So do I come in on two or four?

So like I have joined a band finally. Of sorts.

We're called 'Chucky and the Moody Coops'.

The Players:

Screaming: Charlie Chicken
Bass: The Swar
'Cussin: DJ Rano
Drums: Snozz
Lead string thing: E
Jangles: Other string thing.

We play a mean Dave Matthews cover.

That's it.

Our first gig is some winery in HB in early January.


I'm on holiday so I wont write, I wont call for a wee while.

Tirrah possums!!

Steve Urwin spotted alive and well in Westfield Mall, Wellington, NZ

God, who do you have to probe around here to get a chardonay?

Bond, Shane Bond.

Not him anyway.

Remember the days in the old school yard?

This post is very amusing. Just for the line at the end.

I used to laugh a lot too.

This is more than you deserve

Let's talk about when technology goes horribly wrong: Could there be another Nintendo 64? And so sayethed the Ali G. Respect. Apparently. And there in lies the rhubarb. Go Buy an Xbox 360. Just don’t hate the player. Hate the skater hater’s haters hater hater. But just do it later. Et tu Brutus. West.side.massive. I fear this is a missive. Either way, I'm not on a mission from God.

Did you wander along the yellow brick road last night? Did you get lost Tin Man? High as a kite the Lion King might just stop to check you out. G / C G / C. Emerald City indeed.

But I have digressified, this is just pictures in the mirror. You know I tried to make you realise. I told you Hamish Marshall was no good. At least 007 The Monster is Loose! Oh to be a better man Robbie, doing all you can. I wish I was a Fat Dancer from Take that. Narrrtt!

Waiting, watching, its four o’clock, I’ve got to stop. Hakuna Matata.

This is the way the world ends

Swagger and Attitude

Frank Sinatra: Living Legend

Bono was asked to introduce Frank Sinatra when the vocal legend was given the Lifetime Achievement Award at the 1994 Grammy Awards. This is the speech Bono delivered in honor of Sinatra, a speech Sinatra called "... probably the best introduction I've ever had."

Frank never did like Rock and Roll And he's not crazy about guys wearing earrings either But he doesn't hold it against me And anyway, the feeling is not mutual

Rock and Roll people love Frank Sinatra because Frank has got what we want: swagger and attitude; he's big on attitude Serious attitude, bad attitude Frank's the Chairman of the bad Rock and Roll plays at being tough but this guy, well, he's the boss The boss of bosses The man The big bang of pop I'm not gonna mess with him, are you?

Who's this guy that every city in America wants to claim as their own? This painter who lives in the desert, this first-rate, first-take actor This singer who makes other men poets Boxing clever with every word Talking like America Tough, straight-up, in headlines Comin' through with the big stick, the aside, the quiet compliment Good cop, bad cop, all in the same breath You know his story 'cause it's your story Frank walks like America -- cock-sure

It's 1945 and the U.S. Cavalry are trying to get their asses out of Europe, but they never really do They're part of another kind of invasion AFR -- American Forces Radio (sic) Broadcasting a music that'll curl the stiff upper-lip of England and the rest of the world Paving the way for Duke Ellington, the big band, Tommy Dorsey And right out in front -- Frank Sinatra His voice as tight as a fist Opening at the end of a bar Not on the beat, over it, playing with it, splitting it like a jazz man, like Miles Davis Turning on the right phrase and the right song Which is where he lives, where he lets go, where he reveals himself.

His songs are his home and he lets you in But you know that to sing like that you've gotta have lost a couple of fights To know tenderness and romance you've gotta have had your heart broken

People say that Frank hasn't talked to the press, they wanna know how he is, what's on his mind But you know Sinatra's out there more nights than most punk bands Selling his story through the songs Telling and articulate in the choice of those songs Private thoughts on a public address system Generous

This is the conundrum of Frank Sinatra Left and right brain hardly talking Boxer and painter, actor and singer, lover and father, bandman and loner Troubleshooter and troublemaker The champ who would rather show you his scars than his medals He may be putty in Barbara's hands But I'm not gonna mess with him, are you?

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to welcome a man heavier than the Empire State, more connected than the Twin Towers, as recognizable as the Statue of Liberty, and living proof that God is a Catholic!

Will you welcome the King of New York City, Francis Albert Sinatra!

English Pie

So like what a day. Sux to an English Batsman eh?

With a batting display like that on a wicket that was doing f all - it's no wonder the English like apple crumble.

Maybe we should send them Hamish Marshall.... he'd have lasted at least another over.

I started a joke which started the whole world laughing.

I thought of a joke but aint got the punch line. Help me out?

What's the difference between Mel Gibson and Michael Richards?

Best answer gets a choc fish.....

Recent Ipod Crimes:

I need a Hero – Bonnie Tyler

That’s it, I swear.

More questions:

Welsh Rugby Union – big girl’s blouses?

Sick of U2 yet?

Today Tomorrow Timauru?

America’s Cup. Who gives a shiny one?

Old man grampa aint what she used to be?

Is your box heart shaped?

Smashing Pumpkins – most overrated band of the 90s?

Phased about the AB’s having lowest priced World Cup odds ever?

All you skinny white boyz out there, please shave your Movember Mo s? You look like pedos

The Fat Dancer from Take That

“The Fat Dancer from Take That” was the name given to Robbie Williams by Noel Gallagher in 2000 when they were in the middle of a public slanging match. Noel is famous in some parts for his quips and quotes. Some are designed to generate publicity and some are just mean. Wishing Damon Albarn from Blur would die of AIDS was perhaps his most vile comment of them all.

    Said dancer in question

Robbie responded to the fat dancer comment by calling Noel a "mean spirited dwarf". The comments continued and escalated when Noel offered Williams a gun so that he could kill himself.

This was all following how Williams was befriended by both Noel and Liam Gallagher, at the time when their band was the world’s most popular. Paranoid and taking too much cocaine, according to Mr Williams, they fell out in proper rock star fashion – through the press.

The reference to Robbie being a fat dancer is now a tad ironic as though Robbie had become a successful singer in his own right at the time the comment was made, he went on to become a major solo artist, being just as popular as Oasis in their hey day.

In 2009 the last laugh could be on Robbie as Oasis split up leaving Noel open to quips that he’s just that old cranky bastard from Oasis. Still, the rumours abound that Robbie is going to rejoin with the reformed Take That so we'll see what comment Noel makes if that happens...

Did you hear Noel Gallagher has a new album out? Do the Damage is a b-side to the lead single, In the Heat of the Moment.

Its too late, tonight

So I was just listening to the ipod and Four Season's in One Day by Crowded House came on. And I smiled because Bono beautifully butchered it into an early song (Elevation was it?). He missed the melody or something but the crowd part I was in cheered and laughed at the same time. Nothing like a rock star sucking up to his faithful!

And all this reminded me I forgot to ask in the last post - did anyone else notice Bono come into early for a verse during One? I thought it was only me but the Manatee thought so - like the Stones did in Easter when Mick Jagger missed a cue, the band played around it and it sounded sweet - a testament to good musos everywhere.

Amusing question from Charlie Chicken after the gig, "What was the name of the song with the Kite?"

Hmm guess I'm still buzzing.

P.S. Go fuck yourself Tom Cardy.


According to blogger this is my 701st post. I'm catching u DPF!

I need a dollar people! Pt II

Went to Charlie's stag night. I am now still le tired.

I need a dollar people!

Went to Charlie's stag night. I am now le tired.

The Master Chief

Here's to you John

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said ...

"Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast
of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Man vs Clown: He has a mo' you know

All your dreams are made of strawberry lemonade

Oasis’ new best of ‘Stop the Clocks’ has me flying a plane in my big mouth. Not that I need it, I have every Oasis album and a billion singles but it’s the concept of Oasis having a best of out that I love.

Some might say Oasis are over the hill, hasbeens who should make way for gonna bees. Well stop the clock indeed, Don’t Believe the Truth put paid to the disaster that was the great rock and roll swindle, Be Here Now and picked up where Heathen Chemistry had hinted the band had rebirthed and firmly stomped Oasis back to number one all around the world.

Oasis are the best band in the world and that’s a fact, Jacky Brown. No band since 1994 has consistently released such quality output, especially in terms of singles being released. The song writing is suburb, though granted the their delivery has not always been the case. A blend of all Who have been before infused with a lil bit of stolen Teen Spirit has meant Oasis were the bomb. They needed each other as much as fans like me needed them.

Stop the Clocks will stack up as one of the best best ofs ever. In my blatantly subjective and biased opinion it rates up there with Michael Jackson’s History, Beatles “1” and the Eagles. Songs like Wonderwall, Live Forever, Lyla, Slide Away, Song bird, The Importance of Being Idle and The Masterplan make it so. In a captain Piccard kind of way.

The fact Stops the Clocks will not have Roll With It, Stand by Me, D’yer know what I mean or Whatever on it speaks volumes as to the quality of the songs that are there.

The thing about Oasis has always been their b-sides. They are better than most band’s A sides. And thus The Masterplan is treated like the National Anthem in Britain and deserves its place on the album.

So all your Oasis haters out there can go listen to your Gnarls Barley and your EMO crap, people who know what music is supposed to sound like and make you feel, head down to your Soundz or whereever next week and grab yourself a copy. That’s what a space man would do. D’yer know what I mean?


Extra for Experts:

I will concede that if Metallica were to put a best of up I imagine that would pretty much be the best best of ever.

Good Rodence

I hope you had the time of your life

Aye J?

So..I'd put on some make up, turned on the eight track, pulled the wig down from the shelf and someone said to me,

"Well, I guess it aint art if its from a department store"

and feeling like suddenly I'm Miss Farrah Fawcett From TV I said, "I couldn't agree more!"

Any way, ... How about Kwahng Yi on guitar, ladies and gentlemen! Give it up! Kwahng Yi.

What's the Golden Rule?

Always look cool.

Did your nation stop?

So I got 8 percent of the Cup trifecta but spent more than I won. Go figure. What's the lesson here? Never trust an Irishman.


In Melbourne for the rest of the week for a spot of shopping...


Its too late, tonight

So if Slash's intro to Sweet Child of Mine is the best intro ever what is the best outro? My picks would be The Edge's playing on One off Actung Baby or mybe Peter Buck's Losing My Religion off Out of Time.

Both riffs are played at kind of the same tempo as Slash's. 'One' in particular is kind of almost the inverse of SCOM.

Put your clock back for the winter

So I was listening to the old ipod and the D4 s 'Party' came on. I love the spirit of the song - I love to party with the north shore b'arches as much as anyone (yes, I know diff song..) but I thought the guitaring was crap.

So as I wandered by KFC with the stale smells of dead chickens killed before their time I asked myself, "Who is NZ's best guitarist?"

And so I pondered.

My initial thought was Neil Finn. He's an older rocker. We know he can write melodies but can he play guitar like he is trying to tame a drunken lion? No. He's damn good but I'll put him in the songwriter catergory. Same for Dave Dobbyn. I'm loyal but I don't believe gods and rock mix. Unless you are Creed.

So what about that dude from The Datsuns, Phil Datsun who can wail like a mother fucker from hell? Yes and bless, he wants to be Jimmy Page but his front man lets him down. Don't get me wrong though, Datsuns make rock dangerous.

James Reid from the Feelers? Apart from his penchant for MC Hammer covers in between songs the man did write 'Venus' and the fact he played ACDC's 'Back in Black' (Come Back Chris Cairns, all is forgiven) one rocking New Years Eve in Napier means he gets an auditon for NZ's best guitarist.

One of Wellington's favourite sons from Shihad perhaps? John Toogood or Phil Knight each play a mean axe. They tame lions all knight, every knight. Toogood may in fact be a lil crazy and in need of a pie and therefore is disqualified. Thus its gotta be Phil. Despite various terrible curly haircuts he's in the band that practically rewrote the national anthem with 'Home Again' (People say its Whaling by the Dobster but like, whatever). And because of that riff he gets the nod. Phil Knight is NZ's best guitarist.

Of course this musing has only picked a few contemporary artists and I probably should have put in the guy from Supergroove as his riffs rocked the house, for whatever reason. If anyone says I missed out Shane Carter they can just piss off. If that guy from the (Dance) Exponents who wrote that 'Victoria' riff was around today I'd give it to him on that alone cos that riff, she speeds...

Your thoughts dear reader?

Daddy's gonna drive your crashed car?

So like 35 days until U2 hit our shores U2 eh? Did I mention I'm going to Melbourne the week before the Melbourne Cup? Oh well beggars can't be choosers - Who's gonna win the Caulfield tm? Who's gonna ride your wild horses? Ah what am I really one about? Three words. Three. Day. Weekend.

Must. Stop. Using. Stupid. Full. Stops. Every. Time.

Robyn Finck is a Guitar God

I was at Robin Finck's website and found this pix. It may be him performing as part of NIN during the Big Day Out in 1999. The stand to the right suggests it is but I could be wrong. Ideas any one?

robin finck gnr nin

NIN rocked that day. To hear Head Like a Hole was pretty cool - as was Hurt and of course, the kick ass stuff on The Fragile.

Robin Finck has been playing for GNR lately. His version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow is brilliant. Log onto Limewire or something and download it.

I only mention this cos there's nothing else to listen to until Chinese Democracy comes out. If ever. Well it's coming here's the Chinese Democracy Album Lyrics.

G Up Neddy

Even though its only Wednesday, I'm off to the Kelt Capital. See you Monday. Now get back to your bloody submissions.

I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo

So like yeah.

Newsflash Evan Harding: Its called comparative advantage.

Hey, here's an idea. Tell an entrepreneur how to spend his money. That will make the New Zealand a more effective and productive place. Hell, maybe Peter Jackson could save the trains too.

Tangimoana Fishing Contest: Jaybee 3, JJ Zero

Our fishing trip at Tangimoana proved bountiful ish for Jenae....

tangimoana fishing herring
tangimoana fishing herring

tangimoana fishing herring

I ate the one in the bucket. Jaybee threw the others back.

Tangimoana Diaries: How to cook a steak

Tangimoana fotos Pt 2

Stolen from the SMH which said "An iguana runs for the deep water of a canal in Davie, Florida, where a colony of a few hundred wild iguanas have lived for the past 10 years".

JJ says 'Why it would be cool to be an Iguana':

No need to worry about rent
Job? WF Job?
"Green around the gills" is a compliment
You'll probably star on The Crocodile Hunter Diaries with Steve Urwin at some stage.
No need to worry about pesky election expenses claims forms
You have a long tounge.
No bats an eyelid when you eat bugs

Extra for experts: Wicked Wiki on the buggers

Hey Janet, I’ve got something to say.

JJ's Doosandonts - Proudly presented with a Dennis Waterman theme tune (do do de do)




Try the Veal

Iron your shirt

Believe rock and roll can really save the world

Wear cologne
Try it on

Listen to Johnny Cash. He knew it all




Buy fair trade coffee

Believe in John Lennon. He was a know it all

Swim with the Dolphins

Sit round reading blogs all day

Believe rock and roll can really save the world

Sunday Picnic

Here's the "Goal"


H/T Noizy

Python eats Alligator in Everglades and feels sick

So here it is, the infamous Python vs Alligator photo

This is what happens when pythons are released into the Everglades. The pythons get eyes bigger than their stomachs and think it's safe to eat a whole crocodile.

python vs crocodile in the everglades picture photoThe Professor Mazzotti who knows about these things believes the alligaotor was alive when the battle began. It may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it, leading to the blow-up of the stomach..

The python was found with the gator's hindquarters protruding from its midsection. Its stomach still surrounded the alligator's head, shoulders, and forelimbs.

Scientists have documented four encounters between the giant snakes and alligators in the last three years. The encroachment of Burmese pythons into the Everglades could threaten an $8 billion restoration project and endanger smaller species.

Wikipedia notes the invasiveness of the Python:

Native to southern Asia, the Burmese python is a relatively new invasive species in the Everglades. The species can grow up to 20 feet (6.1 m) long and they compete with alligators for the top of the food chain. Florida wildlife officials speculate that pet owners released their pythons and they have begun reproducing rapidly in an environment for which they are well-suited

Oh all right here's another picture: Alligator Vs Python Round 2

python alligator fight everglades

Want more? Check out this python pulling a kangaroo up a cliff!

Snakes on a Highway!

python after eating a pregnant ewe
A happy, well fed python sits on a highway after swallowing a pregnant ewe in the village of Kampung Jabor which is about 200km east of Kuala Lumpur. The six-metre snake weighing 90kg was too laden to move, making it easy for local firemen to capture it.. with what looks like a piece of rope.

Check out what happens when an Anaconda tries to eat an alligator!

Or check out Animals Eating Animals where the title is what happens!

Peter Brock: Its started Pt: Steve Irwin Pt II

Steve Irwin is sitting in in God's office. He turns to the Big Guy in the Sky and says "Hey God, I appreciate you trying to make me feel at home and all but I asked for a Croc, not a Brock.

Bring Back BucK

This water in the gas pipes crisis has gone on longer than a reading of War and Peace by Porky Pig. I'm fed up, or rather Not Fed Up.
Burger King, Lambton Quay, has been closed for over a week! A week good people! I haven't had a BK Chicken in a week!! This is the equivalent of forgoing chemotherapy when you have cancer!!  Its like not getting laid on your wedding night! Its like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife*!
Mickey Dees will not do as a substitute. Nor will Kai For Coons as one coonish resembling comedian once described it at the Indigo*. What am I to do? Its not like I'm going to do anything rash and have sushi for lunch. Raw fish people! They live in the ocean! They aint got no jobs! Its cold! I'm not eating raw cold fish.


Without an end to the madness in sight, the Beehive up the road looms as an answer. BK simply needs to put in a pipe to the debating chamber from the BK kitchen. I'm sure all the hot air released in the chamber could be utilised somehow.

And there endeth the rant.
* Its anaemic, don't you think

* Why the dumb name change? San Francisco Bath House? Sounds like a gentlemanly retreat of some kind. It would help explain some of the gay bands they've had lately.

Snails: good for stomping on.

So like don't you just love it when it rains over night and it causes snails to run for cover to the foot paths so you can then stomp on them on your way to work in the morning? I just love the sound they make. Crunchy like an apple. 

Squishy like Elle Driver's eyeball. I was really pissed when I heard that Stage Coach was raising loser cruiser fares. And then I get on the bus and my fare falls by 25 percent! Squish! The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and Round. 

Much like the Steven Irwin jokes. See below. I have a Crunchie bar. They are made of gold you know! What you got? I tried a Milo bar yesterday. While you get more go with Moro, this wasn't so bad. It was crunchy like one of those kremalta covered chocolate rice bubble things my mum used to make me and the Ginger Ningas for birthday parties and school lunches. 

If you, dear reader, did not have a mum who made you chocolate rice bubble things then NEWSFLASH! She didn't love you.

You were simply a food bill.

Steve Irwin: Its Started Pt: III

Steve Urwin: Its started Pt II

Despite the tragedy that is Steven Irwin's death, I been thinking it was rather foolish of him to go swimming without sunscreen because as we all know, sunscreen protects you from those harmful rays.
Da dish!
Thank you, you guys have been great,  I'm here all week. Try the crocodile.

Steve Urwin: Its started Pt: 1


Wellington Zoo Photos Part 1

Picks from a day at the Wellington Zoo, New Zealand

duck zoo
otter zoo

Here's Zoo Part II with lions and meerkats !

Zoo Fotos Pt II

We love meer cats! Check the horse's leg - still with shoe!

Wellington Zoo Pt 3

Porgy and Bess on a Plane Review

So this weekend I went and saw Porgy and Bess and Snakes On a Plane. I was a little bit tired so you'll excuse me if I get a little messed up with the reviews.
There was this bad ass bible quoting black guy lets call him, Mr Samuel L. Jackson, who was afraid of snakes. Or was it flying? Ne way he wants to go surfing in Bali and to hide from the mob so he takes his girlfriend Bess along for the ride. She is a fat slut and likes to take drugs and drinks more than Nicholas Cage did in Leaving Las Vegas. Ne way Porgy is jealous and puts some motherfucking snakes on the mother fucking planes. He's 'had it', you see. These snakes take some of  Bess' magic candy dust drugs and get all 'high and mighty' like a sunday choir choir and eat some people because they taste like Chicken.
Samuel sings a song about 'Snakes in the Summertime'. In the end he is left with 'plenty of nutting' but snake bites on his ass. Bess eats a giant anaconda and horse because she is so fat. Porgy is a cripple so keeps one of snakes to be a pet sleigh ride. He got bit in the eye and is now a blind cripple. The plane landed in the Promised Land of Casinos whereapon Porgy claimed "bess you is my snake charmer now".
And they ate some catfish and washed it down with a tasty beverage.


I think that's how it went.

Who ate all the pies? Inzamam you fat bastard

Levi said I should do more poems.


You fat cheating fuck

Pie eater and hairy bleater

You should play with Murali

Another cheater, who likes to chuck


Don't be hiding in your dressing room

Woe and betiding like an anxious bridal groom

Men get on with it

There's the ball, now go hit it


When Hair lifted the bails

It was there your reputation failed

Poor sport

There is no retort

Despite your whinny wails

What do you call a black pilot?

A pilot, you racist

We Care Alot - Lyrics by Faith No More

Is this just the best fuck you song ever? I like that it has Transformers name checked. And it's a big fuck you to Willie Nelson, Michael Jackson and Bob Geldof I guess. Mr Bob Geldolf who thinks Kiwis are selfish. We care a lot about you too Mr Geldof. And Lorde, we freaking love her too.


We Care a Lot Lyrics - Faith No More

We care a lot about disasters, fires, floods and killer bees
We care a lot about the NASA shuttle falling in the sea
We care a lot about starvation and the food that Live Aid bought
We care a lot about disease, baby Rock, Hudson, rock, yeah!

We care a lot about the gamblers and the pushers and the geeks
We care a lot about the crack and smack and whack that hits the street
We care a lot about the welfare of all the boys and girls
We care a lot about you people cause we're out to save the world


And it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it

We care a lot about the army navy air force and marines
We care a lot about the SF, NY and LAPD
We care a lot about you people, about your guns,
about the wars you're fighting - gee that looks like fun

We care a lot about the Garbage Pail Kids, they never lie
We care a lot about Transformers cause there's more than meets the eye

We care a lot about the little things, the bigger things we top
We care a lot about you people yeah you bet we care a lot,


Well, it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it
And it's a dirty song but someone's gotta sing it

And I when I say celebrity, I don't mean Cocksey

So me and JB went out to Red Rocks, Island Bay way.

This one is err... on an extreme DIEt

This must have been some kind of freakoid seal...