Which Wellington Barbie Girl are you?


Come on Barbie, let's go party...
Here's a list of the various barbies that Wellington has to offer.... which Wellington Barbie Girl are you?

Oriental Parade Barbie:


This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with a Prozac prescription and Botox, Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late". Available at all The White House and Yacht Club.

Thorndon Barbie:


This Barbie is only sold at Kirks. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer and a long-haired foreign lap dog named "Honey". Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

Porirua Barbie:


This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 Holden Ute with dark tinted windows and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with Cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at participating pawn shops.

Upper Hutt Barbie:

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with A pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Massey Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes slow-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top.

Purchase her Holden Ute Convertible separately and get Fly Buys points absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at any Warehouse Store. Massey Barbie sold separately.

Hutt Valley Barbie:


This pale model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans 2 Sizes too small, "It's All About Me" T- shirt and a Guns and Roses tattoo on her shoulder.

She has a six pack of Lucky and comes with Metallica CD's. She can spit over a distance of 2 metres and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at K-Mart.

Stokes Valley Barbie:

Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a 2 litre of Pepsi and a DPB cheque. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional. Available At The Warehouse.

Te Aro Barbie:

This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have, want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.

Available at the Ferry terminal.

Vivian St Barbie:


This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out at SPQR. Likes to "experiment", but will never commit. This model is being phased out.

Turf the Surf and Turf


So Jay Bee and I had dinner at The Realm in Hataitai. Don't get the Scotch Fillet or The Surf and Turf. BOth a waste of time. For a 25 dollar meal the steaks very very below bar. As in Micheal Campbell couldn't make the cut of the US Open kind of below bar.

Drink the beer, at least they keep that cold.

Viral Email.....


Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in a 10 X 10 cell.
AT WORK..........you spend the majority of your time in an 8 X 8 cubicle.

IN PRISON..........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK..........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON.........you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK.........you get more work for good behaviour.

IN PRISON.........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK.........you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK..........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON..........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK..........you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON..........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK..........you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON.........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
AT WORK ........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON ......you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK.......they are called managers 

 

Where the fuck am I again?


For those who missed the season finale* of Lost I've summed up the ending for yas all.
" Fade to Black "
So hope that's cleared everything up!
* It was freaking good eh?

.jimmyjangles.blogspot.com

Onwards christian soldier


So like you were all chickens and didn't kick Bobby G out of the Our Fair Land of the Selfish Gits# and JJ had to to it himself. My foot, I mean JJ means, his foot is still sore from the effort^. Well JJ is a forgiving chap and he is prepared to give you one more chance dear readers.

Somebody kill Baxter off Shortland Street? * +

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# Yeah right, you rude prick. We give all our money to dole bludgers, ACC and sickness beneficiaries and when its a good month, twin baby murderers. Dur.

^JJ also recommends Steinlager for breakfast. It makes the working nightmare somehow slightly easier.

*This post in no way admits that JJ actually watches Shitland St. He's just doing this as a favour for some people at work. Maybe. You can't prove nuthing.

+ With a cheese grater as revenge for his save the world ethic which er... grates.

Yeah, I got nothing.


Any requests?

Petone Gothic




By Debbie Mannix

Army Gay Pride Week


As part of the Craftwerk the Army showed its true colour...?!

Who ate all the potatoes?


Someone tell Bob Geldolf to get the fuck out of our country? No? Too polite are we?

Ok. Bob, get the fuck out of my country.

Two shots of happy !!


This on the official U2 website:

Tour dates within the NEXT week!

News just in: the previously postponed Vertigo '06 Tour dates are definitely being rescheduled and an announcement confirming all details will be made 'within the next week'.

Word is that the final details on shows are just about in place and an announcement is on the way. As usual U2.Com will be the first place to have the full story.

Natalie Portman to star in Indian Jones 4?
 
WTF? They will have to call it Indianna Jones and The Drama of Queen Amidala....
 
I sense a flop already.....

 

Chloe of Wainuiomata: National Icon




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Update

Stuff reports how Chloe of Wainuiomata has been caught shop lifting!

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Chloe Jane Perovic, 47, was granted diversion in Napier District Court for stealing $23.62 worth of pet products from Napier's Pak'n'Save supermarket last Thursday.

The case was adjourned to June 4, a date she will have to keep only if she has not met the conditions of her agreement with the police.

In 1994, as Chloe Reeves, she shot to nationwide attention after appearing in her tiger slippers on Gary McCormick's Heartland television series.

The show sparked complaints from Wainuiomata residents who felt Chloe gave an unfavourable impression of their suburb.

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Maybe she was trying to feed her tiger slippers??

Bring Back the Slippers!


So as we are all accustomed to there are reality television shows everywhere. Undeserving Losers (i.e . people other than me) getting free homes, renovations, fat removal, makeovers and their kitchen's cleaned by weird English woman. This is not to mention Survivor, Big Brother, Big Brother Uncut and Molested and the Great Race.

When all  this real life drama gets a little weary producers amp it up a bit. They get in The Don or Martha. Or they put celebrities on an island and hope they sleep together on camera (oh how we laughed went Brent Todd and his best friend Josh showered together! It was a golden tv moment). We get the Ridgey and Marc Ellis show. It doesn't matter the content as long as they are making fun with laxatives!! We get NZ idle. We get Sainsbury interviewing Irene Van Dyke. Omygosh hasn't she aged !!? (she also needs to learn how to put a bra on too, bless.  Thank gosh for sharp camera operators as I nearly went google eyed). We get Cocksey playing the loveable joker banging some nail into a 2 x 4. We get Lyn of Tawa yapping about grass.

In short, you need to smoke some grass to actually enjoy these shows.

Which is why I think we need to bring back 'Chloe of Wainuiomata'. Give 'er her own reality show. It would be the effect of pot but without the herb – trippy but you could still drive to KFC after. A day in the life. God damn it, I want to see those slippers again! How dare Te Papa deem them not worthy of being worthy of national treasure status. Fuck Colin Machan and Rita Angus, put the slippers on display. They say more about any thing NZesque that the mucky finger paintings of people long dead.

Perhaps ironically (or is that iconically) I'm advocating Chloe should also be allowed a guess spot on NZ Idle to teach the winners a thing or too about the music industry. Perhaps she could even help them with Level One spelling.

A commenter on this humble, humble blog suggested we lookout for Raybon et all on a new soon to be aired show "The Grating NZ Sing-a-long". Hell I'm getting Sky Digital to see that! I have some suggestions. Chloe could be the MC who introduces the chorus. Rayon could captain one team and Rachel Hunter (no, no nude pictures of her here either, fool) the other. Rachel could lead off with 'Do you think I'm sexy?' whilst Raybon could go with 'Sailing Away' and perhaps throw in a Samba or too. Team members could include, Lyn of Tawa and Dawn of Azazael's lead singer. It would be like Sing Star without the hassle of buying a PlayStation.

The winners (by txt vote of course) would win Chloe's Slippers.

Just how dumb is rosita vai? Not really fair putting her up against raybon is it ?


This is a test from le cell fone. 2 q john travolta - Aint it cool?

'james you are a star, you're going to go far, in a car, to star mart' - SAS


Look people. There are no nude pictures of Paris Hilton or her video here on this site ok? Idiots. At least it's stopped running and the All blacks are going to play a real team this week eh? The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son. WTF does that really mean? Stupid is as stupid does I say. Levi, it wasn't me who drank your beer. I swear. It was Charlie Chicken. He made me do it. We were on a mission from Dog. That is all.
 
 

Another bus post


So I get back from holiday to find my pet LLama died. It was hit by a bus.  Guess I'll save on Llama feed??
 
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This morning's bus exchange:
 
Miss Saturated "How much?"
 
Driver "Sorry miss, the bus is not for sale"
 
 

ChCh: Pt V


Oh and this foto is from my new Sharp GX29 which I bought in Chch. Itchy eftpos card you see. Still haven't shaved, going a lil ginger !!

Chch: Pt IV


One of the Stations of the Cross in the Cathedral. Costs $2.50 to take fotos in there. Good to see Jesus knows how to cash in on his fame.

Chch: Pt III


Lots of churches in Christchurch. Funny that.

This one was near The Strip, by the Avon River.







Cathedral on The Square. Its kind of cool.




Chch: Pt II


Seagulls are every in The Square. They shit on everything, even the King of the Jungle.



This is your favourite blogger, on the old tram. No you idiot, its me, not David Farrar!!

Chch Pt 1


So I went to Chch four 4 days. It was cold but that aint the point...

Spent a bit of time in the JJAM YTIC.



When to the markets at the old uni, ate some apricot fudge, saw 'When love comes calling'

I wanna be forever young


Allo possums! Am still in Chch for a 4 day weekend... so suck on that.

Un-incidentally, the chords for Forever Young by Youth Group:

Capo on 4th fret: G 'F#/D' Em C D Em C D

Yo gotta do it Wonderwall style - your lil pinky and the next one gotta be on the botton two strings...

Back Whenerai.