It gets worse...


The Manatee just reported his ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
 
Police reckon that he topped himself.

beerasrasrassssss


Doerern't yworwu jrewust lvoe it rw ewr hen wowrrk suprrprlies hteree piss?
 
;)

Before and After


Before

After

Jimmy gets a new toy



It was like xmas come early. It was like sex but cleaner. It was like gin and tonic till 3am. It was heaven.

JJ has a Super 14 Virtual Rugby Dilema


Do I go with the Hurricanes or do I not go with the Canes? Do they come to the party or will they have a fizzer? Have they done their dash are or they going to stomp on home? Will they BBQ or be BBQed? Will they run out of steam or steamroll? Do I go with the expected or expect the unexpected? Oh fuck it, go the Canes!

I listen to Johnny Cash to try and ease the pain
But I drink a beer and just get drunk again
I thought I had it all
But now Welcome to the Suck.

You should prob read the preceding 3 posts in reverse order - ie Wellington, the Hut and then Porirua - Cheers Asterix!


You know when you're from Porirua when...


1. You can wake up thinking it's an earthquake but realise it's just
Hemi, Junior and Rua sharing your single bed.

2. You can't say "Wellington is full of ferries" cause you've never
been further than Porirua Train Station.

3. You can recognise half of Porirua city's population because they're
your relations.

4. You can't afford a $1000 suit so you steal some shoes instead.

5. You've never seen the motorway because Porirua has everything
you've ever needed.

6. You walk from Titahi Bay to Porirua Station, hang out for a bit,
then go to North City? Fah! Haven't been there since yesterday.

7. "Just turn left at the first KFC? No, wait, just stop in at KFC for a feed."

8. Seeing the Brooklyn Wind Turbine is not an option.

9. It takes you 20 minutes to drive from the mall to your house. KFC
was calling your name.

10. Boarding a Stagecoach bus is betrayal to your uncle who works for
Mana Coach services.

11. You never need a bodyguard because everyone you know could 'smash
dem' anyway.

12. The centre line is only worth crossing if Maccas or KFC is on the
other side.

13. You're only sick if you got too drunk last night.

14. Christmas shopping is not necessary, it's easier to steal from The
Warehouse.

15. Wind is not a top priority for things getting ruined/stolen at your house.

16. You can detect 27 different shades of skin colour at the mall.

17. When an earthquake hits? Aw, nah, was just Hemi and them again.

18. You don't get tourists.

19. Anyone got 5 bucks for a pie, au?

You know when you're from the Hutt when...


You know when you're from the Hutt when...

1. You can wake up thinking it's an earthquake but it's just a subwoofer.

2. You can say "Wellington is full of ferries" because you are homophobic.

3. You can recognise half your city's population in the drink-drive notices.

4. You can't afford a $1000 suit.

5. You see someone travelling 100kph on the motorway and drive right
up their backside until you can pass them on the inside (and give them
the goat sign salute).

6. You walk from the Railway Station to Willis Street because you
can't afford the bus.

7. "Just turn left at the first StarMart, walk down the street till
you get to the third StarMart, turn right, go 3 StarMarts and you've
bought your family's shopping for the week: 18 pinky bars, 6 meat
pies, 47 chuppa chups."

8. Seeing the Brooklyn Wind Turbine is just too freaky.

9. It takes you 20 minutes to drive from Wellington to Masterton.

10. Boarding a Stagecoach bus is too complicated.

11. You take a bodyguard to the supermarket.

12. The centre line is negotiable.

13. You get morning sickness most Mondays.

14. You have to wait til the neighbours are out to do your Christmas shopping.

15. Any wind that doesn't threaten to take your roof off is just
another P lab exploding.

16. You can detect 27 different shades of black jeans.

17. When an earthquake hits, instead of hiding under your desk, you
hold a bet with the other people in the dole line on the force, focus
and  epicentre.

18. When giving directions to tourists, you point up and then try and
nick their wallet while they're looking up.

19. You go out for your $5 on the pokies and complain how expensive
ciggies are.

You know you live in Wellington when...



1. You can wake up during an earthquake and think that it's just the
wind that's shaking your house.

2. You can say "Wellington is full of ferries" and not be considered
homophobic.

3. You can recognise half the city's population when walking down the street.

4. You can afford a $1000 suit but still flat in a house that requires
3 sets of clothing and two dehumidifiers to stay warm.

5. You see someone travelling 100kph on the motorway and you complain
how fast people travel these days.

6. You walk from the Railway Station to Willis Street without ever
checking for traffic.

7. "Just turn left at the first StarMart, walk down the street till
you get to the third StarMart, turn right, go 3 StarMarts up and
you're there."

8. Seeing the Brooklyn Wind Turbine not turning is a newsworthy event.

9. It takes you 20 minutes to drive around the block in peak traffic
due to the 'one way system'.

10. Boarding a Stagecoach bus is a hazardous activity.

11. You take a bodyguard down Courtenay Place in case you bump into a
drunk politician.

12. The centre line is negotiable, especially on the Brooklyn &
Hataitai hills where parked cars can take up 80% of the road.

13. You get altitude sickness going from your car to your front door.

14. You have to leave the city to do your shopping.

15. Any wind that doesn't threaten to take your roof off is just a
'bit of a breeze.'

16. You can detect 27 different shades of black suit.

17. When an earthquake hits, instead of hiding under your desk, you
hold a bet with your workmates on the force, focus and epicentre.

18. When giving directions to tourists, you point up.

19. You go out for your $5 coffee with friends and complain how
expensive Auckland is.

U2 rule, Kanye does not



Now I'm over my shock of U2 not coming I have realised that I don't have to see Kanye West any more. Hoo Ray!!! Except that I now have to put up with Nickleback for the Stones. I think I might actually prefer to see Kanye over those lame o s.

I actually heard the Edge reads this blog and noted my concern at Kanye coming and decided to kick him out of the line up. Kanye casued a stink and demand he be able to play - LSS Edge called his bluff and cancelled the tour. He's a top bloke that Edge, always looking out for his fans!

_

Me and Levi have started a new blog - The Spaghetti Incident. I have no idea what the f it is about or for. It might be about music thoughts or it might be about what I'm having for lunch. Hmmm lunch.

FUCK.


FUUUCCKKKK. FUCK. FARRRRKKKKK! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You'll never be a Kiwi till you love our watties sauce!


So like I was filling in my census form last night and I came to that curly one about ethnicity that's been having a stir in the MSM -  does this blue eyed blonde write down he is a proud New Zealander or tick the New Zealand European box like a good little conformist?

 

It's a question on ethnicity, rather than nationality I suppose… so I was heading NZ European way - but to be sure I looked up the definition of 'ethnic' in the dictionary mum gave me when I was 12 -  it had the usual ra ra about race, minority but it also gave the suggestion that ethnic was grouping by shared beliefs, languages etc. There was nothing about Buttered Chicken.

 

I thought yep, New Zealanders could fit that description. Our common belief is the All Blacks will win the Rugby World Cup and that we should have Brought Back Buck. Hence I'm an ethnic New Zealander.

 

So I wrote down New Zealander. And then I thought, that will just help screw the stats in terms of their intended use. So I ticked New Zealand European box too.

 

If they had of asked me to fill in a box saying I was a pakeha I would have baulked cos that's just so…. rangi.

Last 80s Band Standing



I've said it before and I'm saying it again – Bon Jovi's latest Have a Nice Day album rocks. All you kiddies of the 80s should go buy it, especially as you know Kanye 'I am Jesus' West is shite compared to Mesiahs Sambora and Jovi.

If your name is Ian and you live in England you are granted a dispensation seeing as you're like, ummm really old and have a ticket to see them later in the year … you …you ….you bastard!

Check out Bon Jovi's This House is not For Sale' album lyrics

A post in which JJ finally goes loses it (and apologies to Jim Steinmann)



So like I have this poster of U2 on my wall. It's the four of the band posing as a group. It has Adam looking cool as fuck and Bono doing his Bono thing. Adam is wearing a t-shirt which says 'aloha'. The Edge has a black t-shirt on. It says Jonah I:IV. The poster has been on my wall for a month and I only just noticed this bible reference this morning. Which is concerning because 'je suis contre l'eglise'. I thought even though I don't mind that U2 preach a lot about various issues, there's no way the Edge is going to be freaking preaching at me with his 'So they took up Jonah, and threw him into the sea; and the sea ceased its raging' message.

I grabbed a black vivid to scrub it out and just as I was about to strike my conscience woke up, screaming, "stop! wait a minute boy! What do you think you're doin? That's no way to treat an expensive poster of your favourite musicians!' And I said 'God dammit conscience, you know I love you, but you've got a helluva lot to learn about christian music!

Here's the Christian band's Italy Set List