The first time I ever met him he was the same little obnoxious weed that he is now

So given the Styris', Flemings, Bonds, Vincents*, Astles, Tuffeys etc netc has any one done the maths on which country has 'donated' the most players to the India 20 /20 leagues - sanctioned or not..?

What about the Hussey decline? Can he get over like 12 lately?

Otago? Where the F did they come from?

* no great loss

Megatron: Apparently not at the bottom of a deep marine trench

So like it would be remiss of the Optimus Prime Experiement to let comment pass on this fool.

Vincent Eardley-Wilmot managed to avoid authorities in New Zealand and Canada for four years by using false names. His run ended on Friday when Justice Robert Dobson, in the High Court at Wellington, jailed him for six years and six months after he admitted importing ecstasy and lsd and conspiracy to import methamphetamine.

What was his alias? Megatron. Leader or the Decepticons. Destroyer of worlds. A mad bugger. How dumb to you have to be to go around hiding from the cops with the name Megatron? You'd stand out like a pimple on a Dinobot's ass wouldn't ya? We'll you'd think so but the bugger must have done something right for four years.

Maybe he shortened his name to Megs or something.

I heard his girl friend Arcee was also arrest on other drugs charges

What did you do?

what did you do
back in time
that caused this chapter to collapse upon itself
probably took a chance to shoot off your mouth
praising your false glory
a person like you, dreaming

bragging rights
sold to the highest bidder
like an engulfed soldier
you blindly follow
turkish delight is not delightful
rather a tasteless swallow

i unsafely flew an aeroplane in my back yard
the crash was harder
than keeping up with an episode of Lost

It's tough being a robot

So like I was just having a beer with Optimus Prime at the Feathers. I can tell you he was seriously bummed out that he didn't win the Best Actor Oscar. I didn't get him started about his Golden Globes snub but you could tell he was still hurting

Owen Glenn me paid $1m for this blog

Now that the cat's out of the bag I want everyone to know that expatriate billionaire Owen Glenn paid me one million dollars to start this blog. It was not a donation, just cold hard cash. Which I spent on Pokies, Steinlager and funding the Brethen Church's Out Reach programme.

I called Owen this morning after all the media coverage and he confirmed that it was also him who paid for Shane Bond to defect to the Indian 20 / 20 league, paid for the Spice Girls to reform (Sporty was his favourite) and arranged for the Loch Ness Monster to retire to Bemuda.

Incidentally, I met Glenn at a bar in Monaco when I filmed the new James Bond movie. He was having a hard time picking up the ladies. I gave him a few pointers like how to stand and be cool, some tricks with a lighter, how to drink your whiskey proper and he was away.

What's the difference between...

What's the difference Jarek Goebel and Jonah Lomu? Jarek can spell his own name.

McCullum: Can we have 3 more of him?

So like back in 2002 when Brendon McCullum debut as an opener (or first drop) for NZ in a tri-series against Australia and South Africa he had a tough time. His average after 10 matches was 12.55 with a best score of 37 out of a total of 113 runs. If anything the series was notable for the introduction of Shane Bond who made Ricky Ponting his bunny and NZ managing to keep Australia out of the series final. Which we got dicked in.

McCullum eventually found his place in the side as a handy keeper and low order batsman. Astle reigned supreme at the top with several players filling the second spot. People such as Paps, ans Cumming were tried with Lou Vincent being a preernial trier.

Fast forward 120 odd matches to McCullum’s last 10 matches as an opener he has a high score of 96 against Australia for an average of 58.1 His performance includes four 50s and two 80 not outs.

Guess it shows how many tears and years we wasted with Vincent opening.

Supernatural superserious

OMG its good.

Dire, Dire, Dire, Dire, Dire.

The Gin was excellent, thanks for asking.

So is any one sick of that god dam TV2 promo add? Those fareeking trumpets. Beeehhhhh mmmebeeeeehhhhhh ! Lets face it, the only good trumpet add is the one with Rachel Hunter.

OMG the new game show about Singing Bees or someshit where they sing is DIRE. DIRE. DIRE my darling and dont utter a single word about it. But I will. People will do any thing on TV. Morons.

And as for that guy who used to present the Lotto singing? He fucking redrumed Evermore's Running. Anything for the cash eh? What's next? Hilary Timmins lap dancing at Mermaids?

Which is where I'll probably end up this weekend cos its one of the lad's stag night.... I'll let you dear readers know if she was on.

Why John M’Cain becoming the next America President would be a good thing for New Zealand: Free trade.

Mr McCain supports free trade and free trade supports NZ by being its life blood, so any promotion of trade by McCain would likely have benefits for NZ.

The following is a fairly rough analysis of the 3 main contenders for the American presidency and their positions on free trade. I assume you believe in free trade and know of its benefits, don't vote green and agree that labour and environmental matters should be left out of trade agreements and pursed by other means.

John McCain

This site has McCain's position on free trade and it lists (I've edited it and the other lists that follow) his positions as being among:

  • Considers subsidies a mistake, and opposes them.
  • Believes very time US went protectionist, America a paid heavy price
  • Supports ethanol, but by exporting, not by subsidies (this might suggest he is against 'infant industry arguments')
  • No environmental provisions in be placed trade agreements.
  • Substitute trade treaties for protectionism.
  • Would admit China to WTO based on their concessions (and keep open trade & diplomacy; but keep eyes open)
  • Free trade with any country except security risks. Retaliatory protectionism is a "murder-suicide pact".
  • Mexico: balancing act between free trade & stopping drugs.
  • NAFTA has had unambiguously positive impact on US (NAFTA -North America Free Trade Agreement.

The money quote  "I don't believe in walls. I believe in freedom. If I were President, I would negotiate a free trade agreement with almost any country willing to negotiate fairly with us. Only risks to the security of our vital interests or egregious offenses to our most cherished political values should disqualify a nation from entering into a free trade agreement with us."

Thus there is a clear direction that he would take if he became American President. Seeing as he appears to be the front runner for the Republican shot at the Presidency, NZ should be pleased.

What of his Democrat opposite? Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama are the two its going to be between.

Hilary Clinton

Her position on free trade from the same site:

  • Supported NAFTA in 1998; opposed CAFTA since 2005 (CAFTA - Central America Free Trade Agreement)
  • Export from big agribusiness, but also from small farmers
  • Pro-American trade: NAFTA has hurt workers.
  • No fast-track authority for this president.
  • Better approach: real trade adjustment assistance.
  • End tax breaks for outsourcing jobs. Defended outsourcing of US jobs to India
  • Globalization should not substitute for humanization.
  • Supports MFN for China, despite concerns over human rights.

The money quote "We've got to have a better approach to trade around the world. And it's important that we have an idea of how to maximize the benefits from the global economy while minimizing the impact on American workers. That includes things like real trade adjustment assistance and other support."

So kind of a mix bag for the husband of Monica Lewinsky's ex boyfriend. Seems like she wants to be a free trader but probably might be prey to some protectionist ideals. Possibly a Coldplay fan. Her record suggests McCain is a better bet for NZ free trade wise.

Barack Omaba

Barack Omaba is a serious challenger of Clinton. As Oprah said at some rally to vote for him not "because he is black but because he is brilliant'. We'll lets see how brilliant he is at free trade.

Again from the same site that sums the candiates positions up:

  • Enforce environmental & labor provisions in trade agreements
  • Enforce existing safety laws against Chinese products
  • NAFTA needs to be amended.
  • Stand firm against CAFTA for labor & environmental standards
  • Congress subsidizes megafarms & hurts family farmers.
  • People don't want cheaper T-shirts if it costs their job.
  • Amend NAFTA to add labor agreements.
  • Reinvest in communities that are burdened by globalization.
  • Insists on labour and human rights standards for China trade.
  • Fair trade should have tangible benefits for US.
  • Voted YES on free trade agreement with Oman.
  • Voted NO on implementing CAFTA for Central America free-trade

The money quote "There's no doubt that NAFTA needs to be amended. I've already said I would contact the president of Mexico and the prime minister of Canada to make sure that labour agreements are enforceable. But I did want to just go back briefly to the issue of trade and human rights that you had mentioned. We have to stand for human rights, and that should be part of the trade equation"

Oh dear, not brilliant at all. I liked the guy before I read this.  Appears to be not so inclined to support free trade and very likely to be a little protectionist. Hilary Clinton trounces totally him on. Probably has Coldpay's Rush of Blood to the Head on high rotate at the campaign office.

To conclude it would appear that John M'Cain is greatly more in favour of free trade than Hilary and Obama. If NZ was to pick a player to get benefits for itself -  it would have to be him. Should the Democrats win the election, Hilary Clinton would be the better outcome for New Zealand.

As an aside - there are a million reasons why Americans would choose to vote for any of these 3. I think it would be intriguing to see a Black man standing in front of the White house as President. I imagine he would actually try and help people in America. Hilary would just be Hilary – a lecturer once suggested to me in a tutorial that woman leave their feminity at the door when they enter politics and just follow the behavioural standard set by men - so I don't see her being a woman as significant reason to vote for her in terms of making change – but maybe that view is tainted by NZ being spoiled by having so many successful women in top jobs and just getting on with it.



Update: Mr McCain actually has been in NZ and totally advocated for the advancement of a FTA with America. I knew this and totally forgot it as I wrote the post - even though it was knowing this that was what inspired it...

Rob Good blogged it here . These chaps had nice things to say here as did Phil Goff here

Update 2: Kiwiblog notes that a 'US-NZ free trade agreement is now a real possibility with the announcement that the US will begin negotiations with the P4 group of NZ, Brunei, Chile and Singapore'. That's wicked awesome.

From the WTF File???: Oasis and Blur are set to make a special cheese together.

If you think about it, this is probably some publicist's extremely well thought out idea to recall the rivalry that defined Britpop -  Oasis vs Blur. If you recall the infamous "catch AIDS and die" comment from Noel pretty much meant Oasis and Blur were never in the same room again. Of course, the best band did win the war when WTS(MG) curb stomped Blur's album. What was that called again?
 
-
 
Oasis and Blur are set to make a special cheese together.

The British bands - who were fierce pop rivals in the 90s - are huge fans of the savoury snack and Blur bassist Alex James wants them to team up to create their own brand.

James, who is now a dairy farmer and cheese maker, has invited his band's lead singer Damon Albarn and Oasis stars Noel and Liam Gallagher to his Cotswolds cheese factory so they can start working on a special cheese for next month's BRIT Awards.

A source said: "Damon and Alex have always been enthusiastic about cheese - it was the glue that held Blur together for so long.

"But it wasn't until recently that Alex discovered Liam and Noel shared their obsession. So he had the masterplan of creating something constructive through the medium of cheese, which would mark their maturity."

James believes the prestigious music event, to be held at London's Earl's Court, would be the perfect place to showcase the cheese and is hoping it will be offered as a dessert alternative during the dinner.

James is thoroughly enjoying his life as a farmer, even though it is a far cry from his days as a glamorous pop star.

He said: "From hard drugs to soft cheese! That's me. From boozy, vegetarian vampire of the Groucho Club in London to rural sober family man.

"It's amazing, the friends you can make, just through cheese. People get very emotional about it."

Slash: Not your average Joe

Slash

So like I just finished reading Slash's biography. Its a totally faciniating insight into what makes him tick and it serves to put the whole GNR I hate Axl rose thing in context.

Some great stories are shared. Most of them involve fucking, or drugs, combinations of the two and stories of how the band got together, had sex with anything that looked their way, sold a few albums and broke up.

The story that comes to mind right away is Slash and Izzy are having sex with a some girl (its always some girl). As he is not using a condom, Izzy pulls out at the apt timing.. and serves his load all over Slash's leg.

Slash's decision to become a musician is amusing for his niaevity. He found this professional bass player who agreed to teach him if he turned up with a guitar. So Slash gets off his grandmother a acoutic guitar which only has one string on it. So he turns up for his first lesson with the guitar and his first lesson is thus the difference between a bass guitar and a 6 string.

Some interesting facts:

November Rain in its orginal form as a jam thing was over 18 minutes long.
You can melt down Oxy Contin and inject yourself with it.
Slash did the soundtrack for Beverly Hills Cop 3
Slash played on a Rod Stewart album.


Slash

Autobots, Roll out!

Check out these dudes as they show off their Transformers costumes.. I love the Constructicon.



And for the record, that's not the real Optimus Prime.

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