I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo

So like yeah.

Newsflash Evan Harding: Its called comparative advantage.

Hey, here's an idea. Tell an entrepreneur how to spend his money. That will make the New Zealand a more effective and productive place. Hell, maybe Peter Jackson could save the trains too.

What's the chewiest part of Jonah Lomu?

So let me get this right. North Harbour haven't done sweet f all in 21 years as a rugby province except letting Walter Little score the odd try. Never a threat to anyone's top of the table. Notable for turning about to the 'Battle of the Bridge" with the ponces from Jafaland each season and that's about it.

And then one washup up, has-been All Black with a busted ankle, one kidney and who is struggling against a swollen lunar tide to regain former glories (and what glories they were!) joins the team and suddenly they win the Ranfurly Shield???

Inspired by such a move many teams have adjusted their selection policies:

The Knights have drafted in Wynton Rufer*
The Black Caps have called in Murphy Sua
Irene Van Dyke will start for the Tall Ferns

*Is actually a realistic move innit?...


His sandals.

Tangimoana Fishing Contest: Jaybee 3, JJ Zero

Our fishing trip at Tangimoana proved bountiful ish for Jenae....

tangimoana fishing herring
tangimoana fishing herring

tangimoana fishing herring

I ate the one in the bucket. Jaybee threw the others back.

Tangimoana Diaries: How to cook a steak

Tangimoana fotos Pt 2

Stolen from the SMH which said "An iguana runs for the deep water of a canal in Davie, Florida, where a colony of a few hundred wild iguanas have lived for the past 10 years".

JJ says 'Why it would be cool to be an Iguana':

No need to worry about rent
Job? WF Job?
"Green around the gills" is a compliment
You'll probably star on The Crocodile Hunter Diaries with Steve Urwin at some stage.
No need to worry about pesky election expenses claims forms
You have a long tounge.
No bats an eyelid when you eat bugs

Extra for experts: Wicked Wiki on the buggers

Hey Janet, I’ve got something to say.

JJ's Doosandonts - Proudly presented with a Dennis Waterman theme tune (do do de do)




Try the Veal

Iron your shirt

Believe rock and roll can really save the world

Wear cologne
Try it on

Listen to Johnny Cash. He knew it all




Buy fair trade coffee

Believe in John Lennon. He was a know it all

Swim with the Dolphins

Sit round reading blogs all day

Believe rock and roll can really save the world

Sunday Picnic

If you wannabe be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.

Rockstar Supernova Final. Didn't watch it and don't really care. But I was chatting with Charlie Chicken and other Chums about the show. They were all gagging about it. At least we all shared a distinct distain for Dave Navarro. The question arose about the next season. Who would it be? What faded hack rock stars wannabe famous again? (Clarke was NEVER a rockstar worthy of the title – Ed). We talked about supergroups – though not everyone's cup of tea - Audioslave got it together and Velvet Revolver showed some slithery muscle on 'Contraband'.
I suggested Crosby/Stills/Nash/Young as the best ever supergroup but as they say if you can remember the 60s you weren't around. Charlie C. thought STP should reform with him on singing duties and writing all the material.   DJ Rano smiled sweetly and asked if he could put on his Manhatten Transfer vinyl. The Manatee muttered something about The Wiggles being on high rotate in Petone. Things then got confused and crashed when Charlie put on some Dave Matthews Band ...but I have digressed - to solve the riddle of who will front Rockstar's next season I called  James Dean and he said that Vicky Pollard had heard through George Micheal who got it from a cop in a loo somewhere that The Travelling Wilburys , who are desperately trying for success after the death of lead singer Roy Orbison, will front.


Here's the "Goal"


H/T Noizy

Glory Days

From Stuff:

RIO DE JANEIRO: A Brazilian referee faces suspension after she awarded a goal that television pictures showed was scored by a ball boy.

The 89th minute goal allowed Santacruzense to snatch a 1-1 draw at home to Atletico Sorocaba in the Paulista Football Federation (FPF) Cup on Sunday, a regional tournament played in the state of Sao Paulo.

Pictures showed that after a Santacruzense player shot narrowly wide, the boy collected the ball with his feet and took it back on to the pitch.

However, instead of returning it to the goalkeeper, he subtly tapped it across the line into the net.
Although there was nearly 10 seconds between the shot going out and the boy placing the ball over the line, referee Silvia Regina de Oliveira awarded a goal amid furious Sorocaba protests.


This is classic. Once I was playing hockey for a Massey University team and I did something similarly cheeky and got away with it.

We were on attack in the D minutes after I had scored a goal. I was playing winger and was on the right of the striker who shot at goal. His shot went wide of the goal and went out of play. It hit this metal fence post and made a large twang! Everyone thought that was the end of the play. Not so, the ball rebounded into play really fast and having ran on I slotted the ball between the legs of the goalie and the goal. And the ref gave it to me, possibly believing the twang was from the the goal post.

The other team was furious! And complained to the ref bitterly to no effect and they then abused the fuck out of me for being a cheating punk. We won 3 - 1. Cool.

I loved playing Hockey at Massey. In my second year we had a really good team (it was the Massey third team) with some really skiffull players and goalie with a huge heart. We all gelled really well and to the disbelief of the community we made the Final of the competition.

After some good form we had just sneaked into the last semi final spot because we protested against a team fielded some first grade players. I got a goal in each half in the semi for a 2 - 0 win and we made the final. I know it sounds vain telling this story but it was one of those 'moments' you never forget. I'll also never forget in another game catching a flying ball to the balls. They carried me off cos I couldn't walk for 5 minutes.

I remember they did a preview report on the Radio on the day of the Final saying we were going to lose and it pissed me off. We lost by about 5 goals I think. I know I played crap that day. That day the Coach tried to psyche us up by playing 'Eye of the Tiger' at our team run warmup but right, now the Bruce Springsteen song is playing in my head!

BucK Bought Back!!

So like Burger King is finally open again!!! I went and had a BK Chicken and a cheese burger. Oh my G it was like, well Burger King. I ate in a hurry in fear of a meteorite strike but the only sonic booms where that of my heart pounding at the thought of tasty breast. And the burger too.


So about 40 mins later I am sitting at chez work desk reading some piece of bureau critic mumbo jumbo. I realise I cannot comprehend the paragraphs before me. I cannot keep my eyes on the page. I suddenly no longer care about making the world safe from left wing bloggers. I forget the Pakistanis are ball tampering cheats and I forgot about picking up the dry cleaning.


The only thought on my mind is that I should have had the fries.

Python eats Alligator in Everglades and feels sick

So here it is, the infamous Python vs Alligator photo

This is what happens when pythons are released into the Everglades. The pythons get eyes bigger than their stomachs and think it's safe to eat a whole crocodile.

python vs crocodile in the everglades picture photoThe Professor Mazzotti who knows about these things believes the alligaotor was alive when the battle began. It may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it, leading to the blow-up of the stomach..

The python was found with the gator's hindquarters protruding from its midsection. Its stomach still surrounded the alligator's head, shoulders, and forelimbs.

Scientists have documented four encounters between the giant snakes and alligators in the last three years. The encroachment of Burmese pythons into the Everglades could threaten an $8 billion restoration project and endanger smaller species.

Wikipedia notes the invasiveness of the Python:

Native to southern Asia, the Burmese python is a relatively new invasive species in the Everglades. The species can grow up to 20 feet (6.1 m) long and they compete with alligators for the top of the food chain. Florida wildlife officials speculate that pet owners released their pythons and they have begun reproducing rapidly in an environment for which they are well-suited

Oh all right here's another picture: Alligator Vs Python Round 2

python alligator fight everglades

Want more? Check out this python pulling a kangaroo up a cliff!

Snakes on a Highway!

python after eating a pregnant ewe
A happy, well fed python sits on a highway after swallowing a pregnant ewe in the village of Kampung Jabor which is about 200km east of Kuala Lumpur. The six-metre snake weighing 90kg was too laden to move, making it easy for local firemen to capture it.. with what looks like a piece of rope.

Check out what happens when an Anaconda tries to eat an alligator!

Or check out Animals Eating Animals where the title is what happens!

Peter Brock: Its started Pt: Steve Irwin Pt II

Steve Irwin is sitting in in God's office. He turns to the Big Guy in the Sky and says "Hey God, I appreciate you trying to make me feel at home and all but I asked for a Croc, not a Brock.

Bring Back BucK

This water in the gas pipes crisis has gone on longer than a reading of War and Peace by Porky Pig. I'm fed up, or rather Not Fed Up.
Burger King, Lambton Quay, has been closed for over a week! A week good people! I haven't had a BK Chicken in a week!! This is the equivalent of forgoing chemotherapy when you have cancer!!  Its like not getting laid on your wedding night! Its like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife*!
Mickey Dees will not do as a substitute. Nor will Kai For Coons as one coonish resembling comedian once described it at the Indigo*. What am I to do? Its not like I'm going to do anything rash and have sushi for lunch. Raw fish people! They live in the ocean! They aint got no jobs! Its cold! I'm not eating raw cold fish.


Without an end to the madness in sight, the Beehive up the road looms as an answer. BK simply needs to put in a pipe to the debating chamber from the BK kitchen. I'm sure all the hot air released in the chamber could be utilised somehow.

And there endeth the rant.
* Its anaemic, don't you think

* Why the dumb name change? San Francisco Bath House? Sounds like a gentlemanly retreat of some kind. It would help explain some of the gay bands they've had lately.

Stever Irwin: Its started part V:

When asked about his favourite childhood programmes, Steve Irwin replied, "Thunderbirds was best but
there's always be a place in my heart for Stingray".

Snails: good for stomping on.

So like don't you just love it when it rains over night and it causes snails to run for cover to the foot paths so you can then stomp on them on your way to work in the morning? I just love the sound they make. Crunchy like an apple. 

Squishy like Elle Driver's eyeball. I was really pissed when I heard that Stage Coach was raising loser cruiser fares. And then I get on the bus and my fare falls by 25 percent! Squish! The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and Round. 

Much like the Steven Irwin jokes. See below. I have a Crunchie bar. They are made of gold you know! What you got? I tried a Milo bar yesterday. While you get more go with Moro, this wasn't so bad. It was crunchy like one of those kremalta covered chocolate rice bubble things my mum used to make me and the Ginger Ningas for birthday parties and school lunches. 

If you, dear reader, did not have a mum who made you chocolate rice bubble things then NEWSFLASH! She didn't love you.

You were simply a food bill.

Steve Irwin: Its Started Pt: III

Steve Urwin: Its started Pt II

Despite the tragedy that is Steven Irwin's death, I been thinking it was rather foolish of him to go swimming without sunscreen because as we all know, sunscreen protects you from those harmful rays.
Da dish!
Thank you, you guys have been great,  I'm here all week. Try the crocodile.

Steve Urwin: Its started Pt: 1


Wellington Zoo Photos Part 1

Picks from a day at the Wellington Zoo, New Zealand

duck zoo
otter zoo

Here's Zoo Part II with lions and meerkats !

Zoo Fotos Pt II

We love meer cats! Check the horse's leg - still with shoe!

Wellington Zoo Pt 3