NZ Bacon and Egg Pie: A Man's Version of the Recipe

Plenty of bacon, plenty of eggs required.
When you hear the words 'Bacon and Egg Pie' what comes to you mind? If you're a lady you may think "ooohhh a pie. Let's put in some parsley, milk, carrots, onion, chives and and some fucking peas".

If you're a MAN, you KNOW bacon and egg pie only has bacon and egg and no fucking peas!


Here's Jimmy Jangles' Bacon and Egg Pie Recipie, Man Style.

The first thing to acknowledge is that as a man, I know you're not going to read these instructions properly. Cos you're a man! I'm way ahead of you buddy, I'm not writing this recipe properly!

The second thing to acknowledge is why are you baking the pie? Women don't 'get'  the concept of a bacon and egg pies only consisting of egg and bacon and pastry, only men do so it's up to you, man.

Also, wikipedia says New Zealand is famous for its bloody bacon and egg pies, so by making one, you are doing your bit for the country! (of course, if you are not a Kiwi, I humbly thank you for trying a NZ pie, Man Style!). This pie gets you easy Man Points added to your Man Points card


What you need for a Man's Bacon and Egg Pie:
  • Flaky Pastry*
  • Heaps of bacon. 
  • 9 eggs or more. Maybe 10. 8 eggs are for pussies.
  • A clean dish.
  • Some more bacon.
How to make the pie:
  • Turn the oven on to any hot temperature. Set to bake. 
  • Layer some flaky pastry over the dish, covering the sides.
  • Cook the bacon - microwave is the man's easy way out here. Cut that shit up and throw into dish.
  • Eggs. Crack 'em open over the bacon. Don't stir, whisk, add milk or any of that shit your girlfriend or wife does. Remember 8 eggs are for pussies, 9 is the minimum for men.
  • Cover your pie with more pastry. There will be left over pastry. Make your initials out of it and put them on the top of your pie. Feed the rest to the dog.
  • Poke some holes in the top with a fork so it breathes and doesn't get all sweaty like your fat ex did.
How to cook your pie:

You turned on the oven right? That's apparently called pre heating. Who knew? Put your Man's Version of a Bacon and Egg Pie in the oven. Let it cook for 25 minutes. Don't let it burn OK? That means don't go and play Halo for an hour and then come back and check on it! Bring your TV and Xbox 360 into the kitchen if necessary ok?


Your pie is ready when you say it's ready. Only then. Don't listen to anyone else.

Serve your pie with a cold beer (Steinlager is your best bet here) and maybe a bit of Wattie's Sauce**. Put the game on and don't share it with your girlfriend. Maybe give a bit to the dog.

* If in doubt over what pastry to get, ring your dear mother, it's win win as you get the advice you need and she gets a call and thinks you're ace for thinking of her in a time of need. Be wary though, this could cost you some Man Points if any one hears the call, but these are automatically redeemed back when you pie turns out awesome.

** Man Points off if you use any other brand.

4 comments:

che tibby said...

you need more eggs.

maybe more bacon.

and possibly some steak

Jimmy Jangles said...

you may be on to something Che, but then I'm afraid it wouldn't be a simple Bacon and Egg pie anymore. We'd have to call it the Ultimate Man's Bacon and Egg Pie or something.

Anonymous said...

God bless yr cotton socks! Finally a simple recepie !husbands
birthday tomorro this will do beautifully thankyou

James Ryan said...

Hope it went down well.

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