In Melbourne for the rest of the week for a spot of shopping...


The Kakapo Ejaculation Helmet at Te Pa Musuem

So like this must be the oddest thing Wellington's Te Papa Museum has on display: The Kakapo Ejaculation Helmet

the kakapo ejaculation helmet

So the Kakapo is an engangered NZ parrot. There are like only about 100 of the cute birds about.

These green parrots obviously need to breed to survive but they aint got the message. So concerned Kiwis have set up a breeding programme to help them out.

These people discovered that male kakapo have a tendency to engage people's heads in a sexual mating fashion. In an effort to collect Kakapo sperm for the breeding programme, some wiseguy invented 'The Ejaculation Helmet'. I kid you not, that's what it is called. I pity the fool that wore it.

The above pix is is from the Te Papa Museum. The accompaning caption said that the helmet was not successful. So some guy once got fucked on the head by a parrot for nothing.

Te Papa Museum is also home to this awesome Collosal Squid

Its too late, tonight

So if Slash's intro to Sweet Child of Mine is the best intro ever what is the best outro? My picks would be The Edge's playing on One off Actung Baby or mybe Peter Buck's Losing My Religion off Out of Time.

Both riffs are played at kind of the same tempo as Slash's. 'One' in particular is kind of almost the inverse of SCOM.

Put your clock back for the winter

So I was listening to the old ipod and the D4 s 'Party' came on. I love the spirit of the song - I love to party with the north shore b'arches as much as anyone (yes, I know diff song..) but I thought the guitaring was crap.

So as I wandered by KFC with the stale smells of dead chickens killed before their time I asked myself, "Who is NZ's best guitarist?"

And so I pondered.

My initial thought was Neil Finn. He's an older rocker. We know he can write melodies but can he play guitar like he is trying to tame a drunken lion? No. He's damn good but I'll put him in the songwriter catergory. Same for Dave Dobbyn. I'm loyal but I don't believe gods and rock mix. Unless you are Creed.

So what about that dude from The Datsuns, Phil Datsun who can wail like a mother fucker from hell? Yes and bless, he wants to be Jimmy Page but his front man lets him down. Don't get me wrong though, Datsuns make rock dangerous.

James Reid from the Feelers? Apart from his penchant for MC Hammer covers in between songs the man did write 'Venus' and the fact he played ACDC's 'Back in Black' (Come Back Chris Cairns, all is forgiven) one rocking New Years Eve in Napier means he gets an auditon for NZ's best guitarist.

One of Wellington's favourite sons from Shihad perhaps? John Toogood or Phil Knight each play a mean axe. They tame lions all knight, every knight. Toogood may in fact be a lil crazy and in need of a pie and therefore is disqualified. Thus its gotta be Phil. Despite various terrible curly haircuts he's in the band that practically rewrote the national anthem with 'Home Again' (People say its Whaling by the Dobster but like, whatever). And because of that riff he gets the nod. Phil Knight is NZ's best guitarist.

Of course this musing has only picked a few contemporary artists and I probably should have put in the guy from Supergroove as his riffs rocked the house, for whatever reason. If anyone says I missed out Shane Carter they can just piss off. If that guy from the (Dance) Exponents who wrote that 'Victoria' riff was around today I'd give it to him on that alone cos that riff, she speeds...

Your thoughts dear reader?

Its the same room but everything's different.

David Slack blogs a review on The Dudes.

And shares this tale about Dave Dobbyn: “In between songs the banter was great. Peter clearly appreciated the overwhelming response from the audience. Ian said the f-word and it was kinda like your dad trying to be cool. Dave joked about being run out of town by the Opera House manager twenty-six years ago after kicking lights off the Opera House stage. Apparently on returning this year, the very same manager was sitting in the ticket booth. "Decided to show your face, have you?" he asked, stone-faced.”

No wonder he incited the Auckland Riot….

If I must share my own Dave Dobbyn story it was seeing him and James Reid from The Feelers play, Crowded House’s “Weather With You” (an obscure aussie band) on acoustic guitars sometime New Year’s Day or the day after at East Pier, Napier. After we got in for free. Heh.

If I must share my own Feelers story – Me, SAS, Levi, the Rooster and other assorted hangerons including Thames Girl were at a gig at the Fat Ladies Arms in Palmerston North about 1998/99 ???. The Feelers who at that stage had only released Pressure Man opened for Dead Flowers who had released that orange album with You Drink the Water on it. Anyway we were all up the front with the Feelers going off. Thames Girl had reached her two wine limit and was yelling and screaming like a banshee high on P. Suddenly mid song James Reid halted playing. Pointing at Thames Girl he said ”That has got to stop!” . And then picked up where he left off. TG was mortified but later had a body part signed by St Jimmy and thus both sides made peace.

I remember hearing Venus being played and thinking that was a fucddddking cool song. I’ve since seen Feelers about 5 or 6 times. The only band I’ve seen more is Shihad. Or Villa Nine but they broke up before they even knew what an MP3 was.

You look so skinny!

Is it wrong to have loved the Devil Wears Prada? I am a lil confused though. Who is this Jimmy Choos everyone kept talking about?

Daddy's gonna drive your crashed car?

So like 35 days until U2 hit our shores U2 eh? Did I mention I'm going to Melbourne the week before the Melbourne Cup? Oh well beggars can't be choosers - Who's gonna win the Caulfield tm? Who's gonna ride your wild horses? Ah what am I really one about? Three words. Three. Day. Weekend.

Must. Stop. Using. Stupid. Full. Stops. Every. Time.

Lady with the Spinning Head - U2 B - Side

lady with the spinning head u2 b side the exorcist

The Lady With the Spinning Head

Who knew that U2's Lady with the Spinning Head B side on 'Even Better than the Real Thing' was an homage to the movie The Exorcist? Its been bugging me for ages what the song was about. Was it drinking? Was it gambling?

The answer struck me on the bus on the way to work.... given Bono's struggle with religious concern and the catholic church, its no surprise he addesses the matter of possession by demons via an exploration of the themes found in The Exorcist...check out my reasoning as we explore the song's lyrics...

Lady with the Spinning Head. (This is Regan, the possesed child featured in the Exorcist)

Here she comes (refers to the masturbation with a crucifix scene)
Lady luck again (ironic intent, its unlucky to be possessed)
Figure of eight (Though jailbait, Reagan is a lovely figure, an 8 at least)
Six and nine again (refers to sexual innuendo between the priests and Reagan and also the 69 times Regan threw up on the priests)

My lady with the spinning head (refers to classic head spinning scene in bedroom)

Whatever the deal (Priest offers the demon a deal to take him instead of Reagan)
She won't let me down (the demon takes that deal)
Wherever I go
She's always hanging 'round (refers to suicides throughout movie, and the final 'I'll just jump out the window' scene)

My lady with the spinning head
La la la la la la la la la la la
Lady with the spinning head
La la la la la la la la la la la
Lady with the spinning head (again refers to the head spinning scene)

She's been gone
But I knew she'd be back (refers to the shitty sequel)
She's got the rent (nice apartment in the shitty sequel eh?)
She put me in the black

The lady with the spinning head (yada yada…)

Took my mind (having the devil possess you does cause a leave of one's senses)
Took away my car
Do you dare to ask
What I'm talking about (the church covers up quite a lot of demonlogy issues so this is Bono challenge the Church to come clean)

I'm on top
When she's around (again refers to the sexual tension between priests and Regan)
She's my ticket
Out of town (nowadays they take you out of town to the funy farm if you are possessed.)

La la la la la la la la la la la
Lady with the spinning head
La la la la la la la la la la la
Lady with the spinning head (yada yada…)

Not sold? Ok check out some of my thoughts on some of U2's under rated songs, Who Bono really is or why not visit my site on Songs of Ascent.

Broken Spoke

Hey Axl, you smoking the same cigarettes as me?
You can’t get no satisfaction with all the distraction of a Bucket on your Head
You’re a devil without sympathy
Without a backing band, you’re a long time dead
Use your illusion to escape the confusion of this mess
Dammit, you know Straddlin’s songs were the best.

Your November riffs broke the ceiling’s glass
Its shattered shards fell like a folded hand of cards.
But with high stakes, the loss is hard
Have you’ve been told you’re not special, just a rusted spoke in a broken fifth wheel?
Just another red brick in the wall?
Come on, get real, we know you’re just waiting for the Division Bells to call.

Sick of preaching and screeching? Well, your fans are a beseeching
Let it rip, stop the hypocrisy,
Release Chinese Democracy.

Ever seen a duck walk backwards?

It will only take 10 seconds...

The Northland office of telecommunications company Gen-i has a new take on the automated phone system.

Here's what you need to do:
* Call (09) 470 0100;
* Listen to the automated recording;
* After listening to the list, press 4.

Make sure you are paying attention....


How about a shag then?

Today's Update: Sugary

Today I ate 3 Crunchie Bars. That's a whole lot of Hokey Pokey.

Robyn Finck is a Guitar God

I was at Robin Finck's website and found this pix. It may be him performing as part of NIN during the Big Day Out in 1999. The stand to the right suggests it is but I could be wrong. Ideas any one?

robin finck gnr nin

NIN rocked that day. To hear Head Like a Hole was pretty cool - as was Hurt and of course, the kick ass stuff on The Fragile.

Robin Finck has been playing for GNR lately. His version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow is brilliant. Log onto Limewire or something and download it.

I only mention this cos there's nothing else to listen to until Chinese Democracy comes out. If ever. Well it's coming here's the Chinese Democracy Album Lyrics.

Potatoe Fingers

So like some free advice Jimmy Jangles style for Stephen Fleming. Don't put Hamish Marshall* in the slips!!

I was at New World, Chaffers Park this evening and the Curly one was picking potatoes from a pile... and dropped them. Potatoes for africa on the floor. If I was Shane Bond I would be making sure that Legoman was at 2nd slip for sure.

I must admit his dive to stop the last one from crashing into an old ladies trolley was impressive and his return to the attendant hovering on the otherside of the mushrooms was similarly sharp.

Bring on the World Cup!

*Or maybe it was his identical twin, James.

KC and the Sunshine Band

Went to the Kelt Capital where the horses stole all my money. Stole, I tell you.  Had a good day though, the main event was a pretty good race with Legs proving the strongest with a good inside run.
Ate 2 hotdogs.

Like the music, hate the preaching

Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks
the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence,
he starts to slowly clap his hands.
He says into the microphone...
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from near the front pierces the silence...
"Well, stop fucking clapping then."
H/T popbitch

G Up Neddy

Even though its only Wednesday, I'm off to the Kelt Capital. See you Monday. Now get back to your bloody submissions.

Random Play

So like tupaware parties what ever happened to them which reminds me of seinfeld lamp shades why would you put a shade on a lamp didn't you need light hi scott the Manatee appears to have gone all dodo and finally become extinct Oh well, his star shone bright like a carwreck down a cliff for a time so Inzaman got off pretty fucking light didn't he 4 matches captains with slower over rates have got more match bans Bulls on Parade that had a good riff didn't it got the new Audislave album I give it two thumbs up ie its better than other stuff o and some advice if at the vid store and ur beta half suggests getting out a film with bette mildler and shelly long in it one word run run for your life you jogger you this public service anounce ment was bought to you by shortland street, the xbox 360 and bill gates.