101 Tips for Life from Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots


optimus prime picture

101 Tips for Life from Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots 



Having been around for millenia, Optimus Prime has learnt a few beer making tips for life here and there. 

 Optimus has put them together so you may too live long enough to fight your own Megatron in a battle to the death.


  1. “One will stand, one will fall” is a cool thing to say when beginning a fight.
  2. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings is for when Prime is comtemplative.
  3. Keep your Energon cubes in the fridge to retain Energon life
  4. All work and no play makes a Dinobot grumpy.
  5. Don’t put your money on the All Blacks to win the Rugby World Cup. 
  6. There is a place for all of us, even Starscream.
  7. Use sunscreen and plenty of it.
  8. Optimus Prime recommends that you use mouthwash.
  9. Plant trees. We had none on Cybertron and look what happened.
  10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a tv show, not reality.
  11. Being an Autobot is not a career, it’s a way of life. We were born this way.
  12. Every sensational Black Cap victory is followed by a season of despair.
  13. Every man and his robot are on Twitter. Get on it.
  14. Live like you've read Nemik's manifesto text from Andor every damn month of your life.
  15. Chuck Norris is a pussy.
  16. Bono, underneath it all, is a good guy.
  17. It’s the car, chicks love the car (or truck in my case)optimus prime toy truck mode
  18. Get the health insurance.
  19. Get Tivo.
  20. Don’t get caught.
  21. Just accept that Lady Gaga was Born This Way and so are you.
  22. Eat to get slimmer, be a winner.
  23. Go to an Oasis concert and Live Forever
  24. Eat Jelly.
  25. Avoid pay day lending loans. 
  26. Avoid any and all reality tv shows.
  27. Choose life.
  28. Sometimes even the wisest of men and machines can be in error.
  29. Michael Bay can do no wrong because he is an enterainer not Scorzzeeessee
  30. Neither can that lad, Sam Witwicky
  31. Never throw out an old t-shirt. Wear it till it's dead as a Dodo.
  32. A Spaghetti Incident happens everyday, some where, some how.
  33. You can never have enough tools.
  34. Get a big shed for those tools.
  35. Optimus Prime thinks that If you watch the movie `Jaws' backwards, it's a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach
  36. Some women's breasts are a triumph of German engineering, watch out for them.
  37. Send Flowers. Just Because, never when sorry.
  38. The best laid plans go awry.
  39. The Hurricanes will always break you down after giving you hope.
  40. The Creation Matrix is a heavy mofo.
  41. When she says no she means yes.
  42. Don't piss in the drain.
  43. Hang on to your dreams. The future is built on dreams. Hang on
  44. When she says maybe, she means no.
  45. If she's says nothing's wrong, you just personally started the Apocalypse .
  46. The All Spark is a myth. Like these animal myths.
  47. Smile like you mean it.
  48. Jury trials are risky business.
  49. Time, you can never have enough.
  50. Lord Baden Powell was on to something, be prepared for Decepticon ambushes.
  51. Reggae music was, is, and always be shite, mon.
  52. You can never have enough spare guitar strings.
  53. Vivaldi's Four Seasons is very soothing after a tough day wrestling with Sound Wave.
  54. Water colours are for pussies like Chuck Norris
  55. All you need in life is a little Energon, and a lot of luck
  56. Be good to your mother.
  57. It Girls were once Zit Girls, so there's hope for you.
  58. Radio Gaga is one of the most complete songs ever, you can't top it.
  59. Everyone needs a friend like Bumblebeebumblebee and optimus prime cartoon
  60. Words are like violence, they hurt sometimes.
  61. Never lend money to Jazz, he gambles.
  62. There is nothing more refreshing than a cyber beer after a hard day's intergalatic peace keeping duties.
  63. If Unicron says 'jump', you ask, 'how high'?
  64. Star Wars actually happened, remember it was only a long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away and I have been around for millenia. 
  65. Learn some Darth Vader quotes to drop in everyday conversation. Or those of Darth Maul 
  66. Medichlorian's? Gimme a cyber sandwhich full of Deception feet.
  67. The Wheel in the Sky keeps on Turning, whether you like it or not.
  68. There's always a bigger fish.
  69. Woman are from Mars, Men are from Texas.
  70. Some do like it hot.
  71. Beer should always be drunk chilled, regardless of what the Pommies may think.
  72. To err is human, to really fuck up you need a computer.
  73. The Dark Side of the Moon is really really cold. And Dark.
  74. You can blame it on the rain only if you're Milli Vanilli
  75. You can't go wrong with a cold beer on a hot day.
  76. Ross and Rachel were on a break!
  77. Snails on the footpath are there to be stomped on.
  78. Life begins at 4000 eons
  79. You never know till you give it ago
  80. If it's too late to drag the past out into the light, don't.
  81. It's never wrong to wear a Superman cape around town on a stag night. Unless you're Brainiac. Cos that would mean you have some legit things to talk with your counselor about. 
  82. But never pull on Superman's cape.
  83. No matter what they tell you, Auckland sux.
  84. You can't go wrong at The Optimus Prime Experiment!
  85. You can't go wrong with Emerson's Bookbinder beer.
  86. But a night on the piss with Jazz will break you.
  87. You can never play too much Xbox 360. Seriously, she's mad at you for something else.
  88. Mary Moon, she don't eat meat but she she sure like the bone...
  89. Get the prostate examination.
  90. Speaking of which, let the fingers do the walking some times.
  91. There's a reason your grandma enjoyed the odd Gin and Tonic. Bless.
  92. A wise green man once taught me there is no try, only do or do not.
  93. ABBA is unfortunately going to be with us until the energon runs out.
  94. If you ask Arcee really nice like, she'll give you a free lube job.
  95. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the energon cubes.
  96. Life is like a box of spare parts, you never know what you're gonna get.
  97. In a Cybertonian Minute, everything can change.
  98. Be prepared, bring Rachet, not a rachet.
  99. Ashoka Tano had a tricky relation ship with Anakin. Be willing to work on your relationships. 
  100. Two rational people can look at the exact same item and see something totally different
  101. We can be heroes, even if it's just for one day
  102. In planning a raid on Decepticon forces, Keep It Simple Stupid
  103. I, Optimus Prime was made for loving you, baby.
  104. Some might say love is a river, I say it's a fortunate chemical imbalance.
  105. Megatron must be stopped, no matter the cost.

Back to Top