Which Wellington Barbie Girl are you?

Come on Barbie, let's go party...
Here's a list of the various barbies that Wellington has to offer.... which Wellington Barbie Girl are you?

Oriental Parade Barbie:


This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with a Prozac prescription and Botox, Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late". Available at all The White House and Yacht Club.

Thorndon Barbie:


This Barbie is only sold at Kirks. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer and a long-haired foreign lap dog named "Honey". Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

Porirua Barbie:


This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 Holden Ute with dark tinted windows and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with Cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at participating pawn shops.

Upper Hutt Barbie:

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with A pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Massey Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes slow-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top.

Purchase her Holden Ute Convertible separately and get Fly Buys points absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at any Warehouse Store. Massey Barbie sold separately.

Hutt Valley Barbie:


This pale model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans 2 Sizes too small, "It's All About Me" T- shirt and a Guns and Roses tattoo on her shoulder.

She has a six pack of Lucky and comes with Metallica CD's. She can spit over a distance of 2 metres and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at K-Mart.

Stokes Valley Barbie:

Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a 2 litre of Pepsi and a DPB cheque. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional. Available At The Warehouse.

Te Aro Barbie:

This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have, want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.

Available at the Ferry terminal.

Vivian St Barbie:


This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out at SPQR. Likes to "experiment", but will never commit. This model is being phased out.

Ten Bands, 15 Questions

I found this at Peter's Place. The first step is to write down 10 bands quickly--the first ten off the top of your head. Mine are

  1. U2
  2. REM
  3. Oasis
  4. The Living End
  5. NIN
  6. Bon Jovi
  7. Spice Girls (are they a band?)
  8. Metallica
  9. Supergroove
  10. Everclear


Then, there's the questions...

1. What was the first song you ever heard by 6? Um probably was at my Cousin's and it was probably something off Slippery When Wet.
2. What is your favourite album of 8? Undoubtably the Black Album. Anyone who says an 'old school' album is a fucking bogan.
3. What is your favourite lyric of 5? "
You could have it all
My empire of dirt" – from the classic Hurt.

4. How many times have you seen 4 live? Twice – Once at BDO, the other at Massey gig bout 45years ago. It was one of the best of my life. They played number 1's 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. The evening is also. notable for my head getting slammed in a car door.

5. What is your favourite song by 7? …er Superstar….

6. Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad? Nah, Oasis generally sing happy songs even when they are sad. Noel Gallagher is the best songwriter in 40 years. And that's a fact.
7.What is your favourite lyric of 9? 'I try to hide but they just keep comin, bad bitching babes get my guitar strummin! '– Scorpio Girls

8. What is your favourite song by 1? Um there's a million… lately its been 'Lady with the Spinning head'. I love 'Your Blue Room', 'One', 'Mothers of the Disappeared' but 'The Fly' is definitely may fave U2 song.
9. How did you get into 8? Driving in a car with my mates I was introduced to Nothing Else Matters and was like fuck that song is ammmazzzzing.

10. What is your favourite song by 4? 'Starring at the Sun' off the second album.
11. How many times have you seen 1 live? Never. Soon to be corrected in November!

12. What is a good memory concerning 2?. Seeign them live in New Plymouth of all places. When Stipey sang Everybody Hurts it sounded just like the record. They truly deserve their place in rock and roll royalty.
13. Is there a song by 2 that makes you sad? ! 'Let Me In' off Monster. Written for Kurt Cobain. Nuff said.

14. What is your favourite song of 6? Dry County. Contains my all time fave solo of any artist. It is better than 'Sweet Child of Mine's'. Seriously.

15. How did you become a fan of 10? Hall of Residence a whole other era ago. Just another overdose. Just another overdose.

Turf the Surf and Turf

So Jay Bee and I had dinner at The Realm in Hataitai. Don't get the Scotch Fillet or The Surf and Turf. BOth a waste of time. For a 25 dollar meal the steaks very very below bar. As in Micheal Campbell couldn't make the cut of the US Open kind of below bar.

Drink the beer, at least they keep that cold.

Viral Email.....

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in a 10 X 10 cell.
AT WORK..........you spend the majority of your time in an 8 X 8 cubicle.

IN PRISON..........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK..........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON.........you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK.........you get more work for good behaviour.

IN PRISON.........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK.........you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK..........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON..........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK..........you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON..........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK..........you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON.........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
AT WORK ........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON ......you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK.......they are called managers 

 

The answer was Easy

So feeling down, drained and devoid of inspiration in a recent post, I asked for 'requests'. I got asked to write about restaurants, cricket, bus drivers and blanket man.

So here goes dear readers…

Well I had dinner in the weekend at the Flying Burrito Brothers. Didn't see any brothers but our waiter did have droopy dreads. Food was good. Not flash, but tasty. I didn't try the veal. So Restaurants covered.

Did I mention I walked past Piri Weepu last week? Or rather he walked passed me and I stared in awe. He looks bigger in real life. He's shortish but widely built. No surprises he played well this weekend as being a tough Wellington lad he's made of yada yada - insert your own bursting with pride comment here. While Piri is fearless against an Ocker forward back I'm sure he would breakout in a cold cold sweat at the thought of facing a Brett Lee head hunter. So cricket covered.

Whilst gallivanting about town on Sunday I walked past the usual Courtney Place characters, including that Complete Kunt who often tells woman "to please get the fuck out of my way bitch". I would like to shoot him. Seriously. I would also like to put Blanket Man in a cage at the Zoo. People could poke sticks at him. Or not - as if I would endorse THAT idea you heartless bleeding heart. Shessh. So Blanket Man covered. Literally.


And so to bus drivers. Today our bus chased a Fire Engine up Willis street. It was freaking cool and I wondered if my Dad had suddenly hijacked the bus to take me to watch a good old fashioned houseburning. I also kind of felt I was in Die Hard: With a Vengeance. The bus driver had a Mohawk and therefore I knew I could trust him to get me to work safely as opposed to the bus driver last week who at every set of lights tried to do the Dom Post crossword and couldn't get a four letter word for something simple. So bus drivers covered.

Le Weekend that was pt 1984

So like:

Friday: Judged a talent quest. Didn't discover any Kelly Clarksons, lets just leave it at that
Sat: Out with the lady friend. Rugger, Flying Burrito Brothers, Maya and Establishment. Great Night.
Sun: Pirates II - only go if you loved the first one.

and Jimmy Jangles was happy for he loved Blogger.

Happy Birthday Frank



One shot of sad - we still get fucking Kanye West.
So sorry folks that's all I'll be bitching about from now until then.

Where the fuck am I again?

For those who missed the season finale* of Lost I've summed up the ending for yas all.
" Fade to Black "
So hope that's cleared everything up!
* It was freaking good eh?

.jimmyjangles.blogspot.com

Onwards christian soldier

So like you were all chickens and didn't kick Bobby G out of the Our Fair Land of the Selfish Gits# and JJ had to to it himself. My foot, I mean JJ means, his foot is still sore from the effort^. Well JJ is a forgiving chap and he is prepared to give you one more chance dear readers.

Somebody kill Baxter off Shortland Street? * +

-

# Yeah right, you rude prick. We give all our money to dole bludgers, ACC and sickness beneficiaries and when its a good month, twin baby murderers. Dur.

^JJ also recommends Steinlager for breakfast. It makes the working nightmare somehow slightly easier.

*This post in no way admits that JJ actually watches Shitland St. He's just doing this as a favour for some people at work. Maybe. You can't prove nuthing.

+ With a cheese grater as revenge for his save the world ethic which er... grates.

Kebabs anyone?

So is this whole Hizbollah fracas part of the 'World Wide Suicide' Eddie Vedder has been talking about lately? Or was that the Lollapalooza? I forget. Either way it bleeds into the same thing - something to watch on MTV. Is it me or at 2 mins and 15 seconds into 'World Wide Suicide' does Pearl Jam really throw in the riff from our very own The Mutton Bird's 'Dominion Road'? Some one should sue somebody. Call in Tom Petty! Send in the Marines! America and Bubya can sort out this "shit"  can't they? Burn and get burnt. Tell that to the Hizbolfried....
 

Army Gay Pride Week

As part of the Craftwerk the Army showed its true colour...?!

Who ate all the potatoes?

Someone tell Bob Geldolf to get the fuck out of our country? No? Too polite are we?

Ok. Bob, get the fuck out of my country.

Two shots of happy !!

This on the official U2 website:

Tour dates within the NEXT week!

News just in: the previously postponed Vertigo '06 Tour dates are definitely being rescheduled and an announcement confirming all details will be made 'within the next week'.

Word is that the final details on shows are just about in place and an announcement is on the way. As usual U2.Com will be the first place to have the full story.
Natalie Portman to star in Indian Jones 4?
 
WTF? They will have to call it Indianna Jones and The Drama of Queen Amidala....
 
I sense a flop already.....

 

Chloe of Wainuiomata: National Icon



-

Update

Stuff reports how Chloe of Wainuiomata has been caught shop lifting!

-

Chloe Jane Perovic, 47, was granted diversion in Napier District Court for stealing $23.62 worth of pet products from Napier's Pak'n'Save supermarket last Thursday.

The case was adjourned to June 4, a date she will have to keep only if she has not met the conditions of her agreement with the police.

In 1994, as Chloe Reeves, she shot to nationwide attention after appearing in her tiger slippers on Gary McCormick's Heartland television series.

The show sparked complaints from Wainuiomata residents who felt Chloe gave an unfavourable impression of their suburb.

-

Maybe she was trying to feed her tiger slippers??

Bring Back the Slippers!

So as we are all accustomed to there are reality television shows everywhere. Undeserving Losers (i.e . people other than me) getting free homes, renovations, fat removal, makeovers and their kitchen's cleaned by weird English woman. This is not to mention Survivor, Big Brother, Big Brother Uncut and Molested and the Great Race.

When all  this real life drama gets a little weary producers amp it up a bit. They get in The Don or Martha. Or they put celebrities on an island and hope they sleep together on camera (oh how we laughed went Brent Todd and his best friend Josh showered together! It was a golden tv moment). We get the Ridgey and Marc Ellis show. It doesn't matter the content as long as they are making fun with laxatives!! We get NZ idle. We get Sainsbury interviewing Irene Van Dyke. Omygosh hasn't she aged !!? (she also needs to learn how to put a bra on too, bless.  Thank gosh for sharp camera operators as I nearly went google eyed). We get Cocksey playing the loveable joker banging some nail into a 2 x 4. We get Lyn of Tawa yapping about grass.

In short, you need to smoke some grass to actually enjoy these shows.

Which is why I think we need to bring back 'Chloe of Wainuiomata'. Give 'er her own reality show. It would be the effect of pot but without the herb – trippy but you could still drive to KFC after. A day in the life. God damn it, I want to see those slippers again! How dare Te Papa deem them not worthy of being worthy of national treasure status. Fuck Colin Machan and Rita Angus, put the slippers on display. They say more about any thing NZesque that the mucky finger paintings of people long dead.

Perhaps ironically (or is that iconically) I'm advocating Chloe should also be allowed a guess spot on NZ Idle to teach the winners a thing or too about the music industry. Perhaps she could even help them with Level One spelling.

A commenter on this humble, humble blog suggested we lookout for Raybon et all on a new soon to be aired show "The Grating NZ Sing-a-long". Hell I'm getting Sky Digital to see that! I have some suggestions. Chloe could be the MC who introduces the chorus. Rayon could captain one team and Rachel Hunter (no, no nude pictures of her here either, fool) the other. Rachel could lead off with 'Do you think I'm sexy?' whilst Raybon could go with 'Sailing Away' and perhaps throw in a Samba or too. Team members could include, Lyn of Tawa and Dawn of Azazael's lead singer. It would be like Sing Star without the hassle of buying a PlayStation.

The winners (by txt vote of course) would win Chloe's Slippers.

Just how dumb is rosita vai? Not really fair putting her up against raybon is it ?

This is a test from le cell fone. 2 q john travolta - Aint it cool?

'james you are a star, you're going to go far, in a car, to star mart' - SAS

Look people. There are no nude pictures of Paris Hilton or her video here on this site ok? Idiots. At least it's stopped running and the All blacks are going to play a real team this week eh? The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son. WTF does that really mean? Stupid is as stupid does I say. Levi, it wasn't me who drank your beer. I swear. It was Charlie Chicken. He made me do it. We were on a mission from Dog. That is all.
 
 

Who does number two work for?

So like I was playing Halo last night and sucking so I started drinking and started winning… go figure. At least this proves it ok to drink and drive. SADD can retire gracefully now. I haven't been spat on by the Llama today. I feel kinda sad. It's all gone.  I wonder what Marilyn Manson is up to right this minute. Read a book about a hooker who once blogged. 


You know the one. The Slapper. It raining and its pooring and the old man is snoring. I see Red. Its actually a can of coke and an apple. Apple make Ipods. Mine has Bon Jovi on it. And Paris Hilton. Damn u Jake. That's right, no nude pictures of Paris Hilton on this site. Fool. I pity you. 


No nude pictures of Britney Spears either. Loofa. Why would you want to eat grass anyway? This post is killtacular innit ?! Whats up with Lost? It actually made sense last night. Bring Back Buck, I mean, Gillian Anderson I say. That would be spooky John. Italy! Got them at 11 to 1. Make me some money boyz. Zinepooh? Bring Back Zinzan Brook, I mean, Pele I say. I have a vision. Its television. Hmm Shortland Street. Is it you or is it me? 


  Are you as happy as me Leigh May is dead? Good Job. Its amazing. Worst Character Ever. After Ann. Did she die too? Fuck, who remembers. Bring Back Minne I say, I mean her mum. Eh wah? Hmmm Diet Coke. Two words peeple. Courtesy Flush.

Another bus post

So I get back from holiday to find my pet LLama died. It was hit by a bus.  Guess I'll save on Llama feed??
 
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This morning's bus exchange:
 
Miss Saturated "How much?"
 
Driver "Sorry miss, the bus is not for sale"
 
 

ChCh: Pt V

Oh and this foto is from my new Sharp GX29 which I bought in Chch. Itchy eftpos card you see. Still haven't shaved, going a lil ginger !!

Chch: Pt IV

One of the Stations of the Cross in the Cathedral. Costs $2.50 to take fotos in there. Good to see Jesus knows how to cash in on his fame.

Chch: Pt III

Lots of churches in Christchurch. Funny that.

This one was near The Strip, by the Avon River.







Cathedral on The Square. Its kind of cool.




Chch: Pt II

Seagulls are every in The Square. They shit on everything, even the King of the Jungle.



This is your favourite blogger, on the old tram. No you idiot, its me, not David Farrar!!

Chch Pt 1

So I went to Chch four 4 days. It was cold but that aint the point...

Spent a bit of time in the JJAM YTIC.



When to the markets at the old uni, ate some apricot fudge, saw 'When love comes calling'

I wanna be forever young

Allo possums! Am still in Chch for a 4 day weekend... so suck on that.

Un-incidentally, the chords for Forever Young by Youth Group:

Capo on 4th fret: G 'F#/D' Em C D Em C D

Yo gotta do it Wonderwall style - your lil pinky and the next one gotta be on the botton two strings...

Back Whenerai.

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