonder what the K1W1 version of this could be?

'First they came for Ashraf, but I was not Ashraf, so I said nothing. Then they came for the Queens, but I was not a Queen, so I did nothing. Then came the Tamiheres, but I was not a Tamihere. And then they came for Carlos Spencer, but I am not Carlos, so I did little. Then when they came for me, there was no one left to stand up for me.'

I hope you get my point.

Stacked Actress

I wrote this on the bus ride home last night, you tell me what its about.

Stacked Actress

She’s an actress
Dealin’ in theatrics
I cant’ stand these circus tricks
And Dear God, I need a fix

She’s an actress
Stacked to the hilt
Causing me stress
I’d rather date Aker Bilk

Flashed in the pan
A tragic thespian play
I can’t stand,
That for these tickets I had to pay

The Hoff Strikes Back... drunkenly

It appears people LOVE the Hoff. This is the third Hoff picture I have received today!.

Maybe David Hasselhoff should run in an election?

david hasselhoff smirnhoff the hoff picture

The Hoff models his new brand of vodka, the Smirn Hoff.... with which you can drink anyone pretty.... speaking of which ... remember this? The Hoff must have been sampling too much of his own product...

So in a gastronomique experiment last night, I made butter chicken with pork and no chicken. And thus buttered pork was born. While I’m sure the Whore will be mortified, I can assure you it didn’t taste THAT bad.

Books. Fahrenheit 451

So this thing is doing the blogosphere rounds and being always up for a bit of time wasting here goes.

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book do you want to be?

One that leaves me really cold…- The bible? I think I’ll wait till the movie comes out before I actually pretend I comprehend the significance of this question.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Errmm Nancy Drew? Wonder Woman? Lets go with Catwoman, Michelle Pfeiffer version.

The last book you bought is:

I think it’s the Dan Brown books all in one go. Great summer reading at the beach house.

The last book you finished is?

Animal FarmAnimal Farm: Centennial Edition by George Orwell. You know it, piggie!

What are you currently reading?

Two at the same time – Burmese Days by Orwell again. I’m still not sure what its about other than a discussion of imperalisam (?) , racism and human nature. The other is Let the Good Times Roll by Bob Jones – an autobiography of how he provides security for rock stars. It’s a shite read but some of the stories are interesting.

Three Books you would take to a deserted Island?

Aside from the fact no one is ever prepared to go to a deserted island....

A really freakin long one. Maybe War and Peace? Its famous, but I bet no one under 70 has ever read it.

I’d have to throw in a trashy novel. Hell, I'm at the beach am I not? How about Polo by Jilly Cooper? A classic trashy novel indeed.

Perhaps the third could be an unpublished book by Brett Ellis of American Psycho fame. Some thing really really sick and twisted.

P.S. Congrats to the Black Caps for kicking some ass. Finally.

Doctor Doctor, what will cure me?

So like a terribly kind (and I must say dead sexy) Jimmy Jangles blog fan has sent me a picture of the Hoff....

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Keep It Together

So what's the deal with David Hasselhoff? He's become some kind of crazy icon. Every so often a deranged emailer sends me a picture of 'The Hoff' in some disturbing pose. Surfing. Posing at the Beach. Shirtless. Now he was cool as fuck in Night Rider. He had the beach babes in Baywatch. Not that we actually watched the bay much. Then he fell from grace and did an american bastard version of Dr Who.... NE way whats the deal with all of the attention? Shouldn't it be about the car? Chicks dig the car. Without Kit the talking car the Hoff is nothing? a mere has been like William Shatner?

A terrible joke to round off.

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says to the barman, "I want you to call me David Hoff".

The barman replies "Sure thing Dave... no hassle."

V is for Vincent

I don't know what's worse. People that don't like cricket or the fact I have to be ready to be picked up at 5.35 am tm to be taken to the airport to get to auckland a whole 3 hours before the damn meeting starts.....

It would be rude to not tip your hat and raise your beer to Lou Vincent for scoring a superb 200 in le kricket. So do it. "God damn it Jimmy I sick of you and cricket!" you say... well get a life you tree hugging hippies. Yes, these are fighting words.

Question: Has any body sent John Tamihere a toothbrush? I heard he's all out.

Oh some one asked me about office romances and the ettique that should be applied. I say fuck them....

Back Monday.


5 wickets for Martin!!!! Thats one thing Tamihere can't deny! ;)

Here we go again?????

Update: New Zealand 119/5 (Vincent 15* McCullum 3*)

New Zealand 2nd innings R M B 4 6

CD Cumming lbw b Malinga 16 73 0 0
JAH Marshall lbw b Jayasuriya 39 122 6 0
HJH Marshall lbw b Malinga 6 17 0 0
PJ Wiseman lbw b Malinga 0 5 0 0
*SP Fleming retired hurt 6 9 1 0
NJ Astle not out 19 51 1 0
L Vincent not out 14 29 1 0

Extras (lb 6, w 1, nb 8) 15

Total (4 wickets, 49.4 overs) 115

Keep your teeth clean, DYKWIM?

More on Tamihere.

Apparently he gave this quote on le televizzion last night. I think it is absolute genius.

"I idolise Michael Cullen - I'd give the bloke my toothbrush if he asked for it"

I only grudgingly share my toothbrush with girl friends.....


Today I accidentally put on odd shoes. Both black so no one noticed....

100 100 99

So the Black Caps have finally fired in the test arena. After a slaughtering at the merciless blade of Gilly and co, NZ have put on nearly 500 runs against Sri Lankia in the Napier test.

Marshall (H) smashed a top class 160 and Astle (N) scored his tenth test century with a 116. Onya boys! McCullum (B)is on 80 and looks good to make a 100 as well. When was the last time NZ had 3 centurions in an innings? I’m not sure but I think it could have been Lou Vincent’s century on debut innings against Aussie a few years back.

So if this is a case of all things being equal (NZ batting line up) and you change one thing McGrath to Vass – it just shows u how dam good the Aussie bowlers are.

Bring on the Ashes tour of England….

Update: McCullum LBW in the nervous nineties for 99. D'oh! Thats two outs in the 90's for him. He must be hacked off. Franklin has got his first test 50 so well done.

Only in Thailand?

So I'm doing some research for a speech and I came across this foto. It appears its one of those 'classic' viral emails that get sent around....

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The perils of punting

By a mate Nige who blindly backs the Warratah's each season to win the Super 12 ....


One day while surfing the net
I thought I'd have a wee bet
An attempt to recover
my funds lost on other
Previous failed attempts

I picked out the Oz Waratahs
A side brimming with stars
They'd started ok
with wins home and away
By round five, their record unmarred

But then they met Canterbury's pack
With blokes like Maxwell and Jack
While low down and cheatin'
they had no problems beatin'
The Tah's, whose defence turned to crap

So gone again are my bucks
Wasted on those Waratahs schmucks
Once again I've been burned
you'd think I'd learn
That Australian rugby is not very good at the moment.

Be Cool, Everybody.

So like NZ blog king David Farrar put a link to this blog because I chucked up the Newsroom article on Grame Capill (somehwere below this post. My stats have gone insane. Such is the power of the Farrar! ??? ....

So I feel kind of obligated to say something so here goes.

The Christian Heritage party must be absolutely gutted. They surely must be finished as a 'credible' political party. Density Church (yes I speeled that correctly..) leaders must be gleeful that another of there lot bites the taste and now they can have more the limelight... perhaps.

One hopes the little girl involved has been given ne help she needs.


Now that I think about it Russel Brown is the true blog king of NZ. His writing is always considered .. ra ra ra....
I'm typing this is a internet cafe somehwere. The dude next to me wreeks worse than a sweaty gorilla. So I'm gonna make like Tom and Cruise.

Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you

So the guy that continually asks 'why enjoy mince when you can enjoy steak?' has published my guest post on his blog. I pity the fool that reads it, it's a shocker:

Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you

It appears not...

Press Release by Christian Heritage NZ

Christian Heritage NZ shares with most New Zealanders, a deep sense of shock at the guilty plea of former leader Graham Capill to criminal charges relating to the indecent assault of a child. CHNZ leader Ewen McQueen said Mr Capill's shameful actions were destructive both to the victim, and to himself and his family. They also brought reproach on the party and the wider Christian community in New Zealand. McQueen said

"New Zealanders are entitled to have high expectations of their leaders, especially those who profess the Christian faith. In this case those expectations have been terribly betrayed. "

The CHNZ leader noted that Graham Capill had not played any role within the party since stepping down from the leadership in August 2003. In fact he had resigned his membership of the party six months ago over differences with the new leadership team about the direction that the party was now taking.

Is this some kind of sick April Fools joke??????

Is this some kind of sick April Fools joke??????

More here

Capill Admits Indecent Assault Charge

Former Christian Heritage Party leader Graham Capill has today pleaded guilty to indecently assaulting a young girl.

Capill has admitted a representative charge of indecently assaulting a girl aged under 12 between 2001 and 2002.

He had previously had name suppression.

He has been remanded on bail until next month for sentencing.

War is Peace

So I'm in the middle of reading George Orwell's 1984. This is the story of Winston Smith and Big Brother. Its what suppsoedly inspires the 'reality' tv show Big Brother for. In truth that's money but whatever.

In a nutshell its the story of one man struggle against the oppressive ruling Party to which he belongs. Its an attack on communism and a search for personal freedom. The lives of the people are run and dictated to by means of propanda, surveillance, torture and maxims like War is Peace. Or Freedom is Oppression. I think I just made that one up, but it sounds Orwellian as they say.

I'm up to where Winston is in Room 101 and he's being tortured. Its a brilliant piece of writing. By that I mean not only are the concepts original* and relevant to life but the style of writing its top notch.

Orwell has something to say about humans and life and how we live it on everypage. If you're into personal freedoms this could be the book for you.

Back in third form at High School (all those years ago) we were force fed Animal Farm by Orwell. I remember it being a great story about pigs.** March you fuckers! (Ok on a reread no one will get that ref - its to Nine Inch Nails ....) I fear I'll always remember that the Raven/Black Bird was a symbol of religion and it flew away when things got tough and corrupted and absolutely corrupted.

I wonder how the Raven will fly now that the Pope John Paul has been given the sacrament of Last Rites.

*To me anyway
** Hey Manatee - Remember Pig Power and the Pig Party?????

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