This is the way the world ends

The Fat Dancer from Take That

“The Fat Dancer from Take That” was the name given to Robbie Williams by Noel Gallagher in 2000 when they were in the middle of a public slanging match. Noel is famous in some parts for his quips and quotes. Some are designed to generate publicity and some are just mean.

Wishing Damon Albarn from Blur would die of AIDS was perhaps his most vile comment of them all.

    Said dancer in question

Robbie responded to the fat dancer comment by calling Noel a "mean spirited dwarf". The comments continued and escalated when Noel offered Williams a gun so that he could kill himself.

This was all following how Williams was befriended by both Noel and Liam Gallagher, at the time when their band was the world’s most popular. Paranoid and taking too much cocaine, according to Mr Williams, they fell out in proper rock star fashion – through the press.

The reference to Robbie being a fat dancer is now a tad ironic as though Robbie had become a successful singer in his own right at the time the comment was made, he went on to become a major solo artist, being just as popular as Oasis in their hey day.

In 2009 the last laugh could be on Robbie as Oasis split up leaving Noel open to quips that he’s just that old cranky bastard from Oasis. Still, the rumours abound that Robbie is going to rejoin with the reformed Take That so we'll see what comment Noel makes if that happens...

Did you hear Noel Gallagher has a new album out? Do the Damage is a b-side to the lead single, In the Heat of the Moment.

All your dreams are made of strawberry lemonade

Oasis’ new best of ‘Stop the Clocks’ has me flying a plane in my big mouth. Not that I need it, I have every Oasis album and a billion singles but it’s the concept of Oasis having a best of out that I love.

Some might say Oasis are over the hill, hasbeens who should make way for gonna bees.

Well stop the clock indeed, Don’t Believe the Truth put paid to the disaster that was the great rock and roll swindle, Be Here Now and picked up where Heathen Chemistry had hinted the band had rebirthed and firmly stomped Oasis back to number one all around the world.

Oasis are the best band in the world and that’s a fact, Jacky Brown.

No band since 1994 has consistently released such quality output, especially in terms of singles being released. The song writing is suburb, though granted their delivery has not always been the case. A blend of all Who have been before infused with a lil bit of stolen Teen Spirit has meant Oasis were the bomb. They needed each other as much as fans like me needed them.

Stop the Clocks will stack up as one of the best best ofs ever. In my blatantly subjective and biased opinion it rates up there with Michael Jackson’s History, Beatles “1” and the Eagles. Songs like Wonderwall, Live Forever, Lyla, Slide Away, Songbird, The Importance of Being Idle and The Masterplan make it so.

In a captain Piccard kind of way.

The fact Stops the Clocks will not have Roll With It, Stand by Me, D’yer know what I mean or Whatever on it speaks volumes as to the quality of the songs that are there.

The thing about Oasis has always been their b-sides. They are better than most band’s A sides. And thus The Masterplan is treated like the National Anthem in Britain and deserves its place on the album.

So all your Oasis haters out there can go listen to your Gnarls Barley and your EMO crap, people who know what music is supposed to sound like and make you feel, head down to your Soundz or whereever next week and grab yourself a copy. That’s what a space man would do. D’yer know what I mean?

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Extra for Experts:

I will concede that if Metallica were to put a best of up I imagine that would pretty much be the best best of ever.

Tangimoana Diaries: How to cook a steak

Tangimoana fotos Pt 2

Python eats Alligator in Everglades and feels sick

So here it is, the infamous Python vs Alligator photo

This is what happens when pythons are released into the Everglades. The pythons get eyes bigger than their stomachs and think it's safe to eat a whole crocodile.

The Professor Mazzotti who knows about these things believes the alligator was alive when the battle began. It may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it, leading to the blow-up of the stomach...

The python was found with the gator's hindquarters protruding from its midsection. Its stomach still surrounded the alligator's head, shoulders, and forelimbs.

Scientists have documented four encounters between the giant snakes and alligators in the last three years. The encroachment of Burmese pythons into the Everglades could threaten an $8 billion restoration project and endanger smaller species.

Wikipedia notes the invasiveness of the Python:

Native to southern Asia, the Burmese python is a relatively new invasive species in the Everglades. The species can grow up to 20 feet (6.1 m) long and they compete with alligators for the top of the food chain. Florida wildlife officials speculate that pet owners released their pythons and they have begun reproducing rapidly in an environment for which they are well-suited

Oh all right here's another picture: Alligator Vs Python Round 2

Want more? Check out this python pulling a kangaroo up a cliff!

Snakes on a Highway!

A happy, well fed python sits on a highway after swallowing a pregnant ewe in the village of Kampung Jabor which is about 200km east of Kuala Lumpur. The six-metre snake weighing 90kg was too laden to move, making it easy for local firemen to capture it.. with what looks like a piece of rope.

Check out what happens when an Anaconda tries to eat an alligator!

Or check out Animals Eating Animals where the title is what happens!

Wellington Zoo Photos Part 1

Picks from a day at the Wellington Zoo, New Zealand






Here's Zoo Part II with lions and meerkats !

Zoo Fotos Pt II

We love meer cats! Check the horse's leg - still with shoe!

Prince Harry Photos Scandals

Jimmy Jangles is oddly pleased to be Google's number one entry for the search term "prince harry photos scandal'" which if you click lands at the page

The time I drunkenlyish met Prince Harry's older brother is here.

On a re read I think it might be one of my favorite posts ever.

Which Wellington Barbie Girl are you?

Come on Barbie, let's go party...

Here's a list of the various barbies that Wellington has to offer.... which Wellington Barbie Girl are you?

Oriental Parade Barbie:

This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with a Prozac prescription and Botox, Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late". Available at all The White House and Yacht Club.

Thorndon Barbie:

This Barbie is only sold at Kirks. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer and a long-haired foreign lap dog named "Honey". Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

Porirua Barbie:

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 Holden Ute with dark tinted windows and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with Cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at participating pawn shops.

Upper Hutt Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with A pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Massey Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes slow-rise ph acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top.

Purchase her Holden Ute Convertible separately and get Fly Buys points absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at any Warehouse Store. Massey Barbie sold separately.

Hutt Valley Barbie:

This pale model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans 2 Sizes too small, "It's All About Me" T- shirt and a Guns and Roses tattoo on her shoulder.

She has a six pack of Lucky and comes with Metallica CD's. She can spit over a distance of 2 metres and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at K-Mart.

Stokes Valley Barbie:
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a 2 litre of Pepsi and a DPB cheque. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional. Available At The Warehouse.

Te Aro Barbie:
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have, want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.

Available at the Ferry terminal.

Vivian St Barbie:

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out at SPQR. Likes to "experiment", but will never commit. This model is being phased out.

Petone Gothic

By Debbie Mannix

Chloe of Wainuiomata: National Icon

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Update

Stuff reports how Chloe of Wainuiomata has been caught shop lifting!

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Chloe Jane Perovic, 47, was granted diversion in Napier District Court for stealing $23.62 worth of pet products from Napier's Pak'n'Save supermarket last Thursday.

The case was adjourned to June 4, a date she will have to keep only if she has not met the conditions of her agreement with the police.

In 1994, as Chloe Reeves, she shot to nationwide attention after appearing in her tiger slippers on Gary McCormick's Heartland television series.

The show sparked complaints from Wainuiomata residents who felt Chloe gave an unfavourable impression of their suburb.

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Maybe she was trying to feed her tiger slippers??

The Holly Would Child

The Holly Would child
Is a baby gone wild
She cuts her cake an eats it too
Looking for Heaven she knocked on the wrong door
Repented to late
Her highway to hell had already been dialled

Enough of photogenic power
Bring on the industrial strength sleaze
Videos of her in the shower
Down on her knees
Begging, crying, dying to appease.

No slouch on the casting couch
Her mother was appalled
At the guys she balled
Daddy was aghast as she posed thick and fast

Her body borne sins
Grant her lottery wins
The Cash Cow looks no gift horse in the mouth
She's cashing up before her assets drift south.

Did Head Like a Hole ever find who this guy was?

Come on guys get fire wise! or I'd like to buy a vowel please

Anagram of the Crusaders: Arse Crud

And that's what they'll be on Saturday.

Go the Canes!

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Or as naysayers like Uncle Timmy reckons thogh the canes may reach ruin

Either way the Canes making the Final is PFA*

*Pretty Fucking O for Oarsome.

Well whaddaya know?

The Black Caps have found some spine! Cheerz Flem.

Well now, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper Sprout

So like I was wandering passed the Deluxe café this morning (its by the Embassy Theatre) and I noted they were playing a Johnny Cash song. They being the 'Ukelele Orchestra'… so picture this - 8am at the coffee house and 7 ukeleles and one upright bass are punching out Jackson by The Man In Black.

They were singing along like it was a regular hootenanny (ooogga oogaa oggaa!) – it was quite a cordial chord chorus, they were 'off' as singers, though very enthusiastic, but put the musicians, coffee and the whole vibe together it was quite cool almost unreal errr…. almost surreal. The manager ? of the Deluxe was outside and told us they practiced every Thursday – so if ur about next week head on over for some coffee and Cash.

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Oh funny story… oh wait she'll kill me if I tell…..

You'll never be a Kiwi till you love our watties sauce!

So like I was filling in my census form last night and I came to that curly one about ethnicity that's been having a stir in the MSM -  does this blue eyed blonde write down he is a proud New Zealander or tick the New Zealand European box like a good little conformist?

 

It's a question on ethnicity, rather than nationality I suppose… so I was heading NZ European way - but to be sure I looked up the definition of 'ethnic' in the dictionary mum gave me when I was 12 -  it had the usual ra ra about race, minority but it also gave the suggestion that ethnic was grouping by shared beliefs, languages etc. There was nothing about Buttered Chicken.

 

I thought yep, New Zealanders could fit that description. Our common belief is the All Blacks will win the Rugby World Cup and that we should have Brought Back Buck. Hence I'm an ethnic New Zealander.

 

So I wrote down New Zealander. And then I thought, that will just help screw the stats in terms of their intended use. So I ticked New Zealand European box too.

 

If they had of asked me to fill in a box saying I was a pakeha I would have baulked cos that's just so…. rangi.

She dreams in colour, she dreams in red

I was staring at the sun of my pc screen when I heard myself singing 'she dreams in colour, she dreams in red' and I thought – yep, that's one of my fave songs. So for ur listening pleasure here's a random list of some favourite songs. Its the usual suspects as you would expect.

Better Man                                Pearl Jam

Rocking Chair                            Oasis

Wonderwall                               Oasis

The Fly                                     U2

Country Feedback                     REM

Lightning Crashes                      Live

Losing my Religion                     REM

Where did you sleep last night? Nirvana

The best thing about them all is they have cool guitar chords amd changes - all fairly easy to play along to guitar karoke style. Except the Fly. I'll leave the fiddly bits to The Edge.....

Note: If you disagree with this most perfect of lists, I will come and trash your house, Talking Heads style.

Check out the lyrics to Pearl Jam's Lightning Bolt

Hail Mary!

And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee

And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee ...



Things we have QuentionTarintino's  Pulp Fiction to thank for:

• Making Mayonnaise/Aololi become very popular as a bar snack
• We can use cool lines like "are we cool?" and "Zed's dead, baby; Zed's dead!"
• The resurrection of John Travolta (because without Swordfish we may never have seen Halle's Comets)
• We all understand the metric system a little better. Royale with Cheese?
• The countless lives saved through giving a shot of adrenaline through someone's sternum which has been carefully defined using a magic marker to create a magic mark.

When your priest mentions Ezekiel 25:17, you know exactly what he means:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost
children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.


Things we have Pulp Fiction to blame thank for:

Samuel L Jackson turning up as Mace Windu in Star Wars.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning

So this is a classic moment from the movie 'Apocalypse Now'. Robert Duvall is playing Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore,  a psychotic man charged with leading the 'airborne calvary'. In a brief battle, they have just taken a surf worthy beach off 'Charlie'. Kilgore gives one of the most famous quotes in film history:

"You smell that? Do you smell that? ... Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like ... victory. Someday this war's gonna end."

Well that's all fine and dandy but what if they had used beer bombs instead of napalm?

"You smell that? Do you smell that? ... Beer, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of beer in the morning. You know, one time we had beer bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I still walked upright. We didn't spill one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink beer. The smell, you know that hops smell, the whole beer fermentation working out . Smelled like ... drunkness. Someday this hangover's gonna end." - Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold - Stairway to Heaven Lyrics

No Stairway? Denied!

Stair Way lyrics by Led Zeppelin

There's a myth running round town that musical instrument shops must pay an annual royalty to cover in store shoppers who perform a recognisable riff before they buy, thereby making a "public performance".

Is this true? If so, that explains the 'No Stairway' rule in Wayne's World. Well, it doesn't really but it's still a cool story bro.

Anyways enough of that bollocks, here's the lyrics to Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin which was used to much mirth in the Wayne's World Movie.

Lyrics:

Theres a lady whos sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and shes buying a stairway to heaven.

Theres a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the may queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

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Stairway to Heaven has to be one of the most classic rock songs in the history of all rock songs. The lyrics are mysterious and brooding, in fact the lyrics could be about bloody anything. That's the beauty of fine song writing skills eh?