101 Tips for Life from Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots


optimus prime picture

101 Tips for Life from Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots 


Having been around for millenia, Optimus Prime has learnt a few handy tips for life here and there. Optimus has put them together so you may too live long enough to fight your own Megatron in a battle to the death.


  1. “One will stand, one will fall” is a cool thing to say when beginning a fight.
  2. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings is for when Prime is comtemplative.
  3. Keep your Energon cubes in the fridge to retain Energon life
  4. All work and no play makes a Dinobot grumpy.
  5. Don’t put your money on the All Blacks to win the Rugby World Cup.
  6. There is a place for all of us, even Starscream.
  7. Use sunscreen and plenty of it.
  8. Optimus Prime recommends that you use mouthwash.
  9. Plant trees. We had none on Cybertron and look what happened.
  10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a tv show, not reality.
  11. Being an Autobot is not a career, it’s a way of life. We were born this way.
  12. Every sensational Black Cap victory is followed by a season of despair.
  13. Every man and his robot are on Twitter. Get on it.
  14. Chuck Norris is a pussy.
  15. Bono, underneath it all, is a good guy.
  16. It’s the car, chicks love the car (or truck in my case)optimus prime toy truck mode
  17. Get the health insurance.
  18. Get Tivo.
  19. Don’t get caught.
  20. Just accept that Lady Gaga was Born This Way and so are you.
  21. Eat to get slimmer, be a winner.
  22. Go to an Oasis concert and Live Forever
  23. Eat Jelly.
  24. Avoid any and all reality tv shows.
  25. Choose life.
  26. Sometimes even the wisest of men and machines can be in error.
  27. Michael Bay can do no wrong
  28. Neither can that lad, Sam Witwicky
  29. Never throw out an old t-shirt. Wear it till it's dead as a Dodo.
  30. A Spaghetti Incident happens everyday, some where, some how.
  31. You can never have enough tools.
  32. Get a big shed for those tools.
  33. Optimus Prime thinks that If you watch the movie `Jaws' backwards, it's a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach
  34. Some women's breasts are a triumph of German engineering, watch out for them.
  35. Send Flowers. Just Because, never when sorry.
  36. The best laid plans go awry.
  37. The Hurricanes will allways break you down after giving you hope.
  38. The Creation Matrix is a heavy mofo.
  39. When she says no she means yes.
  40. Don't piss in the drain.
  41. Hang on to your dreams. The future is built on dreams. Hang on
  42. When she says maybe, she means no.
  43. If she's says nothing's wrong, you just personally started the Apocalypse .
  44. The All Spark is a myth. Like these animal myths.
  45. Smile like you mean it.
  46. Jury trials are risky business.
  47. Time, you can never have enough.
  48. Lord Baden Powell was on to something, be prepared for Decepticon ambushes.
  49. Reggae music was, is, and always be shite, mon.
  50. You can never have enough spare guitar strings.
  51. Vivaldi's Four Seasons is very soothing after a tough day wrestling with Sound Wave.
  52. Water colours are for pussies like Chuck Norris
  53. All you need in life is a little energon, and a lot of luck
  54. Be good to your mother.
  55. It Girls were once Zit Girls, so there's hope for you.
  56. Radio Gaga is one of the most complete songs ever, you can't top it.
  57. Everyone needs a friend like Bumblebeebumblebee and optimus prime cartoon
  58. Words are like violence, they hurt sometimes.
  59. Never lend money to Jazz, he gambles.
  60. There is nothing more refreshing than a cyber beer after a hard day's intergalatic peace keeping duties.
  61. If Unicron says 'jump', you ask, 'how high'?
  62. Star Wars actually happened, remember it was only a long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away and I have been around for millenia.
  63. Medichlorian's? Gimme a cyber sandwhich full of Deception feet.
  64. The Wheel in the Sky keeps on Turning, whether you like it or not.
  65. There's always a bigger fish.
  66. Woman are from Mars, Men are from Texas.
  67. Some do like it hot.
  68. Beer should always be drunk chilled, regardless of what the Pommies may think.
  69. To err is human, to really fuck up you need a computer.
  70. The Dark Side of the Moon is really really cold. And Dark.
  71. You can blame it on the rain only if you're Milli Vanilli
  72. You can't go wrong with a cold beer on a hot day.
  73. Ross and Rachel were on a break!
  74. Snails on the foot path are there to be stomped on.
  75. Life begins at 4000 eons
  76. You never know till you give it ago
  77. If it's too late to drag the past out into the light, don't.
  78. It's never wrong to wear a Superman cape around town on a stag night
  79. But never pull on Superman's cape.
  80. No matter what they tell you, Auckland sux.
  81. You can't go wrong at The Optimus Prime Experiment!
  82. You can't go wrong with Emerson's Bookbinder beer.
  83. But a night on the piss with Jazz will break you.
  84. You can never play too much Xbox 360. Seriously, she's mad at you for something else.
  85. Mary Moon, she don't eat meat but she she sure like the bone...
  86. Get the prostate examination.
  87. Speaking of which, let the fingers do the walking some times.
  88. There's a reason your grandma enjoyed the odd Gin and Tonic. Bless.
  89. A wise green man once taught me there is no try, only do or do not.
  90. ABBA is unfortunately going to be with us until the energon runs out.
  91. If you ask Arcee really nice like, she'll give you a free lube job.
  92. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the energon cubes.
  93. Life is like a box of spare parts, you never know what you're gonna get.
  94. In a Cybertonian Minute, everything can change.
  95. Be prepared, bring Rachet, not a rachet.
  96. Two rational people can look at the exact same item and see something totally different
  97. We can be heroes, even if it's just for one day
  98. In planning a raid on Decepticon forces, Keep It Simple Stupid
  99. I, Optimus Prime was made for loving you, baby.
  100. Some might say love is a river, I say it's a fortunate chemical imbalance.
  101. Megatron must be stopped, no matter the cost.
Optimus asks that if you have any more tips for life, leave them in the Energon Cubes comments section!
Chat to me on Twitter!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't let no one stop you if your going atfer your dreams!

Anonymous said...

Optimus Prime concurs that the above comment is extremely wise advice. If I had off let Unicorn stop me, well... oh wait a minute I was dead then... but I did come back to life... not even death can get in the way of my dreams!

Aurora said...

Make sure you always sound serious and dramatic. Smiling on camera is for jokers like Starscream.

Anonymous said...

Don't start none, won't be none

Sign up to our newsletter