Muthaukas: Flight of the Conchords

Does anybody actually watch prime TV? Does anyone actually watch the Flight of the Conchords on Prime TV? And yes in another bloody Halo reference to a Halo podcast the Bungie lads mentioned the Chords. Those muvauvks know their muvaucking sheet.

Anyways I chanced upon last night’s show. For some reason I wasn’t playing Halo 3. Maybe I’m coming down with something, who knows but Jay Bee at least queried why the Xbox wasn’t on. Racism against Kiwis. It's an issue people. The set up was an Indian fruit seller refusing to sell Brett and Jermaine fruit because they were Kiwis. Hilarity Ensues. Hello!

They incorporated an old song they used to play at the Comedy Night at the Indigo Bar about Albie the racist dragon into the show – ala cartoon. God I have no idea where I am going with this. To the bar maybe. Or to the stars Bowen, to the stars.

Go throw a banana at an Aussie maybe. Or a boomerang. You’ll be lucky if it comes back though. Bloody dingoes stealing boomarangs is rife in the outback. I hear.

Fruit salad for dinner tonight I think.

Believe

Believe



Grunts go Boom!



Jimmy Janglez Needs Paracetamolz. Lolz.

Bungie made Halo 3 while drunk. Its true.....

I was listening to the latest Bungie Pod Cast. Bungie are the lads (and Frankie) that make Halo for you non – geeks...

The amusing thing was they interrupted it halfway thru because some one delivered them some Steinlager!* The Best Game Designers in the Universe (maybe except for the guy that made Tetris) drink the World’s best Beer. It seems logical… though I find when I play Halo after a few beers my headshots become plasma stickies to my own face…

In the P/C they discussed the kiwi lad who works at Bungie, Chris Butcher. This kid sounds like NZ’s version of Bill Gates. But without the money.

Here’s some bits from an interview he recently did with Stuff.

He was introduced to girls early:

"My parents thought it would be a better choice if I was eight-years-old to be trundling around a high school that an all girls school might be a more appropriate environment with less bullying and stuff – and it was kind of funny and kind of weird as well."


"When Mr Butcher was 20 he was working on his PhD in 3-dimensional computer graphics when he noticed a job vacancy with Bungie.

He modified one of their own games, Myth, by adding his own program where the user could "zoom all over it all at once and fly around in real time".

That sort of thing was "pretty fancy" compared to what people were doing in games, he said.

The company was impressed and flew him to Chicago for an interview and straight away offered him a job."

Can you hear me Bungie? I know DOS! C:/DOS C:/Dos RUN and jump Flood. Or something.

Yay got the Kill Frenzy achievement this am.

* I think it was Pure but I'll let it pass.

Did 'Halo 3' Hurt Box Office Sales?

The Whore (see links, can't be assed typing HTML code) alerted me to this most interesting theory about Halo 3.

From imdb.com

"Some industry analysts are blaming the release of the videogame Halo 3 for the current dive in movie ticket sales. Advertising Age has observed that over the Oct. 5 weekend, after Halo 3 had sold $300 million worth of copies, the box office was down 27 percent below the same weekend last year -- the worst performance for an October weekend since 1999.

Over the same weekend, The Heartbreak Kid, which some box-office gurus had predicted would make up to $30 million, brought in only $14 million. "The audience on this game is the 18-to-34 demographic, similar to what you'd see in cinemas," Mike Hickey, an analyst at Denver research firm Janco Partners, told AdAge, adding that the box-office slide "could last for several weeks."

Clearly then the only way to fix this slump is to make the GODAMNED HALO MOVIE AND MAKE IT NOW! PAY PETER JACKSON FUCKLOADS TO DO IT ALREADY. Or it could be the slump is because The Heartbreak Kid movie just really sux. Like a vacuum cleaner letting off steam with meth amphetamine.

On a personal note I finished  Halo 3 on Legendary a wee while back. Didn't get the Marathon Man achievement - even after I went through and did them all 'properly' again. Or so I thought. Grrr. Got all the Skulls. Thanks internetz!

Check out Halo Reach Game News!

More Perth

Perth Part II

Thursday

More work work work.

Actually maybe I just sat there reading the paper but apparently like the milkman, I deliver. Apparently.

Whatever. Did the shops apresskiworkski. God, shopping is so boring, I have money and don’t even want to spend it. Crossed the river for dinner at Coco’s. 10 4 10. Had the .. prawns. King hit. Went to the Windsor bar. A pint of Becks costs 9.30 Aussie ! I swear that’s the most expensive beer I ever had! Well maybe I had two or more. Who can really day? I didn’t get a receipt.

Observations. Ben Cousins everywhere. Silverchair who? I stayed up watching the thriller (kinda) between India and Australia in the cricket – Aussie losing is like 5 page news – Ben’s rehab is 1 – 3. Caulfield cup is page 4. Looking at the clips of Ben he was nuts before he took his first hit. I’m a stranger in this town but I would bet he was a crap student that couldn’t focus, was ADHD etc.


Friday

It was a sunny bloody marvellous day so took a cruise on the Swan river. WINE cruise that was.

Leaving at 10am one is served tea or coffee. Boring. But by 11 one has been served four wines. A Mr Burns Excellent. River is full of birds such as ducks, shags, geese and the odd lorikeet. Saw a dolphin jump which was kinda cool. The gentleman that kept my glass full said that occasionally a bull shark would sneak up the river and the dolphins attack them like good old Flipper did. Bless.

Stopped off at Sandalford Winery - Where they amazingly let you pour you sample. So above the line I went. Like 4 times with the chardonnay. And then there was the Port.

Hit another winery for lunch. Name eludes me, I’m not sure why. Had the fish for lunch. Spent the next 3 hours on the boat chatting to the lads from the American Navy who joined the cruise. For some reason they couldn’t believe I knew about John Steinbeck and his rabbits. I mean really, we think America is illiterate?

Another post will show you copious shots of river, bridges and birds. Enjoy.

Saturday.

Had BF. Went to Freemantle markets. Seen 1, Seen em all.

Sunday: Perth Zoo. Crocs/Kangas and Galopogas Turtles rule.

Trip home: Bought a bottle of Johhny Walker and Bombay Sapphire Gin. Walker smashed in the over head locker in the plane. The Gin smashed in my bag. Grrr.

Perth Randoms

Perth: Has good beer

So Like here’s some posts from Perth …

Sunday

Landed in Perth after refusing to watch Harry Fucking Potter but really enjoying Knocked Up instead. That annoying chick from Gray’s anatomy is still annoying but the support cast and Seth Rogan rock. As does Ryan Seacrest when he takes the piss out of himself.

Got in the world’s longest queue for a taxi. Apparently when two Jumbo jets land at the same time you always get 500 people waiting for a cab. My pain was relieved by noting a fellow traveller’s tshirt bearing “if we built this city on rock and roll it would be structurally sound’. So I realised the Aussies aren’t all that bad (Greg Chappelle and Georgege Gregan excluded of course) and got a cab finally, got to the hotel at 4 am NZ equivalent. Farrk jimmy was a tired lil koala.

Monday

Had breakfast somewhere, did some work, caught a the James Stirlingy Ferry to Freemantle. Saw some jumping dolphins. Took a tour round the place. It’s a really cool city, old Spanish style buildings like Napier. Wide streets and the Crown larger goes down well.

Went for dinner at the Brass Monkey where I tried Kangaroo. What a fucking waste of money. It is the worst tasting meat in the world. The gamiest chewist tb infected deer in the world would be preferable to this. And don’t get me started on the service. Worst. Waitress. Ever. Did try the Beez Neez beer. Would recommend.

Observations: They have Bro Town on the telly here. Lots of buildings being redeveloped. Free buses. Pareeket things fly around. Swans bloody every where, real and fake. People walk real fast. Food and stuff is expensive ish compared to NZ.

Tuesday

Work Colleages decided to seek my advice at 5am 6am and 7am today so jimmy jangles was ready for breakfast at 8. Eggs ‘Let of Some Steam. Benedict.

Did some work ra ra then went to the botanical gardens called Kings Gardens I think. Lots of cool parrot birds and cockatiels running around. Good view of the Swan river. Flowers for Africa.

Headed up to the Perth Mint. i.e. they make gold there. Got to hold a 12kg bar worth several hundy thou. It’s a pretty dense metal. Weighed myself and converted it to gold value. My weight worth in cold is approx 2,175,000 Aussie million dollars.


Observations

God you cannot escape Silverchair in this town or in the shade, in the shaaaaade!They are on tv, radio and every bloody t-shirt. There’s been the old cannibal corpse t-shirt too. Tattoos are so hot right now, all over the arms of every second lad. Facial piercings are popular too.

Right, I’m off for a swim!


Dinner at Alanmishakksa

Randomly found ourselves at Alimaskshas restaurant. The theme is ethnic smorgsasborad. Or rather Hare Krishna free for all. Or something. Either way food was asbsolutley delicious. The catch was how you pay. You pay what you fell is right! So given the service, lack of cleanliness in the loo and the fact they asked asked us to take out plates up to the chef to wash (some thing optional at Mackey dees) I gave them 10 bucks. Which turns our was a fair price so I’m glad I kept to the spirit. I totally recommend this place for a) the taste and b) the dilemma they offer you at the end.

Wednesday

Work. Work. work.

Dinner is however is worth reporting on. Went to the revolving restaurant. Its called the C Revolving Restaurant. Yada Yada is spins as you eat, so I got a good view of Perth. Its wide like an over from Robert Kennedy. Entrée was Shashmi. Beef Fillet for main. Asked for rare. Got medium well cooked. It was tasty. Wine was F.A.B. Something from the Swan River. Costs you an arm and an arm and a leg but I did convince an ACDC fan the new Killers album was worth a listen.

Beer Watch: Red Back – A wheat beer served with a slice of lemon. Not too F.A.B. Virgil. Went back to the bartender, a young punk and said give me a good beer – he poured me straight away a Swan Draught, and cry me a river it’s a good drop o beer.

Observations: Saw another god dam picture of Silverchair in a shop window. You freak. A rainy day in Perth is a five minute sunshower.

Happy birthday dave !

That man deserves a DB!?

It's not how we're drinking, it's Howlett we're drinking

Remember when Douggie Howlett scored that last minute try against South Africa? Lucky eh? Still you gotta feel for the guy - All Blacks going out in the quarter final like that, so he missed his chance at World Cup glory. I'd get smashed and try and make love to a car too.

All Blacks win 2011 Rugby World Cup: The Hoff scores a hatrick

The Hoff's controversial selection in the Rugy World Cup final paid divdends  at the TAB not seen since 1987 this afternoon when The Hoff scored his third try of the match in injury time to give the All Blacks a 45 to 43 points victory over the Springboks, who were the defending champions after trouncing England in the 2007 final 35 to 3. 



The Hoff claimed kiwi ancestry through his  car known as KITT. Kit was born in Taihape of all places. Sorry Don.

Post match, The Hoff paid a special tribute to his team who passed him all the ball like they used to do when Jonah was around and said his inspiration to take up rugby came the day he quit drinking and had nothing else to do except bitch about his wife's rotation policy.

The Hoff's anthemic cover of Tina Turner's 'We don't need another hero' for the Cup was number one on the New Zealand and German charts this week.

All Black legend Jeff Wilson sent the Hoff a dozen Speights. 

Teabags last longer in the Cup.

So lets do it. Lets get into this self analysing we are all bloody doing.

First, lets get one thing straight. Even Chuck Norris cried after the All Blacks lost. Chuck. Norris. People.

The All Blacks fell to Les Blue and it hurts. It hurts like the time mum stood on my transformer Mirage and made him a paraplegic. It hurts like the time I snapped my lil pinkie in two. It hurts like the time my cat known as Optimus Prime was hit by a car and died. It hurts like the time the original Optimus Prime died in the original Transformers movie (surely not? – Ed).

So there I am tense as a sheep at the meat works, edge on seat yelling some French of my own at the telly when my hopes and dreams and 50 bucks at the TAB vanish in a forward passmoment. Gutted, my mum cooks bacon and eggs. I go outside and puke up lasts nights BBQ. It was the wine coming back to say hello. No, really it was.

That was my moment, there were 4 million others across the nation and in Wales too. Hands on heads, tears. TAB accounts emptied. God is there a worse thing than seeing Richie Macaw sucking it up, holding back the tears? I know I felt bad, but shit he had to carry the whole nation. I was actually impressed with the French captain’s after match comments. He said some nice things about the All Blacks and was most gracious.

Four more years. Try fucking 20 odd.

What’s the difference between Graeme Henry and Vigara? At least Viagra can get you a Semi. Can’t blame the coach though really can ya? He’s a good bloke even if he is a Kings College Oldboy. You can blame John Hart (too many old players), you can blame John Mitchell (dropped Christian Cullen) but you cannot blame Henry. He prepared the best AB team ever and they couldn’t deliver on the day it mattered. The team just couldn’t do it when asked. C’est la vie.

Or not. The nation is pissed and rightly so. We thought we were the best and wanted it to be. Every test we play for the next four years will be sour. Every time we beat France by 20 points it will be most sour. Every time.

And what of our English hating Big Brother across the ditch? They lost too. To fucking, useless as a third tit England. Who will now play France and probably beat them and make the Final. You know it aint right. Will Aussie Aussie Aussie care? Probably not as much as us. They had Bathhurst. They have a champion Cricket Team. They don’t give a dingo stole my baby cuss that they lost. They already won it three times. Can’t be that hard to win it again eh?

There was a small afternoon surprise consolation. In fact it was pretty damn good – Waikato 35, Hawke’s Bay Magpies 38. C'mon the Bay!

Weekend that was: Massacre Blue!

Drove home to Hastings on Friday arvo. It was sunny, it was going to be a good weekend.

Hit the town where they shot Terrance Thompson about 8. Visited the Father Figure who gave me a belated birthday present – and it was worth the wait – it was Starscream! Now Optimus Prime has a playmate to pummel. Nice one JR.

Celt Capital – Saturday was Race Day. Had two collects all day with some close trifectas. Had a few steinlagers. Big Race was good, anyone’s at the end. So I lost money.

BBQ Chez La Mere avec usual suspects. Ate chops and drank wine. Lost at Trivial Pursuit.

Woke up to a nightmare.

Drove home, turned on the good old AM radio to get hear the really really important game of the day, Hawkes Bay magpies vs the Waikato. Sounded like both teams played bloody well we were lucky to make a come back. That Liam fella sounds pretty good eh?

When we left for Wgtn it was about 25 degrees and the sun was pounding the plain. Hit Wellington in the middle of a lightening storm. Typical.

How good is Thom Yorke’s album, The Eraser?

Its very good. Very, as in you really should download it. Not the Petshop Boys kind of very

The Right Stuff

A guest post by Manfred the Manatee.

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The Right Stuff
After I had 2 separate people recommend this book/film I decided to rent it out the movie. I couldn’t see it under the 'drama' section at Amalgamated Video so decided the spotty counter guy (or 'S.C.G') if they had it:

M.T.M Excuse me do you have a film called 'The Right Stuff'

S.C.G Never heard of it...'the right stuff' snort

M.T.M Er...I think it won some Oscars

SCG Sigh, FINE, Ill look it up (tap tap tap) oh look we do have it 'The Right Stuff' no wonder I'd never heard of it its in (snort) scifi

M.T.M Um, its not a sci fi movie

SCG The computer says its in sci fi (gestures at screen)

M.T.M Its about the American space program...

SCG.. So it is sci fi

M.T.M (getting annoyed) Its uh... the history of the space program

SCG But there are spaceships in it

M.T.M Yeah...

SCG So its spaceships and UFOS and robots. Space $hit. So its SciFi!!!

M.T.M (deciding not to press a definitional issue)...ok Ill go get

It from sci fi

SCG Yeah, I wondered why Id never heard of it, I’m not into geek

chic

M.T.M (grinds teeth hard)


My wife spent half an hour calming me down at home while I railed on about insults to both sci fi devotees and Buzz Aldrin.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Marcus.

Xbox 360 Top Live Titles

1 Halo 3
2 Gears of War
3 Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas
4 Madden NFL 08
5 Call of Duty 4 Beta
6 Guitar Hero II
7 BioShock
8 Forza Motorsport 2
9 Call Of Duty 3
10 Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 (Demo)

From: Major Nelson

Extra for Experts: Check out Anya Stroud. Ohhhh Anya.

Q&A with Jimmy Jangles

Question: If David Gilmour had his hands chopped off by the three blind mice (who presumably were high on a 3 day P fuelled, knife stealing bender) and was thus unable to play for Pink Floyd who should replace him?

Answer: Mike Oldfield.

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Question: It’s your recurring nightmare that you wake up to suddenly find yourself as the last act, on the main stage, BDO with a guitar in hand and an amp turned to 11. What crowd pleasing cover do you play?

Answer: About a Girl, Nirvana (first recorded version).

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Question: Anthony Keidis calls you up and says ’you dude I’m got this nasty rhyme I can’t finish, can you help? It goes ‘I was drunk and out, so got me a ho’.

Answer: She turned about to be a bro.

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Questions: You’ve been asked to keep Billy Joel sober for the day before he plays a big comeback gig in Flaxmere. How do you keep him sober?

Answer: Flaxmere? The man would need to be drunk to play there!

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Question: You are fighting with your stupid younger brother about playing with Optimus Prime and the rest of your transformers. Your dad, wanting to get back to the Shield match, makes you choose one toy to let your sibling play with. Which Transformer do you give him? Optimus Prime or Megatron?

Answer: You give him your GI Joe.

Discuss.