Jimmy Jangles presents: The Optimus Prime Experiment: April 2008

I'm number one, so why try harder?

Jimmy Jangles is the number one google pick for the search term 'Kakapo Ejaculation Helmet'.

Beat that Suckers!!!!!!

Genipod: Lacking in taste?

Today's Ipod Crime: Bonnie Tyler - I need a Hero. Redeemed immediately with God Gave Rock and Roll to You by Kiss.

Have noticed that google's gmail spell check does not recognise ipod.....

That is all.

Xbox 360 Cache Clearing Trick

Update: With the new August 2009 Xbox Live Update, cache clearing has been made so much easier than before.

You can now clear the cache for your 360 Hard Drive without entering the long combo (X,X,LB,RB,X,X). All you have to do now is go to the Hard Drive section and press Y, then select Clear Cache. I think the effect is still the same.... see below.

Here's a cool trick I learnt from Bungie - how to clear the content of your Xbox 360's cache.

Whilst at the Xbox 360 Dashboard, navigate to the System blade. Then Press Y on the HD symbol and then press X,X, Left Bumper, Right Bumper, X, X. If this is completed correctly you will see a message saying: "Do you want to perform maintenance on your Xbox 360 storage devices?"

Why would you want to do this? To make sure downloaded content from X Box live registers with the xbox - e.g. if you have downloaded the Legendary Map Pack for Halo and it has not registered with the game - do this trick, put Halo 3 back in and Frank is your uncle and I am the Master Chief!

Be careful doing this as it could have some unintended consequences. These guys warn that this cache trick will "also clear any software up dates". So if that happens you might have to reload the updates.

The Brief Test Cricket Career of Ron Burgundy

I believe it was proud San Diegan and renown Anchorman Ron Burgundy who famously asked his moustache 'Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?'.

This was merely seconds before he shaved it off with a bowie knife and without soap and then went about cleaning his beer bottles with sodium percarbonate.

Ron Burgundy had decided his lil mo's time had come and it had to be banished back to Whore Island (Where rumour has it, it hooked up with Vicky Pollard). And when Ron Burgundy says he'll do something, by Great Odin's raven, he does it.

Clean shaven, and looking as best a man can get, better than Tom Selleck getting his Friends groove on, Ron Burgundy took up playing Cricket for the US Cricket team, and the rest as this blog says, its cricket history.

Ron Burgundy became first drop for the USA team tour of India. In the first test he struggled in the heat and was out for a cheap 77 and a sublime match winning 301 not out in the second.

While having a few Kingfisher Beers after the test match, he noticed all the Indian team had moustaches and he asked the 14 year old debutante who scored a courageous 117 before Ron Burgundy bowled him with a flipper why it was so. Sunil replied that it made him feel manly and helped with the ladies.

"Thank You India" gasped Ron Burgundy. Knowing how Alanis Morrisette felt, he concluded concisely that he had made an error. So he sent a telegram by morse code to Whore Island summoning his missed 'tache.

In the second test, India had a second innings lead of exactly 800 runs when Ron Burgundy came out to bat. He was sans helmet and proudly showing off his newly attached 'tache. And first ball he was hit in the ovaries. A straight shot to the baby maker. Ron was carried off on a stretcher, never to play test cricket again.

And so in honour of Ron Burgundy and his moustache, test cricketers around the world grow the mo, goaties, lines of bum fluff and other novel creations. By proudly wearing their brilliant beards they are saying 'Yes I believe in Ron Burgundy, he stayed classy, right to the end.'

For SAS.

A Betrayal......

A definitive definition of Gummies and other Kiwi slang that might not be placed in a dictionary

So like here's some definitions of Kiwi slang that you won’t find referenced in a dictionary of good standing, nor defined in the dewey decimal system. Not even a cheap glossary.

Scarfie
Slang for the students who attend Otago University in Otago, New Zealand. Known for the scarves they wear in the cold to rugby games.

Jimmy Jangles
A way to describe Jimmy when he plays guitar.

Gummies
Kiwi slang for gumboots or Wellingtons.

Beige Brigade
A group of sports fans who wear beige clothing to cricket matches in honor of the uniform worn by the New Zealand cricket team in the 1980s.

The Beehive
A New Zealand Parliament Building that is shaped like an actual beehive. Expels a lot of hot air.

Chloe of Wainuiomata
Kiwi icon known for her tiger slippers and lack of singing ability.

The Feelers
A three piece rock band from New Zealand known for the hits ‘Venus’ and ‘Fishing for Lisa’.

kiwiblog
A popular New Zealand blog written by David P Farrar that has been fomenting happy mischief since 2003.

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So I’m trying something out, bare with me!

Rodimus Prime: Just a place holder

Living Well is the best revenge

A lil piece on R.E.M.'s Accelerate liner notes ....

After becoming comfortable with placing his lyrics in the liner notes of the last few R.E.M. albums, Micheal Stipe appears to have taken another step and added some quotes before the lyrics of three songs.

Living Well is the best revenge

"Living Well is the best Revenge - george herbet (1593 - 1633) who was an english clergyman and metaphysical poet"

Supernatural Superserious

"My brain is the key that sets me free" - harry houdini, 1874 - 1926"

Until the Day is Done

"When Facism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag amd carry the cross. - Sinclair Lewis"

"thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams. thanks for the american dream to vulgarize and falsify until the vare lies shine through -- willaim s. burroughs"

The Sinclair Lewis quote suggests a reference to the then US President George Bush and his public reliance on the Bible and that belies that he is the fascist bringing his extreme (un) socially bent right wing views to America. Sinclair Lewis was an American novelist known for his satire of commercial culture. Put together, and coupled with knowlege REMs anit bush campaigning at the elections, Until The Day is done becomes a rather biting piece of commentary.

The last quote and the most appealing one to me, quote is Burrough's 'Thanks Giving Prayer' which is a cynical, hyperbolic bitch about things/crimes/tragedies that have befallen America.

See "thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces" and "thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot". Its pretty scathing.

Stipe uses the quote to preface 'Until the day is done'. It can easily be read into this song as an another Stipe indictment of both the American Presidents that were named Bush. He's bascially counting down the days - when Bush is gone and all he represents is gone, the day will be done.

Its no suprise really that REM quoted Burroughs as he did a 'cover' of Star Me Kitten (originally from Automatic People, Burrough's version on the X Files sound track) where he spoke the lyrics over the original - he infamous changed the lyric back to what Stipe intended the song to say so when he sang Fuck Me Kitten, he really meant it.

As to the reference to Living Well being the best revenge? Well, that should be self explanatory right?

Check out R.E.M's Collapse Into Now Lyrics

William S. Burroughs' Thanks Giving Prayer

William S. Burroughs' Thanks Giving Prayer

Originally revealed to the world on Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 28, 1986, this prayer was Burroughs' cynical, cynical take on American society and asked, 'what do we really have to be thankful for? Look at our world! There's so much shit in it!'

Happy Thanks Giving Day America.

Thanks Giving Prayer

For John Dillinger, In hope he is still alive

Thanks for the wild turkey and the Passenger Pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts

thanks for a Continent to despoil and poison --

thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger --

thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot --

thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes --

thanks for the AMERICAN DREAM to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through --

thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces --

thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers --

thanks for laboratory AIDS --

thanks for Prohibition and the War Against Drugs --

thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business --

thanks for a nation of finks -- yes,

thanks for all the memories... all right, let's see your arms... you always were a headache and you always were a bore --

thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

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I wish I could write as good as this. It's just so biting.

The Aids comment is pretty wrong but still sums up an issue that plagues America, and at least in the sense that so many people are misinformed about AIDS, though I guess in 1986 when the Thanks Giving prayer was released, the world was gripped by a huge fear of AIDS, and there was so much misunderstanding about the disease, so actually it's no surprise it popped up in this poem.

Some questions...

Some questions...

So which lamo named the teams for the new Transtasman netall Serious? We have the Tactix. Brilliant. Mystics - o yes netball is soooo mysterious. Vixens? The Pulse? Fever? Are they sick or something? What ever happended to the Sting? A least that team could claim to live up to its name. You may as well have named one of them the Mighty Ducks and be done with it!

What the fark do us Matty Sinclair supporters winge about now that he had a 1o innings on the trot chance to finally cement his place in the team? And batted the worst he ever did for the Black Caps?

Where is my Chai Latte? Sheesh.

Why is it dark at 6pm all of a sudden?

These men deserve a D.B.

These men deserve a D.B.

Tell me dear ..

Tell me dear readers, is the white font too bright or is it just right. Like the cereal.

Hey Elliot, your boobies look hot today

Thats all I got

If you're a man named Elliot get a bro, bro.

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Except go and rent Exorcist III. It is really damn good. Skip II its a pile of man boobies.

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Oh and Et, your mother called, so fone home. E.T. phone home!

Cricinfo has some more commentary on Tim Southee's 77...

This was in the Ask Stephen round up.

Cricinfo.com

Tim Southee hit nine sixes in his 77 not out against England. Is that a record for a Kiwi? asked Brent Samazan from Christchurch

Only four men have ever hit more than the nine sixes Tim Southee managed in his astonishing innings against England in Napier recently. Pakistan's Wasim Akram holds the Test record with 12 (against Zimbabwe in Sheikhupura in 1996-97), Wally Hammond of England managed ten in the triple-century mentioned in the first question, while Matthew Hayden's 380 - also mentioned above - included 11 sixes. The other man to hit 11 actually holds the New Zealand record: Nathan Astle, who did it in his rapid 222 against England in Christchurch in 2001-02. Southee was only the third man to hit nine sixes in a Test innings, joining Pakistan's Inzamam-ul-Haq (against New Zealand in Lahore in 2001-02) and another New Zealander, Chris Cairns, who did it against Zimbabwe in Auckland in 1995-96. For a full list, click here.

The Exorcist

The DVD commentary by William Friedkin for The Exorcist is probably the best I've ever heard. He sticks to the script tells and tells you whats oging on and why, he explains what emotions the characters are going through and he explores the themes really well.

As for the worst commentary ever? Micheal Bay doing Transformers. Optimus was moved to send him a shirty email about it.