Random Stuff: Pt ever?

       Ø       Completed yesterday's Dom Post xw in one sitting.  I feel like a new man

Ø       Lunch was a BK Chicken meal and 2 hamburgers. I feel my eyes are gonna bleed

Ø       I watched Finding Never Land. I feel like dressing up as a pirate!!

Ø       I have to pay the lecky bill. I feel poor just thinking about it.

Ø       $3000 fine for being hit in the head with Tana Umaga's Billabong (bang?) handbag. I feel it should have been a Gucci, that would have been classy.

Ø       My mammalian friend called an electrician to replace a light bulb. I have revoked his man card, without feeling anything but disgust.

Did Head Like a Hole ever find who this guy was?

Tana lays down the law, hand bag and all.

Man, if Tana Umaga ever wanted to smash me with a handbag I'd set Jason Eaton on to him. That lad is a giant!

 

We wuz walking down Courtenay Place last night on the way out to see Charlie Chicken sing a song to two when we were surrounded by a bunch of really tall people sauntering along. It was about 10 of the Cane's! They were huge muthas up close. I can testify no one had Gucci hand bags or was wearing eye liner. They looked to be in goods spirits – prob just out for a few quiet beers to celebrate the end of season. They were clearly out for a good relaxing time and good on em! They did us proud this season!

 

But WTF is it with sports people getting into trouble drinking? There's nothing wrong with getting on the piss after a big game. But if you're a high profile player you gotta do it some where safe! You're a target even if you're sober and then the other guy is probably fueled on rocket gear and beer – and if you smash the prick you're the bad guy no matter what happened – it's a no win situation. Maybe unions need to employ minders for players or something. Or just get Jason Eaton to stare them down. Seriously he was huge!
 
But c'mon  - smashed by Tana with a handbag. Is there anything more belittling that than? Masoe's had enough bagging already right?  Does he need any more punishment? 
 
Yes: He needs a fine, some suspension of sort, official warning, a public apology, counselling or whatever. 
 
No: Being reduced to tears after being hit with a handbag by an AB legend is enough punishment.  

 

Things that go bump in the night

So like this morning - 4am ish I am dreaming of the next All Black's  World Cup victory  when SMASH!! there is the sound of glass shattering in my room and things going bump. I'm lying face down – I spin up and round yelling " HEY! HEY!  HEY!''  half leaping out of bed / half grabbing Jay Bee. I'm still La La Land but my spidey senses have told me someone has smashed the window and is climbing in! The room is black and I can see nothing. Where is the thieving prick?And then I calm – there is no one in there. I turn on the light – My degree has fallen from the wall and smashed on the floor. Crisis over my, heart can go back to   its normal rhythm.

 

Damn 3M sticky wall things!

Money Money

Yo may have noted I've regigged the google adds in a blatant bit to make my fortune. I wondered how it all works so I had a looky looky - Some popular google ad search terms that pay lots of money according to er google's google engine findings - seems its the ambulance chasing bloody shark lawyers!!

new york city trial lawyers
chicago personal injury lawyer
chicago personal injury attorney

Classic really - you pay to play I guess - All the NZ ads seem to be that damn Smile City Site and adds for flowers!

Any one actually ever made money from ads on google? I got a hundred dollar us cheque from them once.. that was sweet - free beer money basically. One click generated a $42 payment - blowed if I know what the term was...!

Crusaders Cancel Canes Charge

Well... least we didn't get a thrashing.... on ya lads!!

Logic and history suggest the Crusaders will win but


GO THE MUTHA FUCKING CANES !!!!!!!

GO THE MUTHA FUCKING CANES !!!!!!!

GO THE MUTHA FUCKING CANES!!!!!!!

GO THE MUTHA FUCKING CANES!!!!!!!

You got big holes in your socks

This is great - Hugh Jackman is at Cannes telling reporters this story.

"We had to stand there in order and Clint was behind me. As we went to walk off, I turned around to Clint and said, 'Hi, Mr Eastwood, it's Hugh Jackman. It's funny that you should be here, as in this movie X-Men a few people have being saying I look a little bit like you.' He just looked at me and said, 'You're holding up the line, kid.' "
 
Lesson here? Know your true place in the line when it comes to Holly Wood Royalty.

I'm so vain, I bet I think this blog post is about me, dont I? Don't I.

So it appears my blog is really really popular with the cultural elite / sporting icons / common bloke. Here's the proof with some recent reviews and comment from them:

"Jimmy Jangles'   blog is better than a hockey stick to the throat" – Helen Clark, former NZ Hockey goalie

"This blog gets me higher than an iceblock" That P-ed up guy on Shorties at da mo.  

"Where am I again?" - That Guy

"This blog could bring back Buck if it wanted too" – Zinzan Brooke

"This blog is louder than my amp, the Council should take it off JJ" - The Kenny Rogers look-alike of Courtney Place fame.

"On the cold winter nights outside  Burger King, I sit back and contemplate how JJ really grasps the complex and critical  political issues of the day yet manages to reduce them to their basic elements thus allowing the casual observer to comprehend the inner workings of the corridors of power" - Blanket Man, also of Courtney Place fame.

"This blog will bow before me!" Stewie, son of Peter and Lois Griffin.

"Our next album will be a 3 disk - concept album based on this blog's thematic interests or it might be about chicks" – James Reid, The Feelers

"I'd take this blog on a holiday package anytime! (as soon as my hair grows back)" – Charlotte D.

"This blog could get double figures against a full strength Bangladesh side any day" – Hamish Marshall, Black Cap supporter.

"This blog made all the difference to the team this year, without it's loyal and unwavering support the Hurricanes would never have made it to the Super 14 final" - Jerry Collins, Brick Shithouse.
"This blog is worth about 1.8 billion dollars I reckon" - Micheal Ryan, unemployed.

What can I say about these nice comments? James Ryan is chuffed!

Come on guys get fire wise! or I'd like to buy a vowel please

Anagram of the Crusaders: Arse Crud

And that's what they'll be on Saturday.

Go the Canes!

-

Or as naysayers like Uncle Timmy reckons thogh the canes may reach ruin

Either way the Canes making the Final is PFA*

*Pretty Fucking O for Oarsome.

This bird has flown


A South African gold miner lost his leg in an
accident. Choking back the tears later he cried,
"It's over! who's gonna want a one legged gold
digger?"

Then his phone rang. "It's Paul McCartney."
Stolen from Pop Bitch as usual

In the words of a Jerry Springer audience ...

"Go Jerry, Go Jerry!!!"

Update:

So like the Canes fucking won the semi !! Can I get a fuck yeah! (you may have a hell yeah - Ed.) A celebration is what I'm looking here for people!

So there I was in the Feathers pup the the ususal suspects 2 min before the game, drinking a crisp lager and Barman J yells out across the floor "Jimmy - you wanna go to the game?" - Turns out the other manager was too busy to go so quick as a bro on dole day I nabbed the prizes on offer and Jay Bee and I ran fromteh Feather's pub to the Caketin nonstop and made it in when the score was 6 - 0 to the Canes. Bit of a score really!! Cheers Toddy!

The game itself was pretty nerve wracking towards the end - the Warratahs were in the lead till about the 70th minute until a penalty from half way was taken (we sitting on the half way line) and the cane sfreakin hung on for death. They did a pretty sweet maul to kill the ball near the end. The crowd was going ape and chanting and yelling. Game over - Canes made the final for the first time ever in 11 tries!

Where's my fuck yeah!!!!??

Update 2: Get your sour grapes here

No Mr Bond, I expect you to die!

So like and went and saw MI3 with Jay Bee. Lets just say up front it's a boys movie and she was getting pay back from making me watch an inane Cameron Diaz / Toni Collette sisters feuding movie the other week. This movie has guns, babes, lamborgini's and more guns. Add it up and you have the perfect Tom Cruise vehicle. Its like Dumb and Dumber with Guns. Kinda.
 
Big dumb action scene after action scene wreak havoc on the silver screen with helicopters, jets, jet boats, bridges and lots of talking on cell fones round out the big stuff but some of the more subtle (well what counts for subtle in a block buster like this) was the evilness portrayed by Capote himself Philp hoffman. He is one nasty fucker. Think his performance in Punch Drunk Love and turn that up to 11. I loved it all.

 

If you are a Boy's Own kinda guy and believe James Bond is actually real go see this movie.

Go the Canes!

So like the Canes beat the Warratahs (no cruising on the interislander for you!) and we get a home semifinal! Saweet! Well played lads. I'm hoping the Canes don't do the expected and lose 55 million to nothing to the.... Warratahs but as one has come to expect you just can't expect of the canes.

At the very least this team has shown consistency over the last three seasons. They used to chumps (but could still beat any team on the day) and are now contenders once again...Either way hope I get tix!!

At the very most its been a pretty sweet season to watch them - my fav game would be the come back from behind to demolish the Blues.

Supermodel not clever - shock


   On a fashion shoot in a derelict house, Kate
   Moss wanted to take a pee. The assistant told
   her: "Well, there is a loo, but there's no
   door on it".

   Kate replied: "Well how the fuck do I get
   in there then?" An embarrassed silence ensued...
 
Stolen from popbitch

David Hasselhoff singlehandly rescued the Aussie Miners!

Move over Chuck Norris! David Hasselhoff singlehandly rescued the Aussie Miners! Here's the proof!



H/T The Banana

Ler WeAKeN DART WOOZ PT XXXIVX

# Canes won. Just.
# Blues lost. Jafas.
# Otago won. Good Job! (say with annoying american accent)
# Chiefs won. Chur bro.
# Crusaders won. Pass me the speights.

Oh did I mention Jay Bee moved in? Pass the champagne!

One of the Aussie miners has just walked out!!!!



Hat tip: DJ Rano

And the baby said.....

  • So I saw the music video 'Dancing in the Street' last night. It's got David Bowie and Mick Jagger hitting on each other in really bad 80s digs. Its gayer than Relax by Frankie goes to Holly Wood and the entire The Village People discography combined - not that there's anything wrong with that. 
  • If video killed the radiostar why is Holmes still on the air
  • Go the Canes!
  • And the baby said.....

Hoff? What Hoff?

It appears we have all gotten over droppin' The Hoff into every damn jpg available and have turned our attentions to the Delta Force himself. Thus, proudly nicked from somewhere, anywhere, who actually cares where, JJ brings you:

The Top Facts about Chuck Norris:
    1. When Chuck Norris punches, he only uses his left arm, as using the right would cause a rift in time.
    2. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
    3. The Guinness Book of World Records has a disclaimer in the end stating that all the records actually belong to Chuck Norris, and the records listed are just the ones that came closest.
    4. Chuck Norris knows exactly where Carmen Sandiego is.
    5. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
    6. The only reason tanks go so slowly is they're looking nervously around for Chuck Norris
    7. Mathematicians have found that due to the excessive amount of women Chuck Norris has slept with, it is guaranteed that he appears in your family tree a minimum of three times
    8. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking
    9. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
    10. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green 4 card from the game UNO
    11. Sharks don't live in the ocean because they have gills. Sharks live in the ocean because Chuck Norris doesn't
    12. Chuck Norris invented spoons because knives were too easy to kill with
    13. On the eighth day, God said "Let there never be Chuck Norris." Later the eight day, God was in the hospital
    14. Chuck Norris has his own brand of sleeping pills. The only ingredients are his fists and your forehead

Don'tcha wish your blog was hot like mine? Don'tcha?

The recent  confessions over terrible songs housed on ones ipod have been amusing -  I was just listening to my ipod and the freaking pussy cat dolls came on. WTF I thought? And then I remembered I put it on Jay Bee's itunes and it has regrettably been automatically updated to mine. On further inspection I now have a list of Ipod crimes to confess.

 

  • Pussy Cat Dolls
  • Best of Elaine Page
  • Killing Heidi
  • Lizzy McGuire !!!!!!!
  • Mariah

Bands I have on my ipod I have never even listened to. Prob sourced from The Whore or Levi

 

  • Handsome Boy M
  • The Hiss
  • The La's
  • Lhasa De Sela
  • Luke Vibert
  • Matacha Atlas

The Hiss? WTF kind of name is that?



Update: Listened to some Hiss. poorly produced rock band going no where.

Here's a poem

Listen to the Hiss
You'll find they are piss

The end. forever. amen. arribaderchie. bi. bye. hello?

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