Celebrity Twitters: The new stalking ground

The Twitter revolution continues unabated. It’s becoming a house hold name, indeed to Twit is to human...err. Twitter has the strength to bring down the Great Walls of Berlin and China. It voted Barrack Obama into Office. It’s bigger than Face Book if you believe the hype.

So what does that leave us? Celebrity Twitters! We, the adoring twittersfolk, adore the Celebrity Twitterarti. Celebrity Twitters are the new stalking ground.

Here's a tasty selection, feel free to stalk em all!

Britney Spear’s paparazzi have nothing on the 30,000 twitterers stalking the lady that shaved her head in honour of O’Conner. Britney is in the Twitterati Elite. And she gives updates on when she last had a massage. And furniture, bless.

Another celebrity newbie to Twitter is Mrs Kutcher. You may know her as GI Jane from Ghost, Demi Moore. If you have an indecent proposal for her involving Woody, feel free to stalk her along with her 5000 other followers.

russel brand picture Tweet this, Georgina....

Russel Brand – Britain’s’ Favourite Celebrity Actor / Radio show larrikin jumped on board and got like 8000 followers in a day. Tales of his cat milking him abound. You have been warned.
Will the real Shaquille O’Neil stand up? After a faker being exposed The Real Shaque took to the stand and twittered eloquent rhapsody such as "The measure of a man is not were he lives but how he lives Shaquille oneal"

British Actor and writer Stephen Fry is the juggernaught of Twitter with 80,000 celebrity stalkers. Knows his place in the universe "Just finished a scene. Sean Penn has nothing to fear". For the record I’d never stalk Sean Penn. Madonna maybe for Kabbalah inspiration, but not Sean Penn.

Stop. It’s Twitter Time! Please Hammer, Don’t hurt ‘em as you be" Celebrating Our Women !!! What can I celebrate about you as a Woman ?"

If you want to follow a stripper turned Oscar winner, Juno scribe, Diablo Cody is the emo lady for you. 10,000 people who wish their hair was emo follow her.

Who knows which other celebrities will jump on board. Just be assured when they do, Twitterati is gonna need a bigger boat.

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A joke about JM Keynes

Professor JM Keynes walks into a bar, buys a beer then demands his economy back.

Think about it ... ah the dismal science.

F(x) = sin(x)

 The ultimate maths joke for all the calculus freaks out there... 

F(x)= sin(x) walks into a restaurant and orders some soup. The waiter replies, "Sorry but we don't cater for functions here.

Ba doom doom dish!

Thanks Juha

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Bloody Cute Kitten

Ok Internet, here's another bloody cute kitten picture....

cute bloody kitten

No, we did not get a kitten, though someone tried very hard to get one....

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Halo 3: ODST Story Line Timing Explained by Bungie

halo odst soldiers

Update: Here's my ODST Review

Bungie have noted the interwebs are full of chatter about Halo 3: ODST. They have kindly provided said interwebs with a time line of what went on at New Mombassa to help the Halo 3 addicts out there....

The following is a small exploration of some of the crucial events that unfolded during the Halo 2 and Halo 3 timelines. Bungie have said that this examination is not meant to be exhaustive, but rather a set of' waypoints' to guide you, dear Halo Fan, along as we look back at key events and characters that influenced and impacted the Covenant schism, circa 2552.

  • October 20: New Mombasa, Kenya is destroyed by the Slipstream Space Rupture Backlash from the Prophet of Regret’s ship.
  • November 2: The Prophet of Regret’s ship and In Amber Clad arrive at Delta Halo. Prophet of Regret liquidated by SPARTAN-117.
  • November 3: Prophet of Truth leaves High Charity for Earth in Forerunner dreadnought.
  • November 8: The Forerunner dreadnought arrives in the Sol system and proceeds to Earth at near relativistic speed.
  • November 17: The Forerunner dreadnought arrives at Earth. SPARTAN-117 "The Master Chief" ejects and lands in the Kenyan jungle.

Prophet of Regret's Carrier over new Mombassa

What's written in these few entries is important in the context of understanding the overall story presented in the Halo trilogy. But what exists between the lines is where you should focus most of your attention. This is where the majority of the events that unfold during Halo 3: ODST take place. And it is in also in these moments that the Prophet of Truth did much of his puppeteer's manipulations. The thirteen day span between the dates of October 20th and November 2nd provided the High Prophet with all the time he needed to redeploy Brute-led Covenant forces, their mission objectives relayed sub rosa, into the heart of New Mombasa.

But why Brutes? In the wake of Regret's shameful retreat from New Mombasa, the Prophet of Truth continued his political maneuvering - one eye always on his ultimate goal: his rightful and holy ascension. For Truth, his own personal passage was paramount. His Godhood would not be denied. Everything else was secondary.

And though Truth's duplicitous scheming doesn't come to full fruition until the Elite Honor Guard's failure to protect the Prophet of Regret affords him with the final leverage needed to appoint the Brutes to the lofty position, his plans were never made in haste. They were well laid. When the time came to return his attention to Earth, his expendable regiments needed to be led by Jiralhanae, not Sangheili. Leaving the Elites to scour Earth in search of a Holy Forerunner relic, and ultimately to uncover the most precious and sacrosanct Forerunner artifact in existence - the very portal that opened upon the Ark itself - would have placed all Truth's aspirations upon the shoulders of a species he had already decided to cast aside, a species splintered by heresy and derision, even amongst their own ranks. Truth's divisive mandate had been set in motion.

The Elites had exhausted their usefulness to him, they would not be allowed to meddle in his affairs any longer, and he would not place his rightful transcendence into the hands of incompetents. His word was law. So the Prophet of Truth deploys Brutes. And the Brutes were eager to prove that their loyalty and battle prowess had earned them a seat at the side of the Hierarchs, as the honored protectors of the sacred Covenant. Such blind faith and eagerness marked them as near perfect pawns for Truth to sacrifice.

For the story of Halo and it's time line check out Halo Reach Game News.

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Here's some ODST pix from Bungie

Extra for Experts: Will we see the Master Chief's face in Halo 4?

Hi, Definition

So like I love Freeview in HD - u can see Simon and Ally's wrinkles on
the news and you can see the zits on the Shorty Street doctors and

But HD is really about the movies - the Karate Kid's Crane Kick never
looked so awesome as on the wide screen. 300 spartans being charged
down by a grumpy Rhino aint too bad a scene either.

There is another most awesome Spartan to behold in glorious HD as well - the Master
Chief star of Halo 3 looks a striking figure as he smacks down noobs.
Gears of war 2 is also a sumptuous feast of tones...

10 Desperately Confusing and Difficult Tips to increase your website traffic

You're here, so you need my 10 Desperately Confusing and Difficult Tips to increase your website traffic!

By following this tips I guarantee your website or blog will receive tonnes of traffic. Tonnes*!
  1. Employ Darth Vader for some morale boosting around the site - he'll employ his death choke on anyone who even thinks about clicking out of the page.   Heavy Breathing is an optional extra. This method is guaranteed to retain your 250 visitors per day and keep them there permanently! That's 1750 people a week or 638,780 attentive readers a year!
  2. Arrange a deal with Bill Gates to buy Windows 7 in return for him making the Start button of every Windows program link to your website. 
  3. Steal the Mona Lisa and post its whereabouts on your site.
  4. Stomp on Snails, indiscriminately.
  5. Hack google.com domain name to re-direct to your website. No one will notice. This one is a gimme.
  6. Water the plants, if you know what I mean.
  7. Beat up a sports celebrity in a bar and post about how he got arrested and you didn't. Sell your story to the media for greater exposure. Any English Soccer player will do. Extra traffic if its Rooney.
  8. Find where on earth Carmen Sandiego is.
  9. Date a supermodel and brag about it with a One Night in Paris video.
  10. Throw a shoe at Barack Obama, but hit him. See how many size 10 jokes he makes!
Do you want some real SEO advice? Check out my Angels and Demons guide to higher google rankings!
* Maybe not.

"@NZBattingSaviour Hit some runs man, its gonna rain"

Public Address regular Haydn Green yells a lot but takes time out from that hobby to give his observations on the sporting world and it's use of mirco blogging tool Twitter.

Discussing American Footballer Kerry Rhodes’s use of twitter Mr Green writes:

"the coolest thing this week was watching the Eagles Giants play-off game on the internet and sending Rhodes a casual tweet: "@kerryrhodes You gotta be loving watching the Eagles secondary" and got a response "@hadyngreen brian dawkins isnt playing well eli is missing recievers behind him but #27 and asante samuels is playing well". To put it in perspective this is like discussing scrums with Carl Hayman or fielding set-ups with Dan Vettori"

Taking Mr Green’s commentary further, maybe Daniel Vettori should use Twitter in game. Taking an iphone from his pocket in between balls, he could twit "Shit. Gayle's Carved Southee for 16 runs. What ball should he bowl now?" and us know-alls could take time out from cricinfo and go "@dantheman one with Pace, Hate, Rhythm, Off Stump and Lillee" or "@dantheman bowl a Jaffa lolz!!;P" or "@dantheman should have selected O'Brien Danny Boy".

The same twit practice could be applied to Dan Carter at half time "@DanIwearJockies Don't Kick it, Pass it!" or the always sage, ""@DanIwearJockies Don't Pass it, Kick it"

One All Black who probably will never Twitter is Olo Brown. Man that guy was like the quietest front rower ever.

One thing from yesterday’s rained out Black Caps vs the Windies was the use of runners to inform the batsmen of the runs needed per over in case of rain and the Duck Worth Lewis Method was used to decide a winner. It takes up time that the batsmen need. Instead of all that palava with fake glove changes etc, Vettori could have just twittered to Taylor "@NZBattingSaviour Hit some runs man, its gonna rain" to which Taylor could have twittered back "@dantheman if you’d have picked O’Brien we would not be in this mess!"
‘Thanks to Rich for some help with the Hadlee stuff which we did through Twitter…Chat to me on Twitter!

Top 10 awesome blog posts I'm too lazy to do - so could you do them for me?

So like I have blog post ideas but I am too lazy to do them right now. Die Hard is on in HD and I need to concentrate ok?!

So here's my top 10 posts I'm too lazy to blog right now:

pink floyd dark side of the moon
  1. The lessons that The Karate Kid learnt from Mr Miyagi and how you can apply them to your own worthless life a la Tony Robbins style.
  2. What happened to Luke Skywalker after the Return of the Jedi? I'm picking Flowers in the Attic type issues with Leia.
  3. What jokes did The Joker actually play in the Dark Knight? Pencil trick...
  4. Top 10 Music Album Covers that Actually Educate Listeners. Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon taught everyone the property of a prisim etc.
  5. Only losers twit what they eat for lunch, so why are they so popular?
  6. How free is John McClane if he refuses to Die Hard?
  7. Hand's up who's afraid that Del Toro will do a better version of The Hobbit than Peter Jackson did with the Lord of the Rings?
  8. Will the new series of The Flight of the Conchords be any good and what is a Conchord anyway?
  9. How to off load unwanted Chrismas Presents on Ebay with out your mother finding out.
  10. How good is Quentin Tarintino's Inglorious Basterds going to be?

This list is a tounge-in-cheek laugh at myself, so many ideas, so many Die Hard Movies - Here's where you come in - please do them for me! What's your reward ? You get free use of my inspiration and I get to read the post (an and a link back?

Me and John McClane thank you. 

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Who is Jimmy Jangles?

Hey! Thanks for visiting The Optimus Prime Experiment

You might be asking yourself, "How did I get here?" Only your mother and father really know but landed here you did.

This is The Optimus Prime Experiment where I yap on about Optimus Prime, Cricket, The Master Chief and a whole bunch things I find interesting. I am seriously all over the place. This is no niche!

I also run The Spaghetti Incident which is all about rock concert setlists, an Oasis fan site, The Swamp Song (their break up still pains me!) and an R.E.M. one two, REMurmur. Lately, I've been working on a U2 Lyrics Page.

So have a look around or chat to me on Twitter!

If you like this site, please link to it, if I like what's at your end, I'll return the favour!

Here's my Twitter profile page.

Jimmy Jangles

Te Papa's Colossal Squid is a bigger than Jesse Ryder

So like today Jay Bee and I went to visit the Colossal Squid that has taken up residence as Te Papa Museum. This squid caught the nation's attention when it was first caught, frozen and subsequently thawed for scientific examination.

Weighing at a Jesse Ryder esk 490 kilos, the Colossal Squid looks like something out of an Alien movie:

colossal squid te papa musuem wellington new zealand

You can see that it is missing its eye which adds to the scary appeal. Te Papa  wrote on its web site: "In the collapsed state the eyes have been found, they measure 25 cm across, but in the living animal they are probably larger, up to around 30 cm in diameter. These are without doubt the largest eyes that have ever been studied (and probably among the largest eyes that have existed during the history of the animal kingdom)."

I wonder if some kind of dinosaur may have had bigger? Regardless this squid seems a part of the dinosaur era. I guess when you tell a hungry squid his eyes are as bigger as dinner plates, its true.

Squiddy, as I named her, is a pretty popular attraction at Te Papa, there were queues to see her! Who queues at a museum? 

Jay Bee and her new friend, Squiddy:

colossal squid <span class=

Everyone round town has been saying "have you seen the giant squid yet? Go see the giant squid!" And so my idea of the squid was framed as being a giant squid. It's actually a colossal squid. Giant Squid are a whole different kind of squid...

This is what Squiddy looked like post thawing before scientists shoved cameras and what not up her calamari:

colossal squid te papa new zealand

Extra for Experts:

Squid Facts by some scientists and not an excited blogger...

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Picture of 2009 Already? Caine Stevens Bitten by a Dog

So like it's only 9 days into 2009 but is this the picture of the year 2009?

dog bite caine stevens picture photo
According to Stuff, this poor fellow, who after being already warned for inappropriate touching, grabbed the testicals of a dog and got what was coming...

Regardless of the circumstances, I think its a great photo because the contrast of the black  background and child's white face really emphasises what Caine is probably feeling. The photo also shows a concerned mother, with the metal face implants and mohawk haircut hinting perhaps at the circumstances of family.

The photo was taken by Iain McGregor for the Waikato Times

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Summer Days, Happen So Fast

Last day of holidays'... Jimmy is not so happy about this but has popcorn and 15 DVDs purchased at the Warehouse to watch...

Convinced Jay Bee to watch Star Wars for the first time ever... she found R2D2 cute...


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