The days run away like horses over the hills

Top underrated U2 songs that should be rated higher than a rates demand from the council or rather some of Jimmy’s fave songs by U2.

Please, from the album Popmart.

Popmart is probably Bono’s best effort lyrically. With word plays on Michael Jackson being history over Jackson’s own HIStory pun, the blind leading the blonde and the line from Please “Your Catholic blues, Your convent shoes” pretty much summing up Bono’s eternal search for his place and pace in the world this song was depressing yet uplifting at the same time. Edge’s solo (esp in live recordings) was up there with his best.

Dirty Day, Zooropa

“These days, days, days run away like horses over the hills” being sung over and over at the end always remind me that I never have enough time to do what ever it is I wanted do. This song did make me go see a documentary on the guy it was dedicated to, the author Charles Bukowski and read some of his books. So if anything this song taught me it sux to be a drunk alcoholic author who used to work in a post office. In fact I think Charlie boy actually went postal before the term was applied to the fine people at the US Postal Service.

Van Dieman’s Land, Rattle and Hum.

It has the Edge singing and he actually means it but you believe it too even though its about Aussie bastards?! It has good chord changes. Hmm have I said this before? Also was there actually any humming on the album? Ok Edge, play the blues.

In to the Heart, Boy

I like this because of the outro from the prior song, An cat Dubh, becomes the into to this. Kind of a plodding but hypnotic bass riff with crisp Edge playing.

MLK, The Unforgettable Fire.

While the fire is a reference to atomic bombs being dropped in Japan (an early portent of How to dismantle an Atomic Bomb maybe?) the album seemed dedicated to two Kings – Elvis and Martin Luther King. The song is sung like a lullaby, actually encouraging sleep. While Bono’s politic rants and beseeches and besmirches of The Man might put the more jaded and cynical amongst us to sleep you can’t complain that this song does the same in a nice under the covers on a rainy day kind of way.

Beat on the Brat, cover of The Ramones, from the We’re a Happy Family Ramones Tribute Album.

Beat on the brat with a baseball bat. Yeah punk. U2 started out playing Ramone’s covers trying to pass them off as their own. Which is pretty much the music industry down pat these days. What can you do?

A soldier's tale

A soldier’s tale

Behold a pale horse rode into town
Flooding my grave mind with a dangerous discourse,
A brutish roll call of sins of precious Prophets and our own failed fathers.

I raised my empty side arm and prepared to be fired.

Then out of the dark showdown stepped the Chief
‘This is our land, this is our only relief’
He edged closer and whispered to my burnt ear..

‘Believe’.

That man deserves a DB!?

Infrared: 20th Century Boys

Infrared:

1) An area in the electromagnetic spectrum extending beyond red light from 760 nanometers to 1000 microns (106 nm). It is the form of radiation used for making non-contact temperature measurements.

2) A Wellington band playing a small EP release gig at Real Groovy Records, top of socialist leaning, coffee slurping, dirty Che wearing tshirt Cuba St this Friday 6 - 630 pm.

I’m told there will be strippers and free lines of coke for anyone who buys a copy. Except for Obelix. We all knows what happens to him when he as too much ‘magic potion’…

Gears of War Review

Ah the sweet bliss of blogging with a diet coke in one hand and a belly full of sausage rolls. And of course, your company dear reader.

So like Gears of War for Xbox 360. I decided to play it on casual mode cos I just want a hit around before Halo 3. It's fairly easy but has good game play. It’s a straight shooter pretty much. Graphics are amazingly detailed but the world is a burnt gray - A complete contrast to most games so it's quite novel. The players themselves are pretty cool with good interaction in the cut scenes and nods to past agendas, glories, loves and failures.

Music is good at heightening the action. There’s a quiet lil motif played throughout when you’re slowly making your way round which gives a real sense of danger but not symbolising a future danger if you know wot I mean gov (is that threnody?)

Apparently there are 5 acts and I did the first in like 2 hours of game play so its short and sweet on easy mode. Some pretty foul original beasts to bring down – some of them remind me of LOTR but not really IYKWIMG.

Played one match making game. This average Halo player got his ass handed to him. It's not free and easy. The whole best oiled chainsaw thing, totally overrated. I’ll play a few more virus games but I sense I’ll do the campaign, get a few achievements and then go nuts on Halo 3.

Snipershots rule!

I am the Master Chief

Weekend that was: more Tangimoana

Weekend that was Pt Tangimoana

Optimus Prime vs Chuck Norris

Optimus Prime vs Chuck Norris: The Facts

There’s been a lot of internet chatter about the might of Chuck Norris and his supposed omnipotence. The Optimus Prime Experiment has recalled history, studied the Bible and reflected and consulted with Bumblebee. We can now provide you with the definitive facts on Chuck Norris and the reasons and history behind them

1. When Chuck Norris punches, he only uses his left arm, as using the right would cause a rift in time.

Backstory: When Optimus Prime first farted, he created the rift in time which Chuck may open if it so pleases Prime.

2. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

History: Optimus Prime originally planted the grass on both sides and mowed a lawnmower with the best oil for the engine it before Chuck ever knew what chewing the cud even meant.

3. The Guinness Book of World Records has a disclaimer in the end stating that all the records actually belong to Chuck Norris, and the records listed are just the ones that came closest.

After a polite dinner party got out of hand, Optimus Prime once made Chuck Noriss eat the Guiness Book of records, disclaimer and all.

4. Chuck Norris knows exactly where Carmen Sandiego is.

Optimus Prime hid Carmen Sandiego in the first place

5. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

This is still true.

6. The only reason tanks go so slowly is they're looking nervously around for Chuck Norris

Fact: Tanks are mere cybtertronic nits that fell from Optimus Prime's head.

7. Mathematicians have found that due to the excessive amount of women Chuck Norris has slept with, it is guaranteed that he appears in your family tree a minimum of three times

Optimus Prime got to third base with Chuck’s mum before even Chuck did.

8. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking

When baking Chucks 12th birthday cake, Optimus Prime willed those candles to burst into flame. Chuck cried with fear.

9. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

Optimus Prime was the original superdope homeboy from the Oaktown

10. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green 4 card from the game UNO

It was Optimus that lent Chuck is lucky monopoly card.

11. Sharks don't live in the ocean because they have gills. Sharks live in the ocean because Chuck Norris doesn't

Back story: Optimus Prime decided chuck would live on the land.

12. Chuck Norris invented spoons because knives were too easy to kill with

Optimus Prime invented Chuck Norris because there were many, many bad films to be made.

13. On the eighth day, God said "Let there never be Chuck Norris." Later the eight day, God was in the hospital

It was Optimus Prime that encouraged God to explore his creative side.

14. Chuck Norris has his own brand of sleeping pills. The only ingredients are his fists and your forehead

Optimus Prime’s own brand of sleeping pill is Chuck Norris and your forehead.

We'll there you have it, Chuck Norris aint so tough after all!

Steinlager Pure lager - Yeah Right

So like are a few truths in life. The All Blacks suck without Richie McCaw, hip hop is not music but a beat and Steinlager is the best god damned beer in the world. And that’s a fact. But to be honest, Supercharger is giving them a run for their money.

No ifs, no buts, no favourite boutique brew from a cold grey garage out the back of Stokes Valley, no imported premium water with added ale.

Drink less of this Steinlager

So why the fuck would Lion Nathan decide that everyday Steinlager needs a richer cousin, the all new preservative free Steinlager Pure. Is Lion Breweries telling me the Steinlager we all know and love is impure? Drinking 12 of them leads you to do impure things, but the pleasure and pain of it all is usually worth it.

Some PR hack-who-does-not-deserve-a-DB wrote “With Steinlager Pure we have bottled the spirit of New Zealand.”

Give. Me. Strength.

Crap like that just smacks of old-school America’s Cup PR champagne/campaign comedy but with a drunk Colin Meads wearing a red sock on his head.

Let’s stick to the facts here: Men drink Steinlager, League players drink Red.

“Steinlager Pure will retail for $24.99 per dozen”. Oh, I get it now, it’s a beer for Auckland Jaffas. I hope they at least sterilized their equipment.

Drink more of this Steinlager

Steinlager has taste. Steinlager has no taste. There endeth the lesson....

Foxton Fizz

Read the Bible, its all gone tribal

Read the paper, cartoons are funny and fun
Close that book, the writer’s a crook
Read the Bible, its all gone tribal.


An embargoed media
The press release is a mere chess piece
Buzz from the Beehive:
There are no sheep in Taranaki!
The information drought keeps us tired
The journos are all on the wacky backy


TV1 news aimed at sheep
Not that you care,
You just want Lisa Lewis in her underwear
Newsprint is good for wrapping fish and chips.
TGIF and I like salty lips

Splat

Splat
It’s a shame when the honey don’t come.
Back of my mind
I think I’ve been held up with out a gun.
Lost your X
Where to find, Y
Splat

DUI
FYI
FBI

Add up to an eye for an eyeful
Splat

Last year, tommorow

Last year, tommorrow,  a really bad poem.

Due to too much interest yesterday is cancelled
But please pencil in last Friday for your eyelash tint
Remember yesterday, all my troubles seemed so close today
Newsflash: at least we remembered your birthday,

Last year, tommorrow

When we climbed a magical faraway tree
At the top where we met otherworldy Kings and Queens
And they didn’t gave us glass diamonds and other pretty things

Tomorrow never knew it was to be a December so blue
So you’ll never remember those future days of strawberry lemonade
Le Monde, it was over played.
Tommorrow, last year

Scotty went to Prague and took this picture

The middle one looks like the what I imagine the ghost of Princess Leia might look like, now let's move it fly boy.

Exactly, Kitty. Like Sea Monkeys.

Us geeks and freaks all know that Superman is fallible to the radiation of Kryptonite - remmants of his home planet Krypton. We know too he cannot see through lead as explained in Superman movies and a billion sea monkey sponsored comics.

Throughout the first 3 movies our favourite super hero gets knocked about by the damn green rocks and rays from evil super computers but he never ever makes some form of protection to save his ass against it. Maybe Supes is just nice but dim.

We know that lead protects him from Kryptonite – when he enters Lex Luthor’s underground lair the rock is hidden in a lead encased box. Superman is unaware of its presence as he cannot see through lead and the rock appears to have no effect on the Man of Steel. It is only when Luthor reveals the content of the box as a bomb and Supes consequently opens the box that he is then affected by the Special K. We can then deduce that lead can also be used as a shield for protection from green death rays and... shit.

Supers could make a shield of lead to defend against looney Luthor types but it would be easily damaged in a fight or light breeze. If you don't see knight armour made of lead so lets assume an implement of some sort such as lead underpants is out.

I have a fix - if Superman ingested lead he would not get sick so I propose for the next Superman movie if they wanna use kryptonite against him he should drink some lead based paint or eat some fishing sinkers so he has high lead levels in his blood. The lead will then protect him from the inside!

Of course if he was to go up against Magneto he’d probably be fucked.

Alligators and Crocs Pt II

When I was a little toothy terror we rented the film Alligator with Robert Forster as the lead guy trying to do his version of taking down Jaws in a sewer.

Gash damn that was one of the scariest movies ever when you were like 10.



Turns out Alligators live in a brutal world...

See you later Alligator, in a while crocodile!

So I know its yesterday's news but a conversstion with Jimmy Jangles Snr reminded me of the stupid vet that put his arm in what he thought was a drugged up croc...

Now I knew the odd smart but dumb vet when I was at Massey but none would ever have been so stupid.

Those mates joined the army.

Weekend that WUz: Tangimoana Pt IV

This lovely work sits in the out house. Its been there for at least 29 years and at the rate Tangimoana moves it will be there another 29.

WTW: Flick the Fire Engine

Autobots, roll out!

So I saw this by the steps on Hood Street...

Infrared: There be rock

Infrared: a band of the electromagnetic spectrum between the visible and the microwave,

or

Infrared: A three piece Wellington band that understands what let there be rock actually means.

So we turn up to Subnine to hear Steve, Carl and Ben bash out some monster rock. No Emos in sight. Plenty of black tshirts and nail polish though.

Infrared are rockers from Nam. The drummer looks like Jono from the C4/The Rock, except he actually knows a thing about music as he proves when he knocked out the shit out of the skins.

Kicking off with some nameless saintless rocker the gig was powered with full on stonkin rock. No soppy Snow Patrol bullshit here. Just punked up buzzcocked bass and a wall of sound that made my beer bottle vibrate as if it was about to commit hurri cari..

Full on pace, amps up to at least 11 made for a wicked set.

Chucky and the Moody Coops: We do weddings

So like the Moody Coops proudly supported Chucky at his and Deb's Wedding. I think we played okay - we'd practiced heaps.

Was a bit nervous and nearly missed the intro queue but it was pretty fun to rock out at the end. Not bad for my first 'live' performance I reckon. Had heaps of fun with the players, before, during and at the after match function!! Props to Manatee for a great speech.

I am scared that the guy on the right appears to have semblance in looks to Quentin Tarantino...

Photo: SAS