How to avoid germs, cooties, and other nasties

How to avoid germs, cooties, and other nasties

Germs are every where! In the sink, in your coffee and in your spleen. On door knob and in the unwrapped mints on the counter of the restuarant. You should take no comfort that your desk has more germs than a toilet.

So for all the germ phobes, obessive compulsives, and avian flu junkies out there Jimmy Jangles brings you "How to avoid germs, cooties and other nasties".
  • When you visit the loo in a public place (movies, work etc) push open the doors well above or below the door handle. Chances are those spots are clear and more germ free than the urine stained handle that the weird guy in IT no talks to left behind
  • Avoid Avian Flu but not talking to Avians
  • It's okay to talk to Germans, except about the war. Don't mention the war! Just lie back and and think of England.
  • Live in a giant bubble like the Bubble Boy.
  • Don't press lift buttons. Use a pencil or wait for your colleague. God knows which filthy beggar has been there before you. At least you'll avoid the snot and boggies I left for you after I picked my nose all morning.
  • Don't smoke the cigarette butts you found in the street. I mean really, it's a filthy habit.
  • Use the First Toilet in the Bathroom/washroom stall. Men better than you or I have conducted research which has shown that that most people use the middle stall so leave those ones to the common people. This is because more use such as dropping the kids off at the pool means they're the dirtiest and have the most germs.
  • Don't hold hands with girls, they have cooties! Eooohwww!! Girl germs. Don't kiss them either.
  • When finished a set at the gym, wear jandals in the shower. Athlete's foot is not your friend.
  • After you've spent all night at the Strip Club, wash your hands. You know why.
  • The Foot Flush: Instead of flushing the toilet with you hand, use the bottom of your shoe!
So now you know how to be free of germs! No get out there and take some unnecessary antibiotics!

Best NZ Iphone Sites

So the Vodafone / Apple iphone has been released in New Zealand. The reviews are in, and it’s better than a hole in the head or a head like a hole. The tech freaks and people with too much money to spend and er.. me have rushed out and grabbed a phone.

I’ve downloaded a Tetris knock off app, got a guitar tuner and hooked up the gmail and face book accounts.

So what does one do with their iphone after that? Surf the internet for Halo 4 rumours?

No, the Iphone is supposed to make me productive (I thought it was to make me look cool in front of the ladies? – Ed) So what are websites out there in New Zealand that can help me be more productive – and by this I mean what sites are there that have been designed with iphone users in mind? These are the ones I’ve come across so far.

New Zealand Herald

The NZ Herald as the name suggests is a new paper with an Auckland centric focus but we can’t hold that against them as God loves everyone, even the Jaffas.

Ne ways their site has the top stories for the usual top areas of interest news, sport etc with handy ‘show more stories’ tabs. Has some advertising but it’s fairly unobtrusive.

Trade Me

Sam Morgan’s old site that sells heaters and other less productive items. You’d imagine that Trademe would get this right and they have – it’s got your search, watch lists, items you’re selling etc all nicely set out. Just perfect for watching your bids on original Megatrons and Optimus Primes.


Simple site – check your balances and transfer your money from one Kiwibank account to another. As with most of these sites there is always the option to visit the full banking website.


As you would expect, Vodafone, who supply the iphone, in NZ have a site. It has “My Vodaphone’ which gives you access to your account, and basically a bit of advertising of their products. You’d only really use this for your account details and stuff.

Air New Zealand

Air New Zealand’s site – they advertise on the Vodaphone Iphone site actually… so you would totally expect their iphone page to fly and it does – click on arrivals and departures and you get taken to a realistically sized page and I can confirm that NZ2235 from Gisborne arrived on time this afternoon. Nice app for people on the move. It also has grabaseat for the flight vultures out there.


An aggregate site for News / Sport Music.

Click on sport and it gives you the NZ Herald and Stuff feeds.

Auckland Traffic Website

In case the Jaffas found themselves worried about traffic congestion for some reason – this site gives up to date traffic information on Auckland’s motorways. Right now (3pm) it says that the main routes are free flow – so if you want to get home for Shortland Street, you best be on your way hahahahaha.

Now if you’ve been to all of these sites and had a play, hopefully you haven’t blown your monthly data cap allowance!

JJ's Vodaphone Iphone Review New Zealand

So after having had my prized Iphone for about a month I'm able to give a fairly decent review unlike say the journalists who used it for a day and then declared it to be the best thing since Halo 3 was released.

They were right of course, but like Halo 3 you don't appreciate how awesome it is until you have clocked it on Legendary Campaign.

The Arrival: Got my name on a list at Vodaphone and about two odd weeks after the Vodaphone launch in New Zealand I got the call up, "Yo Jimmy Jangles, you can haz Iphone". (Yes I downloaded the LolCats app)... A painless process signing up on Lambton Quay - about 20 mins all up. And out the door I went parting ways with 700 bucks NZ and a two year contract. on reflection I was more excited when I got my 360 and Halo 3 came out...

The Functions: The touch screen concept is easy to use when you learn it and it didn't take me long. The screen is large and the resolution is better than most tv screens I reckon (well old school, non HD). The Iphone itself appears to be a handy lil Cortana. Okay enough with the Halo references...

Text Message

First up I sent a txt to Jay Bee using the new fangdangled key pad. Was a b'arch to use at the start but now I'm a pro at using it - in the way that telephones used to have those circular dialers, cell phones will soon no longer have buttons if Apple (amd Microsoft ?!) have anything to do with. Pros of the Txt Service: good coversation records, easy contact access, handy spell checker. Cons. No forwarding of messages, No muliple text recipients and no picture txting (Apple wants you to email them?!). WTF Apple? Fix Your Game!


Two mega pixels is not top of the line but fairly handy for an iphone. Takes good middle distance pics, up close has a few focus issues. There is no zoom but otherwise its fairly hand with easy emailing of pictures etc. I've heard of people complaining about no flash? WTF are you Annie Lebowitz or something? Email Was cinch to hook up my google gmail account to a one press activtation. It's fast and very handy. I've yet to hook it up to work email - that'll be the real test.

Global Positioning System or How I learnt to love the iphone as I will never be lost again

The GPS is amazing. Need to find Hunter Street from Newtown? Plot directions and it will tell you how to get there. Want to follow a map? A blue dot marks your realtime position as you weave and wonder through the streets of Wellington? I found a place I'd never been to in Tawa from Thorndon will only referencing the phone. In a street but can't find the number of the house? Google Maps has them all for you.

This is real GPS, not some calculated postion from a cell tower. GPS makes the Iphone. Bad rain weather the other night put the GPS slighty out. Many social network applications take advantage of the GPS - help your friends find you etc, leave phographs about the place for other travellers to find etc.

Ipod / Music playback.

Just like an old school Ipod but better! Lots of option and things to play around with. The music sounds better with you. The iphone lets you play the music while you are doing other things and there are key pad tricks to change songs so you don't have to exit the application you're in to change songs. Also means one less thing to carry around now. Safari and the Internet Internet that actually works on my phone.

Like it's decent on 3G, faster on home wireless net works. Handy page manipulation tricks make everything vey readable. You can flip the phone on its side and everything adjusts automatically. Many companies are making iphone / cell phone aps as well. Kiwibank and Trademe's new aps are fairly decent. you can save pictures easily, following links, do book marks etc. No copy and paste though - this would be a handy addition in any software update from Apple.

The Famous Applications

The Apple Application store foudn on Itunes is a wealth of application goodness. Some aps are free, some are to be bought. I bought a 10 dollar guitar, Guitar tool Kit. That ap works fine, though as you may expect it doesn't work as well as my 35 dollar real world guitar tuner, but having a tuner at my side 24/7 is pretty sweet. The Facebook Application works a charm, as to the various weather ones, french lessons, news services such as Bloomberg and NY Times are al nice and handy. World clocks, iSabers, blogger tools, community type things work fine too. I wrote a song on my Kazoo !

Overtime I'm sure there will be a slew of apps for this phone - the killer aps are still to come but that said for the causal user things like Facebook and the Google Ap are pretty handy. I noticed there was a paid app for doctors which had a massive reference book for drug reactions. Pretty handy if you're doing house visits!

Annoying things about the Iphone:

The reports about poor reception might be real. Some times I seem to get the one bar reception in Mount Vic (which is right next to Wellington's CBD).

As mentioned limited txt services.

Battery life is farkin poor - I need to charge it every day esp after internet use - the good news is that unlike the ipods you can use them when charging in a computer via the USB so it's no hassle if you have a desk job, not so if you're a travelling willberry.

The touch screen gets greasy fairly quickly.

It crashes every so often. I expect this from Bill Gates, not Steve Jobbs.

Overall Verdict:

This iphone business is the start of the future. People won't be some much into laptops and note books they'll want stuff like this. Yeah sure it its gizmos and functions have been done in other phones (think Nokia or Blackberry ) but Apple is the first to really nail the whole music / phone / internet services / applications portal on a phone. Google has its Android phone in the pipe line and that should keep evil corporations honest. I love the iphone, nearly as much as Halo 3. It's very simple to use and if my mother wants one, you know Apple is on to something.

What ever happened to Fenella Bathfield?

So like after the success of what ever happened to Penelope Barr?, Jimmy Jangles brings you:

What ever happened to Fenella Bathfield?

Update: Well shoot, I should really pay attention to the commenters on le blog. Ms Bathfield herself appears to have commented on the Barr post:

"Fenella Dobson was in australia had two childlren, thus the weight gain, which is now quite gone, and now lives in Hong Kong. This is her by the way and you can check me out on facebook as Fenella bathfield/Dobson and see what i look like now! fenella"

Cheers Fenella, we really appreciate that! Kiwis - bless em - they are real people.

You don't see Oprah Winfrey leaving messages round here do you?

Fenella used to be the resident after school hottie on TVNZ's '3.45 live' and then later on The Bugs Bunny Show. The Bugs Bunny show also had Fiona Anderson and Hinemoa Elder who when on to produce with Paul Holmes the wild child that is Minnie Elder.

This guy reckons something fell out on 3.45 live once. That probably gave Ollie Olsen a heart attack. Of course, it aint on Youtube and if it aint on Youtube it didn't happen eh?

Well actually there's not a lot of info on the interwebz about Ms Fenella Bathfield - so if you've got a story to share leave it in the comments.

I did manage to find this video of Hinemoa Elder and Phil Keogan interviewing Skidrow on 3.45 Live. I just love how Seb Bach and co are drinking beer on a kids show.....hey it was the eighties man!

Image Source: Fenella's Myspace page.

My Superman Sequel Audition with Byran Singer Picures

So like when I heard that Bryan Singer had fired Brand Routh from staring as Superman / Clark Kent in the sequel to Superman Returns I flew to Sydney, Australia for an audition.

The limousine picked me up and took me straight to Singer's production studio where I met him and his staff. I did a couple of scenes with Kate Bosworth (newsroom scenes from the original Dick Donner flick) and that was it.

Byran said loved it and said don't call me I'll call you. Here's a pick of me as Superman from the flying sequence of the audition.

jimmy jangles superman audition byran singer sequel

In other movie sequel news, Micheal Bay has confirmed I'll be starring as Shia's love interest in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Captain Jack fights Back

I think Grant Smithies is shit too, Billy Joel.

Indeed Optimus Prime and I were having a brandy last evening when he exclaimed that The Down Easter Alexa was his favourite song. I ventured, any man that can sing a song about his love for his fishing boat can't be an asshole but that Grant Smithies is.

Then Ratchet came in and said Grimlock wanted to be told a story about Rabbits so Prime went and obliged.

I put on Allentown and had another brandy.

Cat's Pee on A Gooseberry Bush

Cat's Pee on A Gooseberry Bush.

Heh I Said Bush. It's a wine in a green bottle. Or rather is a 2007 Sauvignon Blanc from Purr Products.

cat pee on a gooseberry bush wine picture

So we grabbed it from the supermarket cos who doesn't want to try cat pee and support the SPCA?

For the record, those with discriminating taste will find it tastes like the proverbial. Winos will give a pass mark.

Some actual wine dude described the 2004 Cat's pee as "Named for a common way of describing the aromas of Sauvignon Blanc, this has more gooseberry than the other descriptors, along with green apple flavours and zesty acidity. Pair it with goat cheese and tomato tart."

The Road by Cormac McCarthy Review

So like I finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy of No Country for Old Men fame.ish.ness. Here's my fawning review.

the road cormac mccathy novel picture book The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Despite this book being fawned over by Oprah Winfrey and her book club, The Whore enjoyed it, albeit squeamishly and so I read and I must say this is one of the most entertaining reads I've had in a while. It's horrific, it's hungry, it's human.

The story is set in an unknown time of an unexplained post apocalyptic destruction. A great fire has scorched the earth along the road on which which a tired father and his son travel seeking warmer climes.

Forget the story for a moment and read the writing - it is pure literary porn. This line is from the first page of The Road and just by itself it conjures up a bleakness that no winter frost could ever predict: "Like the onset of some cold glaucoma dimming away the world"

This sentance just sets the tone of the novel perfectly.

The Road,
at its heart, is a story of an endearingly protective father who guard his son's life with his own. This is not Finding Nemo but is a broken road through hell where the sharks are men who think nothing of eating human flesh, in fact in McCarthy's world these men harvest the arms and legs of their captives, while the captives are still alive. This is literally day to day living.

The story is savage enough but this book didn't with the 1997 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 2007 for nothing (The Color Purple or To Kill A Mocking Bird are past winners) .

The Road is pure literary porn but not the kind your mother reads. This line is from the first page of the novel and just by itself it conjures up a bleakness that no frost could ever predict:

"Like the onset of some cold glaucoma dimming away the world"

It is describing a dark night. This sets the tone for a bleak fest of depressing conversations about dead mothers, starving children and molesting marauders. There are discussions about god and godlessness. It would not e wrong to imagine that this is what's left of the earth after the monsters found in The Book of Revelations have passed through.

Frankly, after reading this novel Jesus would have wept more than the time Judas betrayed him.

Note the glaucoma line should probably have a comma. Cormac McCarthy only uses full stops, question marks and the odd apostrophe for punctuation. This lacking only serves to highlight the bareness of the travelers' path.

Not that Jesus could read English, mind you.

Unsurprisingly The Road is being made into a film by John Hill Coat and will star Viggo Mortenson and Charlize Theron (as the mother in flashbacks). It's due for a limited American release on 11 November 2008.

When I was 13 I read Z for Zacharia, a children's book about a young female teenager trapped in a valley safe from a nuclear wasteland but who was being tormented by Mr Loomis. That story has always remained in my memory with its near rape and always pending doom - The Road replaces that for me and I doubt I'll be able to eat meat from a spit roast in a while.

All Blacks to get new specialist kicking coach

I was talking with Graham Henry last night and he's a bit worried about the All Blacks losing two games in a row and doesn't want to make it three.

So he's bringing in a new specialist kicking coach for this weekends big match. Some guy called Tony Veitch....