Another classic from Popbitch:
Ian Astbury from The Cult walking past the Viper Rooms in LA at 7pm one evening last week, carrying a shopping bag of food.
The bouncer calls out, "Hey Ian, good to see you!"
Ian's reply: "Dude I'm feeling it, tripping on two purple dots".
The McWorker mopping the floors appears to be a bit different from me. He keeps talking to himself.
“John is a naughty boy. Fuck you John!”
I hope he doesn’t think I’m John. He might though, it is my name.
“I don’t have time for this I’ve got to get to work”
Oh dear - if he isn’t at work what’s he doing mopping floors at Mickey Dees? Has he snuck in for a bit of moonlighting? Does he want a free pasta salad or something? I wonder if he has been bitten by Cujo and if I got the right shots as a child.
Outside is a short guy in a Black Power costume. He’s talking to a young wannabe growing his first piece of bum fluff, His jeans at about his knees. I’m amused to see the kid is wearing two pairs of boxers. I can’t help but wonder why he isn’t at school? Maybe it’s a study break for his Cambridge Exams.
An old Greek looking lady just wandered in. She is what I imagine Mother Theresea would look like in mufti. She has a cell fone. She gives it to another McWorker who is pleased with the delivery. They speak seemingly in tongues but I don’t understand anything except that my chips aren’t hot. I chomp on the Mac. It’s no Royale with Cheese, dam metric system.
McWorker is back.
“Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight, young man?”
That’s it, I’m outta here, the Big Mac’s yours.
When I applied it to Those That Must Be Obeyed this argument didn't run too well but clearly Mr Al Gore believes innit… Sir Humphries notes that MR Gore refused to sign this pledge:
“As a believer:
· that human-caused global warming is a moral, ethical, and spiritual issue affecting our survival;
· that home energy use is a key component of overall energy use;
· that reducing my fossil fuel-based home energy usage will lead to lower greenhouse gas emissions; and
· that leaders on moral issues should lead by example;
I pledge to consume no more energy for use in my residence than the average American household by March 21, 2008.”
I'd pledge to drink more beer but that’s probably best left for a different post.
So this got me thinking that instead of food miles perhaps we should be talking about Gore Miles.
Food miles – is the redundant ‘expression for the concept that the mileage of food before it reaches the consumer (or the plate) is a potential indicator for the environmental impact of the food and its components’. But such arguments are never as simple as they appear and do not include the total energy cost of production – nthe fact that NZ produce is more energy efficient than English produce e.g. sheep and beef proves food miles arguments to be as valuable as a wet airplane ticket.
But what about Gore Miles? That might be a mile argument worth having. I posit that Gore Miles are food miles advanced – i.e. every mile that Al Gore travels trying to get people to watch his movie which I haven’t seen adds to CO2 emission levels both from private jet fuel expenditure and hot air expelled.
One might suggest that if the work he did outweighed the cost of his contribution then it would be ok to be a hypocrite – but the fact is he does not have an effect - and it just is an apparent 'do as I say not do as I do' kind of lobbyist.
Every country that gets Gore to visit is doing Gore Miles – adding to the carbon challenge. So forget fighting food miles, the next spin to win is Gore Miles!
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?" The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman". The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year. In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses. The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties".
The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie".
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it?"
The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
The barman, with a roguish smile says "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it".
"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie". The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves....
.....NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, "Who are you" To which he is answered, "I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house".
The barman says, "I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous" The rabbit says, "Yes I know". The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"
The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it". The barman said "You never came back, what happened?"
"I DIED", said the Rabbit.
"NO!" said the barman, "what from".
After a short pause, the rabbit said...
H/T: Me Dad.
So here's the dilema, do I wear my Transformers T shirt to the movie when it comes out? Like you know how its cool to wear a Hurricanse shirt to the game but not cool to wear a Metallica shirt to the gig. What is it? What is it Tangimoana, the money or the bag?
So like seeing as Google Inc. fears they are going the way of sellotape I thought I would help bring about the demise sooner buy adding some new definitions of google:
Google: What a baby vomits up on your shirt after burping.
Google: A fan of The Goo Goo Dolls.
That last one is kind of like how a Maggot might be a fan of that all time folkband, Slipknot. OMG Big Machine by GG Dolls just came on the ipod! This google is very happy - this proves the term works beyond reasonable doubt. Thank god the Pussy Cat Dolls didn't come on that. That would have been embarassing.
Google: Not an original this one but according to google itself it was a term in a Lil Rascals' movie for drinking water. Doesn't apply to beer though - imagine saying "Man I got wasted last night, I googled 18 lagers".
Aside from being witty as stamp this post is also a test to see if the definitions will come up on google's define: search query thingy... want real SEO advice?
So like if one had a brain explosion and said "I googled him on Yahoo and he seems pretty interesting." that would make the googsters lawyers upset.
So like to try and sellotape the issue up they have kindly provided this guide for the correct usage of google. I say whatever, trevor.
So like in other news my efforts to trademark 'so like' are proving so like, terrible.
So like Google it if you don't believe me.