Like the onset of some cold glaucoma dimming away the world - The Road

Well hello there. Did you miss me? I hate clutter. But I love the iphone. Best feature? GPS. Worst Feature? It can't do my homework but at least I can still blame that on the dog. Not that I have a dog. The fleas are debatable I guess.

Thirsty? Jimmy Barry Cover Drive.

Hungry? Hell's Pizza.

Complaints? See management, I just work here man.

Jimmy Jangles is reading The Road by Cormanc McCarthy of No Country for Old Men fame.ish.ness. Frankly, this book would have made Jesus wept more than the time Judas betrayed him. Or was that Peter Piper the Cock Crow eater? Heh, I said cock. Not coke, cock. heh

Not that Jesus could read English, mind you.

Forget the story for a moment and read the writing - it is pure literary porn. This line is from the first page of The Road and just by itself it conjures up a bleakness that no frost could ever predict:

"Like the onset of some cold glaucoma dimming away the world"

Neways 1 it just sets the tone perfectly.

NE ways 2 it makes Z for Zacharia look like a kids book. Oh wait, I was 13 when I read that...

Full review of The Road here

Paul McCartney's awesome Quebec concert set list

Paul McCartney's awesome Quebec concert set list can be found on The Spaghetti Incident?

free speech for the dumb

free speech for the dumb

free speech for the dumb

freedom to suck your bloody thumb

pre-paid taxes for the rich

a man becomes a mum

the rest may drown in a ditch

let them eat cake

as they watch the hollywood remake

congested traffic and congested noses

no time to listen to the gospel of moses

fair trade, fair play and cold play

it was bullrush with rocks in socks in my day

the queen used to be victoria

now he stands on the corner

turning tricks so she gets her fix, boy

coke is cheaper than milk and what about the fizzy

reality tv awash with leaky homes and bad parents

cost of petrol fumes makes me dizzy

the pope apologises as the church repents

Day Dream Jobs I Idly Dream About Having

Day Dream Jobs I Idly Dream About Having

• Rhythm guitarist for Oasis (We'll have lasagna for tea)
• Bungie media dude (find out the hell is going on first)
• Assistant to McGyver (pocket knife sharpening, paper clip collection etc)
• All Blacks Coach (I'll bring back the biffo, and Buck
• The Grim Reaper
• TVNZ programme (no more reality tv or news aimed at 12 years)
• Professional Cynic (But my heartlines are not innit)
• Optimus Prime's Strategic Advisor (We'd take Megatron apart piece by piece and not dump him in the ocean)

Oasis Dig Out Your Soul Cover and Track Listing Released

Manchurian Candidates, Oasis, are gearing up to release their new album, Dig Out Your Soul.

Jimmy Jangles is mega happy about this - the last album was brilliant Oasis, back to their WTSMG best - critically, if not commercially out side of Britain anyway.

Swear I'm Not Paul tipped me off that the Oasis album cover is out. I would describe it as one of those 'Cool Beatles/Britannia' ones. The cover is an original piece of art by London-based designer, Julian House. It features a pair of hands cradling some kind of exploding drum. Butterflies flit about, while an eyeballs stares obliquely off to the side while a newspaper asks the viewer to 'Come in, Come out!'. Which we know now as a lyric from The Shock of the Lightning. Full consideration of the cover is on The Swamp Song.

The first single from the Dig Out Your Soul album will be "The Shock of the Lightning" written by Noel Gallagher, to be released on September 29 this year. Based on recent single releases by Oasis, there's no doubt it will hit the British Charts at number 1.

Noel Gallagher has bragged of the song: "If ‘The Shock of the Lightning’ sounds instant and compelling to you, it’s because it was written dead fast. And recorded dead fast. ‘The Shock of the Lightning’ basically is the demo. And it has retained its energy. And there’s a lot to be said for that, I think. The first time you record something is always the best”.

Here's the track listing for Dig Your Own Soul

1. "Bag It Up" - 5:12
2. "The Turning" (Andy Bell) - 4:32
3. "Waiting for the Rapture" - 4:57
4. "The Shock of the Lightning" - 4:24
5. "I'm Outta Time" (Liam Gallagher) - 5:20
6. "(Get Off Your) High Horse Lady" (Gem Archer) - 5:07
7. "Falling Down" - 4:18
8. "To Be Where There's Life" - 5:35
9. "Ain't Got Nothin" (L. Gallagher) - 3:32
10. "The Nature of Reality" - 4:48
11. "Gigi" - 1:05 (Japanese Bonus Track)

All songs are by Oasis mainstay, Noel Gallagher except where noted. There's two from Liam Gallagher and I'll be taking a keen interest in those to see if he has progressed from Songbird and the Meaning of Soul which where basically E and G chord variations.

Here's a recently released video of the making of The Shock of the Lightning which is the first single from Dig Out Your Soul.

21 Dumb Things to never post on your blog

People do dumb things all the time, like when they go for Darwin Awards. The internet helps dumb people do dumb things faster and more efficiently. Here's how not be be dumb.

21 Dumb things to never post on your blog:

1. Telling the world how you banged the boss' daughter last night and how she came like a train. Tickets Please.
2. Admitting your love for show tunes
3. Admitting to stealing the companies office supplies and reselling them on Ebay.
4. Announce what you dreamed last night. No one gives a fig.
5. Your bank account password. You may as well mail Nigeria your money.
6. What cream you are using for those pesky lice.
7. How you lied on your resume or cv.
8. About the time you secretly poured sugar in your ex's petrol tank. He still reads your blog.
9. How you scamed the insurance company for thousands.
10. How you really enjoyed John Mayer's concert series.
11. Your vacation holiday dates / times and places and where your spare key is.
12. The WEP key to your Wifi. I will come to your house and steal it. And your broadband.
13. Put up your plans to make your stuff redundant
14. Dumb lists about things to not blog about. Put up some cute kittens instead.
15. Your tax audit. We already know you are poor.
16. There is no 16, goh!
17. Details of your inability to get it up.
18. Actually forget the kittens. We hate kittens.
19. Your IRD/IRS number.
20. A stamp (screen gets all messed up)
21. Pictures of you and the misses, sharing your brains out. Instead email them to me!

Veni, Vedi, Veitch

The Latin phrase Veni, Vedi, Vici should perhaps be replaced by a new, more Kiwi phrase:

Veni, Vedi, Veitch.

Update:

I noticed some dude made a joke in the same vein as above..

What did Julius Caesar say when he beat up his missus ? Veni, Vedi, Veitchy