Lessons Learned in the weekend Pt 1984
- So like Legoman - still freakin rocks eh? 16 one day centuries!
- Hurricanes, Hurricanes!
- 'Hostel' movie is shite. Eli Roth should be shot. I'd pay to see that. Fuck u, Tarantino Presents
- Fosters is a good cheep substitute if you refuse to pay $23.95 for Steinlager from the dairy.
- Halo 2 – never play with Levi, he shoots you in the back. Repeatedly.
- The cancer of time is eating us away. Henry Miller, (in your back pocket, you little fucker) told me that.
- 20 days till U2! I hope they play Stay. AM I bugging ya? Don't mean to bug ya.
- Waitangi Park: Open for business – looks like it was expensive. The moat is already full of shit & rubbish. Other wise it looks good.
- The Warratahs – still cruising on the Inter- Islander ferry after all of these years. Have you met my bruva? Yep, I'll have another.
- The Phoenix Foundation – rather shit live. McGyver would have sorted them out.
Woeful Windies - WTF? We nearly lost! Go Lucas!
Shane Bond – The true lord and saviour. If any one takes the piss out of him I'll burn down an embassy.
So I've been thinking about this whole South Park and the bloody mary issue. At first I thought why the fuss about a drink? But then the penny dropped, it is Virgin in a Condom Pt II but without Graeme Capill causing a fuss. Sounds like South Park is back to its best.
He's been pretty quiet lately has Mr Capill. Maybe his jaw is still sore. NE ways back 2 South Park – 'Oh my god look, censorship coming straight for us!' Pass the sanitary pad, I say, so I can shove it down your pious throat.
I applaud TV 4 for being forward this whole bloody issue to our screens early.
It's the whole Voltaire thing here really – those who don't want the bloody mary show to screen can say what they like and I'm cool with that. They should not watch it. Its when some one demands the removal of the show from the program we get irked – cos that's not free speech, that's censorship. (Like wise don't buy the paper if it's cartoon offends)
I know all this has sprung up in light of Mohammed getting himself in the papers and so there's a story here that the MSM et al is keen on - I'm actually surprised I haven't seen that guy from the Soc iety For Promotion Of Community Standards that tries to ban every filthy movie that comes town chiming in. He may have. I'm chiming it and that too is free speech …
Matty Damon said in the Rainmaker, "this is an outrage your Honour!" and so it is with the price of my morning tipple 'V' going up 20 cents a bottle. That's about a 6.666666666 percent increase. Clearly the work of Diablo.
But it doesn't stop there. My main man at the dairy on Lambton Q (beehive end) tells me not only did Frucor and Coke products go up today, ice creams have done a CPI runner as well and his pie guy says pies are going up too.
All because of fuel increases apparently. It's cheaper than bottled water by the litre and yet it is going to cause havoc with my morning regime. Instead of grabbing 2 gold coins from my stash of cash, I now have to grab a silver as well. I need my silver to kill werewolves so it's gonna have to be the big come down – I'll to switch from glass bottles to the small metal cans. Shit that don't work – I'll still need a silver cos cans went up too. Meh! But! if I hand over two gold coins for a can, I'll get some silver back which I can use to kill the werewolves so maybe the petrol price increases has a silver lining or something.
Berl is the Italian prime minister and quite possibly one of the boot shaped country's richest men. He claims he is the Jesus Christ of politics. He proudly declared "I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone, I sacrifice myself for everyone."
What is it with Italians and their Godfathers and God the Father? Some kind of misdiagnosed 'We are bigger than Jesus' state of mental delusion? Maybe it's a case of too much Don Christianiano and not enough Don Corleone.
Berl claims he sacrifices himself for everyone. Even muslims? If he has been sacrificed why is he still here? Shouldn't he be rotting on a cross or in some cave somewhere?
He puts up with everyone. Well, I guess he's married then.
"I am a patient victim". A victim of what? Electioneering? The success of his entrepreneurial spirit? His ability to dodge criminal prosecutions?
Can we expect to see Berlusconi dressed up doing his best Jesus Christ pose a la that other misunderstood muppet Kanye West? I'm sensing an emerging trend here amongst famous people. The Hungarian PM recently starred in his own home movie as Hugh Grant and Dick Cheney recently sent in a home movie to America's Funniest Videos of him 'accidentally' blasting shot gun pellets in to the face of his hunting partner. Colin Farrell and Paris Hilton both recently released personal home videos too.
Maybe the fame and power and groupie lovin' has finally got to them all and now they just want to be normal humans doing mortal things. Jesus was merely a man after all, though I have no idea about Hugh Grant.
• Ur lungs cannot drown in Diet Coke, even if you have 17 of them.
• Andrew Symonds – the new Chris Cairns?
• Ipod deaths and rebirths, deaths and reboots – annoying lil fuckers aren’t they
• Alllllriiighhttteeee then.
• Ohh Ahhh Umaga! Suck on that you Jaffas!* **
• I lost my house keys
• I found my house keys.
• Insert your own cooler story here
*why are the jaffa Blues rugby team colours blue? Every true blue kiwi knows jaffas are red. Especially red faced after a 5 tries to 1 ass kicking!ha
** Jaffas: Just another fucking Aucklander
Things we have Pulp Fiction to thank for:
Making Mayonnaise/Aololi become very popular as a bar snack
We can use cool lines like "are we cool?" and "Zed's dead, baby; Zed's dead!"
The resurrection of John Travolta (because without Swordfish we may never have seen Halle's Comets)
We all understand the metric system a little better. Royale with Cheese?
The countless lives saved through giving a shot of adrenaline through someone's sternum which has been carefully defined using a magic marker to create a magic mark.
When your priest mentions Ezekiel 25:17, you know exactly what he means:
Things we have Pulp Fiction to blame for:
Samuel L Jackson turning up as Mace Windu in Star Wars.
Whatever happened to Pacifier?
Whatever happened to John Hawkesby?
Whatever happened to Big Ted?
Whatever happened to Debbie who did Dallas?
Whatever happened to Charles who was in Charge?
Whatever happened to your money for nothing and your chicks for free?
Desperate Housewives is back!
After last night watching the opening episode of the 2nd series I guess I can conclude that at the least it is still rich with its delicious black humour. The bullet through the window breaking the alcoholic's bourbon bottle debacle was classic. And as bad TV as you will ever see. Bring Back Blossom I say. Now that was some quality TV.
As for Bree's abrupt tie change for her dead husband mid-funeral that was blacker than the icky tar on my lil bro's lungs (why is it I can only remember Bree's name of all the characters in m y must watch programme?).
I fear the show is prepping to jump the shark early. The polite as pie black folk appear to have Son of Sloth hog tied in the basement… ohh its so scary I'm gonna have to watch to find out who it is!
Not – I'm watching for Bree's decent into lavish lush. I can imagine her half a bottle of Bombay Saphhire down, on all fours washing the floor. You can remove the last 3 words from that last sentence if you wish cos hey, who's never fallen over drunk right?
But dammit janet, I do hate Terry Hatcher's character. She is so annoying …. Hey! lets set this house on fire, lets get involved with a dirty plumber (god who knows where his hands have been), Ready Ike? lets drop the baby and lets run over the blonde bitch cos she had sex with my ex….and golly gosh is she ever not crying over a man? Maybe she's still cranky McGyer broke her heart. I'll cut her some slack here though, I think it would be hard for me to get over McGyver too. Dammit Janet (2), now I have the McGyer tune in my head ..
Ne ways mum, don't call me on Mondays 8.30 to 9.30 pm, I'm busy.
Well, while one night out wearing a dress, Lee Tamahori, of Once Were Warriors directorial, fame has been caught doing a George Micheal of sorts on the Santa Monica Boulevard. I guess we now know why he did the xXx movie sequel!
So like this is probably a you-had-to-be-there story but whatever....
I went to the music store the other day to get me some strings for my faithful Takamine guitar. I walk in and say to the hippy looking dude 'Hey dude, gimme some Martin Strings , low gauge please
'Sure dude, you want bronze or phosphorous?
Bluffing I say, 'I think I'll stick with the phosphorous, they give a rich tone
Hippy enthusiastically replies, 'Oh yeah man that's soooo true, these ones are great for the mids, you get great levels man!!!!!
The Jerry Garcia look-a-like seemed to think I know what I'm talking about and continues with an endless discourse about sonic principles and tonal qualities or something. I figured he'd smoked at least a kilo for lunch so I interupt.
'Ah dude, I have no idea what you're talking about