This is more than you deserve
Did you wander along the yellow brick road last night? Did you get lost Tin Man? High as a kite the Lion King might just stop to check you out. G / C G / C. Emerald City indeed.
But I have digressified, this is just pictures in the mirror. You know I tried to make you realise. I told you Hamish Marshall was no good. At least 007 made.it.happen. The Monster is Loose! Oh to be a better man Robbie, doing all you can. I wish I was a Fat Dancer from Take that. Narrrtt!
Waiting, watching, its four o’clock, I’ve got to stop. Hakuna Matata.
Swagger and Attitude
Bono was asked to introduce Frank Sinatra when the vocal legend was given the Lifetime Achievement Award at the 1994 Grammy Awards. This is the speech Bono delivered in honor of Sinatra, a speech Sinatra called "... probably the best introduction I've ever had."
Frank never did like Rock and Roll And he's not crazy about guys wearing earrings either But he doesn't hold it against me And anyway, the feeling is not mutual
Rock and Roll people love Frank Sinatra because Frank has got what we want: swagger and attitude; he's big on attitude Serious attitude, bad attitude Frank's the Chairman of the bad Rock and Roll plays at being tough but this guy, well, he's the boss The boss of bosses The man The big bang of pop I'm not gonna mess with him, are you?
Who's this guy that every city in America wants to claim as their own? This painter who lives in the desert, this first-rate, first-take actor This singer who makes other men poets Boxing clever with every word Talking like America Tough, straight-up, in headlines Comin' through with the big stick, the aside, the quiet compliment Good cop, bad cop, all in the same breath You know his story 'cause it's your story Frank walks like America -- cock-sure
It's 1945 and the U.S. Cavalry are trying to get their asses out of Europe, but they never really do They're part of another kind of invasion AFR -- American Forces Radio (sic) Broadcasting a music that'll curl the stiff upper-lip of England and the rest of the world Paving the way for Duke Ellington, the big band, Tommy Dorsey And right out in front -- Frank Sinatra His voice as tight as a fist Opening at the end of a bar Not on the beat, over it, playing with it, splitting it like a jazz man, like Miles Davis Turning on the right phrase and the right song Which is where he lives, where he lets go, where he reveals himself.
His songs are his home and he lets you in But you know that to sing like that you've gotta have lost a couple of fights To know tenderness and romance you've gotta have had your heart broken
People say that Frank hasn't talked to the press, they wanna know how he is, what's on his mind But you know Sinatra's out there more nights than most punk bands Selling his story through the songs Telling and articulate in the choice of those songs Private thoughts on a public address system Generous
This is the conundrum of Frank Sinatra Left and right brain hardly talking Boxer and painter, actor and singer, lover and father, bandman and loner Troubleshooter and troublemaker The champ who would rather show you his scars than his medals He may be putty in Barbara's hands But I'm not gonna mess with him, are you?
Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to welcome a man heavier than the Empire State, more connected than the Twin Towers, as recognizable as the Statue of Liberty, and living proof that God is a Catholic!
Will you welcome the King of New York City, Francis Albert Sinatra!
The Fat Dancer from Take That
Wishing Damon Albarn from Blur would die of AIDS was perhaps his most vile comment of them all.
Did you hear Noel Gallagher has a new album out? Do the Damage is a b-side to the lead single, In the Heat of the Moment.
All your dreams are made of strawberry lemonade

Oasis’ new best of ‘Stop the Clocks’ has me flying a plane in my big mouth. Not that I need it, I have every Oasis album and a billion singles but it’s the concept of Oasis having a best of out that I love.
Some might say Oasis are over the hill, hasbeens who should make way for gonna bees.
Well stop the clock indeed, Don’t Believe the Truth put paid to the disaster that was the great rock and roll swindle, Be Here Now and picked up where Heathen Chemistry had hinted the band had rebirthed and firmly stomped Oasis back to number one all around the world.
Oasis are the best band in the world and that’s a fact, Jacky Brown.
No band since 1994 has consistently released such quality output, especially in terms of singles being released. The song writing is suburb, though granted their delivery has not always been the case. A blend of all Who have been before infused with a lil bit of stolen Teen Spirit has meant Oasis were the bomb. They needed each other as much as fans like me needed them.
Stop the Clocks will stack up as one of the best best ofs ever. In my blatantly subjective and biased opinion it rates up there with Michael Jackson’s History, Beatles “1” and the Eagles. Songs like Wonderwall, Live Forever, Lyla, Slide Away, Songbird, The Importance of Being Idle and The Masterplan make it so.
In a captain Piccard kind of way.
The fact Stops the Clocks will not have Roll With It, Stand by Me, D’yer know what I mean or Whatever on it speaks volumes as to the quality of the songs that are there.
The thing about Oasis has always been their b-sides. They are better than most band’s A sides. And thus The Masterplan is treated like the National Anthem in Britain and deserves its place on the album.
So all your Oasis haters out there can go listen to your Gnarls Barley and your EMO crap, people who know what music is supposed to sound like and make you feel, head down to your Soundz or whereever next week and grab yourself a copy. That’s what a space man would do. D’yer know what I mean?
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Extra for Experts:
I will concede that if Metallica were to put a best of up I imagine that would pretty much be the best best of ever.
Tangimoana Fishing Contest: Jaybee 3, JJ Zero



I ate the one in the bucket. Jaybee threw the others back.
Python eats Alligator in Everglades and feels sick
So here it is, the infamous Python vs Alligator photo
This is what happens when pythons are released into the Everglades. The pythons get eyes bigger than their stomachs and think it's safe to eat a whole crocodile.
The Professor Mazzotti who knows about these things believes the alligator was alive when the battle began. It may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it, leading to the blow-up of the stomach...
The python was found with the gator's hindquarters protruding from its midsection. Its stomach still surrounded the alligator's head, shoulders, and forelimbs.
Scientists have documented four encounters between the giant snakes and alligators in the last three years. The encroachment of Burmese pythons into the Everglades could threaten an $8 billion restoration project and endanger smaller species.

Want more? Check out this python pulling a kangaroo up a cliff!
Snakes on a Highway!

A happy, well fed python sits on a highway after swallowing a pregnant ewe in the village of Kampung Jabor which is about 200km east of Kuala Lumpur. The six-metre snake weighing 90kg was too laden to move, making it easy for local firemen to capture it.. with what looks like a piece of rope.
Check out what happens when an Anaconda tries to eat an alligator!
Or check out Animals Eating Animals where the title is what happens!
Snails: good for stomping on.
She didn't love you.
You were simply a food bill.
Wellington Zoo Photos Part 1
We Care Alot - Lyrics by Faith No More
Is this just the best fuck you song ever? I like that it has Transformers name checked. And it's a big fuck you to Willie Nelson, Michael Jackson and Bob Geldof I guess. Mr Bob Geldolf who thinks Kiwis are selfish. We care a lot about you too Mr Geldof. And Lorde, we freaking love her too.
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We Care a Lot Lyrics - Faith No More
We care a lot about disasters, fires, floods and killer bees
We care a lot about the NASA shuttle falling in the sea
We care a lot about starvation and the food that Live Aid bought
We care a lot about disease, baby Rock, Hudson, rock, yeah!
We care a lot about the gamblers and the pushers and the geeks
We care a lot about the crack and smack and whack that hits the street
We care a lot about the welfare of all the boys and girls
We care a lot about you people cause we're out to save the world
YEAH!
And it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it
We care a lot about the army navy air force and marines
We care a lot about the SF, NY and LAPD
We care a lot about you people, about your guns,
about the wars you're fighting - gee that looks like fun
We care a lot about the Garbage Pail Kids
We care a lot about Transformers cause there's more than meets the eye
We care a lot about the little things, the bigger things we top
We care a lot about you people yeah you bet we care a lot,
YEAH!
Well, it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it
And it's a dirty song but someone's gotta sing it
Prince Harry Photos Scandals
Which Wellington Barbie Girl are you?
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Come on Barbie, let's go party... |
Oriental Parade Barbie:
This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with a Prozac prescription and Botox, Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late". Available at all The White House and Yacht Club.
Thorndon Barbie:
This Barbie is only sold at Kirks. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer and a long-haired foreign lap dog named "Honey". Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.
Porirua Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 Holden Ute with dark tinted windows and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with Cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at participating pawn shops.
Upper Hutt Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with A pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Massey Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes slow-rise ph acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top.
Purchase her Holden Ute Convertible separately and get Fly Buys points absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at any Warehouse Store. Massey Barbie sold separately.
Hutt Valley Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans 2 Sizes too small, "It's All About Me" T- shirt and a Guns and Roses tattoo on her shoulder.
She has a six pack of Lucky and comes with Metallica CD's. She can spit over a distance of 2 metres and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at K-Mart.
Stokes Valley Barbie:
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a 2 litre of Pepsi and a DPB cheque. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional. Available At The Warehouse.
Te Aro Barbie:
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have, want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.
Available at the Ferry terminal.
Vivian St Barbie:
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out at SPQR. Likes to "experiment", but will never commit. This model is being phased out.
Two shots of happy !!
Tour dates within the NEXT week!
News just in: the previously postponed Vertigo '06 Tour dates are definitely being rescheduled and an announcement confirming all details will be made 'within the next week'.
Word is that the final details on shows are just about in place and an announcement is on the way. As usual U2.Com will be the first place to have the full story.
Chloe of Wainuiomata: National Icon

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Update
Stuff reports how Chloe of Wainuiomata has been caught shop lifting!
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Chloe Jane Perovic, 47, was granted diversion in Napier District Court for stealing $23.62 worth of pet products from Napier's Pak'n'Save supermarket last Thursday.
The case was adjourned to June 4, a date she will have to keep only if she has not met the conditions of her agreement with the police.
In 1994, as Chloe Reeves, she shot to nationwide attention after appearing in her tiger slippers on Gary McCormick's Heartland television series.
The show sparked complaints from Wainuiomata residents who felt Chloe gave an unfavourable impression of their suburb.
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Maybe she was trying to feed her tiger slippers??
Gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don't share their power with mankind.
It looks good and all too. Supes flys like he ought a – effortlessly. I loved these bits of the movie.
If you're into some really interesting movie references, check out what inspired Star Wars.
You can't keep a good Master Chief down for long?
The Holly Would Child
Is a baby gone wild
She cuts her cake an eats it too
Looking for Heaven she knocked on the wrong door
Repented to late
Her highway to hell had already been dialled
Enough of photogenic power
Bring on the industrial strength sleaze
Videos of her in the shower
Down on her knees
Begging, crying, dying to appease.
No slouch on the casting couch
Her mother was appalled
At the guys she balled
Daddy was aghast as she posed thick and fast
Her body borne sins
Grant her lottery wins
The Cash Cow looks no gift horse in the mouth
She's cashing up before her assets drift south.
Come on guys get fire wise! or I'd like to buy a vowel please
And that's what they'll be on Saturday.
Go the Canes!
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Or as naysayers like Uncle Timmy reckons thogh the canes may reach ruin
Either way the Canes making the Final is PFA*
*Pretty Fucking O for Oarsome.
Supermodel not clever - shock
On a fashion shoot in a derelict house, Kate
Moss wanted to take a pee. The assistant told
her: "Well, there is a loo, but there's no
door on it".
Kate replied: "Well how the fuck do I get
in there then?" An embarrassed silence ensued...
Ler WeAKeN DART WOOZ PT XXXIVX
# Blues lost. Jafas.
# Otago won. Good Job! (say with annoying american accent)
# Chiefs won. Chur bro.
# Crusaders won. Pass me the speights.
Oh did I mention Jay Bee moved in? Pass the champagne!
And the baby said.....
- So I saw the music video 'Dancing in the Street' last night. It's got David Bowie and Mick Jagger hitting on each other in really bad 80s digs. Its gayer than Relax by Frankie goes to Holly Wood and the entire The Village People discography combined - not that there's anything wrong with that.
- If video killed the radiostar why is Holmes still on the air
- Go the Canes!
- And the baby said.....
Well now, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper Sprout
10 Questions
- Why are Xbox 360 wireless connectors so damn expensive?
- Will Pearl Jam's new album actually rock? Check out the lyrics to Pearl Jam's Lightning Bolt
- How can Jason Gillespie score more in a single innings than an entire Black Caps innings?
- Wishing Matty 'Skippy' Sinclair had of been picked instead of any one in the top order?
- Should I have the Korma or Rogan Josh for lunch?
- What's your Melbourne Cup pick?
- Been poked in the face lately?
- Or just poked?
- Will Chinese Democracy ever be delivered?
- What about the new GNR album?
A few things:
Repeat after me: Australia is not in danger of losing the test match to Bangladesh
It gets worse...
You'll never be a Kiwi till you love our watties sauce!
So like I was filling in my census form last night and I came to that curly one about ethnicity that's been having a stir in the MSM - does this blue eyed blonde write down he is a proud New Zealander or tick the New Zealand European box like a good little conformist?
It's a question on ethnicity, rather than nationality I suppose… so I was heading NZ European way - but to be sure I looked up the definition of 'ethnic' in the dictionary mum gave me when I was 12 - it had the usual ra ra about race, minority but it also gave the suggestion that ethnic was grouping by shared beliefs, languages etc. There was nothing about Buttered Chicken.
I thought yep, New Zealanders could fit that description. Our common belief is the All Blacks will win the Rugby World Cup and that we should have Brought Back Buck. Hence I'm an ethnic New Zealander.
So I wrote down New Zealander. And then I thought, that will just help screw the stats in terms of their intended use. So I ticked New Zealand European box too.
If they had of asked me to fill in a box saying I was a pakeha I would have baulked cos that's just so…. rangi.
She dreams in colour, she dreams in red
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee

Things we have QuentionTarintino's Pulp Fiction to thank for:
- Making Mayonnaise/Aololi become very popular as a bar snack
- We can use cool lines like "are we cool?" and "Zed's dead, baby; Zed's dead!"
- The resurrection of John Travolta (because without Swordfish we may never have seen Halle's Comets)
- We all understand the metric system a little better. Royale with Cheese?
- The countless lives saved through giving a shot of adrenaline through someone's sternum which has been carefully defined using a magic marker to create a magic mark.
When your priest mentions Ezekiel 25:17, you know exactly what he means:
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost
children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
Things we have Pulp Fiction to
Samuel L Jackson turning up as Mace Windu in Star Wars.

Every Atom Draws Great Big Electrons
So like this is probably a you-had-to-be-there story but whatever....
I went to the music store the other day to get me some strings for my faithful Takamine guitar. I walk in and say to the hippy looking dude 'Hey dude, gimme some Martin Strings , low gauge please
'Sure dude, you want bronze or phosphorous?
Bluffing I say, 'I think I'll stick with the phosphorous, they give a rich tone
Hippy enthusiastically replies, 'Oh yeah man that's soooo true, these ones are great for the mids, you get great levels man!!!!!
The Jerry Garcia look-a-like seemed to think I know what I'm talking about and continues with an endless discourse about sonic principles and tonal qualities or something. I figured he'd smoked at least a kilo for lunch so I interupt.
'Ah dude, I have no idea what you're talking about
I love the smell of napalm in the morning
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold - Stairway to Heaven Lyrics

No Stairway? Denied! Stair Way lyrics by Led Zeppelin
There's a myth running round town that musical instrument shops must pay an annual royalty to cover in store shoppers who perform a recognisable riff before they buy, thereby making a "public performance".
Is this true? If so, that explains the 'No Stairway' rule in Wayne's World. Well, it doesn't really but it's still a cool story bro.
Anyways enough of that bollocks, here's the lyrics to Stairway to Heaven
Lyrics:
Theres a lady whos sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and shes buying a stairway to heaven.
Theres a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And it's whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.
If theres a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the may queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.
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Stairway to Heaven has to be one of the most classic rock songs in the history of all rock songs. The lyrics are mysterious and brooding, in fact the lyrics could be about bloody anything. That's the beauty of fine song writing skills eh?