Good Night Kiwi Is Back!

The Good Night Kiwi is returning to NZ TV!

Back in the old days there were two TVNZ Channels 1 and 2. The Good Night Kiwi animation ran on each to signal the end of the day's transmission. It was much loved in my family and those across NZ - we often got the magazines that the Kiwi starred in. No idea what they were called...

The animation is the Kiwi and a cat turn out the lights of the TVNZ studio, put out an empty milk bottle, climb a flight of stairs and take a lift to the top of a satellite tower before settling into bed in the satellite dish screened from 1980 to October 1994.

We generally don't put out milk money these days!

Wikipedia says that the music that starts when Kiwi plays an audiobook cassette is an instrumental arrangement of the traditional Māori lullaby, Hine e Hine, or was sometimes God Save the Queen.

Stuff reports that three new cat and kiwi sequences have been made to promote the Christmas Season.

The first, to screen from tomorrow, has the pair decorating a Christmas tree; in the second, to screen between Christmas and New Year, the Christmas tree is dismantled; and the third, for the rest of summer, has the Kiwi reclining on a lilo in a pool disturbed by the cat.

The Top 10 Worst Rock Costumes in Rock History

The Top 10 Worst Rock Costumes in Rock History

You remember when your Mum made you wear that ugly sweater that your loving but colour blind grandmother knitted you by candlelight? You felt like a dick. You're not the only one who's worn the equivalent, there's plenty of rock stars who actually made the choice. The results are in and they are worse than the sweater - call in the fashion police!

Coming in at number 10 is Tina Turner as Auntie in Mad Max (Imperator Furiosa took the feminist nod further in Fury Road). Shoulders pads were huge in the 80's but this was taking it a step to far. Whatever did happen to the children?

Elton John wearing a Duck Suit comes in at 9. The Madman from Across the Water was known to relish the chance to wear any old thing, duck suits a specialty. Hello! Elton! 

Kanye West dodges the Papparazzi on his way to 8. Check out his cool sunglasses before he comes and punches you.

David Bowie is relaxed and only dancing his way to number 7 on the Top Ten Rock Fasion Disasters list. Bowie's manager told him he was going to the beach so he donned these spiffing swimming trunks. Imagine his surprised when he walked out in front of his fans. No one in the audience was surprised however.

Doing his worst for The Beautiful People, Marilyn Manson spits on himself at 6. Nuff said really, other than we heard he borrowed the panties from Dita Von Tisse.

Midway brings us number 5 and Gary Glitter. He's a bad man you know and went to jail. The fashion police sent his costume away too.

She drove all night to get to number 4, Cyndi Lauper comes up with this offspring of the Statue of Liberty and a rainbow...

Number 3 in our list of Top 10 Worst Rock Costumes so things must be getting bad. Maybe Bon Jovi's leather pants and long hair can save us?

Check out Bon Jovi's This House is not For Sale' album lyrics

Nope! Moving on to 2. Runner up to the worst rock costume in rock history is the entire membership of Lordi. The devil is a loser and he's my bitch.  Um yes, moving on to number one...

Our winner moonwalks their way to number one on the Worst Rock Costumes in Rock History list. Congratulations, Micheal Jackson

Review of Battle for The Planet of the Apes.

Economic students should study the Battle for The Planet of the Apes for a lessen in the law of diminishing returns. This fourth sequel to the Planet of the Apes is a lesson in cashing in, low rent sets, poor acting, nonsensical plot and ignorance of science. This film is as cheap as Superman IV: The Quest for Peace was.

After conquering the oppressive humans in Conquest for the Planet of the Apes, some 30 years before, Caeser tries to keep the peace amongst the humans and apes, albiet with apes in charge.

Gorilla General Aldo views things differently and tries to cause an ape civil war (of like 200 hundred monkeys). In the meantime, other human survivors learn of the ape city and decide they want to take back civilization for themselves.

This sets up the most ludicrous battle scene possibly ever filmed in the entire history of bad films. The army from the city rolls up in their 3 motor bikes, a jeep with a canon and a school bus and burns a few monkey tree huts. Sensing victory they interrogate Ceaser who calls the foxing Apes to arms and they actually win the Battle for the Planet!

Cue an Orangutang giving a history lesson to both apes and human children some 600 years in the future! Gasp Ceaser changed the future! Earth did not explode! Chimps and Men can live in harmony!

While the previous for movies had some pretty dodgy paradigms, Battle for the Planet seems to ignore the cannon and comes up with some pretty odd situations. You have to suspend your belief for a bit to accept that in 30 years all Apes and Chimps can talk and can rationalise about space-time continuums. You have to accept that a nuclear bomb can destroy a city but that everything below the surface can survive intact and that the electricity still works. You have to accept Caeser can set up an Ape City a day's walk from the city and that the bomb only destroyed the city and nothing else. You have to believe that in 30 years the Gorillas have formed an army ...of 30 Gorillas.

It also sounds like they cut out a scene which would have given the movie some real relevance to the Ape series, in particular Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

The cutscene was from the end of the film which shows the beginnings of the House of Mendez cult. The humans in the city are about to fire off the doomsday bomb but decide not to, as it would destroy the Earth. Instead, they form a religion around the bomb.

Overall, after the brilliance of the first 3 movies, the good effort of the third Battle for the Planet of the Apes is an Epic let down. Do yourself a favour and watch the original Planet of the Apes.

Conquest of the Planet of Apes: a film about conquering

Conquest: The act or process of conquering
Conquest of the Planet of Apes: a film about conquering.

The 4th movie in the Apes series takes place in 1991, 20 years after the events of the Escape from the Planet of the Apes. Cornelius and Zira are dead, but they gave birth to a baby ape who resurfaces as 20 year old ape with a monkey on his back about the treatment of his parents.

Apes have supplanted dogs and cats as household pets due to a virus killing all the world's pets and have replaced human servants as put upon personal assistants. The allegory is they are Black American Slaves.

The conquest begins as Caesar leads his chimp brothers in rebellion against the human oppressors by process of mutiny and then out and out revolt against their masters. This action is ultimately supposed to lead to the events of the Planet of the Apes movie but the Escape movie has created a predestination paradox or time loop. Something cannot come from the future to cause the future as the present has to happen uninterpreted to cause the future! Maybe the Battle for the Planet of the Apes will settle that one...

The movie poster for Escape from the Planet of Apes

The film is particularly brutal in its depictions of violence against both beast and man. The finishing battle royale is a brute of a thing with apes blindly knifing Nazi styled guards and soldiers and bullet based massacres of charging apes.

The movie finishes with Caesar rejecting violence towards man but aiming to dominate them none-the-less with this speech:"But now... now we will put away our hatred. Now we will put down our weapons. We have passed through the night of the fires, and those who were our masters are now our servants. And we, who are not human, can afford to be humane. Destiny is the will of God, and if it is man’s destiny to be dominated, it is God’s will that he be dominated with compassion, and understanding. So, cast out your vengeance. Tonight, we have seen the birth of the Planet of the Apes!"

It was a tacked on ending. The first cut of the film had Caesar order the the execution of all the humans but test audiences found this too bleak and so Caesar's speech as added in. So as I gave praise for the film makers killing everyone in Beneath the Planet of the Apes, I take it away here for chickening out.

It's interesting to note that Caesar's name in Escape from the Planet of the Apes was Milo. I presume it was changed to reflect the life of the Roman Emperor, Julius Caesar.

Here's the ending on video:

Escape from The Planet of the Apes

Escape from the Planets of Apes is the second sequel to the original Planet of the Apes and its premise is to reverse the plot of of that movie.

Escape from the Planet of Apes Movie Poster

The IMDB gives the following synopsis"Cornelius and Zira, the simian ape couple from the first two ape films, flee from their doomed planet (after the events in Beneath...) in the same spaceship used by Taylor in the first film, and travel back through the same space/time porthole and land on late 20th Century Earth where they are received with fascination and fear from the people they meet."

I describe it as thus: Apes crash to Earth! Apes are Persecuted! Apes have a baby! Apes must Escape the Planet of the Apes! Tragic ending!

As has become expected by this time, the film makes good use of social commentary - the obvious is all there ape rights, equality for all. But it gets into the battle of the sexes, duplicitous scientists, abortion, forced sterilization and the question just about every sci fi movie about time travel struggles with - do humans have the right to alter their future? (Hollywood is still doing this, check out Indiana Jone's and the Dial of Destiny with it's time travel paradox!)

It even asks the classic question - if you could, would you go back in time and kill Adolf Hitler?

Escape from the Planet of the Apes answers how the Earth got to the state it was in the first two ape movies. Cornelius described how a plague killed all the dogs and cats which lead to the enslavement of all the apes as pets who eventually revolted against man.

Overall, Escape from the Planet of the Apes is not as thrilling as the first two movies, suffering from third-movie-itus however it has it's moments and is a fun Sunday afternoon DVD.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes: Revisted

Beneath the Planet of the Apes: Revisited

Most sequels are over the top but Beneath the Planet of the Apes goes beneath the top to a world where religious zealots who worship an armed nuclear warhead go head to head with some grumpy gorillas intent on religious war in the name of their beliefs...

If this film wasn't released in 1970 I'd swear it was a commentary on the arms race of the eighties and nuclear politics or even the various American wars in Iraq with a bit of Islamic fundamentalism thrown in for good measure.

Or it could just be another movie about apes thinking they rule the planet.

The premise is that Taylor and Nova, our heroes from the original Planet of the Apes left the apes to go find themselves - instead Taylor found he was on Earth. They travel inwards from the coast and Taylor disappears...

An astronaut, named Brent, is sent on a mission from Earth to find the missing astronaut crew from the first film, and as his bad luck would have it he crashes on the planet of the apes, Earth, where he stumbles upon an underground city where the last humans have hold up in hiding from the dreaded ape army now out to exterminate mankind as man is not so kind to monkeys. He finds Nova and predictably gets caught by the apes. Then he escapes, Yay!

Brent and Nova wearing the lastest Man Slave fashions

He finds Taylor and they get caught up in the battle between the humans and the apes. Having killed off every major character along the way, with his dying act Taylor sets off the atomic bomb ending the war between the animals and in doing so destroys all life on planet Earth.

Which is great because most movies chicken out and do the miracle rescue ending. Taylor damns them all to hell!

The movie explores themes similar themes to the original but this time focuses more on the use of religious dogma as a reason to go to war. It pits the seemingly cruel human religious zealots who want peace but worship a nuclear weapon versus the supposed morally superior Ape race who derive their faith from interpreting some old scrolls.

The movie has a great scene where the humans celebrate a mass in honor of the atomic bomb. Borrowing heavily from the traditional Catholic mass the movie succeeds in highlighting the absurdity of religion and blind faith in general. At the climax of the mass, the humans reveal their true selves to their god and in a great mini surprise, they remove their masks to hide some hideously grotesque faces. It's quite a horrific movie moment and for me the highlight of the movie.

Reason number 1 to wear sunscreen: The Burn

So in all not quite as riveting as the first movie but its set pieces where pretty good and with a fairly hectic ending, it gets two thumbs up as a pretty sweet lazy sunday afternoon DVD.

Planet of the Apes - Insert Appropriate Monkey Joke Here

Planet of the Apes - Insert Appropriate Monkey Joke HereSo like I broke into to Chucky's house and stole his Box Set of the entire Planet of the Apes series which is the original, Plant of the Apes and four sequels.

I saw this film as a kid back in the day when we only had two tv channels and thought it was a cool movie about apes. Nowadays as a grown up (of sorts, I'm still watching ape movies) I was able to enjoy the movie's themes as well.

The movie explores all kinds of themes, man's doomsday death wish and love of war. Racism and class war. Vivisection and the youth rebelling against the ideals of the dominant generation. It explores the hypocrisy of religion and the quest for scientific knowledge. With all these things packed into the film you sometimes forget that our hero is being chased by 12 monkeys with guns. It almost sounds like Snakes on a Plane but less farcical. The farce comes in the sequels...

The score is excellent. At times the music mimics the jungle so we get a riotous cacophony of gorillas and chimp in the chase bits.

I presume you've seen at least the original so you know the basic premise and probably that the film has one of the most famous twists in a movie. No, our hero Taylor (played by a swaggering Charlton Heston) is not a ghost but a man who faces his destiny when he realizes he has been on the planet Earth all along.



At this time one is presumably to supposed to reflect on the title of the film and how it not only refers to the apes but also the men that sent Taylor to his ultimate destiny.

Here's a great discussion on the other endings that were thought of during the scripting process.

And here's a video of the ending with a suddenly very depressed Charlton Heston crying "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!" which I realised I could still remember most of from when I saw it as a kid, it was that it had a cool twist ending.

How to avoid germs, cooties, and other nasties

How to avoid germs, cooties, and other nasties

Germs are everywhere!

In the sink, in your coffee and in your spleen.

On door knob and in the unwrapped mints on the counter of the restaurant. You should take no comfort that your desk has more germs than a toilet.

So for all the germ phobes, obsessive compulsives, and avian flu junkies out there, Jimmy Jangles brings you "How to avoid germs, cooties and other nasties".

• When you visit the loo in a public place (movies, work etc) push open the doors well above or below the door handle. Chances are those spots are clear and more germ free than the urine stained handle that the weird guy in IT no talks to left behind
• Avoid Avian Flu but not talking to Avians
• It's okay to talk to Germans, except about the war. Don't mention the war! Just lie back and and think of England.
• Live in a giant bubble like the Bubble Boy.
• Don't press lift buttons. Use a pencil or wait for your colleague. God knows which filthy beggar has been there before you. At least you'll avoid the snot and boogies I left for you after I picked my nose all morning.
• Don't smoke the cigarette butts you found in the street. I mean really, it's a filthy habit.
• Use the First Toilet in the Bathroom/washroom stall. Men better than you or I have conducted research which has shown that that most people use the middle stall so leave those ones to the common people. This is because more use such as dropping the kids off at the pool means they're the dirtiest and have the most germs.
• Don't hold hands with girls, they have cooties! Eooohwww!! Girl germs. Don't kiss them either.
• When finished a set at the gym, wear jandals in the shower. Athlete's foot is not your friend.
• After you've spent all night at the Strip Club, wash your hands. You know why.
• The Foot Flush: Instead of flushing the toilet with you hand, use the bottom of your shoe!

So now you know how to be free of germs! Now get out there and take some unnecessary antibiotics!

free speech for the dumb

free speech for the dumb

a poem

free speech for the dumb
freedom to suck your bloody thumb
pre-paid taxes for the rich
a man becomes a mum
the rest may drown in a ditch
let them eat cake
as they watch the hollywood remake
congested traffic and congested noses
no time to listen to the gospel of moses
fair trade, fair play and cold play
it was bullrush with rocks in socks in my day
the queen used to be victoria

now he stands on the corner
turning tricks so she gets her fix, boy
coke is cheaper than milk and what about the fizzy
reality tv awash with leaky homes and bad parents
cost of petrol fumes makes me dizzy
the pope apologises as the church repents

Oasis Dig Out Your Soul Cover and Track Listing Released

Manchurian Candidates, Oasis, are gearing up to release their new album, Dig Out Your Soul.

Jimmy Jangles is mega happy about this - the last album was brilliant Oasis, back to their WTSMG best - critically, if not commercially out side of Britain anyway.

Swear I'm Not Paul tipped me off that the Oasis album cover is out. I would describe it as one of those 'Cool Beatles/Britannia' ones. The cover is an original piece of art by London-based designer, Julian House. 

It features a pair of hands cradling some kind of exploding drum. Butterflies flit about, while an eyeballs stares obliquely off to the side while a newspaper asks the viewer to 'Come in, Come out!'. 

Which we know now as a lyric from The Shock of the Lightning. Full consideration of the cover is on The Swamp Song.

The first single from the Dig Out Your Soul album will be "The Shock of the Lightning" written by Noel Gallagher, to be released on September 29 this year. Based on recent single releases by Oasis, there's no doubt it will hit the British Charts at number 1.

Noel Gallagher has bragged of the song: "If ‘The Shock of the Lightning’ sounds instant and compelling to you, it’s because it was written dead fast. And recorded dead fast. ‘The Shock of the Lightning’ basically is the demo. And it has retained its energy. And there’s a lot to be said for that, I think. The first time you record something is always the best”.

Here's the track listing for Dig Your Own Soul

1. "Bag It Up" - 5:12
2. "The Turning" (Andy Bell) - 4:32
3. "Waiting for the Rapture" - 4:57
4. "The Shock of the Lightning" - 4:24
5. "I'm Outta Time" (Liam Gallagher) - 5:20
6. "(Get Off Your) High Horse Lady" (Gem Archer) - 5:07
7. "Falling Down" - 4:18
8. "To Be Where There's Life" - 5:35
9. "Ain't Got Nothin" (L. Gallagher) - 3:32
10. "The Nature of Reality" - 4:48
11. "Gigi" - 1:05 (Japanese Bonus Track)

All songs are by Oasis mainstay, Noel Gallagher except where noted. There's two from Liam Gallagher and I'll be taking a keen interest in those to see if he has progressed from Songbird and the Meaning of Soul which where basically E and G chord variations.






Here's a recently released video of the making of The Shock of the Lightning which is the first single from Dig Out Your Soul.

Pablo Picasso was a breast man

So I went to Brisbane. It's like a high rent hooker called Dupré, compared to the 2 dollar crack whore from Melbourne named Divine.

Er...

I mean I had a good time.

So I went to a real life Pablo Picasso painting exhibition. The Gallery that hosts the exhibition describes it as featuring "over 100 works from Picasso's extraordinary collection plus more than 80 important works by the artist himself."

I describe it as pictures from a dirty old man who liked to sit around all day drawing pictures of hookers and whores with big hairy breasts. BIG HAIRY BREASTS people!

On seeing this I was surprised that Gillette (the best a man can get) does not sponsor the exhibition...

The pretty cool thing was that Picasso traded his work for other works so part of the collection was some of the paintings that inspired him - so there were drawings and prints by artists such as Chardin, Matisse, Renoir (more breasts), Cézanne, Rousseau, Miró, Modigliani and Braque, as well as an entirely boring selection of Oceanic and African works.

My favourite painting actually was Henri Matisse's Maguerite

When I first saw this I was struck by the the simplicity of Matisse’s style.

You can see here how Matisse reaches the paintings apogee with the use of large blocks of solid colour and very minimalist touches, with simple lines for the eyes and nose. One may also be drawn to consider that Matisse must be admired for the courage it must have taken for this master of Fauvism to express himself with such candour.

Or you could just like the green dress and the funny way of spelling Margaret.

Jimmy Jangles' Transformers T-Shirt Collection

So like it seems like it's Transformers Week here at The Optimus Prime Experiment. If you like, you may blame my grandparents for being me back Mirage from the United States even before Transformers were cool in NZ. I just loved them for it.

You can however blame Jay Bee for this post. A couple of Valentine's ago she got me a Transformers T shirt. It's the one with the Autobot logo to the right. Since that time I have gone Transformers T Shirt Mad. For that you can blame cheap Jay Jay sales... They got a sweet range for 10 bucks a pop in the Manners Mall store Wellington if you keen...

So here's my Transformers T shirt Collection. Enjoy!



This is Jimmy Jangles' T Shirt Collection. Look I know you're jealous, buy your own.



Optimus Prime Megatron Logo



Optimus Prime Red Logo, in old school pose.



Transformers the Movie, featuring Rodimus Prime and Arcee



Autobot Logo on Blue Background



Optimus Prime In Da Hood Logo



Transformers Decepticon Soundwave


Transformers Decepticon Starscream. He's like the fan favourite bad guy. Well its either him or Soundwave.

Optimus Prime T Shirt Banned from a Flight

So like like The Optimus Prime Experiment goes into overdrive this week with a third post on the megatron munting machine.

Turns out a British fellow by the name of of Brad Jayakody was stopped by airport guards from boarding his flight because he was wearing a Transformers T-shirt showing Optimus Prime, fearless leader of the Autobots brandishing a cartoon gun....



Is this what the world has come to? Under educated service staff deeming cotton being a potential terrorist threat? What if Brad had been wearing a Starscream T-shirt? Would the airline have called in the Queen's Royal Guards?

And because I've been drinking I just thought of a joke. What do you get if you cross Optimus Prime with Jake Heke? Optimuss Prime!

For those readers that don't come from New Zealand, thats a reference to Jake the Muss from the film Once Were Warriors.

Optimus Prime

Man petrol prices are getting so high Optimus Prime has been grumbling about having to take the bus to work. "The Loser Cruiser is for losers," he cried. "It should be Megatron on the bus, not me, the fearless Autobot leader!"

He then mumbled something about peace loving hippies voting for the Green Party and rolled out to save Bumblebee from falling for an obviously set Constructicon trap.



Pictured: Optimus Prime, not a fan of the loser cruiser.

Do Not Read The Link In This Post

Man vs Clown delivers a genius post. I sincerely warn you, this is not safe for work, mothers, grandmothers, sisters or people with nervous disorders.

But it is extremely funny.

Genipod: Lacking in taste?

Today's Ipod Crime: Bonnie Tyler - I need a Hero. Redeemed immediately with God Gave Rock and Roll to You by Kiss.

 

Have noticed that google's gmail spell check does not recognise ipod.....

 

That is all.

Xbox 360 Cache Clearing Trick

Update: With the new August 2009 Xbox Live Update, cache clearing has been made so much easier than before.

You can now clear the cache for your 360 Hard Drive without entering the long combo (X,X,LB,RB,X,X). All you have to do now is go to the Hard Drive section and press Y, then select Clear Cache. I think the effect is still the same.... see below.

Here's a cool trick I learnt from Bungie - how to clear the content of your Xbox 360's cache.

Whilst at the Xbox 360 Dashboard, navigate to the System blade. Then Press Y on the HD symbol and then press X,X, Left Bumper, Right Bumper, X, X. If this is completed correctly you will see a message saying: "Do you want to perform maintenance on your Xbox 360 storage devices?"

Why would you want to do this? To make sure downloaded content from X Box live registers with the xbox - e.g. if you have downloaded the Legendary Map Pack for Halo and it has not registered with the game - do this trick, put Halo 3 back in and Frank is your uncle and I am the Master Chief!

Be careful doing this as it could have some unintended consequences. These guys warn that this cache trick will "also clear any software up dates". So if that happens you might have to reload the updates.

The Brief Test Cricket Career of Ron Burgundy

I believe it was proud San Diegan and renown Anchorman Ron Burgundy who famously asked his moustache 'Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?'. 

This was merely seconds before he shaved it off with a bowie knife and without soap and then went about cleaning his beer bottles with sodium percarbonate.

Ron Burgundy had decided his lil mo's time had come and it had to be banished back to Whore Island (Where rumour has it, it hooked up with Vicky Pollard). And when Ron Burgundy says he'll do something, by Great Odin's raven, he does it.

Clean shaven, and looking as best a man can get, better than Tom Selleck getting his Friends groove on, Ron Burgundy took up playing Cricket for the US Cricket team, and the rest as this blog says, its cricket history.

Ron Burgundy became first drop for the USA team tour of India. In the first test he struggled in the heat and was out for a cheap 77 and a sublime match winning 301 not out in the second.

While having a few Kingfisher Beers after the test match, he noticed all the Indian team had moustaches and he asked the 14 year old debutante who scored a courageous 117 before Ron Burgundy bowled him with a flipper why it was so. Sunil replied that it made him feel manly and helped with the ladies.

"Thank You India" gasped Ron Burgundy. Knowing how Alanis Morrisette felt, he concluded concisely that he had made an error. So he sent a telegram by morse code to Whore Island summoning his missed 'tache.

In the second test, India had a second innings lead of exactly 800 runs when Ron Burgundy came out to bat. He was sans helmet and proudly showing off his newly attached 'tache. And first ball he was hit in the ovaries. A straight shot to the baby maker. Ron was carried off on a stretcher, never to play test cricket again.

And so in honour of Ron Burgundy and his moustache, test cricketers around the world grow the mo, goaties, lines of bum fluff and other novel creations. By proudly wearing their brilliant beards they are saying 'Yes I believe in Ron Burgundy, he stayed classy, right to the end.'

For SAS.

A definitive definition of Gummies and other Kiwi slang that might not be placed in a dictionary

So like here's some definitions of Kiwi slang that you won’t find referenced in a dictionary of good standing, nor defined in the dewey decimal system. Not even a cheap glossary.


Scarfie
Slang for the students who attend Otago University in Otago, New Zealand. Known for the scarves they wear in the cold to rugby games.

Jimmy Jangles
A way to describe Jimmy when he plays guitar.

Gummies
Kiwi slang for gumboots or Wellingtons.

Beige Brigade
A group of sports fans who wear beige clothing to cricket matches in honor of the uniform worn by the New Zealand cricket team in the 1980s.

The Beehive
A New Zealand Parliament Building that is shaped like an actual beehive. Expels a lot of hot air.

Chloe of Wainuiomata
Kiwi icon known for her tiger slippers and lack of singing ability.

The Feelers
A three piece rock band from New Zealand known for the hits ‘Venus’ and ‘Fishing for Lisa’.

kiwiblog
A popular New Zealand blog written by David P Farrar that has been fomenting happy mischief since 2003.

-

So I’m trying something out, bare with me!

Rodimus Prime

Living Well is the best revenge

A lil piece on R.E.M.'s Accelerate liner notes ....

After becoming comfortable with placing his lyrics in the liner notes of the last few R.E.M. albums, Micheal Stipe appears to have taken another step and added some quotes before the lyrics of three songs.

Living Well is the best revenge

"Living Well is the best Revenge - george herbet (1593 - 1633)  who was an english clergyman and metaphysical poet"

Supernatural Superserious

"My brain is the key that sets me free" - harry houdini, 1874 - 1926"

Until the Day is Done

"When Facism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag amd carry the cross. - Sinclair Lewis"

"thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams. thanks for the american dream to vulgarize and falsify until the vare lies shine through -- willaim s. burroughs"

The Sinclair Lewis quote suggests a reference to the then US President George Bush and his public reliance on the Bible and that belies that he is the fascist bringing his extreme (un) socially bent right wing views to America. Sinclair Lewis was an American novelist known for his satire of commercial culture. Put together, and coupled with knowlege REMs anit bush campaigning at the elections, Until The Day is done becomes a rather biting piece of commentary.

The last quote and the most appealing one to me, quote is Burrough's 'Thanks Giving Prayer' which is a cynical, hyperbolic bitch about things/crimes/tragedies that have befallen America.

See "thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces" and "thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot". Its pretty scathing.

Stipe uses the quote to preface 'Until the day is done'. It can easily be read into this song as an another Stipe indictment of both the American Presidents that were named Bush. He's bascially counting down the days - when Bush is gone and all he represents is gone, the day will be done.

Its no suprise really that REM quoted Burroughs as he did a 'cover' of Star Me Kitten (originally from Automatic People, Burrough's version on the X Files sound track) where he spoke the lyrics over the original - he infamous changed the lyric back to what Stipe intended the song to say so when he sang Fuck Me Kitten, he really meant it.

As to the reference to Living Well being the best revenge? Well, that should be self explanatory right?

Check out R.E.M's Collapse Into Now Lyrics

William S. Burroughs' Thanks Giving Prayer

William S. Burroughs' Thanks Giving Prayer

Originally revealed to the world on Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 28, 1986, this prayer was Burroughs' cynical, cynical take on American society and asked, 'what do we really have to be thankful for? Look at our world! There's so much shit in it!'

Happy Thanks Giving Day America.


Thanks Giving Prayer

For John Dillinger, In hope he is still alive

Thanks for the wild turkey and the Passenger Pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts

thanks for a Continent to despoil and poison --

thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger --

thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot --

thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes --

thanks for the AMERICAN DREAM to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through --

thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces --

thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers --

thanks for laboratory AIDS --

thanks for Prohibition and the War Against Drugs --

thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business --

thanks for a nation of finks -- yes,

thanks for all the memories... all right, let's see your arms... you always were a headache and you always were a bore --

thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

-

I wish I could write as good as this. It's just so biting.

The Aids comment is pretty wrong but still sums up an issue that plagues America, and at least in the sense that so many people are misinformed about AIDS, though I guess in 1986 when the Thanks Giving prayer was released, the world was gripped by a huge fear of AIDS, and there was so much misunderstanding about the disease, so actually it's no surprise it popped up in this poem.

These men deserve a D.B.

These men deserve a D.B.

Three Great Rock Comebacks

So like what are the best rock comebacks ever?

And before you say Green Day and American Idiot or U2 and Actung Baby, I think we need some criteria ...

The comebackee's first public success must have been pretty major - the music must have ingrained itself into the some kind of national or international consciousness for a fair period. Not merely have been a one hit wonder, they should have a body of work or range of songs that are still popular on the radio or being raided from some mum's old record collection..

Then they must have goneaway and been forgotten by way of not being able to write a d side, releasing shite music or gone on a drugs binge that would have made a line of coke blush.

The comeback - the success must have been the same all over again or bigger. The public (and probably a new generation of young fans) takes note of the new music with a fervour. Charts are topped and grammies won. It can not be a happy reunion tour like Kiss or Led Zeppelin. 

Thus having written this criteria according to my pre determined choices ;) here are my three best rock comebacks ever.

Meat Loaf - Marvin Lee Aday



At the time of Bat out of Hell's onslaught it was the biggest debut of all time. Meatloaf's album was an instant rock classic. It had the hard rock of its time in the title track, it had sex mixed it into songs about baseball. It had the ballads. It brought the balls to rock.

And then he stopped being friends with Jim Steinman, hung out with Cher and made dire films like Roadie. He may have had some trouble with alcohol..

20 years pass with a couple of minor hits and a bankruptcy but the Meat had eaten his cake and couldn't have it twice...

...Until he became friends with Jim Steinman again and they re wrote the first album and Meatloaf stormed the charts to number one in twenty odd countries with the biggest hit of his career, I'd Do Anything for Love (BIWDT) from Bat out of Hell II, hell he even got a pre world famous everywhere Angelina Jolie to appear in the video for Rock and Roll Dreams. People that kant listen good listened to the song and asked what he would not do (screw around !). Probably had the best coda to a song ever. This sucess also means that Jim Steinman qualifies for one of the greatest comebacks ever too.

John Frusciante (Guitarist for Red Hot Chili Peppers)



Joined the RHCP when they were well into their career and made Mother's Milk with them. Soul to Squeeze showed he had the deft tones. Then he pulled out Under the Bridge and his place in rock history was assured.

And then he discovered herion, was booted from the band, lost his teeth and infamously gave a royalty cheque to a cabbie.

And then Kiedis and co realised Dave Navaro was acutally a fucking pussy and asked Flea asked a newly sober JF back to the band. Fruciante gave them the licks from Scar Tissue and the album, Californication went on to be the Red Hot Chili Peppers' biggest album and the comeback was complete.

Johnny Cash



Bono thinks that Elvis would have been as sissy without Johnny Cash. If you believe the stories about the drugs and the purdy ladies then it was ok for The King to hook up with a 14 year old (hey, if there's grass on the wicket).

Mr Cash was huge in the late 50s and 60s with his boy called Sue, songs about flags and guns, discussions about how high the water was and how his ring burnt somewhat.

And then he didn't sell so much, appeared to find Jesus, write the odd biography, and had a TV show.

Had a minor comeback in the 80s with the Highway Men... but then he met Rick Rubin in the mid 90s and his career went interstellar. His serious of American Recordings took songs of others and gave them a new heart and soul. When he sang Tom Petty's Wont Back down you believed it. When he said he was Hurt, you wanted to take him to the doctor. He became the Man in Black.

There you have it, three great come backs of rock. Four if you count Jim Steinman but he does get points off for that Air Supply song.

Who else do you think is worthy of a rock comeback?

Stephen . . . Shephen . . . . Stephen . .

Megatron: Apparently not at the bottom of a deep marine trench

So like it would be remiss of the Optimus Prime Experiement to let comment pass on this fool.

Vincent Eardley-Wilmot managed to avoid authorities in New Zealand and Canada for four years by using false names. His run ended on Friday when Justice Robert Dobson, in the High Court at Wellington, jailed him for six years and six months after he admitted importing ecstasy and lsd and conspiracy to import methamphetamine.

What was his alias? Megatron. Leader or the Decepticons. Destroyer of worlds. A mad bugger. How dumb to you have to be to go around hiding from the cops with the name Megatron? You'd stand out like a pimple on a Dinobot's ass wouldn't ya? We'll you'd think so but the bugger must have done something right for four years.

Maybe he shortened his name to Megs or something.

I heard his girl friend Arcee was also arrest on other drugs charges

The Rain

The Rain

Resplendent in a velvet pose
Revolving in a verdant dress
Heaven scent like a naked rose
Standing in the rain
Hoping for the pain to begin, begin again

And when she runs
And when she wants
And when she takes

So continues the never ending refrain
Over and over she spins
Like a cold wave crashing on a dead shark’s fin
Spitting in her own eye
Ordering a salty soup

And when she runs to you
And when she takes it all
And when she wants to break

It's there, watching.