I started a joke which started the whole world laughing.

I thought of a joke but aint got the punch line. Help me out?

What's the difference between Mel Gibson and Michael Richards?

Best answer gets a choc fish.....

No matter what they tell you...

Elton John is well known for being a grumpy bugger. I suspect it’s because he doesn’t get enough xxxx. Anyway he took an amusing snipe at Oasis recently about Westlife charting higher than Oasis' new Best Of.

“I’m so glad Westlife are ahead of Oasis," he raged. "[Noel Gallagher's] an absolute tosser and he looks like Parker from Thunderbirds.”

"They don’t deserve to be number one. It’s not a greatest hits album because they’ve left three of their biggest hits off it"

Elton’s probably just upset that his latest album didn’t chart as high as Stop the Clocks. Or is it that he’s on tour?

Either way Elton might be on the money...

Recent Ipod Crimes:

I need a Hero – Bonnie Tyler

That’s it, I swear.

More questions:

Welsh Rugby Union – big girl’s blouses?

Sick of U2 yet?

Today Tomorrow Timauru?

America’s Cup. Who gives a shiny one?

Old man grampa aint what she used to be?

Is your box heart shaped?

Smashing Pumpkins – most overrated band of the 90s?

Phased about the AB’s having lowest priced World Cup odds ever?

All you skinny white boyz out there, please shave your Movember Mo s? You look like pedos

The Fat Dancer from Take That

“The Fat Dancer from Take That” was the name given to Robbie Williams by Noel Gallagher in 2000 when they were in the middle of a public slanging match. Noel is famous in some parts for his quips and quotes. Some are designed to generate publicity and some are just mean. Wishing Damon Albarn from Blur would die of AIDS was perhaps his most vile comment of them all.

    Said dancer in question

Robbie responded to the fat dancer comment by calling Noel a "mean spirited dwarf". The comments continued and escalated when Noel offered Williams a gun so that he could kill himself.

This was all following how Williams was befriended by both Noel and Liam Gallagher, at the time when their band was the world’s most popular. Paranoid and taking too much cocaine, according to Mr Williams, they fell out in proper rock star fashion – through the press.

The reference to Robbie being a fat dancer is now a tad ironic as though Robbie had become a successful singer in his own right at the time the comment was made, he went on to become a major solo artist, being just as popular as Oasis in their hey day.

In 2009 the last laugh could be on Robbie as Oasis split up leaving Noel open to quips that he’s just that old cranky bastard from Oasis. Still, the rumours abound that Robbie is going to rejoin with the reformed Take That so we'll see what comment Noel makes if that happens...

Did you hear Noel Gallagher has a new album out? Do the Damage is a b-side to the lead single, In the Heat of the Moment.

Its too late, tonight

So I was just listening to the ipod and Four Season's in One Day by Crowded House came on. And I smiled because Bono beautifully butchered it into an early song (Elevation was it?). He missed the melody or something but the crowd part I was in cheered and laughed at the same time. Nothing like a rock star sucking up to his faithful!

And all this reminded me I forgot to ask in the last post - did anyone else notice Bono come into early for a verse during One? I thought it was only me but the Manatee thought so - like the Stones did in Easter when Mick Jagger missed a cue, the band played around it and it sounded sweet - a testament to good musos everywhere.

Amusing question from Charlie Chicken after the gig, "What was the name of the song with the Kite?"

Hmm guess I'm still buzzing.

P.S. Go fuck yourself Tom Cardy.


According to blogger this is my 701st post. I'm catching u DPF!

Its called chemistry, heathen.

Here’s an article about Noel Gallagher from stuff.

I have a cold and am grumpy so I’ll give it a fisking. Not a quite a Keith Ng fisking of a former Act party MP, but a fisking nonetheless. I actually prefer fishing.

# my comments with a #

NEW YORK: Rock icons Oasis have released their greatest songs album capturing more than a decade of hits, but the band's main songwriter Noel Gallagher says his best-known tunes are not so great.

For many Oasis fans, three songs – Wonderwall, Don't Look Back in Anger and Champagne Supernova from the blockbuster hit 1995 album (What's the Story) Morning Glory? – were the defining moment for the band.

# no shiz , Sherlock.

For Gallagher, the album was overrated.

"Morning Glory, I don't think it's the best-sounding record we have ever done," Gallagher told Reuters in an interview. "Some of the songs are not as great as people think they are."

#Are you deaf? I suspect you turned it up to 11 too often.

As for the notion that Don't Look Back in Anger and Wonderwall captured the spirit of optimism of the mid-1990s, Gallagher puts much of it down to timing.

# Well Kurt D Cobain did kill himself. There was no one else after Eddie Vedder went all political.

"There was always going to be one defining British album that came out at that time, it just so happened we put ours out at the right time and the songs, being about hope and love, just struck a chord with people," Gallagher said.

#Struck a chord. Bon Mots!

"I don't much like Wonderwall, but the effect that song has on people, I can't deny it," he said. "Great music is in the ear of the beholder."

#And when you turned it into a big dumb rock song on tour you ruined it git.

"I still don't know who this chick Sally is," he said of the heroine of Don't Look Back in Anger.

# She’s your fat mumma.

"I wrote the thing and I don't know what it means, but for some reason, for (fans) it means the world to them," he said.

#It's kinda like this blog then, I guess

"All those lyrics, like Champagne Supernova and that, they were just nonsense ... you can think about those lyrics for the next 500 years and they still won't mean anything."

# I once used that song’s lyrics to decode a Dom Post cryptic crossword, thank you very much.

As Gallagher reviews the 18-song, two-disc Stop the Clocks compilation, he says the band's first album Definitely Maybe from 1994 remains his best work.

# Thank God Liam wrote Songbird eh?

"People are still hailing it as one of the greatest albums of all time," he said, calling it on a par with the seminal punk opus Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols.

# Its better. Sex Pistols are overrated bollocks

Absent from the album, which includes some of the band's famed B-sides, is anything from their third effort, 1997's Be Here Now, when the band came close to imploding under the weight of their own success and a blizzard of cocaine.

# Bad call, D’yer Know What I Mean guv?

"As soon as you get involved in cocaine, it all goes out the window because you think that every note you play on the guitar is ... monumental," Gallagher said.

# I did like the solo on It's Gettin' Better (Man!!)

Now 39, Gallagher is more relaxed that at the height of his fame and drug abuse when he notoriously wished Blur frontman Damon Albarn death by AIDS before later apologising.

#Why would you do that? Gorrillaz sux.

"It's shallow," Gallagher said of the life of drugs he gave up in 1998 after a moment of clarity.

# Yeah but I bet you got laid once or twice.

"Back in the day, I was prone to making sweeping statements," he said, adding that he has no real regrets. "It was a time for heroes, it wasn't a time for being reserved and concise about our success. We were ... bigger than Jesus."

# Gorrillaz is regrettably also bigger than Jesus these days.

Now having completed a six-album record deal with Sony Music, Gallagher says he has no plans because for the first time since 1994, Oasis are without a recording contract.

# Um don’t you own your own label now...

"It's quite a liberating feeling," he said. "I'm sitting back at the minute and saying, 'I couldn't be bothered, I've achieved everything I ever set out to achieve.'"

# Um but you didn’t crack America properly. Well I guess you did better than that phat prick Robbie.

"But on the other hand, Oasis is such a fantastic thing, you could never walk away from it, ever," he said. "While you still have breath in your lungs and could still stand up and weren't bald, you couldn't walk away from this."

# So no solo album in the future then?

I need a dollar people! Pt II

Went to Charlie's stag night. I am now still le tired.

I need a dollar people!

Went to Charlie's stag night. I am now le tired.

The Master Chief

Here's to you John

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said ...

"Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast
of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Man vs Clown: He has a mo' you know


All your dreams are made of strawberry lemonade

Oasis’ new best of ‘Stop the Clocks’ has me flying a plane in my big mouth. Not that I need it, I have every Oasis album and a billion singles but it’s the concept of Oasis having a best of out that I love.

Some might say Oasis are over the hill, hasbeens who should make way for gonna bees. Well stop the clock indeed, Don’t Believe the Truth put paid to the disaster that was the great rock and roll swindle, Be Here Now and picked up where Heathen Chemistry had hinted the band had rebirthed and firmly stomped Oasis back to number one all around the world.

Oasis are the best band in the world and that’s a fact, Jacky Brown. No band since 1994 has consistently released such quality output, especially in terms of singles being released. The song writing is suburb, though granted the their delivery has not always been the case. A blend of all Who have been before infused with a lil bit of stolen Teen Spirit has meant Oasis were the bomb. They needed each other as much as fans like me needed them.

Stop the Clocks will stack up as one of the best best ofs ever. In my blatantly subjective and biased opinion it rates up there with Michael Jackson’s History, Beatles “1” and the Eagles. Songs like Wonderwall, Live Forever, Lyla, Slide Away, Song bird, The Importance of Being Idle and The Masterplan make it so. In a captain Piccard kind of way.

The fact Stops the Clocks will not have Roll With It, Stand by Me, D’yer know what I mean or Whatever on it speaks volumes as to the quality of the songs that are there.

The thing about Oasis has always been their b-sides. They are better than most band’s A sides. And thus The Masterplan is treated like the National Anthem in Britain and deserves its place on the album.

So all your Oasis haters out there can go listen to your Gnarls Barley and your EMO crap, people who know what music is supposed to sound like and make you feel, head down to your Soundz or whereever next week and grab yourself a copy. That’s what a space man would do. D’yer know what I mean?


Extra for Experts:

I will concede that if Metallica were to put a best of up I imagine that would pretty much be the best best of ever.

Good Rodence

I hope you had the time of your life

Aye J?

So..I'd put on some make up, turned on the eight track, pulled the wig down from the shelf and someone said to me,

"Well, I guess it aint art if its from a department store"

and feeling like suddenly I'm Miss Farrah Fawcett From TV I said, "I couldn't agree more!"

Any way, ... How about Kwahng Yi on guitar, ladies and gentlemen! Give it up! Kwahng Yi.

What's the Golden Rule?

Always look cool.

Did your nation stop?

So I got 8 percent of the Cup trifecta but spent more than I won. Go figure. What's the lesson here? Never trust an Irishman.