Jimmy Jangles is oddly pleased to be Google's number one entry for the search term "prince harry photos scandal'" which if you click lands at the page
On a re read I think it might be one of my favorite posts ever.
Which Wellington Barbie Girl are you?
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| Come on Barbie, let's go party... |
Oriental Parade Barbie:
This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with a Prozac prescription and Botox, Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late". Available at all The White House and Yacht Club.
Thorndon Barbie:
This Barbie is only sold at Kirks. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer and a long-haired foreign lap dog named "Honey". Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.
Porirua Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 Holden Ute with dark tinted windows and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with Cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at participating pawn shops.
Upper Hutt Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with A pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Massey Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes slow-rise ph acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top.
Purchase her Holden Ute Convertible separately and get Fly Buys points absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at any Warehouse Store. Massey Barbie sold separately.
Hutt Valley Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans 2 Sizes too small, "It's All About Me" T- shirt and a Guns and Roses tattoo on her shoulder.
She has a six pack of Lucky and comes with Metallica CD's. She can spit over a distance of 2 metres and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at K-Mart.
Stokes Valley Barbie:
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a 2 litre of Pepsi and a DPB cheque. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional. Available At The Warehouse.
Te Aro Barbie:
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have, want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.
Available at the Ferry terminal.
Vivian St Barbie:
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out at SPQR. Likes to "experiment", but will never commit. This model is being phased out.
Chloe of Wainuiomata: National Icon
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Update
Stuff reports how Chloe of Wainuiomata has been caught shop lifting!
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Chloe Jane Perovic, 47, was granted diversion in Napier District Court for stealing $23.62 worth of pet products from Napier's Pak'n'Save supermarket last Thursday.
The case was adjourned to June 4, a date she will have to keep only if she has not met the conditions of her agreement with the police.
In 1994, as Chloe Reeves, she shot to nationwide attention after appearing in her tiger slippers on Gary McCormick's Heartland television series.
The show sparked complaints from Wainuiomata residents who felt Chloe gave an unfavourable impression of their suburb.
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Maybe she was trying to feed her tiger slippers??
The Holly Would Child
The Holly Would child
Is a baby gone wild
She cuts her cake an eats it too
Looking for Heaven she knocked on the wrong door
Repented to late
Her highway to hell had already been dialled
Enough of photogenic power
Bring on the industrial strength sleaze
Videos of her in the shower
Down on her knees
Begging, crying, dying to appease.
No slouch on the casting couch
Her mother was appalled
At the guys she balled
Daddy was aghast as she posed thick and fast
Her body borne sins
Grant her lottery wins
The Cash Cow looks no gift horse in the mouth
She's cashing up before her assets drift south.
Is a baby gone wild
She cuts her cake an eats it too
Looking for Heaven she knocked on the wrong door
Repented to late
Her highway to hell had already been dialled
Enough of photogenic power
Bring on the industrial strength sleaze
Videos of her in the shower
Down on her knees
Begging, crying, dying to appease.
No slouch on the casting couch
Her mother was appalled
At the guys she balled
Daddy was aghast as she posed thick and fast
Her body borne sins
Grant her lottery wins
The Cash Cow looks no gift horse in the mouth
She's cashing up before her assets drift south.
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