Steinlager Pure lager - Yeah Right

So like are a few truths in life. The All Blacks suck without Richie McCaw, hip hop is not music but a beat and Steinlager is the best god damned beer in the world. And that’s a fact. But to be honest, Supercharger is giving them a run for their money.

No ifs, no buts, no favourite boutique brew from a cold grey garage out the back of Stokes Valley, no imported premium water with added ale.

Drink less of this Steinlager

So why the fuck would Lion Nathan decide that everyday Steinlager needs a richer cousin, the all new preservative free Steinlager Pure. Is Lion Breweries telling me the Steinlager we all know and love is impure? Drinking 12 of them leads you to do impure things, but the pleasure and pain of it all is usually worth it.

Some PR hack-who-does-not-deserve-a-DB wrote “With Steinlager Pure we have bottled the spirit of New Zealand.”

Give. Me. Strength.

Crap like that just smacks of old-school America’s Cup PR champagne/campaign comedy but with a drunk Colin Meads wearing a red sock on his head.

Let’s stick to the facts here: Men drink Steinlager, League players drink Red.

“Steinlager Pure will retail for $24.99 per dozen”. Oh, I get it now, it’s a beer for Auckland Jaffas. I hope they at least sterilized their equipment.

Drink more of this Steinlager

Steinlager has taste. Steinlager has no taste. There endeth the lesson....

Foxton Fizz

She wore lemon but never in the daylight

She wore lemon but never in the daylight

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. That has been echoing in my brain all morning, such is mondayitis. Don’t believe in Peter Pan or Superman?

Then you don’t believe in anything and you know it.

Maybe rock n roll can really change the world? Well, fat Fanny, Lennon and Lenin both failed. Jack Lemmon, well he could sure act but he was just a bit grumpy and old.

Elvis just checked into Weight Watchers.

Its flu season. Pneumonia / Nu Metal – both make the elderly sick. Well Fred Durst generally makes anyone sick so you could be forgiven for dropping dead next time someone gives you a three dollar bill.

Everything you know is wrong, even beat boxing. That will teach you to murder Bon Jovi, b’arch.

Read the Bible, its all gone tribal

Read the paper, cartoons are funny and fun
Close that book, the writer’s a crook
Read the Bible, its all gone tribal.


An embargoed media
The press release is a mere chess piece
Buzz from the Beehive:
There are no sheep in Taranaki!
The information drought keeps us tired
The journos are all on the wacky backy


TV1 news aimed at sheep
Not that you care,
You just want Lisa Lewis in her underwear
Newsprint is good for wrapping fish and chips.
TGIF and I like salty lips

Splat

Splat
It’s a shame when the honey don’t come.
Back of my mind
I think I’ve been held up with out a gun.
Lost your X
Where to find, Y
Splat

DUI
FYI
FBI

Add up to an eye for an eyeful
Splat

Last year, tommorow

Last year, tommorrow,  a really bad poem.

Due to too much interest yesterday is cancelled
But please pencil in last Friday for your eyelash tint
Remember yesterday, all my troubles seemed so close today
Newsflash: at least we remembered your birthday,

Last year, tommorrow

When we climbed a magical faraway tree
At the top where we met otherworldy Kings and Queens
And they didn’t gave us glass diamonds and other pretty things

Tomorrow never knew it was to be a December so blue
So you’ll never remember those future days of strawberry lemonade
Le Monde, it was over played.
Tommorrow, last year

Scotty went to Prague and took this picture

The middle one looks like the what I imagine the ghost of Princess Leia might look like, now let's move it fly boy.

Exactly, Kitty. Like Sea Monkeys.

Us geeks and freaks all know that Superman is fallible to the radiation of Kryptonite - remmants of his home planet Krypton. We know too he cannot see through lead as explained in Superman movies and a billion sea monkey sponsored comics.

Throughout the first 3 movies our favourite super hero gets knocked about by the damn green rocks and rays from evil super computers but he never ever makes some form of protection to save his ass against it. Maybe Supes is just nice but dim.

We know that lead protects him from Kryptonite – when he enters Lex Luthor’s underground lair the rock is hidden in a lead encased box. Superman is unaware of its presence as he cannot see through lead and the rock appears to have no effect on the Man of Steel. It is only when Luthor reveals the content of the box as a bomb and Supes consequently opens the box that he is then affected by the Special K. We can then deduce that lead can also be used as a shield for protection from green death rays and... shit.

Supers could make a shield of lead to defend against looney Luthor types but it would be easily damaged in a fight or light breeze. If you don't see knight armour made of lead so lets assume an implement of some sort such as lead underpants is out.

I have a fix - if Superman ingested lead he would not get sick so I propose for the next Superman movie if they wanna use kryptonite against him he should drink some lead based paint or eat some fishing sinkers so he has high lead levels in his blood. The lead will then protect him from the inside!

Of course if he was to go up against Magneto he’d probably be fucked.