This is not the jangle

We did not invent the jangle. The jangle consistently finds Jesus never was. The jangle killed The Jeevas.
The jangle banned disco. The jangle is from Jamica. The jangle can't haz recon. The jangle constantly finds it never was. This is not the jangle. This is a jandal.

Inspired by the really really small print....

The wheels on Poneke's bus go round and round, round and round. Sometimes.

For some reason I love and hate wellington buses. Mostly hate. (If love is the new hate. I don't really know, you'd have to ask Jon Toogood. He and I could at least agree that buses are Beautiful Machines. But I digress. And digest too) And that's mostly because of the bus drivers themselves. Not the actual buses. Big (Buses) is Beautiful, as fat people say (But not Jon, he is as skinny as no 8 wire).

As a collective, bus drivers are dumb people, who lack initiative, can't drive and have no service ethic. Of course that's a generously gross generalisation but probably a deserved one. There are of course exceptions. The guy that kicked off the blind kid for an expired pass. THAT was a genius move. take that you punk! The bus driver that took off so fast the old bugger who had just got on fell and hurt himself. Master stroke. The master genius bus driver that pulled his bus out from BEHIND the bus I was on last week and complained when he hit us? National Orienteering Champion. The Guy that kicked off Poneke? Service Provider of the Year.

Okay to be fair - The old grey bugger who provides magazines and gives you a genuinely warm hello? A SAINT. The nice Samoan lady that picks me up by the Basin? Bless. The dude that fixed the bus with a bottle of water? Go Getter.

Thus its a mixed bag but for your 50 cent mixture they actually only gave you a 20 cent one and one of those its a stupid mint leaf.

Still, the people on the bus can be just as infuriating and entertaining. Ask Poneke. He makes bus trips sound cool. He could be the Charles Bukowski of buses for all I know.

I'm just waiting for the day I get to sit next to Blanket Man.

So here's Poneke's Greatest Bus Hit Posts - seriously, they are entertaining.

The Complainer
The Monitor
The Mechanic
The Fair Call? Narrt.

Genipod: Lacking in taste?


Today's Ipod Crime: Bonnie Tyler - I need a Hero. Redeemed immediately with God Gave Rock and Roll to You by Kiss.
 
Have noticed that google's gmail spell check does not recognise ipod.....
 
That is all.

Rising Food Prices, cheese eaters not happy

So like it seems like its the new national pastime to b'arch about rising food prices. It's not enough to drone on and on about the damn forward pass that cost the All Blacks the RWC quaterfinal. Its not enough too make grubled conversation about clouds hovering over Tow Po.

No, we go on about cheese and dairy products going up 5 times the rate of inflation. We go on about petrol prices being up 20 percent. Vegies are going up - OMG the kids are malnourished!

Do we do something about it though? Do we drive less? No - petrol is demanded at the same rate. Yes, the TVNZ news will find a single parent with 10 kids that has cut back but the Nation as a whole has listened to Rhianna and just shuts up and drives.

Do we plant radishes in the back yard? No, we buy 2 litres of cocoa cola because its cheaper than milk.

Cheese might not have such an inelastic demand curve (enough with the dismal science already - Ed) and so people might cut back because of cost and get the 750 grams instead of the 1KG of Edam. So if people are eating less cheese NZ at large might loose some weight.

This is of course not going to be true for those of you on the cheesecake and P diet, I hear its quite popular in Auckland.

The Baby Jesus only knows how the specialty cheese industry is doing but Jay Bee bought home a 7 dollar goat's feta cheese last night and I must say it when well with the salmon...

There are some other implications of high food prices, if people eat less they wont be so fat - Jenny Craig will surely lose customers and The Biggest Loser will lose viewers because only fat couch potatoes watch that. People might be too busy digging up their radishes!

Xbox 360 Cache Clearing Trick

Update: With the new August 2009 Xbox Live Update, cache clearing has been made so much easier than before.

You can now clear the cache for your 360 Hard Drive without entering the long combo (X,X,LB,RB,X,X). All you have to do now is go to the Hard Drive section and press Y, then select Clear Cache. I think the effect is still the same.... see below.

Here's a cool trick I learnt from
Bungie - how to clear the content of your Xbox 360's cache.

Whilst at the Xbox 360 Dashboard, navigate to the System blade. Then Press Y on the HD symbol and then press X,X, Left Bumper, Right Bumper, X, X. If this is completed correctly you will see a message saying: "Do you want to perform maintenance on your Xbox 360 storage devices?"


Why would you want to do this? To make sure downloaded content from X Box live registers with the xbox - e.g. if you have downloaded the Legendary Map Pack for Halo and it has not registered with the game - do this trick, put Halo 3 back in and Frank is your uncle and I am the Master Chief!

Be careful doing this as it could have some unintended consequences. These guys warn that this cache trick will "also clear any software up dates". So if that happens you might have to reload the updates.

KITT would be proud

Brendon McCullum opens the batting for the Knight Riders and scores the highest score (158) in a 20/20 match ever ... and the guy who held the previous high score... was bowling to him.

This is the season of Baz.

The Brief Test Cricket Career of Ron Burgundy

I believe it was proud San Diegan and renown Anchorman Ron Burgundy who famously asked his moustache 'Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?'. This was merely seconds before he shaved it off with a bowie knife and without soap.

ron burgunday anchorman will ferrell

Ron Burgundy had decided his lil mo's time had come and it had to be banished back to Whore Island (Where rumour has it, it hooked up with Vicky Pollard). And when Ron Burgundy says he'll do something, by Great Odin's raven, he does it.

Clean shaven, and looking as best a man can get, better than Tom Selleck getting his Friends groove on, Ron Burgundy took up playing Cricket for the US Cricket team, and the rest as this blog says, its cricket history.

Ron Burgundy became first drop for the USA team tour of India. In the first test he struggled in the heat and was out for a cheap 77 and a sublime match winning 301 not out in the second.

While having a few Kingfisher Beers after the test match, he noticed all the Indian team had moustaches and he asked the 14 year old debutante who scored a courageous 117 before Ron Burgundy bowled him with a flipper why it was so. Sunil replied that it made him feel manly and helped with the ladies.

"Thank You India" gasped Ron Burgundy. Knowing how Alanis Morrisette felt, he concluded concisely that he had made an error. So he sent a telegram by morse code to Whore Island summoning his missed 'tache.

In the second test, India had a second innings lead of exactly 800 runs when Ron Burgundy came out to bat. He was sans helmet and proudly showing off his newly attached 'tache. And first ball he was hit in the ovaries. A straight shot to the baby maker. Ron was carried off on a stretcher, never to play test cricket again.

And so in honour of Ron Burgundy and his moustache, test cricketers around the world grow the mo, goaties, lines of bum fluff and other novel creations. By proudly wearing their brilliant beards they are saying 'Yes I believe in Ron Burgundy, he stayed classy, right to the end.'

For SAS.

Halo 3 Maps? Legendary

Halo 3. Yes, it rules more than Cock of Doody 4 and yes it rules even more with the release of the new Legendary Map Pack.

Blackout - seems ok, sniper alley is ruined (It's okay to b'arch, its what the community does). Avalanch - seems a sweet map though the 4 v 4 slayer I played showed 8 was too small an amount of players.

The big 3 Cheers must go to Bungie for Ghost Town. It is seriously an instant classic. It has grabbed me like errr Lock Out did in Halo 2. Its myriad of possiblities for attack and defense are almost unheard of for a Halo Map. It is going to rock on Lone Wolf and I can imagine some pretty big team battles are going to occur.

Here's some pictures of wanna be master cheifs!

This one is pretty special. You should easily recognise it, as its your mom* after a hard night. Legless and all red from the effort.



This is The Running Man. He starred in a movie with Jesse Ventura. Note his gait, its inspiring!



The graphics in games are really starting to catch up to George Lucas and James Cameron's New World Order. Case in point, this pretty tree. As I was admiring the sunlight streaming thorough its seasonal virtue, some dude ran up behind me with a shotgun. You do the Math, teamster.



*Every 12 Year Old makes your mom jokes on Halo. They have no idea what they are saying and when you ask them how was the reach around daddy gave them last night they STFU.

Best Mumma Joke I ever heard on Halo? Your momma is so fat, she jumped thru the Halo. And got stuck.

Only a 12 genius could come up with that.

My fave 'your momma' joke? Your momma so fat, your daddy burnt his ass on the light bulb.

sssssssssss.

Sometimes I wonder...

If I am good enough to play guitar for someone's life and conversely who would I ask to play to save mine?

My answer is dependent on if a person born without ears was to be the judge and whether The Edge was free.

In other news, I recommend Set Menu 2.

A Betrayal......

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A definitive definition of Gummies and other Kiwi slang that might not be placed in a dictionary

So like here's some definitions of Kiwi slang that you won’t find referenced in a dictionary of good standing, nor defined in the dewey decimal system. Not even a cheap glossary.


Scarfie
Slang for the students who attend Otago University in Otago, New Zealand. Known for the scarves they wear in the cold to rugby games.


Jimmy Jangles
A way to describe Jimmy when he plays guitar.


Gummies
Kiwi slang for gumboots or Wellingtons.


Beige Brigade
A group of sports fans who wear beige clothing to cricket matches in honor of the uniform worn by the New Zealand cricket team in the 1980s.


The Beehive
A New Zealand Parliament Building that is shaped like an actual beehive. Expels a lot of hot air.


Chloe of Wainuiomata
Kiwi icon known for her tiger slippers and lack of singing ability.


The Feelers
A three piece rock band from New Zealand known for the hits ‘Venus’ and ‘Fishing for Lisa’.


kiwiblog
A popular New Zealand blog written by David P Farrar that has been fomenting happy mischief since 2003.




-

So I’m trying something out, bare with me!

You only need two tools in life

Here's some good advice for those too cheap to own a hammer and screw driver:
 
You only need two tools in life - CRC and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the CRC. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the Duct Tape.
  
Extra for experts - If you've tried the above guide and yet still can't fix it with a hammer or scew driver, you have an electrical problem.
Good Fucking Riddance (I hope you had the time of your life).

Drunk Jockey tested before a race....

He probably only had half a beer....


Canterbury apprentice Ryan Bishop has become the first jockey in the country to fail an on-course breath test.

Bishop was stood down from riding at Riverton, Southland, yesterday after the stipendiary steward on duty suspected he had been drinking.

Stewards have had the power since November to breath-test jockeys.

A small number of jockeys have been tested since then, but Bishop is the first to record an alcohol reading, chief stipendiary steward Cameron George said.

"We test them randomly. Obviously suspicion plays a part."

Rodimus Prime: Just a place holder

rodimus prime creation matrix

Living Well is the best revenge



A lil piece on R.E.M.'s Accelerate liner notes ....

After becoming comfortable with placing his lyrics in the liner notes of the last few R.E.M. albums, Micheal Stipe appears to have taken another step and added some quotes before the lyrics of three songs.

Living Well is the best revenge

"Living Well is the best Revenge - george herbet (1593 - 1633)  who was an english clergyman and metaphysical poet"

Supernatural Superserious

"My brain is the key that sets me free" - harry houdini, 1874 - 1926"

Until the Day is Done

"When Facism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag amd carry the cross. - Sinclair Lewis"

"thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams. thanks for the american dream to vulgarize and falsify until the vare lies shine through -- willaim s. burroughs"

The Sinclair Lewis quote suggests a reference to the then US President George Bush and his public reliance on the Bible and that belies that he is the fascist bringing his extreme (un) socially bent right wing views to America. Sinclair Lewis was an American novelist known for his satire of commercial culture. Put together, and coupled with knowlege REMs anit bush campaigning at the elections, Until The Day is done becomes a rather biting piece of commentary.

The last quote and the most appealing one to me, quote is Burrough's 'Thanks Giving Prayer' which is a cynical, hyperbolic bitch about things/crimes/tragedies that have befallen America.

See "thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces" and "thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot". Its pretty scathing.

Stipe uses the quote to preface 'Until the day is done'. It can easily be read into this song as an another Stipe indictment of both the American Presidents that were named Bush. He's bascially counting down the days - when Bush is gone and all he represents is gone, the day will be done.

Its no suprise really that REM quoted Burroughs as he did a 'cover' of Star Me Kitten (originally from Automatic People, Burrough's version on the X Files sound track) where he spoke the lyrics over the original - he infamous changed the lyric back to what Stipe intended the song to say so when he sang Fuck Me Kitten, he really meant it.

As to the reference to Living Well being the best revenge? Well, that should be self explanatory right?

Check out R.E.M's Collapse Into Now Lyrics

William S. Burroughs' Thanks Giving Prayer

William S. Burroughs' Thanks Giving Prayer

Originally revealed to the world on Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 28, 1986, this prayer was Burroughs' cynical, cynical take on American society and asked, 'what do we really have to be thankful for? Look at our world! There's so much shit in it!'

Happy Thanks Giving Day America.


Thanks Giving Prayer

For John Dillinger, In hope he is still alive

Thanks for the wild turkey and the Passenger Pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts

thanks for a Continent to despoil and poison --

thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger --

thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot --

thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes --

thanks for the AMERICAN DREAM to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through --

thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces --

thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers --

thanks for laboratory AIDS --

thanks for Prohibition and the War Against Drugs --

thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business --

thanks for a nation of finks -- yes,

thanks for all the memories... all right, let's see your arms... you always were a headache and you always were a bore --

thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

-

I wish I could write as good as this. It's just so biting.

The Aids comment is pretty wrong but still sums up an issue that plagues America, and at least in the sense that so many people are misinformed about AIDS, though I guess in 1986 when the Thanks Giving prayer was released, the world was gripped by a huge fear of AIDS, and there was so much misunderstanding about the disease, so actually it's no surprise it popped up in this poem.

Some questions...

Some questions...

So which lamo named the teams for the new Transtasman netall Serious? We have the Tactix. Brilliant. Mystics - o yes netball is soooo mysterious. Vixens? The Pulse? Fever? Are they sick or something? What ever happended to the Sting? A least that team could claim to live up to its name. You may as well have named one of them the Mighty Ducks and be done with it!

What the fark do us Matty Sinclair supporters winge about now that he had a 1o innings on the trot chance to finally cement his place in the team? And batted the worst he ever did for the Black Caps?

Where is my Chai Latte? Sheesh.

Why is it dark at 6pm all of a sudden?

Weekend that was Pt Ugly Betty

Weekend that was:

Dinner at Sukura. Good food, excellent service, reasonably prices, old setting. Verdict 3.5 / 5

Lost manpoints (again) by seeing Definitely Maybe with Ryan Reynolds and Rachel Wiess. Its as dire as the new TVNZ show 2 Tube. Christ, it was shit. Shit as that show about bees and singers.

Got some sleep.

Tell me dear ..

Tell me dear readers, is the white font too bright or is it just right. Like the cereal.

Until the Review is done

So like YAY! R.E.M.'s new album Accelerate is here. And before you say but REM have turned to shit JJ ! Yes, Around the Sun was no Monet - Yes Reveal was ... odd but Up was brilliant.

So like as nerdy as David Farrar and his excel sheets I took notes on my first listen...

1. Living Well is the Best Revenge

Nice jangles intro, its a clear fast rocker. Kind of sounds like the Not Your Academy but without the chorus. Seems to have I Could Turn You Inside Out guitar effects going on in the back ground. Christ, this sounds like R.E.M. letting of steam with methampthetamine but on total oldskool vibe. Best introduction to an R.E.M. album since Monster (how hard can that be - Airport Man anyone?)

2. Man-Sized Wreath

Another fiddly intro. Back to (can't read my notes). Its clear Stipe is bitching at someone. Has a busy baseline and its fantastic to here some full on Mike Mills Harmonies mixed in to the front(ish) Missed those.

3. Supernatural Superserious

A rocker about teenage self esteem issues. Or something. Nice chords.

4. Hollow Man

Piano. A softer start. Some jangles Yay!Bang into some quick fire chords... piano..

5. Houston

Starts off slow 'a fast lumber?' Houston, you have a problem.

6. Accelerate

Another lil jangly / rifftastic thing (Mr Buck clearly had his way on the direction of this album) and then straight into it. Again hints at the Academy Fight Song sound - a great thing.

7. Until the Day is Done

Acoustic opening, briefly reminds me of Aerosmith's Living on the Edge plus the feel of the Around the Sun album. Nice acoustic number.

8. Mr Richards

This song sure aint about Keith. Slowly meanders and then abruptly changes beat and tells Mr Richards what's going on. Not the greatest song ever but could have been (notes unreadable)

9. Sing for the Submarine

Yay more jangles, fna. A reference to gravity. Losts og guitar noodling. Buck doing his classic string thing (B,C#,A,E? Longest song so far.

10. Horse to Water.

Stipe plays on leading a horse to water and making it drown. He's almost fast talking it and the chorus too. Probably about the Bush Administration.

11. I'm Gonna DJ

R.E.M. played this when I saw them in New Plymouth in 2005, it was a kind of silly fun song. It works when recorded. Its kind of zany like shiny happy people and just as fun. Death is pretty final, I'm collecting final. Often the band so kind of sombre album closers to sleep to (Find the Water, Electrolyte, Falls to Climb) but this left me wanting more.

Closing R.e.m.arks!

Kind of like Pearl Jam's Riot act - stark but chock full of the essence that makes both bands great. This is a pure rocker album and it works. This is Monster's older wiser cousin who the family didn't really tell you about. It's what New Adventures In Hi Fi should have been. There's no time for moping or introspection, its turn the guitar on and knock them out faster than the Ramones. Can't read notes, something about EMO bands and how they should just move along, move along.

And there you have it.

Hey Elliot, your boobies look hot today

Thats all I got

If you're a man named Elliot get a bro, bro.

-

Except go and rent Exorcist III. It is really damn good. Skip II its a pile of man boobies.

-

Oh and Et, your mother called, so fone home. E.T. phone home!

Cricinfo has some more commentary on Tim Southee's 77...


This was in the Ask Stephen round up. 



Tim Southee hit nine sixes in his 77 not out against England. Is that a record for a Kiwi? asked Brent Samazan from Christchurch
Only four men have ever hit more than the nine sixes Tim Southee managed in his astonishing innings against England in Napier recently. Pakistan's Wasim Akram holds the Test record with 12 (against Zimbabwe in Sheikhupura in 1996-97), Wally Hammond of England managed ten in the triple-century mentioned in the first question, while Matthew Hayden's 380 - also mentioned above - included 11 sixes. The other man to hit 11 actually holds the New Zealand record: Nathan Astle, who did it in his rapid 222 against England in Christchurch in 2001-02. Southee was only the third man to hit nine sixes in a Test innings, joining Pakistan's Inzamam-ul-Haq (against New Zealand in Lahore in 2001-02) and another New Zealander, Chris Cairns, who did it against Zimbabwe in Auckland in 1995-96. For a full list, click here.

The Exorcist

The DVD commentary by William Friedkin for The Exorcist is probably the best I've ever heard. He sticks to the script tells and tells you whats oging on and why, he explains what emotions the characters are going through and he explores the themes really well.

As for the worst commentary ever? Micheal Bay doing Transformers. Optimus was moved to send him a shirty email about it.

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