The Kākāpō Ejaculation Helmet
So like, this must be the oddest thing Wellington's Te Papa Museum has on display: The Kākāpō Ejaculation Helmet.
The Kākāpō is an endangered New Zealand parrot. As of early 2026, the adult population is sitting at just 236 birds.
These green parrots obviously need to breed to survive, but they haven't quite got the message about their forthcoming extinction. So, concerned Kiwis set up a breeding programme to help them out. The invention above stems from a very specific problem: a bird named Sirocco.
Hand-reared after suffering a respiratory illness as a chick, Sirocco imprinted on humans instead of his own kind. This led to a peculiar fetish where he would attempt to mate with human heads rather than female kākāpō. In a desperate effort to collect valuable genetic material for the breeding programme (since Sirocco had good genes but zero interest in female birds), a Department of Conservation vet named Kate McInnes helped devise 'The Ejaculation Helmet'.
I kid you not, that's what it is called. The helmet features dimpled receptacles intended to catch the semen. It was supposed to be worn by some poor sap at which time they would let the Kākāpō have his wicked way on their head.
Sirocco infamously demonstrated why this was necessary during the filming of the BBC series Last Chance to See. He climbed onto the head of zoologist Mark Carwardine and vigorously attempted to mate with him while comic legend Stephen Fry looked on in hysterics.
Fry said at the time of the shag: "Sorry, but this is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. You are being shagged by a rare parrot." The clip went viral, turning Sirocco into a global superstar and eventually New Zealand's "Official Spokesbird for Conservation".
Please Mr Fry, play Professor Pennyroyal in a Mortal Engines sequel!
The above picture is from the Te Papa Museum. The accompanying caption said that the helmet was not successful. It turns out that Kākāpō mating is an endurance sport—it can last up to 45 minutes. No volunteer could withstand a giant parrot gripping their skull with razor-sharp claws for that long, so the helmet was retired to the museum shelf.
So some guy once got fucked on the head by a parrot called Sirocco for nothing.
Kākāpō Facts & Trivia
- The Heavyweight Champ: The kākāpō is the world's heaviest parrot. Males can weigh up to 4kg (9lbs)—that's about the same as a domestic cat.
- Flightless & Nocturnal: They are the only parrot in the world that cannot fly. They are also nocturnal, earning them the nickname "owl parrot."
- Sweet Scent: Unlike most birds, kākāpō have a strong, pleasant odor often described as smelling like honey, freesia flowers, or the inside of an old violin case. Unfortunately, this made them easy prey for introduced predators with good noses (like stoats and rats).
- Freeze Frame: Their defense mechanism is to freeze completely still. This worked great against eagles (who hunt by sight) but is terrible against mammals (who hunt by smell).
- Lek Breeding: They are the only parrot to use a "lek" breeding system. Males dig bowls in the earth on high ridges and "boom" like a foghorn to attract females from kilometers away.
- Longevity: They live life in the slow lane and can live to be 90 years old.
Endangerment Status & Conservation of the Kakapo
The kākāpō is classified as Nationally Critical. Once found all over New Zealand, they were decimated by introduced predators (rats, stoats, cats) and humans. By the mid-1990s, the entire population had crashed to just 51 birds.
Through the intensive work of the Kākāpō Recovery Programme, the species has been pulled back from the brink. As of January 2026, the adult population stands at 236 birds.
Latest News: After a four-year breeding pause, the 2026 season officially kicked off with the first chick hatching on Valentine's Day (February 14, 2026). The season is predicted to be a "bumper" year due to the mass fruiting (masting) of the Rimu tree, which is essential for feeding chicks.
Every single living kākāpō is named and wears a smart transmitter backpack to monitor their health, location, and mating activity. They currently reside on predator-free offshore islands (like Codfish Island/Whenua Hou) and in fenced sanctuaries to keep them safe.
